ALED:I'm being told we have a caller on line eight. So, line eight. Hello, what's your name?
ZOE:Hello, my name's Zoe.
ALED:Hello Zoe. What's on your mind today?
ZOE:I'm just phoning in to talk about my experiences with self-harm. I started when I was eight.
ALED:In what way did you self-harm?
ZOE:The first time I ever did it, I'd had a really bad day at school, and I came home and I had a huge argument with my parents. And I shut myself in my room, and to try and stop myself crying, I bit myself, and it made me feel better. So it started from there really. And it was only a couple of times a month to start off with, and…
ZOE:just when things got really, really bad.
ZOE:But, I'd punch stuff or I'd bite myself or pull my hair out. And that probably lasted for about… five or six years-ish. And it got worse and worse. Like, it became more frequent, and I was biting myself harder.
ZOE:I knew that it can't be normal for someone to injure themselves to make themselves feel better.
ZOE:The whole logic of it, just doesn't make sense. I guess in the long run, it didn't make me feel better but at the time it did. And so, that was all I was interested in. Once I learnt that it helped me, it made me feel better…
ZOE:it started to take the place of other things that would have made me feel better, because it helped more.
ALED:What things would make you drive to self-harming?
ZOE:I went through a lot of bullying at school. So that was a big issue. Things at home weren't great. So that didn't help, and we'd just argue all the time, or always winding each other up.
ZOE:Not a good relationship really. You know, you don't understand, like, emotions at all when you're younger.
ZOE:And when you've got them all inside you, and you haven't got anyone to talk to or any way of releasing them, it was my way of… getting it all out.
ZOE:There were times that I wanted, I really wanted someone to turn around and be like, "Are you OK?" and then other times I was just like I don't want anyone to ask. Because it would be like opening a can of worms. And once you've opened it, you can't put them back.
ZOE:I didn't tell anyone until it was quite, well quite recently really. I used to spend a lot of time sat in my bedroom, and just sit and listen to the radio constantly. I'd sit on the floor in the shower with the water on. It's amazing how relaxing that is. It was really good.
ALED:Were there any other ways that you self-harmed?
ZOE:As I got older it became… cutting and burning, in the past say three or four years, it became razor blades and that's when… it was really bad. And then after that, if I tried biting myself it didn't make a difference. The worse it got, the more I'd have to do to make a difference.
ZOE:When I started cutting myself I'd use whatever I could find at the time. I remember once, when I… I was out walking, and I… used a piece of barbed-wire fence… to self-harm, and that was… probably really, really stupid.
ZOE:And looking back at it now, I'm like, "Did I really do that?" Yeah, I remember I'd spent one night, I spent seven hours self-harming, like, just constant. Like, all night, and the only reason I stopped, is because I ran out of space.
ZOE:I went into A&E quite a few times, and 99% of the time… the doctors and nurses don't want anything to do with you.
ALED:Really? How come? Why not?
ZOE:Because you've done that to yourself, you don't deserve their treatment or their help. But there was one nurse I remember, I always remember her. She came over, it was about five o'clock in the morning, and she came over and offered me a cup of tea and toast. And just that made me feel better than any other nurse I've ever met. Like that little bit of compassion, and treating me the same as everyone else.
ZOE:I was like, "Oh, I'm not quite so abnormal."
ALED:Is that how you felt people treated you, differently?
ZOE:Yeah.
ALED:After doing self-harming, and going through that process, not once did you tell your parents?
ZOE:Nope.
ALED:That's a hell of a secret to keep for all that time.
ZOE:It's awkward, because we didn't talk about how I was feeling or what was going on, or anything, it was like, swept under the carpet.
ALED:When did things start getting better for you?
ZOE:Last December really, was I guess the big time I remember things changing. My partner, he said that if I carried on, he wouldn't be able… to still be there. I adore him. And the fear of losing him far outweighed any… positive I was going to get from self-harming. I started getting in touch with Harmless and they're a charity which are designed to help people who self-harm. Like things are so different. Having someone there that I can talk to about it and I know they're not going to judge me or tell me that I shouldn't do it, but they're going to talk to me about why I want to do it, and help me find ways to deal with what's going on, that doesn't resort to hurting myself. The longer I go without doing it, the less frequent I feel like I want to. I'd say, well, 99% of the time I'm happy. I mean, life's not ever going to be perfect, and… that's the thing, you've got to know that life will never be perfect.
ALED:Well Zoe, I think you've been so brave talking to me today. Thank you so much for calling in.
ZOE:You're welcome.
ALED:Thank you for your call.
ZOE:Thank you very much.
ALED:Thanks Zoe, bye bye.
A teenage girl called Zoe is interviewed by BBC radio presenter Aled Haydn Jones.
She describes her experiences of self-harm and how she overcame it.
The radio show is fictional but the caller and her experiences are real.
Due to the sensitive nature of the subject matter, teacher viewing is recommended before watching with your students.
This clip is from the series Coping.
Teacher Notes
In this clip, Zoe talks about how her self-harm progressed over a six year period.
One potential starting point for working with this clip could be to investigate what support or help might have been available to Zoe, if she'd decided to speak out and tell someone what she was doing.
Zoe also says that she was unable to talk to anyone, but that one single act of kindness by a nurse, made her feel better.
This could also be the start of a 'single act of kindness' campaign, where all class members try to do something for someone else over the week.
Another avenue for use could be to watch this clip as part of a campaign for pupils to understand the negative effects of bullying.
Using the information at the end, pupils could create a campaign to highlight why people self-harm and where they can go for help.
Curriculum Notes
This clip is relevant for teaching Modern Studies and PSHE and Citizenship, in particular for Healthy Lifestyles and Mental and Emotional Health, at GCSE and National 4/5 level (Scotland).
