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HEALTH FAMILY PROBLEMS RELATIONSHIPS EDUCATION & CAREER I am a 42 year old man - who has spent a great deal of time concentrating on my career at the expense of my love life. Recently, I have given much thought to the question of marriage, and have come to the realization that like religion, marriage and starting a family gives life some purpose. Unfortunately, since I began my search for a partner in earnest. I have had no luck whatsoever with Nigerian women. So, I have decided not to limit myself to finding a suitable partner in Nigeria and am now hoping to contact and meet someone from abroad who would be willing to relocate. But I just don't know how I should go about doing this. Can you please advise me? I do realise you're not a marriage bureau but I desperately need to sort out my love life. Akin Adegun, Nigeria. Advice : Susie Hayman, Counsellor. *I must say alarms bells started ringing when I read this letter because if I was someone meeting a young eligible lawyer, I would the run the other way quickly if it became clear that he was looking for a wife, instead of two people enjoying each other's company. If you go searching for a relationship, I think people are put off. So, this maybe that the reason why Akin can't find people interested in hooking up and getting married to him. It really isn't because of any problems with the women in Nigeria - its all down to his behaviour, attitude and the messages he is sending which is putting people off him. *I think Akin should look strongly at his beliefs and what he is looking for, sometimes when we meet people the whole way we behave, sit there, stand there, look at people actually says things about us it's not just. So Akin could be sending out messages which say I'm not interested in you personally, he could actually be projecting an image of being hostile. So perhaps he really needs to look at how he is, how he is acting and what messages people are getting from him. *I don't think looking abroad for a partner abroad is realistic it, there are plenty of lovely women in Nigeria why would he need to go elsewhere....perhaps he feels he needs to go elsewhere because he's not having much success, but it's not because of the women, it's actually because of him. So, if he went elsewhere he would be having the same problems, but all over the world not just in Nigeria. *I would suggest he first talk to a counsellor or a doctor who could take him through how he is appearing to other people. He should talk to his friends, make better friends, look for meeting people in all kinds of situations, not just romantic situations, try that first and if really it doesn't work there are marriage bureaus in other countries....but I think the danger is if he is giving up at this stage, he'll just have the same problems, but world-wide. The What's the Problem? website is providing general information only. It should not be treated as a substitute for the medical advice of your own doctor or any other health care professional. The BBC is not responsible or liable for any diagnosis made by a user based on the content of the What's the Problem? website. Always consult your own GP if you're in any way concerned about your health.		FURTHER INFORMATION   Things to remember when dating... Respect: You should respect your date even more than they respect themselves. Compiment often: You can never offer enough compliments. There's no harm in making your date feel good by telling them something nice about themselves. This means you too, ladies. Relax: Keep things slow and simple - If you don't know their middle name, most of their life story, and all of their favourite things, why on earth do you think groping them is the next logical step? Think twice about sex: Sometimes it's easy to get yourself into a situation that makes saying no to sex, difficult. If you don't respect yourself enough, then respect your date enough to think twice about it.    INTERNET LINKS Perfect partners   Online dating   The BBC is not responsible for the content of external Internet sites