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28 October 2014
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Ludicrous lists
on the phone
Telecrastination

Check out our ludicrous lists, designed to give you a laugh and make the world a better place.

Suzie from Preston's ten words that don't exist, but should...

1. AQUADEXTROUS (ak wa deks'trus) adj. Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub tap on and off with your toes.

2. CARPERPETUATION (kar'pur pet u a shun) n. The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.

3. DISCONFECT (dis kon fekt') v. To sterilize the piece of confection (lolly) you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, assuming this will somehow 'remove' all the germs.

4. ELBONICS (el bon'iks) n. The actions of two people manoeuvering for one armrest in a movie theatre.

5. FRUST (frust) n. The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.

6. LACTOMANGULATION (lak' to man gyu lay' shun) n. Manhandling the "open here" spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to the 'illegal' side.

7. PEPPIER (peph ee ay') n. The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want fresh ground pepper.

8. PHONESIA (fo nee' zhuh) n. The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.

9. PUPKUS (pup'kus) n. The moist residue left on a window after a dog presses its nose to it.

10. TELECRASTINATION (tel e kras tin ay' shun) n. The act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you're only six inches away.

Add to the list...

Mal Walker added these...
Ragnosing – When you sit next to someone reading a newspaper and attempt to read it while pretending to look straight ahead.

Buttyscheming – In a nice restaurant you look sneakily around to see if anyone is watching before slipping a few chips into a slice of bread to make a chip butty.

Brownchortling – Laughing heartily at your bosses rotten jokes.

Weepshying – When a man sheds a tear at the cinema or in front of the TV, and then pretends to yawn / stretch / scratch nose etc. while wiping away the offending drops.

Gutsucking – A man’s sub-conscious attempt to pull in his paunch when passing a good looking woman.

Eunice added this...
Swanling - We heard a little girl ask her mum why baby swans were called cygnets when baby ducks were called ducklings.

Yvonne Clarke added this...
willent - muttered from a young child who didn't want to do what was requested of her

More lists...

More silly stuff like this in Skiver's Corner

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