Now into my third party conference, I am sampling the pleasures of the seaside again.... this time in Bournemouth, for the Tory story.
Wednesday 8.30 am - Boris at Bay
 'Look you've got it all wrong, I love Jamie.' |
It is always difficult to judge the impact of a political story, but a very worried look on Boris Johnson's face as he sought me out yesterday morning started to give the game away.
It was the post below which started the hare running.
He covered a lot of ground at that particular fringe meeting.
But only one comment echoed around the conference hall. "I'd get rid of Jamie Oliver�" It was Boris vs Jamie.
National Hero against National Saint.
But first of all Boris vs me...
The worried look was followed by a worried press officer.
"Look you've got it all wrong" Says Boris. "I love Jamie. We've got all his books. Of course I want children to eat healthy food."
"Certainly Boris," I reply, "but here's what you said in my notebook. You backed the women who pushed pies through the fence.
"You called for children to be able to choose what they wanted.
"This is not Conservative Party Policy, but if I was in charge I would get rid of Jamie Oliver and tell people to eat what they like."
BBC News On-line had picked up that line, and now the running hare was being pursued by a growing number of panting hounds.
We agreed to add his comments about his admiration for Jamie Oliver to the on-line copy, but the BBC was standing by its story, and my notes of the meeting.
I had filmed the start and end of the meeting for Sunday's Politics Show, but Boris had asked that I didn't film the speech - or questions.
So Boris was denying what he had said.
 He is certainly a larger than life character of British politics... |
It was the Cherie defence - I didn't say it and I don't believe it.
But the whirlwind was spinning faster by the minute.
Rorke's Drift
Half a dozen photographers got wind Boris was in the Conservative Party Press area, and decided they would wait for him to come out.
A crowd, perhaps a mob, was rapidly created.
The vacuum of no-news was being filled by a rushing wind of Boris fever, so when he finally emerged he was propelled down the hill by journalists demanding to know what he had said about Jamie.
And Scotland was up in arms too, about his "subsidy" remark.
Another comment about local Sharia Law being the natural process of devolution that he made at another fringe was thrown into the mix.
A Conservative Press Officer told me the mood with Boris at bay and the press gathered outside was "like Rorke's Drift."
And in the end it was not what Boris said, but who he is, that turned the story into a whirlwind.
And on that measure he surely comes out of this triumphant.
So many people I spoke to about his comments said: "Yes - absolutely - I agree with all that".
His comments resonated way beyond the confines of the conference hall.
We need people like Boris in politics.
Tuesday 1pm - Short, sharp, shock.
 Loosely talking, the mints are 'hot' stuff... |
The conference organisers have a secret weapon in their war to keep speeches short. I discovered it by accident yesterday while chatting to a councillor friend from Portsmouth.
"Don't eat the mints." he whispered.
These are the tiny white boxes with the new broccoli tree logo, which are free to pick up from bins all around the Bournemouth International Centre.
And their hidden power? Apparently they're laxatives..
More than one speaker has taken a mint to calm his nerves only to feel a sudden urge while on stage a few minutes later.. Well, it's one way of fitting in everyone who wants to speak.
Monday 4pm - You can't beat Boris.
 Boris had the children's car seats in his sights first... |
Give him a crowd - and with Boris there always is a crowd - and you're guaranteed the full treatment. It was packed to the rafters for Boris' first fringe appearance in Bournemouth this afternoon and he didn't disappoint.
First target - those safety seats for children in cars, a regulation he says is "Utterly Demented."
"When I was growing up we all bounced around like peas in a rattle - did it do us any harm? One of the great joys of being a parent is when you throw away the booster.
"Now this law, imposed on us without public consultation, is forcing police to measure our children."
He acknowledges resistance to David Cameron's leadership amongst some traditional Tories. "I know there are people in this room still filled with doubt and anxiety about the direction of the modern Tory party - the namby pamby tree-hugging solar-powered bicycle brigade. Admit your incorrect thoughts - you'll be glad you did."
