The Bolton fan who probably regrets his tattoo declaration
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If we've learnt anything since the dawn of Twitter, it's never make a 'if [insert unlikely goalscorer] scores, I'll [insert something you don't want to do]' promise
Every football fan will attest to the following statement: relegation is not enjoyable. What is however, are those lovely great escape stories. West Brom and Swansea may be dreaming of achieving that next week, but on Sunday, Bolton showed the Premier League teams how to do it. Such a shame then, that for one Wanderers fan, the celebration of his team's heroics will now have to involve a leg tattoo that he probably doesn't want.
1) Old tat
Bolton looked likely to be relegated to League One before their final game of the season. Still, they had 38-year-old striker Aaron Wilbraham at the ready - he'd already scored, erm, one goal this season.
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It was written in the stars, wasn't it...
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2) The hottest of hotseats
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The sight of our favourite mid-2000s midfielders, dressed up like they have an awkward day in court, as they're ushered into almost-certainly-disastrous first managerial jobs. Where does the time go?
3) Farewell, brave Stoke...
Stoke will be playing in the Championship next season which means we'll be saying au revoir to one of the Premier League's most enduring clichés:
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4) Football League clubs have officially run out of names for their players
Strange goings-on in League Two this weekend, as some James-Dunne-on-James-Dunne violence broke out at the County Ground.
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At least it made the admin easier for the referee and his notebook, eh?
5) Excellent song titles from scorelines, no. 1,639
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And that's the only thing that made Watford vs Newcastle worth watching. Bravo.
6) Brutal Honesty, with Big Nev
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A man of the people, and a man in touch with how Everton fans are 'enjoying' life under Sam Allardyce.
7) Stat of the Week
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While that's probably true, please imagine what it would be like if 1) Arsene Wenger stayed on and 2) lost his next 100 games in a row. There wouldn't be enough light aircraft in all of Europe to fly over the Emirates.
8) Lost property
Bolton defender Mark Little was clearly too busy celebrating the Wilbraham tattoo to bother keeping track of his belongings. Still let's have faith in humanity and assume both wallet - and the wedding ring - were safely returned. Or put up on eBay, whichever was easiest.
We're all OK.
9) Is nothing sacred?
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Hand back the awards, cancel the Champions League final, bin the video montages: Mohamed Salah isn't flawless after all.
10) Wenger loses another important tie
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Look, the joke was in the sub-heading, that's all you need. Anyway, thanks for everything, Arsene - it's been fun
