February 2003
Hitting Home - Alan's story | |
|  | | 19% of domestic violence victims are men |
| | Alan's wife began abusing him after he confronted her about an affair she'd been having |
| | | "It was always my fault for working too hard. She wanted more money. She got drunk and threw a boiling kettle at me.
Since then I've had an eighteen inch stainless steel skewer stuffed right through my arm at a barbecue and I've discovered she's had other affairs".
 | | The BBC will consider effects of violence on everyone |
"I’ve been to work on several occasions where I’ve got cut arms, a black eye or a loose tooth. You have to make up an excuse as to why you’ve got them, you can’t tell the truth because you’re too ashamed.
"Men don’t admit this, men are macho people and they can’t be beaten up by a woman. So, it really deflates your ego, and you try and hide it and in the end you try not to go home, you keep working which escalates the situation even more. It makes you feel very small, very isolated and very alone."
His family knew nothing about the true nature of his relationship, even when they found out they still didn't believe it.
 How can you explain to someone that you’re wife is beating you up? They don’t believe you  | | Alan |
"It wasn’t until I’d arrive with black eyes or cuts and they actually saw the violence that they actually realised something was going on. Then it all came to light.
Most of my family didn’t believe it and neither did my friends. I mean who would believe it? I'm not a small man. How can you explain to someone that you’re wife is beating you up? They don’t believe you."
"I stayed in the relationship because I loved her, but I wanted to try and stop the violence. We even went and had our marriage vows renewed."
Alan now runs a helpline for men who've been abused by women. "I’ve gone from strength to strength. It’s taken a tremendous amount of pressure off me to know that there are other people out there that have the same problems. I thought at one time I was the only one!" | | | |
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