I have to confess I am very disappointed to only be on the bench for Tuesday's match against Australia 'A'.

After playing last week against the Queensland President's XV I was hoping to get some momentum going with a full game at Gosford.

Instead, I've found myself on the bench again, just as I was last Saturday. That means you are not as involved in training as the others and you have no idea when you might get on the field.

As a meaningful contest the game was long over and I found both sets of players were going through the motions. The match had died.

It's very disheartening when all I want to do is push myself forward, make an impression, and try and be part of that Test side.

Coming out here I knew I was capable of playing in more than one position, but I don't really know whether or not I'm being considered as anything more than a No.6.

There has not really been much communication as to who is being considered for each position.

The back row is hugely competitive with guys like Lawrence Dallaglio coming back from injury. All I can do is keep my head down and keep training hard.

Parties

It is hard to describe how competitive things are within the squad.

I don't mean that players are trying to knock each other out in training, or trying to hammer other players' niggling injuries, but everyone wants to leave Graham Henry with a real headache over every position.

I came to Australia with a real desire to make the Test team. I'm 28 and it may well be my final chance.

So I really wanted to get on the pitch last Saturday. By the time I got on the film was over and they were playing the end credits.