Chick Young's World of Football

By Chick Young BBC Scotland football correspondent

Fir Park is going on gardening leave. Now there's an irony, given they can't even grow grass.

The paddy field conditions of Motherwell's pitch have surprisingly failed to yield rice, but plenty moans of ire and anger from home and visiting fans who are half-expecting to see teams emerge from the dressing rooms in scuba gear.

The preposterous decision to leave the postponement of the Celtic match until late breakfast time Saturday for a lunchtime kick-off should not have surprised anyone.

But it was no less disgraceful for all that.

A number of games at Fir Park have been postponed this season

But at least John Boyle did the decent thing and chose BBC Scotland's Sportsound to issue a grovelling apology to all concerned.

He then revealed that he was going to rip up the pitch forthwith, and cancel all fixtures there for the next month or so.

It was the scholarly and gentlemanly thing to do and of course he's a wee toff is John, but it sure fired the SPL into meltdown.

Gretna, as I understand it, need to play the game against Celtic on Sunday or the game is up.

It is truly the last throw of the dice for them. If the game is off, so are they.

And now there is no Fir Park for them on which to fight for their lives.

John Boyle continued his impersonation of a knight in shining armour.

Motherwell chairman John Boyle has apologised to fans over the pitch

"I'll make sure we find a ground for both clubs in which to play our games," he said.

That fair opened a can of worms. Where to go?

Peter Lawwell declared Celtic were happy to host the game at Parkhead, but then there are no flies on him.

Away fixtures played at home?

The Celtic chief executive is an awful man. Still, the good Lord loves a trier.

And to be fair he did add that his team would be happy to play at any SPL-approved ground.

That switch to Glasgow's east end won't happen.

And neither will Rangers agree to any suggestion that Motherwell could forsake not only home, but also neutral advantage to play Walter Smith's side at Ibrox and Celtic at Parkhead.

Crisis-hit Gretna entered administration last week

"We won't take an advantage from the disadvantaged, " said chief executive Martin Bain.

It's good to know that the game is full of perfect angels breathing good intentions.

But for all celestial goodness it is still one unholy mess.

As Gretna walk the road to Hell they are leaving in their wake confusion and no little anger within the SPL.

What is to become of us?

On the understanding that they even take an interest in the first place, the rest of Europe must be cackling up their collective sleeve.

This little old league is struggling to finish the season with the requisite number of clubs and playing surfaces.

And actually we might not be able to keep to the fixture masterplan.

There is a real possibility that the league season might stretch beyond the cup final thanks to Fir Park where the "match postponed" sign has had more exposure than that of Rangers' remarkable progress in the UEFA Cup.

MY SPORT: DEBATE What do you think of the pitch probems at Fir Park?

Walter Smith's side defended so deep against Werder Bremen they could have been underwater at Fir Park, but have so much luck and sheer will not to lose that they might be capable of winning one of the leagues under the sea.

And superstition of course.

Chris Burke has been told not to get his haircut until they are knocked out of Europe.

You might be forgiven if you think you have seen Vera Duckworth perform on the wing at Ibrox before the season is out.

But Rangers' progress is a rare shaft of light in the darkness of this early spring.

Maybe someone will pitch up with better news on the horticultural front before or after Gretna get turfed out.

On this week's Chick Young's World of Football on Thursday's Sportsound, Chick talk's to Elvir Islamovic about next week's Hampden friendly between Scotland and Croatia.

Then he's off to Holland to catch on all the goings on in the land of dykes and windmills.

We also have an interview with Inverness Caledonian Thistle's Romanian striker Marius Niculae, Tim Vickery brings us to speed on all things South American.

Finally we find out about the Ayr Tartan Army's attempts to get Ally MacLeod into the Scottish Football Hall of Fame and Tony Cascarino reveals how he could have played for Scotland.