By Caroline Cheese

Patrick Harrington has got some novel uses for the Claret Jug

"He's well past ladybirds. He's into snails now and other stuff like that. I'm sure we will see even more gruesome insects going in there this year."
Padraig Harrington's Open win means his son Patrick can start planning what to keep in the Claret Jug.

"My sister sent me a text on Thursday to ask 'are you at that Open thingy yet?'"
Leading amateur Chris Wood after finishing fifth at the Open thingy.

"If this is the summer, I couldn't live here."
American Boo Weekley enjoys a typical British summer's day at Royal Birkdale.

"It just wasn't worth continuing; it was cold, my hands were hurting a bit from a few real skanky shots."
A cold and wet Sandy Lyle explains why he quit the Open after 10 holes. He was 11 over par.

"It's pretty hot in Arkansas right now and I can take my shirt off out there and no-one takes pictures, so it's perfect."
Which begs the question... Where do people take pictures of 'larger-than-life' John Daly's physique?

"Younes wouldn't join Sunderland even if there was an earthquake."
Younes Kaboul's agent Rudy Raba on rumours linking the Spurs defender with Sunderland. The Richter scale remains unmoved on Wearside despite fresh reports that the deal is poised to go through.

"Great players are always hounded by great clubs. It's normal. I've always been hounded."
'Slave' Cristiano Ronaldo makes some more friends.

"If they are slaves, what the hell are the rest of us?"
Wigan boss Steve Bruce asks the unanswerable in response to Fifa president Sepp Blatter's assertion that footballers are modern-day slaves.

"According to Fifa statistics, Amr Zaki is rated number one in the world."
Bruce on his new signing, who has scored 27 goals in 48 games for Egypt.

"Very sorry we made it a little more difficult for you. We just wanted to give you the opportunity of driving a great racing car. Well done."
Sheepish McLaren boss Ron Dennis apologises to Lewis Hamilton for a tactical error at the German Grand Prix.

"That's OK Ron I forgive you in some ways."
Victory makes it easy for Hamilton to forgive.

"It was the first time I have ever been booed walking on to a cricket field. So it was quite motivating and I am very satisfied to have a hundred under my belt."
England fans learn booing South Africa batsman AB de Villiers is not a good idea.

"It does look a confused selection. I felt sorry for him, because he'd obviously not been in the set-up, around the environment - and didn't know anyone. That makes it very, very difficult for him to play."
England captain Michael Vaughan on the selection of Darren Pattinson.

"Vaughany just felt we needed a bowler to give us a full length, because the pitch looked as if it was going to be slow."
England head coach Peter Moores appears to shift the blame for Pattinson's selection back on to Vaughan.

"I like king prawns with a bit of garlic and I don't mind lobster. But 'Vaughan the Prawn'? What's all that about? Who writes these headlines?"
England skipper Vaughan's reaction to The Sun's headline referring to his batting woes... as reported by The Sun.

"Hundreds of our fans turned up this morning and I'm really, really glad it went the right way. I wouldn't have wanted to be here otherwise!"
Salford City Reds chief executive David Tarry is a relieved man after his club are accepted into Super League.

"Brad Friedels don't grow on trees."
Blackburn chairman John Williams shows he paid attention in science class.
(Matt, Welling)

Brad Friedels: They do not grow on trees

"I like steak and kidney pie but I wouldn't want it every day of the week. If your wife made you it on Monday, great. Again the next day, fine. But you'd be fit to throw it at her by the end of the week."
Geoff Boycott on the "overkill" of 20/20.
(Pete, England)

"The track will be as slippery as a Rolex salesman in a garage sale."
BBC Sport commentator Charlie Cox, during the German MotoGP.
(Jon, England)

"Rarer than rocking horse droppings."
Sky Sports commentator David Lloyd when a wicket fell on the last day of the first Test between England and South Africa.
(Phil, Belgium)

"I probably tried hitting it too hard - instead of easing it for four I tried to hit it for eight."
Freddie Flintoff tries to exploit a special rule allowing eights to be hit, but gets himself out in doing so.
(Stephen F, UK)

"The ground isn't as cold as it was. This could be because it's warmer."
Sky Sports' Ian Botham testing the wicket conditions before England v South Africa.
(Finn Ryan, England)

''One week it's the heat, the next it's the snow. 'I better call upstairs and tell him to turn the heat down a little bit. Turn the wind off because the breeze is coming off the lake. I can't do that."
Toronto FC coach John Carver after a reporter dared to suggest that his offense was sluggish due to the weather during their 0-0 draw with San Jose Earthquakes.
(Dan, United States)

"Poulter punches the air and screams like a man who has just rolled over to discover he spent the night with Jessica Alba."
BBC Sport's Mark Orlovac at Royal Birkdale.
(Alex, Hong Kong)
(In the interests of transparency, BBC Sport would like to point out that Mark Orlovac has never spent the night with Jessica Alba - Ed)

"Macclesfield are taking off a few lads and replacing them with some different lads."
Coleraine's announcer loses track of the substitutions during a friendly
(Ian, England)

"Substitution for Southampton. Coming on, number 26.... or maybe number 25... not sure."
Things are no clearer at Salisbury
(Paddy, Wilts)