Elvis McGonagall
Elvis McGonagall - poet, twit and armchair revolutionary does the rhyming this week. Find out more about him on his website.
Talking Turkey
We’re doomed, we’re damned, we’re sitting ducks
We’re stuffed, we’ve cooked our goose
The ravens have fled the tower
The chickens have come home to roost
We’re sick as a parrot, we’ve had it
There’s nothing we can cockle-doodle-do
Just watch the bootiful birdies sneeze
Here comes the avian flu
Cry, Cry, Cry
“Oyez! Oyez! Oyez!”
Barry the Cryer’s not crying for the moon
For crying out loud he’s the talk of the town
From Blackpool to Rangoon
He don’t cry over milk that’s spilt
He won’t cry tears till the river runs dry
He’s leaning on a lamppost at the corner of the street
Shouting at the passers-by
He’s got lungs of brass and an iron throat
He’s crystal clear with perfect pitch
Boo-ya-shaka he’s the council’s rapper
Though he’d never bark “Oyez bitch!”
‘Cos he’s got a civic sense of dignity
With his buckled shoes and bell
In his wicked red threads and his ring-a-ding bling
He’s Busta Chimes, he’s dressed to yell
Yes, he can cry blue murder
He can cry a snappy slogan
He could cry for Argentina
He’s cried for Terry Wogan
Like Lulu – he just wants to shout
He’s the king of the crying game
And the day that he hangs up his tricorn hat
It’ll be a crying shame
That (Everything But The Kitchen) Sinking Feeling
We embarked upon our adventure
With a cargo of hopes and dreams
Gallivanting toward the Galapagos
When our laughter turned to screams
As killer whales ate our sails
(Calorific value nil)
And left us in the doldrums
Where the sea is both savage and still
And it’s dog eat dog and it’s fish eat fish
And the sharks watch “Jaws” with delight
But their Hollywood teeth are just dentures
So we’re not on their menu tonight
Then suddenly on the horizon
There’s a beautiful pea-green boat
At the helm, a Brown Owl and a pussycat
And six Brownies who’ll keep us afloat
“Cos they’ve all got their coastguard proficiency badge
And they love to lend a hand
And they scramble us eggs and they bake fairy cakes
And look! Ahoy! There’s land!
Where a man plays a wee ukulele
He’s a comic entertainer
Crying out the news of shipwrecked crews
Who’ve survived like Gloria Gaynor
But now we must abandon ship
As our programme sails to a close
It’s “Goodbye-ee!” from me, it’s “Goodbye-ee!” from Fi
Here comes the theme tune – “Steady As She Goes”
