What to do in the event of a Zygon Invasion
The Doctor Who Team
UNIT intel has predicted a Zygon Invasion will be launched on Saturday, 8.15pm. In order to alleviate public hysteria we’re issuing an easy to follow, 10-point guide to what you should do in the event of a Zygon invasion!
PANIC!!!
If anyone tells you NOT to panic, ask that person if they’re being serious. We’re talking about living, bobbling lumps of hate that can murder and morph with frightening ease. Panic on the streets of wherever you are is perfectly acceptable.
DON’T PANIC!!!
Yes, very Arthur Dent, as someone once said, but after you’ve shaken off your ‘panic freak out’, attempt to calm down. Have a jelly baby. Try to think straight. Not all the Zygons are baddies. Or are they?
Know your enemy…
Rule one is always the same. Know your enemy. This essential guide to the Zygon menace should help! And yes, yes, yes we know we said rule one but we’ve made it rule three. We’re crazy.
Make sure your nearest and dearest aren’t aliens shape shifters.
Zygons can morph to resemble any human so you might want to check that your kith and kin are kosher. We suggest asking a question that only they would know the answer to, such as, ‘What’s my favourite episode of Doctor Who?’ If they reply, ‘The Trouble with Tribbles’, RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!
By the way if you think you could tell a Zygon from a human, can you identify which is the alien out of these two Queens?
DO NOT PUN!
We’re putting this one in upper case. That’s how seriously we feel about it. Do not – repeat do not – rehash the overly-familiar, ‘Let’s let Zygons be Zygons’ gag. It’s so old it makes the Sisterhood of Karn look like a recently formed offshoot of Mumsnet.
We’ve done it before…
Discover how the Zygons have been beaten in the past by finding out about previous invasions… Dip into Loch Ness with Terror of the Zygons or rewind the clock to The Day of the Doctor…
And we can do it again…
…with the help of people like Osgood! Find out what she had to say on the subject in the video below…
Find out what it is they want…
We could just give them what they want. That would make them leave, wouldn’t it? It’s not like they want anything massive. Like the world or anything! Is it? Errr… Better check out this video…
Distract them through the medium of dance.
Try emulating the one which kicks in 25 seconds into this video. If it’s (Os)good enough for her, it’s (Os)good enough for us!
If all else fails…
Call the Doctor. Leap into one of these blue boxes (bottom right) and demand to be shown all of time and space. But remember to be back on your sofa for 8.15pm on Saturday with your TV set tuned into BBC One! It’s going to be awesome..!
