KS1 / KS2 English: The Giggler Treatment by Roddy Doyle

DOC BROWN:Oh, hey! This is one of the funniest books I've ever read. It's called The Giggler Treatment. It's all about the Gigglers, they're these little people who look after children and they're hardly ever seen, but if a grown-up ever does something mean to a kid, like send them to bed without dinner or something like that,

DOC BROWN:the Gigglers will punish that grown-up. You want to know how? Yep… with dog poo. See, when an adult steps in a big, squelchy one, it's no accident, no! They're getting the Giggler treatment.

DOC BROWN:And in this story, Mr Mack is about to become the Gigglers' next victim.

DOC BROWN:What are you doing? What are you doing? Leave me alone. Go on. Shoo!

DOC BROWN:Oh-h! Eugh! Of course, it's Rover here who provides the poo… but it's the Gigglers who put it in the perfect position to cause a big stink for someone like Mr Mack, a nice dad, on his way home from work. Oh-ho-ho-ho! I mean come on,

DOC BROWN:the biggest poo in the world was sat right there in the middle of the path. How could he miss it? But Mr Mack got distracted.

DOC BROWN:"Just after he turned the corner, he saw a seagull sitting on the branch of a tree. 'You know what, mister?' said the seagull. 'I hate fish!' 'I didn't know seagulls could perch in trees.', said Mister Mack. He kept walking, but he looked back to have another look at the seagull

DOC BROWN:and this was a pity, because he didn't see the dog poo right in front of him on the footpath. Poor Mister Mack. His shoe was headed straight for that poo." Seagulls, you can't trust 'em.

DOC BROWN:This book has got such a nutty sense of humour. I mean have you ever heard of a chapter called Chapter Fridge? The first time I read The Giggler Treatment I'd never heard of the Gigglers. But then, saying that, I'd never heard of cream crackers that could talk, or dogs who could send e-mails. But all of that is in this book. Crazy!

DOC BROWN:Meanwhile, back at the poo, Mister Mack is only seconds away. Wait!

DOC BROWN:Oh, I forgot to tell you. The Gigglers are nearby. Looking out, peeking, very excited. Listen. "They waited for the wallop.

DOC BROWN:Mister Mack hitting the poo. They waited for the squelch. Mister Mack stepping down on the poo. They waited for the gasp. Mister Mack seeing the poo for the first time. They waited for the groan. Mister Mack seeing that most of the poo was now on his shoe.

DOC BROWN:His shoe was now very, very close to the you-know-what. 'How close?' said the smallest Giggler. 'Fourteen and three-quarter inches,' said the biggest Giggler. 'That's very close,' said the middle-sized one. And she shoved her fist into her mouth to trap the giggles. And they waited." And I can't wait either.

DOC BROWN:I said Mister Mack was a nice dad, didn't I? So why have the Gigglers plonked a big, squelchy, wet one on the path for him? And how does Rover become a billionaire dog? You'll have to get reading. Urgh!

DOC BROWN:Personally I think this is a book everyone should read. Not other adults, of course. Don't want them knowing about the Gigglers.

DOC BROWN:One of the things I really love about this book is that it's true, you know? A lot of the time adults can be unfair towards children. And when I read this to my daughter she thought exactly the same thing. And, you know, we both laughed as hard as each other. And when you really enjoy a book like that,

DOC BROWN:it makes you want to read more and more books, and The Giggler Treatment is one of the best and it's because it's based on truth. Cream crackers can talk. Well, no, they can't talk, but the idea that there's Gigglers looking out for us, that's a beautiful thing. Poo.

DOC BROWN:I think I can hear giggles. Good thing I'm always nice to kids. Apart from that little one I was a bit nasty to–

DOC BROWN:Argh! Gigglers! Gig-- Gigglers! Oh!