It's not the first time Freddie's had a tipple

"It just goes to show that cricketers can be as stupid as footballers."
Former England manager Graham Taylor on Andrew Flintoff's drunken antics.

"I'm laughing, I think it's quite amusing. I think it's a total over-reaction. Some guys go to bed at 1030 tired and frustrated, other guys go and have a drink. The big mistake is getting caught."
Ian Botham leaps to the defence of Flintoff.

"No one really knows if they were really drunk. Freddie probably was, lurching about in a brightly coloured plastic float that goes at about 1mph full steam. I wonder if he had his dark glasses on? A pedalo of all things is made for drunken slapstick. I know it was very unprofessional of him and I can see why the fans are so peed off, but if you are going to eff up, you might as well do it in grand style."
'Old Regret' on the 606 website.

"Can we all be grateful that Freddie didn't find a jetski."
Another 606 user has the final word on Freddie.

"I said to Paul when we walked off: 'It had to be you, of all people'."
England number two Ben Foster after England number one Paul Robinson scored a 95-yard goal against him in the Spurs-Watford match.

"I think I might have to mention it once or twice when the England squad gets together."
Robinson responds.

"Unfortunately I don't have a scoring bonus written into my contract!"
But its not all joy for the Tottenham keeper.

I'm a sort, I'm a geezer

At Chelsea, everyone's 'geezer'. "All right, geezer?", "Morning, geezer". Some of the foreign boys come in like Sheva, who can hardly speak a word of English, and within a couple of weeks, all he can say is "Alright, geezer"!
Chelsea's Frank Lampard tells this week's Nuts magazine about the geezer culture at Stamford Bridge.

"It won't happen again!"
Stuart Pearce on arriving late for Man City's press conference with Chelsea - fearing it might be his last.

"I may be able to put a good book tape on in the car on the way home and I will have a smile on my face."
Pearce celebrates City's 2-0 win at Middlesbrough in style. A few more win bonuses and he might even be able to afford a cd player for his car.

"It was very difficult to get in touch with the French national team after the World Cup. You know the French!"
Arsene Wenger on the difficulties of trying to chat with France about 'over-using' Thierry Henry. The Arsenal manager blames Les Bleus for ending Henry's season early.

"My brother and I are always playing F1 on the PlayStation and now I am going to be in one of those cars on the games!"
Lewis Hamilton gets the best possible training for his Formula 1 debut on Sunday. And it clearly paid off.

"If we are going to go Americanised we are going to have all these girls waving things every time there is a goal. You ask them to run up and down in Sheffield with very little clothing on - it would be hard work for them."
Blades boss Neil Warnock is not a fan of ideas to 'jazz up' football.

"They call me Ninja Turtle because I have a really muscular back - and they reckon it looks like a shell!"
QPR striker Marc Nygaard after his spectacular goal against Leicester.

Are you Nygaard in disguise?

"I wouldn't want the timekeeper to boil me an egg!"
Wigan coach Brian Noble after learning there were four minutes of injury time in the Super League clash with Harlequins.

"I would walk back from the United States to play for England again."
Former England captain David Beckham on his passion to play for his country again.

"We knew it would be tough and at 2-0 down I might have given my right arm to get a draw, I'm glad I didn't as I wouldn't have been able to clap the fans at the end."
Shrewsbury Town manager Gary Paters reflecting on the draw at Macclesfield. (Rich Dormer, London).

"I don't walk past him (John Wardle) every day and ask him if I've got his full support. The other night he bought me a sandwich at the reserve game and that's a real show of affection from our chairman."
Stuart Pearce remains upbeat about the pressure regarding his job. (Paul Gorrie, Spain).

"Rodriguez is on his backside again, trying to get it away from Keane."
David Pleat commentating on the Tottenham v Braga match. (Ben Ling, Norwich).

"They were more than on time. They were so early they brought the milk in!"
Sunderland manager Roy Keane on being asked whether Anthony Stokes, Tobias Hysen and Marton Fulop had arrived promptly for training the day after being left out of the team for being late. (Ken Daglish, England).

Woof woof!

"That was an Andrex shot, soft, strong and very, very long."
The ever-entertaining words of Ben Dirs on the West Indies v Pakistan TMS updates. (Ian Mc, Cumbria).

