|  | WITH A THONG IN MY HEART
Being fit and sporty has always been something that other people do as far as I’m concerned!I did buy a pair of leg warmers in 1984, which made me look like as if I’d asked to be dipped in multi-coloured paint and then thought better of it. And I did once go to an aerobics class where I fainted halfway through the warm-up much to the amusement of people thinner than the glass of water I was grudgingly given. So what on earth possessed me to get a Personal Trainer I will never know. Not join a gym, not jog round the block, oh no…I decided to really go for it.
To be fair I had been collecting pounds for some years. A combination of sustained curry and lager abuse, and then I had a baby (albeit a premature 4 pounder), and that had the strange side effect of giving me fat shoulder blades. So I decided to get professional help. Shock
Not for me the scorn of the size 10 brigade, whose thongs didn’t even have the decency to disappear in their buttocks. So I dug out the yellow pages - quite heavy so I was already doing weights - and randomly selected a not too scary ad that appealed. "Not for me the scorn of the size 10 brigade, whose thongs didn’t even have the decency to disappear in their buttocks." | Julia decides not to go to the gym! |
She sounded cosy on the phone, and wasn’t a size 10 (my first question!) so I booked my 10 sessions. I felt fitter just for having phoned her, I could feel the flab melting away in my self-congratulatory glow.
The first session was a bit terrifying. Mostly for her, because my "fitness wardrobe" consisted of my partner’s decorating tracksuit bottoms and a very dodgy pair of plimsolls that I found in the loft. She wasn’t put off though, and immediately went for an assessment of my body. This is called "Body stat, the truth about your body". With a veritable cornucopia of gadgets, wires, and good old-fashioned making–me- move- a- bit -quickly, she soon had a report that frightened me. I hadn’t been weighed since I was a newborn so obviously that was a bit of a shock. My aerobic fitness was so poor it was a wonder I could even answer the front door to her, and my body fat percentage was so high I would have got an A** at GCSE if there was such a subject.
Sweaty
I was started off on a strict regime of step aerobics, weights, squats, lunges, abdominiser routines and of course watching what I ate. Conveniently I contracted a vomiting bug after my first session and got off to a head start. My baby and my cat would watch me with interest and amusement as I stepped up and down and up and down for an hour a day to music that made me lose the will to live never mind lose weight. A friend of mine said she was walking past my house one day and would have popped in but I was bouncing up and down and looking sweaty. Not normally a problem but she said it to my partner, which was a little unfortunate.
"I can even wear a size 10 in Gap trousers. I know it’s cheating but hey it’s a TEN!!!!!" | Julia - after ten weeks of sweating |
So what was the outcome of all this? Well my 10-week course is over and I have just had the "Truth about my body" again. The truth is that I am 18 pounds lighter, my body fat percentage looks more like my maths score at O’level, and my aerobic fitness is officially excellent. Conviction
If I could just stop smoking I would probably beat Victoria Beckham at the next Luis Vuitton sale. I can even wear a size 10 in Gap trousers. I know it’s cheating but hey it’s a TEN!!!!!! And I haven’t worn a 10 since I was, well, 10. And this is all thanks to my trainer, her scales, her skipping rope and her cheerful breezy conviction that even I could get fit. I can even go into a sports shop without my chest tightening as though I have walked into someone else’s house uninvited, and I have even signed up for circuit training. I thought that was something YTS sparkies went on. So I can recommend it. Really. It works. Chuck out your slimming milkshake, or Fartfast as I prefer to call it after bitter experience, and get yourself a personal trainer. Now where did I put my Golden Dragon menu….? 
| cath, hamilton | Saturday, 19-Jul-2003 18:47:18 BST | | | i have spent the last hour surfing, looking for just such a person to assist me in losing the inches i hate. anybody in Hamilton, Lanarkshire area. i dont want to go to a gym either, i would prefer the prevacy of someones own premises where it is only me performing the agonsiing exercises with convistion. just like julia. |
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