Taio Cruz - 'Dynamite'
OK, that's it. I'm officially TIRED of songs about what it is like to have a nice time dancing in a club with a sexy lady. It's a snake-eating-its-own-tail lyrical trick in any case, writing a song describing a club, so that it will go on to be played in a club, so it looks like you could've written the song about the very club in which it is being played.
We're running dangerously close to having club nights which play nothing but songs about being in a club. Surely this will mess with people's heads? Why not go the whole hog and namecheck the bouncers? You could do a special version for every club in the world, with a shout-out to everyone there on the night: hen parties, stag dos, the lot. That'd really shake things up.
Hell, put a mirrored-wall in and you've taken self-appreciation to dangerous, possibly even near-fatal levels. They'll all be copping off with themselves! While they watch! And singing about it!
(Here's the video. This club is a dump! Etc)
Now I should say there is nothing wrong with this song in and of itself. It's a perfectly fine, slightly anonymous rave-up with, as is the way of these things, a nice chorus. But it feels OLD.
It wears its autotune thickly, it gets stuck on certain words in the verses, like Usher's song does, and it contains the word "ayo". A word which does seem to be enjoying its moment in the sun right now. In years to come, pop archaeologists will probably be able to date songs to 2010 just by blowing the dust off of that word alone.
A few months ago, this would just have been the latest in a fast-becoming-long line of similar tunes. Now it feels like the top of the rollercoaster, looking down into The Void.
I know making any kind of protest about this is not going to halt the tide. I know that in a week I'll be writing about another club/girl-fixated song as if this never happened, and possibly enduring a few "ha-ha, that did a LOT of good, didn't it?" comments to boot. But come on, stick the Black Eyed Peas' recent output next to David Guetta's next to Usher and Flo Rida and Roll Deep and Tinie Tempah and JLS and everyone else...is there ANYTHING left to say about going to a club and dancing with a sexy lady? Anyone?
OK, so let's put OTHER STUFF IN OUR SONGS, PLEASE!
Download: Out now
taiocruzmusic.co.uk
BBC Music page
(Fraser McAlpine)
PS: It's a rogue's trick to complain that a song is bad because it is not another song, but to add a certain amount of context to why the overly-smooth, deliberately market-led, straw-that-broke-the-camel's-back 'Dynamite' has failed to win friends in my house, here's a link to a song called 'Shapeshift' by Dels. It's crude and a bit silly, it's rough around the edges, reliably 8-bit production from Hot Chip's Joe Goddard, but it's everything Taio's latest is not. This includes "a song which namechecks the Beano".
Kick The Ear Drum says: "The verses to this song are some of the worst that I have heard. The lyrics are juvenile and have honestly been heard before."
The Hottest Ishh says: "Rumors were floating around that J-Lo put vocals on here."
The Truth About Music says: "The song itself has everything you want in a hit single. It has a catchy chorus backed by great instrumentals.."
Comment number 1.
At 11:22 17th Aug 2010, flatknees wrote:taio cruz - dynamite? wow the cuts really are showing...
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Comment number 2.
At 11:36 17th Aug 2010, Haducon2 wrote:Errm.... I don't think Katy B will like being mistaken for Taio Cruz...
Anyway, I LOVE Katy on a mission and I'm gonna put myself out there and make my first ever prediction... Top 5, maybe even number 1 with the right promotion.
5 stars
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Comment number 3.
At 12:15 17th Aug 2010, kutox wrote:This review isn't for Dynamite! Bit of a bad mistake...
As for Katy On A Mission, it's just one of those songs that has that vibe about it - after hearing it the first time you just know it's going to be big, one way or another. It's already huge in the dubstep world, hopefully it will do big things in the charts too.
4/5
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Comment number 4.
At 12:49 17th Aug 2010, spirit wrote:What is going on here ???
Where is Mr Cruz ???
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Comment number 5.
At 12:51 17th Aug 2010, Fraser McAlpine - wrote:Haha! Oh dear. This should be an abject lesson on the perils of multi-tasking. Too many windows open means you paste a new (and not ready for release) review over the one you want to put live today.
What it does mean, of course, is that you've had a sneaky glimpse into The Future! I'm like HG Wells or something!
Or, more realistically, Not-Doing-My-Job-Very Wells.
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Comment number 6.
At 21:32 17th Aug 2010, OddOne wrote:2 stars. It's incredibly generic, and there's a lawn mower in the song that won't stop singing.
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Comment number 7.
At 21:49 17th Aug 2010, U14429597 wrote:I hate this song. Its realllly annoying. His best songs are I just wanna know and Like a star. Nit this eurodance garbage. 1 Star.
Katy B sounds annoyingly like Uffie! (If you don't know who that is, She did what ke$ha's doing before Ke$ha started doing it, she just does it dirrrtttierrrr.)
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Comment number 8.
At 10:18 18th Aug 2010, f1fantic wrote:with my view of Tinie Tempah/Frisky I was sarsactic it is brillantly bad. one of the bad songs of the year. @2@
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Comment number 9.
At 21:30 18th Aug 2010, flatknees wrote:adam have you read the review? its not Taio Cruz, there was an error
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Comment number 10.
At 21:38 18th Aug 2010, Haducon2 wrote:Right, I'll comment on the proper review now!
It's a pretty awful song, competing with 'Club is Alive' and 'Replay' and a lot of other songs for my Worst Song of The Year. BUT! It WILL do well in the charts because it's generic trash. It's already at number 2 in America...
1 star
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Comment number 11.