"He's like a terrier, Scholes, he won't let go - even the postman would be afraid of him."
Ageless Irish commentator Jimmy Magee during RTE's coverage of the Man U vs Europe XI game. (John, Ireland).

"On paper you'd say we are a decent side. unfortunately, we don't play on paper, we play on grass."
Scotland cricket Dougie Brown on how his side could cause an upset in the CWC. (Hal Roberts, New Zealand).

"He could open a baked beans tin with that left foot."
Ray Wilkins on Guti after he had set up Real Madrid's third goal in the 3-3 draw with Barcelona. (Tom Hilton, England).

"I can swear that it didn't happen. It's the same if you told my wife I'm gay. You'd have a big laugh."
Tottenham Boss Martin Jol on reports that the board ordered him to play star striker Dimitar Berbatov. (Gary W, S.Yorkshire).

"He'll walk into the England training camp feeling six feet tall."
Jamie Redknapp believes Andy Johnson will feel a whole five inches taller after that goal against Arsenal. (Graeme Claridge, England).

"Everyone seems to be jumping around like p****d-up students to House of Pain's "Jump Around' as they leap for dropping balls in the swirling wind. Nobody makes contact with the ball."
Charlie Henderson from your very own live text for the Arsenal Everton game. (Kane, UK).

"That's a delicate sweet shop."
Radio Five Live commentator gets his words in a twist, having meant to describe Ed Joyce's delicate "sweep shot". (Nikki Strode, England).

Stubbsy - top bloke, terrible singer

"That's a song even Ray Stubbs couldn't ruin!"
Gary Lineker on Charlton's new midfielder, Alex Song. (Jer, England).

Jonathan Pearce: "There's Abel Xavier sitting in the background behind Gareth Southgate."
Mark Lawrenson: "I thought it was King Neptune."
During the Middlesbrough-Man Utd FA Cup tie last Saturday. (Aaron Pan, London).

"I hear the AZ Alkmaar keeper is a possible Dutch cap, but I thought they were meant to stop things!"
Joe Royle commentating on Newcastle's four-goal first half display in the Uefa Cup first leg. (David Jaggs, UK).

"He has taken to first team football like a duck to water."
Commentator talking about Plymouth's 17-year-old Dan Gosling. (Helen Burnett, England).

"Gerkin has got himself in a pickle."
Coventry and Warwickshire reporter Adam Dent talking about Colchester goalkeeper Dean Gerkin. (Lee Bunting, England).

"Saints did not just shoot themselves in the foot, they reloaded and fired again."
The title on the Southampton official website after they lost 2-1 to Colchester. (Sam, UK).

"Stick your pasties up your a***"
Watford fans to Plymouth. (Kristian Melson, England).

"You dirty northern b******s!"
Plymouth fans whenever a Watford player committed a foul. (Beverley Diamond, England).

"One ball! You've only got one ball!"
Chant from Morton supporters after they refused to give back four of the five balls being used by the Stirling subs at half-time. (John Montgomery, Scotland).

"You'll support Man U next year!"
Spurs fans singing to their 'fickle' Chelsea counterparts. (Joe Duane, England).

Jamie who?

"There's only one Jamie Oliver!"
Cardiff fans to Delia Smith's Norwich. (Haydn, South Wales).

"Kenny Deuchar, Whoaoah, Kenny Deucahr, Whoaoah. He signed from Gretna Green, He is a goal machine."
New chant at Northampton Town. (Stewart Dee, UK).

"It's free, and you're stood outside!"
Torquay fans to a bunch of Accrington Stanley fans who were stood outside the ground watching the match when it was free entry. (Ben Brace, England).

"Are you Wombles in disguise?"
Peterborough fans as Posh beat MK Dons (formerly known as Wimbledon) 4-0. (Paul, UK).

"Back to school on Monday, back to school on Monday, na na na na."
Wigan fans' retort to a bunch of young Fulham fans singing at them. (John, Wigan).

"Stick your bow and arrow up your a***!"
Gillingham fans tell Forest what they think about their famous archer. (Steven Bryant, England).

Barnet-Stockport banter as the Bees ended Stockport's unbeaten run:
Barnet: "You can stick your record up your a***!"
Stockport: "We've got more fans than you."
Barnet: "We've got more goals than you."
Stockport: "We've got more points than you."
Barnet: "3-1, even Hatchy scored." (John, Barnet).