Someone at the back admits to disliking the new "broccoli tree" logo. "Ha!" Boris cries, now in full flow "I have smoked out the forces of dissent and reaction."
And then he lays into "A" Level students. He's on the Education team but this doesn't sound much like party policy "We need to re-introduce our children to the concept of failure.."
"As a slogan this needs some work, I admit. But the A grade A level has lost its usefulness."
"We have to admit, not everyone who would got an A in 2006 would have got one in 1996."
Jamie Oliver takes a broadside. "I say let people eat what they like.
"Why shouldn't they push pies through the railings? I would ban sweets from school - but this pressure to bring in healthy food is too much."
After grovelling to Liverpool and Papua New Guinea for past offences he declares: "I'm not doing any more apologising.
"But neither is he treading carefully. "I have no wish to be disrespectful to the Scots. But it is outrageous that I as an English MP can be outvoted on issues such as Oxfordshire's NHS without corresponding powers the other way."
"The Scots should not get free university education subsidised by us in England. They shouldn't get free nursing care. As a Scot Gordon Brown will find it hard to convince people in England he should be Prime Minister."
Now the audience are baying for political correctness to be torn completely away, but this is where Boris' cunning shows through his bluster.
He feigns not to know the party policy on all-women shortlists. He's not happy about Central Office imposing candidates, he says "this is the natural home of the chaps in suits - although we ought to do more to reflect the people we represent - In this party there is still room for corpulent middle aged men in suits. We support them, we clasp them to our bosom, and people with ties, too!"
Monday 11am - Mixed messages.
The problem with this hi-tech texting malarkey in the conference hall is the timing.
You're listening to a speaker - watching on the big screen - following their argument - and then a line of text appears on roughly the same subject, but different.
Let me give you an example. During the crime debate this morning there were some soothing Liberal noises being made by one speaker.
Deal with the causes of crime... Spend time with a yob.. Hug a hoodie.. You've heard the stuff. On the text screen below we got: "Bring back Capital punishment. Glenda, Brighton... Give Prescott an ASBO.. Thugs should be made to fear the police"
When a particularly punchy message popped up it wasn't always easy to tell if the applause was for the speaker or the text on screen.
And at times it feels like two completely different conferences. Not quite the transparency that was intended.
Sunday 01 October 2006 - 8pm
 Isle of Wight MP Andrew Turner picks up a Kit Kat in the queue |
Perhaps it was a clever Cameron trick.
There's something about standing in line that provides a feeling of solidarity.
More likely the two hour delay to pick up a pass was down to confusion.
"If they can't organise the queue, how on earth do they think they can run the country" was the common complaint.
Maidenhead MP Adam Alfriye stood in the gale for over an hour before someone realised who he was and took him past the huddled masses.
South-East Euro MP Nirj Deva still hadn't received his pass after six hours.
Dorset Police were blamed for the delay. Another reason - the conference was more popular than people expected.
After two hours wait the only thing that brought a smile were the boxes of chocolate passed along the line by enterprising members of the Conservative Future lobby group.
Sunday 01 October 2006 - 2pm
 There'll be a great deal of wind at the conference - and it won't be warm... |
They're calling it "The Wind of Change."
But that's putting a brave face on it.
The howling gale blowing across Bournemouth sands this morning was playing havoc with the Tory image.
At the morning photocall David Cameron's right hand man, New Forest MP Desmond Swayne, had his hand clamped firmly on his head as his long hair blew everywhere.
Mrs Cameron's carefully chosen yellow coat turned into a Spinnaker, propelling her towards the TV cameras, whose pictures were barely visible from the buffeting.
Labour expected storms in Manchester, and got calm skies and plain sailing.
The Conservatives had been looking forward to basking in the sunshine of a new leader in Bournemouth.
Is the cold front an omen for the week ahead?
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