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Fran the Kiss-A-Scam gets DI(rty)

Vikki Tennant

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I came across this really dodgy video on YouTube yesterday, you know that sex tape that Paris Hilton made? Well, it was nothing like that. It was this blonde bird called Vivien and a softly spoken ginger bloke who she kept calling DI(rty) Donald... Hold on a minute, could this be the infamous Shieldinch Sex Tape?! Yes indeed, River City got all Basic Instinct this week with Frances playing the Femme Fatale Sharon Stone. In a desperate attempt to prevent Lenny going to prison, Frances slept with DI Donald, recorded it and blackmailed him into dropping the charges. But it is a complicated web that Fran the Kiss-A-Scam is weaving and even she's not all that sure what her plan is now! DI Donald wants her to run away with him and help him put Lenny in jail but her terrifying mother wants her to bring Lenny to his knees and then kill him! As for Vivifran? Well she just wants to live happily ever after with Lenny whom she's now in love with - keep dreaming hen! Lenny the Mighty Murdoch is still blissfully unaware of all these goings on but I don't fancy her chances when he finds out. Let's hope he doesn't look on YouTube anytime soon...

Could Shieldinch stalwart Gina be thinking of turning to the dark side? After being told that the Oyster was in need of thousands of pounds worth of extra repairs and the grand re-opening being a bit of flop, Gina suddenly found herself in dire money straits. Mundane Murray was less than helpful with his declaration that The Oyster was a lost cause - that's just what she didn't want to hear! Will Gina struggle on until she sells up or the café goes under, or will she take the unlikely third option of going into business with Lenny?! Gina and Lenny in cahoots? Surely not!

There were plenty fun and games in the rest of Shieldinch this week with Bob and Stella's secret wedding plans. They are going to have a surprise wedding reception in the Community Centre on Valentine's day but had to think of a cunning plan to lure all their loved ones there without giving the game away. So, obviously, they have told everyone that there will be a charity Valentine's Quiz! Frances could learn a thing or two off them about running a scam I tell ye! The lie is getting a bit out of hand however; Liz has appointed herself quiz master and is planning every quiz detail meticulously! Liz (and me) will be gutted if she doesn't get to wow everyone with her quiz round eloquently titled - 'Who Was It, Said What of Whom'. I can't wait til next week to see everyone's faces when they realise that they are actually at Stella and Bob's wedding reception!

Also coming up next week, Gina takes control of her situation and Nicole gets a shock! Ooooh, intriguing! As always, I can't wait!

Quote of the Week

Lenny (on the plus points of going to prison): "I don't know, Barlinnie's not got the beaches but I hear Tommy Sheridan still got a sunbed in there."

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