Bruce Willis has had a patchy career since he traded in his action movie vest for a pair of serious drama trousers. He's proved himself a capable, quirky actor, but Hostage will cheer anyone who misses bad old Brucie, with his snarling sincerity and gleaming deltoids. He plays a police negotiator, a role that allows him to shoot folks, strip to his undies and cry like a baby, all in the same film. Talk about value for money.

Hostage begins as a standard home invasion thriller, with wealthy accountant Kevin Pollack and his family menaced by a trio of the dumbest criminal sleazebags you've ever seen. Bruce does his best to defuse the situation, but there's a doozy of a twist that we won't reveal here.

"DISPLAYS AN INVENTIVE STREAK OF SADISM"

Right from the start, Hostage displays an inventive streak of sadism and a real dedication to the principles of exploitation cinema. Pollack has two kids: a teenage daughter whose purpose is to be sexually menaced by the sleazebags, and a younger son, who teaches Willis how to be a better dad. At one point, the script contrives for Brucie and the boy to bond tearfully in the shared metaphorical language of computer games, an exchange that reaches its emotional climax on the frankly unforgettable line, "Yes Tommy, Captain Wooba's gonna save Planet Xenon."

Director Florent Siri shoots everything in a burnished haze of MTV bling and slathers Bruce's operatic emoting with violins, like mustard on ham. It's nasty, violent, artistically barren and kind of fun.