Grown men dancing to the YMCA, covered in make-up, dressed as fairies and queens. No, it's not my average Friday night out in Hanley; it is the BBC Radio Stoke Panto.
It has become a yearly tradition for the staff of the station to let their hair down and prance around on stage all in the name of charity. This year was it was Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. Rehearsals had not gone as well as planned on account that not many people had turned up.
But now the big day was upon us and we were asked to arrive at the Stafford Gatehouse Theatre at 11.00am for a first rehearsal.
The journey...
I could not make it until 3.45pm as I was working on Becky and Jonathan's programme until 3.00pm, and I ended up making the journey with them!
 I must admit to feeling a little nervous on the way down - all of my five lines had to be good! | Matt Beeson holds up under the panto pressure |
The journey down to Stafford was quite an experience. Becky Bonnell was panicking and desperately reading through her script. In complete contrast, Jonathan Fernyhough was totally calm and cracking jokes.
The idea of performing on stage isn't exactly new to him (he's a bit of a luvvy don't you know.)
Early nerves...
I must admit to feeling a little nervous on the way down - all of my five lines had to be good!
We arrived at the theatre to see that everybody had just got changed ready for the dress rehearsal at around 4.00pm.
I walked into the dressing room to see people, usually wearing shirts and ties, dressed as Dwarfs and Dames.
I had not even had time to laugh before we were called for a dress rehearsal.
Costumeless... and confused!
I did not have my costume and I was onstage on page nine. I frantically went to find it and made my way to the side of the stage.
A couple of hours later and the rehearsal was over. It was time for tea! This was the best news I had had all day.
Pizza pizza?
| What, no biscuits? The search was on. I gathered up some troops in the hunt of a rich tea, even a plain digestive would have done... | Beeson hunts down some snappin' at the panto |
There were a few whisperings that we would treated to Pizza, but at the risk of sounding like one of Tim's jokes it didn't pan out that way and we had a buffet.
A few sandwiches and several chicken goujons later I fancied a cup of tea to wash it down with, to my sheer horror it had run out!
I had to resort to coffee and a biscuit… What, no biscuits? The search was on. I gathered up some troops in the hunt of a rich tea, even a plain digestive would have done.
Missed out...
Apparently there were some sweets and chocolate in the morning but that was long gone before I had even arrived.
After at least five minutes of searching, Ramaa Sharma found a packet of those Nice biscuits and the crisis was averted.
Then it was down to the bar for a light ale to prepare us for the show. I was only half way through my pint when we were told to go upstairs to get changed and have our make-up done! Argh!
Downed...
I finished my drink and make my way to the dressing room. The audience had started to arrive; this is when it dawned on me that my big moment was not far away.
Rob Howell was busy practicing his song. He was singing 'Magic Moments'.
He had performed it marvellously in rehearsal and had memorised the words, until John Acres suggested he try a new line which he remembered from school: "I'll never forget the smell of the sweat from under her armpits."
This meant that Rob had to really concentrate and admitted he nearly sang it on stage!
Time is ticking away...
It was half an hour until the Panto was due to start and it was the part some of us were dreading, and others were secretly looking forward to.
After all it is the only chance we get to wear it without being laughed at.
Pucker up for the lippy!
Yes, it was make-up time. Foundation and lipstick were put on without any problems, but then it was time for the eye make-up.
How do women possibly do this? It is like somebody shoving a pencil in your eye!
I think the make-up lady was quite surprised when I kept blinking and pulling away.
But she was quite delicate and actually found it quite amusing to see me squirm.
Stagecall...
A voice on the tannoy said that we were on in fifteen minutes.
 | The Radio Stoke band... or is some glam-metal troupe? |
The Radio Stoke Band started to warm up the crowd. I decided to have a look at what was going on. There was a hole in the curtain.
The theatre was packed with around five hundred and sixty expectant people, all eyes fixed on the stage.
The narrator, Nick Wilmot, opened the show with those immortal words: "Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls..."
We were underway...
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