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HEALTH FAMILY PROBLEMS RELATIONSHIPS EDUCATION & CAREER Dear What's The Problem, I am 24 years old and I am in a relatively new relationship. My partner and I agreed that we now want to start having a sexual relationship however my new boyfriend doesn't want to use condoms. He says we don't need them because he knows what he's doing and if I really loved him I would naturally trust him. I do love my boyfriend and I do want to make love with him but I also want to be on the safe side and use a condom when we eventually go to bed. How can I explain the way I feel to my boyfriend without jeopardising the whole relationship, after all, it's still early days for us both? Alison McKeown, UK Advice: Tricia Kreitman, Counsellor *Well I think Alison's going to have to get tough here. It's a very simple letter but it's also a very common problem. Condoms are just about the only type of contraception which also give protection against STI's, sexually transmitted infections, and I'm not just talking about HIV and Aids here, for instance, things like gonorrhoea and chlymidia are very common infections which are definitely on the increase at the moment. *Now, many of these have no symptoms. Chlymidia, for example, is practically symptom free, it's usually only picked-up in women when they have a routine check for something else and yet it's one of the major causes of infertility at the moment in the UK. So, it's being spread and in some regions as many as one in ten women have chlymidia. It's being spread through sexual intercourse when people do not use condoms, and nobody knows they have it, nobody knows they're passing it on. *Many young people are still reluctant to use them. It's maybe that they start using them but then after a few weeks they feel, "Oh well we know each other, we don't really need them", but the risks are still there, and many men in particular are scared of them. They make excuses that they feel wrong, "I don't like making love wearing one of those", or, "It breaks the spontaneity when we have to stop and put one on", but often they're just scared that they'll lose their erection because they're not used to using one. *If Alison's boyfriend says that they don't need condoms because he knows what he's doing, he patently doesn't know what he's doing. He's not protecting Alison, he's not taking any responsibility for her health and protection. *If he says that "if she really loved him she'd trust him." Well, if he really loved her he'd want to protect her and he'd use a condom, and that's what she needs to say to him. If he insists he doesn't want to use one then the answer is to have non-penetrative sex, and she has to say, "we're not going to have intercourse if that's the case." The What's the Problem? website is providing general information only. It should not be treated as a substitute for the medical advice of your own doctor or any other health care professional. The BBC is not responsible or liable for any diagnosis made by a user based on the content of the What's the Problem? website. Always consult your own GP if you're in any way concerned about your health.		FURTHER INFORMATION   A brief history of condoms The earliest known condoms were used by the ancient Egyptians, but the condom as we know it today was first developed by England's King Charles II, who requested his physician, the Earl of Condom, to devise something to protect him from syphilis. He came up with an oiled sheath made from sheep intestine. The King's invention caught on, used enthusiastically by his courtiers, and advertised widely, but they became morally controversial. Many argued that condoms lead to the deterioration of the human race by encouraging pre-marital sex, sex with prostitutes and the demise of marriage. As with all innovations, there were teething troubles, notably with the noblemen who used them re-using their condoms without washing them and getting the same diseases they were trying to prevent. In the 19th century that the next revolution in condoms when condoms began to be produced from vulcanized rubber, a strong elastic material. However, these condoms were a lot different to modern day condoms. Men were instructed to wash their condoms before and after sex, and to reuse them again and again until they cracked or broke, which we know today will offer little or no protection from sexually transmitted diseases or conception. Latex manufacturing processes improved in the 1930s to produce a thin, pliant and inexpensive product, similar to more protective one-use only condoms we use today. Following widespread use in World War Two, the next challenge for prophylactics involved making them more consumer friendly. The reservoir tip on the skin-tight latex condom was introduced in the early '50s, as was the sensation-deadening condom designed to end premature ejaculation. In the '80s, the spread of AIDS transformed the condom into an essential sexual accessory, providing highly effective birth control and protecting millions worldwide from std's. These days condoms come in many shapes and sizes, textures, colours, and even different flavours!    INTERNET LINKS UNITED NATIONS CONDOMS FAQ   BBC WORLD SERVICE GUIDE TO USING CONDOMS   MAKING CONDOMS SEXY   The BBC is not responsible for the content of external Internet sites