At 11:00 19th Aug 2010, U14429597 wrote:@flatknees. I'm SO CONFUSED!
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Comment number 12.
At 12:44 19th Aug 2010, OddOne wrote:I don;t know what Katy B has to do with this!? It's clearly a review of 'Crapomite' isn't it?
Here comes the complaints and eventual removal... :L
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Comment number 13.
At 14:50 19th Aug 2010, U14429597 wrote:Somebody mentioned Katy B and hell was let loose!
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Comment number 14.
At 16:06 19th Aug 2010, Fraser McAlpine - wrote:Allow me to explain.
When this review first appeared, it had the title Taio Cruz - Dynamite but the text and images from a Katy B review which is coming up in a few days. I fixed it as soon as I realised, but not before some comments had gone live.
SO, anyone still banging on about Katy B has probably not gone back to check if the text has changed.
Hope that clears it up.
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Comment number 15.
At 16:57 19th Aug 2010, OddOne wrote:I knew it was a review of 'Dynamite', that's what confused me! Everyone talking about Katy B... TUT TUT GOIYZ.
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Comment number 16.
At 17:00 19th Aug 2010, kutox wrote:Some of us even did our own little reviews of Katy B's song at first
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Comment number 17.
At 00:01 22nd Aug 2010, kutox wrote:Well Dynamite seems to be unpopular here, but I will say why I think it's good anyway :)
It might be unoriginal, but as far as club-friendly pop tunes go, it's superb. It has so many great moments - from start to finish it's a full-on barrage of hooks and never lets up. A few examples - 'I came to dance dance...' 'It goes on and on...' 'ay-oh, gotta let go', but the real killer is the release into the chorus (which is a great chorus) with the 'I throw my hands up...' bit. It's just a great pop moment and gets me singing along every time. The backing track has a catchy melody too, and Taio is actually a really good singer. I predict a huge no.1 hit
4/5
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Comment number 18.
At 00:21 22nd Aug 2010, Knoxx wrote:Oh it is definitely a hit, for sure and an ok little song, just not one I can listen to more than once in a row. There 'dance, dance, dance' part is the bit that sticks in my head (not as good as the 'dance, dance dance' in 'Commander' - Kelly Rowland though)
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Comment number 19.
At 00:59 22nd Aug 2010, kutox wrote:See, you mention Commander, but I don't see how that song is any less generic than Dynamite, yet it seems less prone to hate. Maybe that's because Kelly Rowland is more popular, I dunno. But it is a fairly unoriginal dance tune about people getting on the dancefloor and the dj playing music really loud etc, wrapped up in some military metaphors, and the beats are fairly standard. It's catchy, yes, but so is Dynamite, so what's the difference?
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Comment number 20.
At 02:25 22nd Aug 2010, OddOne wrote:Kelly Rowland is most certainly not as popular as Taio right now, but that said, 'Commander' has an amazing video and it doesn't sound like a lawn mower singing the chorus.
Someone unplug Taio's auto-tune please.
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Comment number 21.
At 08:44 22nd Aug 2010, spirit wrote:Yeah , a very good pop song and a very good video .
Great hook and singalong chorus .
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Comment number 22.
At 11:14 22nd Aug 2010, spirit wrote:Has all the ingredients of a top 10 hit , and the magic and pull of that chorus , makes it a challenger for the higher places .
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Comment number 23.
At 12:16 22nd Aug 2010, kutox wrote:@ 20
Well now, if I remember rightly, you were criticising the over-production of the vocals on Commander when it was reviewed here on chartblog, so don't give me that! :P I know Kelly Rowland can sing well live on her own, but so can Taio Cruz (if you've heard him you'll know), so again there's no difference there.
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Comment number 24.
At 16:23 22nd Aug 2010, spirit wrote:You tell him Kutox ! :)
And who has sung on the most Uk number 1 singles out of the two ?
I'll give you a clue .
SHE is leading four to one !
lol
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Comment number 25.
At 18:04 22nd Aug 2010, OddOne wrote:But 'Commander' was actually very good. And didn't rely on 'Ayo' moments. Maybe I'm being pretentious, and I can see to huge appeal of it, but to me it's awful.
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Comment number 26.
At 14:20 24th Aug 2010, kutox wrote:Commander was 'actually very good' - well how can I possibly argue with that? :P
I think Dynamite is actually very good, so there ;)
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Comment number 27.
At 14:26 24th Aug 2010, spirit wrote:Well it DOES have huge appeal . Lol We will enrol you in AYO acceptance classes immediately . You will learn to worship in the Avid abbey of Ayo .
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Comment number 28.
At 21:25 3rd Nov 2010, peace wrote:i love it and anyone else who does is my friend who ever does not boo boo boo boo and i think that you will agree with me bye :) ;)
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Comment number 29.
At 21:38 3rd Nov 2010, peace wrote:I LOVE DYNIMATE AS WELL AS THE NAME CRAPERMITE
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Comment number 30.
At 21:43 3rd Nov 2010, harrythedog10 wrote:@ 29
?
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Comment number 31.
At 22:22 3rd Nov 2010, OddOne wrote:LOL!
Dynimate... daring you spelt it wrong. Don't get me started on crapermite :L:L I feel exactly the same as Harry right now: ?
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Comment number 32.
At 18:57 4th Nov 2010, MassiveFlapJack wrote:? Who is peace?
?
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Comment number 33.
At 20:04 4th Nov 2010, OddOne wrote:I doubt they'll be back, if I'm honest.
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