OK Tony - let's try the three-times table

Tony Adams may be a born-again philosopher, but when it comes to maths he's bottom of the class.

The Wycombe boss insisted his team still had a faint hope of avoiding relegation from Division Two - without realising they were already down.

After the Easter Monday defeat by Tranmere, Adams said: "It's not mathematically over, so we'll keep going."

The former Arsenal skipper was working on the theory that Wanderers could still get 46 points if they won their remaining games - the same as Oldham and Brentford.

What he hadn't taken into account was both those sides have to play teams in the bottom four, meaning it was impossible for Wycombe to avoid the drop.

Still confused? OK, deep breath... for Oldham to remain on 46 points, they would have to lose all of their remaining matches - which would give Chesterfield (21st) at least 47 points.

Similarly, four defeats for Brentford would give Grimsby (22nd) at least 47.

Now you can't really blame Big Tone for not working that one out straight away. Even Carol Vorderman might have struggled.

Slow coaches

Wycombe supporters take heart - there is one team who would gladly swap places with you.

For while your club are heading for Division Three, at least they're not the Coach and Horses from Wallsend in Tyneside.

Coach and Horses: Shearer they ain't

The pub team have been branded Britain's worst side after conceding 113 goals and finishing bottom of their league with minus three points.

"We lost three points when a rival team reported us to the league because they said we'd quit the division," groaned player-manager Steven Bradley.

"Mind you, we're lucky if we even manage to put out a full team."

Up the road, the famous Wallsend Boys team has produced talents like Alan Shearer and Peter Beardsley.

Sadly the Coach and Horses boys play more like Alan Partridge and Peter Purves.

Still, you can't help thinking the fantastically-named High Level Brown Ale North East Sunday League would be a worse place without them.