Half a week in the life of a film critic

Monday

·10.30am - Watch Baggage Claim. Laugh once, twice at a push. Marvel at the fact that Paula Patton has a job as an actress.

·1.30pm – Edit James McAvoy interview. Swoon all over again. Delete parts where he talks about his manly bits.

·3.30pm – Remind myself of McAvoy’s past films, chiefly by watching X-Men: First Class

·6 pm – Make my way to a screening of James Corden’s new film, One Chance at a posh London hotel.

·6.15pm – Bump into someone from the film company who tells me the location has changed to a normal screening room. Which I’ve already walked past. Boo.

·8pm – Go home, watch TV, try not to think about meeting Harrison Ford tomorrow. Fail.

Tuesday

·11am – Turn up at a hotel for my date with the cast from Ender’s Game. Chuffed that my interview with the director went well, he told me how refreshing and original my questions were.

·11.30am – Chat to other interviewers. Find out that the director said that to most people.

·11.45am – Nearly puke before I meet Harrison Ford. Turns out he’s pretty cool. Craggy but cool. Compliments me on my dress and boots when he finds out I’ll be reviewing his film. I regret wearing these:

·1.30pm – Watch the new Romeo and Juliet. Find out I can’t review it because there’s an embargo which lasts until Friday. I’m supposed to review on Thursday. Still, I got to gaze at Douglas Booth for 2 hours so not a completely wasted afternoon.

·3.50pm – consider watching Machete Kills. Work calls with an emergency. I am almost relieved.

·5pm - Politely explain to someone that we’re not allowed to drink in the studios, especially not beer. And no, we can’t provide any.

·6pm – Panic about work-related emergency, sort it out, go home to watch The Great British Bake-Off

Wednesday

·9.30am – Watch Jackass Presents: Bad Grandpa. Try not to wet myself laughing

·11.45 – Go onto Trevor’s show, dripping with sweat after legging it from the film, to play out my James McAvoy interview. Rave about how good Filth is again. Listen here1h40m in.

·12pm – Peg it to my James Corden interview.

·12.15pm – Interview an extremely charming James Corden. Fangirl him a bit because of loving him in Teachers (whooooooooo?) and his play, 1 Man, 2 Guvnors. Agree that it’s weird to make a film about Paul Potts (whooooooooo?).

·1pm – Lunch at the office. Read Heat magazine. Get laughed at for being ‘highbrow’. Oh, the lols.

·1.30pm – Prepare ‘interesting’ questions for Johnny Knoxville interview.

·2pm – Arrange interviews with Tom Hanks, Sandra Bullock, Emma Thompson, Colin Farrell, Robert DeNiro and Michele Pfeiffer. All to happen in the next week. Agree that yes, my life is insane.

·3.15pm – Johnny Knoxville arrives an hour early. Panic quietly, while arranging new studios for everyone.

·3.40pm – Get my boss to help me make a cup of tea for Knoxville’s entourage.

·4.20pm – Interview Johnny, pathetically grateful that he’s so willing to chat despite being jetlagged, injured and having done a full day of interviews.

·5pm – Write questions for Tom Hanks tomorrow morning. Oh God, I’m meeting Tom Hanks.

·7pm – Go home. Collapse in a heap. Try not to think about meeting Tom Hanks. Fail.

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