"You know you can't complain, you know. To play for your country, like I've always said, you know, it's the best thing in the world, you know. When a new manager comes in you know, everyone starts on, you know, the same level, you know. I've just gotta keep working hard, you know."
Jermain 'You Know' Defoe enjoys his two goals for England in Trinidad.

"I'm not coming with my Superman outfit, trying to change the world."
Great Britain forward Garreth Carvell reveals he's just an ordinary guy ahead of his return for Hull after injury.

"Calderon makes that great statement, 'Slavery was abolished many years ago'. Did they tell Franco that? Give me a break."
Sir Alex Ferguson gets political after Real Madrid president Ramon Calderon suggests Cristiano Ronaldo is being kept at Manchester United against his will. During his 40-year dictatorship, General Franco favoured Real over rivals Barcelona.

"Cristiano Ronaldo will never be Spanish! They already did the same with Christopher Columbus, and it now seems they want to naturalise Cristiano Ronaldo."
Fergie's Portuguese No 2 Carlos Queiroz gives his own, bizarre, history lesson.

"When it was training nights, Robbie was getting picked up by Kenny Dalglish in his Mercedes, I was being told 'that's what time it starts, you can get the bus'."
Bristol City's Dele Adebola fondly recalls his days in the Liverpool schoolboys team with Robbie Fowler.

Might need a bit more work, Boydy

"It was brilliant - he looked like Freddie Mercury."
Rangers midfielder Lee McCulloch on Kris Boyd's new moustache.

"Maybe in the philosophy of a loser, this was a great season."
Jose Mourinho rubs salt into the wounds of his Chelsea successor Avram Grant.

"I know John Lampard very well from when he played with Chelsea."
Fabio Capello adds a new name to his squad ahead of the England-USA friendly.

"Because I was small, dad used to make me hang off the banisters for five minutes to stretch me. That was before I could have any dinner."
Bristol City's 5ft 6ins midfielder Lee Johnson on the lengths father and manager, Gary, went to make him a professional footballer.

"At the moment you have one fat guy fighting an even fatter guy for the world title. It's a disgrace."
David Haye's bid for heavyweight glory is very much in its salad days.

"Very flattering, the more fans you've got the better."
Andy Murray is delighted after topping a survey among gay men over which tennis player they would most like to go on a date with.

"David is still awesome - he could play until he's 50!"
Man City and England keeper Joe Hart knows he might have a long wait to wrestle the gloves from David James.

Dixon, you're fired!

"That was OK, but can we go back to The Apprentice now?"
Lee Dixon at half time in the England-USA game. (Rich, England).

"The fixture is good for David. He is very fit."
Fabio Capello reveals he is a big fan of David Beckham ahead of the same game. (Bhav Trivedi, UK).

"He's a referee and a dentist - he brings pain everywhere he goes!"
Andrew Cotter on fellow-countryman Neil Paterson in the Edinburgh Rugby Sevens tournament. (Stephen F, UK).

"If Schweinsteiger needed his left foot to open a can of beans, he'd be starving!"
GolTV commentator during Germany-Serbia friendly. (Kailyn LeAnne, Kentucky, USA).

"The dressing room is full of ecstacy."
Lawrence Dallaglio after Wasps' Premiership triumph. Wonder if the players partied through the night? (Sam S-B, England).

"The Auckland Stars take on the Otago Nuggets in the biggest mis-match since a three-legged blind corgi barked at a rottweiler."
Sports writer Adrian Seconi in the Otago Daily Times, with the Nuggets basketball team struggling. (Osei Owusu, New Zealand).

"I've never been one for stats and milestones, I just try to do the best for my team. I'm the third fastest person in the history of the game to get 10,000."
Ricky Ponting shows remarkable knowledge for someone who is is not one for stats and milestones. (Tony Neville, England).

"Koller and Caldwell are dancing the polka in the six-yard box."
BBC Scotland commentator Paul Mitchell during the Scotland-Czech Republic friendly on 30 May. (Calum Macco, Dundee).

"Well that was much Adu about nothing, really!"
Mark Lawrenson during England-USA after Freddie Adu messed up a free-kick. (Barney, England).

"57 - all in fours."
Phil Tufnell after being asked what his highest first-class score was. (Jack Dennison, England).

Norman Collier - legend (ask your dad)

"Norman Collier would have been happy with that sound system."
Lawro pays homage to the legendary comedian as the microphone plays up at Wembley. (Beryl, Wales).

"The Lions are defending like tigers."
Commentator on Sky Sports during the final round of the super-14 game after the Stormers had been camped in the Lions' 22. (John, UK).

Mark Nicholas: "Geoffrey, would you be upset if they gave you out LBW there?"
Geoff Boycott: "Yeah, but I wouldn't have missed it." (Jer, England).

"I'm Spain until July, I'm Spain until July, I know I am, I'm sure I am, I'm Spain until July!"
Heard this in the pub during England v USA. (Daniel Delahay, England).

"Onions will not be rushed - Cook."
Headline from BBC Sport website...or is it from the cookery page? (Phil, Switzerland).