Whether we’re trying out a new hobby for the first time, attending a job interview or simply spending time with people we don’t know, uncertainty can leave us feeling unsettled, restless and sometimes even physically uncomfortable.
When we’re anxious or upset, it’s important to recognise when we can take a moment to stop and reflect. Spending time feeling, identifying, and learning how to manage our emotions doesn’t just help us calm down in the moment, but can also help to build resilience over the long term.
Moodboosters spoke to psychologist Dr Sandi Mann and got her tips on how as adults we can try to deal with times of uncertainty in our lives and embrace the unknown.
1. Accepting that we’re not always in control
Feelings of uncertainty typically arise when we think about the future, because it can often feel out of our control.
For Dr Mann, the struggle we typically face when dealing with the unknown is not being able to accept the feeling itself. We hate not knowing what’s going to happen and would much prefer to be the ones in control and calling the shots.
She believes that “we need to accept that we’re not in control. We think we are sometimes, but we’re never in control. Uncertainty is part of life and we have to accept that it’s OK.”
2. Finding ways to manage your worries
Whilst it might not be a pleasant emotion to feel, worry can have a purpose and there is a reason for it. Dr Mann highlights that it is worry which “might help us plan better, might help us undertake risk assessments, take preventative action … There are a lot of techniques that we can use to try and compartmentalise that worry beyond the worry that’s being useful to us.”
A worry tree is one example. This is a tool which helps you to work through both hypothetical situations and current problems to understand your choices. At each stage, it asks us to consider whether or not we think anything can be done about the situation, and if so, what, when and how. If nothing can be done, the worry tree encourages you to find a way of letting the worry go. It no longer has a useful purpose.
3. Learning that it’s okay to get things wrong
It sounds like a cliché but discussing our failures and mistakes really can help to build resilience. Dr Mann says that this is “because we need to show ourselves and prove to ourselves … that we can bounce back. That’s what resilience is. It’s bouncing back. And it’s OK to get things wrong. It’s OK to make mistakes.”
When you do make a mistake, Dr Mann suggests thinking about the following:
- What have you learned from those mistakes?
- How have you changed and developed as a result?
- How can you now move forward because of those mistakes?
Don’t just think about your own mistakes, but also consider how other people have coped with their own misjudgements and how they reacted in the short and long term. Everyone gets things wrong!
Most importantly, Dr Mann reminds us that “Making mistakes is part of being human, it’s part of taking risks. If we don't take risks, we won't make mistakes, but we also won't do stuff … We still make mistakes, but hopefully we don't make the same mistake and therefore, we're building that resilience, that ability to move forward.”
4. Finding ways to move your body and relax
Often, when we’re experiencing moments of uncertainty, we might feel like we have butterflies in our stomach, or like a physical discomfort. Our heartrate might increase or you might start sweating more.
When we’re feeling anxious, the body’s natural reaction is to go into the so-called “fight or flight” mode, and it releases stress hormones like adrenaline, to allow us to act. This can lead to physical symptoms like those just described. To reduce this discomfort, we can try to get rid of some of that adrenaline.
Dr Mann states: “Exercise is brilliant for that. That's why people talk about exercise for stress reduction. It can be really good for that and also the opposite of that which is relaxation. Long, slow, deep breaths, slowing your breathing down. Anything to try and dampen down that adrenaline production can be really useful.”
One breathing exercise to try comes from wellbeing professional Lorna Walker, who encourages us all to pay attention to how emotions like anger and worry feel in the body and then try and slow our breathing in response.
- Sit in a way that feels comfortable to you, with your hands restinggently on your stomach or over your heart.
- It’s up to you whether you wish to close your eyes or simply focus onone spot.
- Take a few deep and slow breathes until you feel it falling into anatural rhythm. As you pay attention to how the breath feels inthe body, you can also start counting after each completed inhaleand exhale.
- When you feel ready, consider some of the following questions:
- How are you feeling right now?
- How does your body feel?
- When you feel like you’ve been able to identify the emotions you’refeeling, slowly open your eyes.
5. Trying new things and building routines
Another way to help build your resilience is by trying new things, even if you might not always get it right.
Dr Mann argues for the benefits of “failing in the yoga move, but learning to do it or learning to swim faster or overcoming obstacles. You struggle to get to a dance class or find one, but you’ve overcome the obstacle to do it … those things can build resilience. They can show that you're capable, or that you're doing things and taking control of those things that you can take control of.”
When dealing with feelings of uncertainty and fears of the unknown, it helps to have a sense of routine in place. By adding regular activities to your diary, like a yoga or dance class, you can begin to build that structure.
More from Moodboosters
Join Oti Mabuse in this movement and breathing based activity for families
Check out these energetic Boost videos to build confidence and self-esteem in children
Imagine videos to spark creativity and encourage positivity in schools and at home
Related links
For more information about mental health and wellbeing, visit the dedicated area on the NHS website.
BBC Action Line has details of organisations that can offer support.
The BBC is not responsible for the content of external websites. By clicking the link to access the external website you will be redirected to a site controlled by a separate organisation. Please note that the BBC is not the data controller of the personal data you enter into the external website and it is not responsible for the services provided by any external organisation. When using an external website, you are subject to their Terms and Conditions and Privacy Policy.
This article was published in November 2022.
More from Moodboosters:
Boost. collection
Energetic, movement-based activities promoting self-confidence in children by encouraging them to use movement and positive thinking to build self-esteem.
Connect. collection
Fun, movement-based activities for children centring on relationships and how to recognise emotions in others through empathy.
Imagine. collection
Learning activities to promote creativity and optimism in children whilst encouraging them to use their imagination to envision their goals and aspirations.
Teacher's guide
Curriculum-linked ideas and tips about how you can use Moodboosters with your class during the school day.
Watch again - our live launch. video
Watch highlights as children from around the nations join together for a big mood-boosting moment.
About Moodboosters
Everything you need to know about our initiative to get KS1 / KS2 pupils moving for mental health and wellbeing.
