As an adult, New Year’s resolutions can come with a lot of emotional baggage – guilt, obligations, disappointment. According to one survey, only 31% of those who made resolutions ‘kept to them all’.
Are resolutions like ‘get fitter’ or ‘eat better’ or ‘learn French’, doomed to fail? Perhaps, with how we think of them as adults, but setting a resolution can still be a fun, worthwhile activity for families and small children.
By keeping the targets fun and relaxed, we can encourage our children to explore the world and their interests and bond as a family using shared goals.
We spoke to mental health specialist Raoul Lindsay for his thoughts…
Resolutions for adults vs Resolutions for children
Can resolutions be unhelpful in trying to achieve something? Raoul, who doesn’t set himself resolutions, believes that they might be…
“Thinking about the way that my mind works - it's as if adults have experience of when it hasn't gone well for them, and so if I put pressure on myself and think about the guilt and the shame around not fulfilling resolutions, it hinders me. But with my kids, they don't have that experience.”
“It's an exciting, challenging way for them to be introduced to new things.”
Raoul suggests taking away the expectations and thinking about New Year’s resolutions in their simplest sense – a new year: a time for change or new beginnings.
For young children, this just means creating opportunities to discover and explore their interests and most importantly, having fun.
What makes a fun resolution?
Keeping resolutions light and fun is important when introducing them to young children. The best way to achieve this, Raoul says, is to follow their lead.
You could start by asking them a simple question: ‘What might make you happier this year?’ It could be joining a new club, or picking time during the week to do a regular activity as a family.
If they need time to think, that’s okay. Raoul suggests taking a creative approach to help your child explore their options.
“I would say a drawing or writing task around how they'd like to feel happier [might be a fun way of thinking about resolutions]. And you can give them examples.”
As important as it is to let your child lead the conversation and choose their own resolutions, you might want to support them by giving examples and asking follow-up questions.
Their initial answer to, ‘What will make you feel happier this year?’, might not be where you intended the conversation to go – perhaps we should expect answers like, ‘Eat more cake!’ and ‘Watch more TV!’ – but it might still teach you something valuable about your child’s interests.
Does the TV show or YouTube channel they love have a particular theme you can explore? If there’s a focus on animals, for example, maybe they might want to learn about different exotic species and you can visit the zoo, or take books out of the library together.
Raoul says you can also help your child think about a different kind of resolution – one which might still make you feel happier, but is mostly for the benefit of someone else. “Something for me, something for others.”
“[You could suggest that they] help you send a message to a loved one that you don’t see very often. Noticing what we can do for other people is really important.”
How can you encourage your child’s resolutions?
Setting an end date or time limit for your child’s resolution can add unnecessary pressure and guilt, if the resolution isn’t completely fulfilled. Raoul thinks that this would be missing the point…
“The key is to be creative about any changes and look for other opportunities for newness,” he explains.
“If it gets to June and it hasn't worked out, that's fine - the conversation still happened, and that's what's important.”
“Just to understand your child, see where they are, what might be useful, and if it lasts for a few weeks or months, wow, that's a win!”
In the meantime, if you’d like to encourage your child to persist with their resolutions, try to get involved as much as they’re happy with you doing so.
For example, if they have decided they want to be kind and say hello to everyone at their nursery, you could say, “That’s a great idea. I’m going to try to be more kind and ask how the staff at nursery are doing when I drop you off!”
Raoul agrees that modelling behaviour could be the best way to support your child’s resolutions: “If they don't know what resolutions are, they won't really care. It's good when parents [join in] because it helps them to make sense of it all and see the benefits.”
This is when your child’s resolution might become something the whole family can get involved in!
And if you'd like to make a resolution as a parent, this quiz might give you a few ideas, as well as some articles to offer support…
