Resolve can be difficult to restore
Easter is in our midst, and without fail the high street shops are now awash with an abundance of Egg and Rabbit paraphernalia. This festive season can however pose some serious temptations for myself and many others like me: for my name is Mr Gee and I am a chocaholic! Yes, during this time I tentatively negotiate through countless aisles stacked high bearing Easter offerings in the form of cocoa solids wrapped in foil. They all cheer my name and celebrate my flaws, sometimes such applause can be difficult to ignore, as resolve can be difficult to restore.
It started off innocently enough; a few milkshakes here, some casual one-night muffins there but it soon escalated to the "hard stuff". Believe it or not, there was once a time when I actively shunned any chocolate bars that contained ingredients such as: raisins, nuts or further additions (such "pollutions" were deemed useless by me, for they took the place of valuable chocolate-space!). Usually, when we arrive at the studios to commence with the show, Russell tends to bring up some coffee for all of us. He then shares them out in his inimitable flamboyant manner, before perusing through the pile of e-mails sent in to the show. As he passes me my cup, he sometimes flashes a quick smile and quietly whispers "Don't worry Gee, I got you a hot chocolate....I fully understand".
Chocolate was mentioned in last week's show, as Russell and Matt debated the relevance of Dog-Chocolate and Gerbil-Chocolate. Sadly, no Fish-Chocolate has as yet been developed for poor little Christophe but Matt has said that once he's perfected his Vibro-Sock, then the area of "Sub-Aquatic Confectionery" is next on his "to-do" list. Christophe is fast becoming a major celebrity around here. A personal assistant was called in from the local pet-shop to attend to his ever increasing demands, and offers have been made to find him a wife. Personally I do hope that he settles down, because quite frankly his libido has been getting out of control. The other day Mikey found him scouring the Internet looking at pictures of Dolphins and Sea-Horses (hmmmm....kinky!). This culminated in Russell having to sit him down and have a long talk with him (man-to-fish) about the benefits of moderation!
Russell also tried to resolve the epic saga that resulted in agent Richard Hilgrove being dropped by his client Duncan Bannatyne. This occurred just after Richard's brief appearance on the show with Steven Segal a few weeks back. Now I know that we've all felt quite bad about this and anyone who has heard Russell's passionate rendition of Pato Banton's "Baby Come Back" (complete with "Biddy Bye-Byes") surely must've also been moved. So the stage was now set for an historic three-way call of conciliation between Russell, Duncan and Richard in order to broker some form of peace.
Duncan was very humourous over the whole affair and laughed about the voicemail messages that were left for him by Russell and Noel Gallagher. I can't lie, given his track record as a sailor, I half-expected the former sailor to burst into the radio studio and frog-march Russell down to the River Thames for a "quick dipping". In the end though, Duncan and Richard came together for an amicable truce (to the melodic sound of "Biddy-Bye-Byes") and all was forgiven. OK, maybe they didn't exactly ride off into the sunset together, but at least they gave each other that manly nod that usually occurs in Westerns just before the credits roll. A perfect way to spend an Easter......now where's my egg?
Space
Space... The Final Frontier,
As we reach the edge of madness that's transmitted right here,
Right where?.... Right HERE!!
On Radio 2 loud and clear,
These are the voyages of the Starship Brand as they appear,
To boldly go to where no man has gone before,
With tight pants restricting circulation causing blow-off's galore!
Set to explore, as we search for the "Bride of Christophe"
Our resident goldfish helping Matt to pitch his list of Vibro Socks...
...and puppet socks to Duncan, to see exactly what he thinks,
The last guy who tried that awhile ago got chucked into the drink!
With the Cowboy on the brink of a mental breakdown,
It's pistols drawn at dawn for the essential showdown,
Hopefully, after all of this we'll still have careers,
Selling ice-creams? lost in space?.... the Final Frontier!
i may have the solution to christophe's lonliness, as i have in my possesion a whole host of willing fishettes that would gladly sucumb to the task of being a fishbride.
in my living room there is essentially an underwater brothel full of 'sexy' aquatic she-fish that make that saucy fish from fantasia look ugly.
mr.gee, feel free to relieve me of one of these fish to cater for your neptunian buddy's more sordid needs, which mr.nibs is probably more than capable of doing.
another great poem again by the by.
Who knew you were such a chocoholic gee, nice of ole' russ to bring you a hott chocolate instead of coffee. I hope all the eggs you bought weren't just for you...
u lot are no longer top of the i-diddlyichi-pod charts, gutted and all before u got the chance to go ice cream vanin' it up right nice!!
boi boi luvoo luvoo
xXxhollyxXx
Love the blogs Mr Gee! I'm a chocoholic too! lol I think that Russ should release his own version of Baby Come Back and each CD could come with a free vibro sock!
Russell, come to Portland, Oregon and do a show!!
Purty please!