A Gaelic Conundrumby JP McMenamin A crowd of Down supporters
Were gathered in Croke Park
They came down, from Down, quite early
In fact it was still dark. They piled into a luxury coach
Destination – Dublin Town
Their cry was peculiar
They were yelling out, “Up Down.” They pulled into a lay-by
Where they had a furtive pee
Fifty urinating men
It was quite a sight to see They ran amok in Dublin
Waving auld Britannia’s poun’
And terrified the tourists
By yelling out, “Up Down.” At three O’Clock the whistle blew
The ball was in the air
A roar from eighty thousand fans
Erupted in the air. “Up Down” yelled Jimmie Mulligan
With a glint in his dark eyes
He wore his trousers at half mast
The result of stout and pies. “Up Down” roared Paddy Reilly
As drunk as Murphy’s ass
“Slog her up the field” he roared
“Ah for God’s sake Micky – pass” “Up Down” shrieked Maggie Dumphy
Who was well-known in most bars
Then she fumbled for a peppermint
In the pocket of her drawers. “Up Down” yelled Bosco Kelly
“Pass her to yer man”
“Up Down” slurred wee Ned Hannigan
Who had drunk a farm of land. “Down Up” cried Michael Flattery
Who wasn’t very bright
Sometimes he sunbathed in the garden
In the middle of the night. “Up Down roared Nellie Brannigan
Chewing tobacco like a dog
Her eyes were wide and staring
Like a tadpole or a frog. “Down Up” cried Michael Flattery
Ah, poor Michael wasn’t right
He put a pencil in his mouth
And asked Maggie for a light. “Up Down” yelled drunken Joe McHugh
He only had one eye
When suffering from the horrors of drink
He tried to lance a stye. “Up Down” roared big Fred Bogle
With a turnip for a head
His Uncle Joe was very sick
In fact, poor Joe was – dead. Some Japanese from Tokyo
Said, “Why they say up down?”
“Irish men all mad” they said
“Time to get out of town.” “Down Up” yelled Michael Flattery
The Japanese took flight
“It’s Up down Michael” Maggie roared
“For God’s sake, get it right.” “Up Down” cried Nellie Brannigan
Spitting out tobacco juice
Her bloomers fell around her feet
The elastic had worn loose. “Up Down” roared Jimmie Mulligan
As the final whistle blew
Down won the all Ireland final
By thirteen points to two. “Up Down” rang out from everywhere
When the captain got the cup
Michael Flattery, was the odd man out
As he hollered out, “Down Up”. “Up Down” was ringing from the bus
As they left old Dublin town
Soon Sam Maguire, would be on his way
On his way back up to Down. They think it’s all over. But it isn’t. The whole thing, starts again next year. UP DOWN (Yes I know Tyrone won, but I'll leave it to others to write about that.)
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