By Derek 'Robbo' Robson The Tees Mouth

Well, it's time to start getting really nervous now.

Rooney's clocked up a few pointless air miles (don't they have scanners in Germany?) and there's nowt more to be done except find your favourite bar-stool, order up a fine English ale, turn off your mobile phone and wait.

If you don't feel quite prepared for the footie jamboree, here's a quick checklist of things you should have prepared for.

Download our wallchart on right

1. Wallchart.
It's best to have more than one of these in the house. I'd go for four (lounge, bedroom, kitchen and bog). It's a good way of guaranteeing you'll stay on top of things.

You don't want to be caught out one night and find that the missus has sneaked The Bill on to the widescreen when you could be watching Togo v South Korea.

2. Mini-fridge
There's nothing worse than coming home from the pub to find there's no beer in the house. Buy a mini-fridge, keep it well-stocked and, if possible, well-hidden.

3. Welcome Wimbledon
Of course we'll have to put up with the all-too regular intrusions from that festival of strawberries and potty posh birds yelling: "C'mon Tim!"

While there are only so many mad twerps wearing tennis-ball earrings that a grown man can stand, a tense tennis match has a supernatural hold over most ladies.

Wimbledon fans - gotta love 'em

To the extent that I have, on several occasions, had a sit-down curry (starter and main), three big bottles of Cobra and an Irish coffee and still got home in time to see Henman lose the fourth set tie-break.

And the lass hasn't moved an inch.

I suggest that a couple of hours in the company of the local tavern and Senor Ronaldinho could pass similarly unnoticed.

4. Flags, Posters, Face Paint, England kit, etc.
While no-one minds a man getting patriotic, don't be too distracted by these affectations.

If you've got flags on your car you look, to my mind, like an attention-seeking schoolboy. The same goes for sticking tatty pull-outs from your average tabloid in your front window.

If you want to come across as a true English supporter there are other skills you need to hone: pessimism, collective groaning (especially when you discover the nationality of the referee) and the ability to try and recreate epic moments of football genius on a school playing field while suffering from too many lunchtime lagers.

Learn these and you're as English as fish and chips.

5. Robotic Dancing
If you've told someone a few months ago that Peter Crouch would be starting against Paraguay, they'd have had you certified. But you can't say the big man doesn't deserve to be thrust straight into the action.

Get on your dancing shoes

Just to stop him getting over-confident, he managed to execute the single worst penalty kick I have ever seen against Jamaica. It was like he was dinking it back to the kids in next door's garden.

I've seen robots with more flair. In fact I've seen robots with more dancing ability. Still, I can live with it if it means England are marching towards the final.

Sven's threatened to join him if we win. Hellfire, you can see the new No 1 hit single even as we speak. Sven and Pete with 'Do the Crouchy'. So let's dig out those old Shalamar records and get body-popping.

6. Get Your Excuses In Early
Let's face it, you're not going to get through four or five weeks without pulling a sickie so I recommend letting your bosses and work-mates get a clear idea of just how frail you are physically.

Stray comments like 'I shouldn't have taken that kebab out of that bin last night', 'I can't believe I went to Central America without taking those malaria tablets' and 'my relatives have been falling like ninepins - it's funerals galore this month!' should be useful in negotiating your way into a boozer for an interesting afternoon fixture.

If you take this advice I guarantee a trouble-free and enjoyable Germany 2006!