Elvis McGonagall
Elvis McGonagall - poet, twit and armchair revolutionary does the rhyming this week.
Find out more about Elvis on his website.
Flying The Flag (For You – The British People)
Friends, Gordon, Countrymen
Let me simply say this to you
It’s been ten years of blood, sweat and tears
But, putting that to one side, ‘cos hey, look, y’know
I tried to do the right thing with every decision
And so I leave you my glorious legacy
Yes. Scooch will win Eurovision
A Bit Of A Bash
It used to be pass-the-parcel and musical chairs
Jelly and ice-cream
Now pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey
Is but a distant, innocent dream
Tonight’s an alcopop punk teenage rampage
It’s no elegant, swellegant soiree
It’s PBAB – Please Bring A Barbarian
Where canapés are simply outre
It’s a horde of hooch hoodlums in hoodies
And they don’t drink dandelion ‘n burdock
And your space is suddenly everyone’s space
Thanks to mySpace and Mr Murdoch
And the vanguard of vandals and visigoths
Swing from the chandeliers
It ain’t Belgravia behaviour
It’s all going to end in tears
They burn antimacassars, defenestrate plates
Pandemonium’s reign has begun
Stomping stilettos through Tintorettos
They’re worse than Attila the Hun
In an orgy of havoc and plunder
The mob run amok and they mosh
They’re sponsored by Caligula
And designed by Hieronymous Bosch
No, it’s certainly not been “marvellous”
You couldn’t have liked it less
Surveying the smouldering wreckage
The Gadarene Swine would consider a mess
But just tell yourself it might all have been worse
As the last dregs make their departure
It could have been but it wasn’t the party from hell -
Krug, Shepherd’s Pie, Jeffrey Archer
An Englishman’s Second Home Is His Castle In Spain
In Blighty’s land of milk and honey
A pied-a-terre is de rigueur
A bijou bolthole by the beach
Or a gite in Provence Monsieur
Oh a rural retreat sounds oh so sweet
A treat that would benefit us all
So – “Second Homes For Second-Class Citizens”
Let that be the clarion call
A second hovel for a peasant in Notting Hill
Next door to Nigella
A second cardboard box in The Cotswolds
For the stressed “Big Issue” seller
But why stop there? Let’s have three, four, five
A Tuscan villa and a shanty in Shanghai
And on a Sunday afternoon every second week in June
You can find us at our palace in Versailles
On May Day it’s our Padstow pad
If it’s Easter it’s Ostend
Driving round and round the M25
Surely one day it’s all going to end?
With a boom-bang-a-bang that’s not Lulu
But the drum-beat of recession
Here’s Kirsty ‘n Phil with the price crash show -
“Repossession, Repossession, Repossession”
I can't wait to obtain the poem on teenage parties. I'm sure my teenage daughter will find it funny and very close to the truth!
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