"A smoker will always say that he is thinking of giving up smoking"

Surrey based head-hunter Lindsay Dubock rose to the challenge and stubbed out her last cigarette live in front of Breakfast's audience.

Three months on, and she was to face the biggest test with the onset of the Christmas party season; with booze, food increasing the urge to light up just one more time.

Would temptation get the better of her?

Lindsay takes up the story of her fight to kick the habit.

3.30pm, September 25th, 2003: The sound of a ringing phone could be heard across the peace of the office. On the other end of the phone was a gentle and persuasive voice that uttered the phrase, "Lindsay, I understand that you are thinking of giving up smoking." It was the BBC.

A smoker will always say that he is thinking of giving up smoking - he then looks for the reasons not to. Therefore, my reply was always going to be, "Yes I am." - Oh, the naivety of it! However, it did improve from this point. The soothing, reassuring voice on the other end of the phone chirped that BBC Breakfast were running a week long campaign on smoking, and wanted to follow three budding enthusiasts giving up the dreaded weed.

I was to give up using a product that you put on the filter of the cigarette before you smoke it, to block the nicotine and tar, therefore breaking the addiction before breaking the habit. "Let me get this straight" I asked, "I give up smoking, but still get to smoke? Bring it on!"

Facing the cameras

5.30am September 26th, 2003: A car picks me up and off I go off to BBC Television Centre - how exciting! I have never been on telly before. In I go, make up, hair, coffee, fag, when a friendly face comes up to me and spouts the three most difficult words I have heard:

"Lindsay, we want to film you putting out your last cigarette". Panic. Sheer panic. "There has been a mistake! You've got it wrong! I am giving up but still smoking using this product that breaks the addiction before you break the habit! NO! HELP! I am not ready I don't really want to give up Aaaarrrggghhh!!!"

But, it was too late, my crying, nay, wailing was all in vain. I had been conned. My smoking days were numbered. It was over, a relationship to which I was more dedicated, loyal and devoted than any other. I was to divorce myself from my beloved Marlboro Lights there and then, without ceremony.

Isolation

One of the main problems with giving up smoking is that you cannot talk to anybody about it. Smokers don't want to hear about it, non-smokers just don't get it - at all, and reformed smokers just want to tell their story and are not interested in yours.

What are the side effects? Only two really - weight and alcohol. And boy, have I put on some weight and started drinking more. Have I been careful? Have I avoided chocolate, biscuits, sweets, food in general? Not a chance.

Giving up smoking is not about finding a replacement, it is all about reward! Well done you - have a packet of Maltesers. Go on, have another roast potato, you deserve it - you've given up smoking - don't worry about a few pounds! But a few pounds become a few more, and before you know it, the Levi's don't do up anymore!

And then, there is Christmas. Hungry for a cigarette? Have another glass of champagne, another canap�, another glass of wine, more nibbles - oh go on then, another bottle of white, before you know it, rather worse for wear, your defences are down, the demons in your head are telling you "just one, go on, you are strong, you gave up before, just have one, just one."

This, I have learnt is the time for a sharp exit - time to go home (even though it is only 8 o'clock at night!).

Coping

I do not really have a survival plan for Christmas - I just know that I can never, ever smoke a cigarette again, unless I want to end up on 20 a day. It is a real shame, I miss it - I really miss it. But, my skin looks great - people keep telling me I look radiant! My clothes and hair smell clean. My nails are white again and my teeth look cleaner. Okay, I have put on some weight, but hey, a smoker in a size 10 or a non smoker in a size 12, I know which one I would rather be.

To be honest, the three months since my last smoke feel like years. I have been through pain (not as much as my colleagues, friends and family!), I have been through an entire bereavement process - the feelings of numbness, yearning, anger, sadness and finally letting go.

But I did not crack. Although rather bullied into giving up, I really did want to. I am convinced that this is why I have not weakened; I have not even considered smoking a cigarette, not really. No patches, just good old cold turkey - sometimes, you have to be cruel to be kind!! Smoking is about setting a date to give up and sticking to it - if you really do want to.