So you've arrived in Paris for the World Athletics Championships.
You may be there for just one night or looking to stay a little longer and take in some of the sights and sounds of Europe's most popular capital city.
Although you're hoping that the little French learnt at school will be enough to see you through, you could still come unstuck.
So just in case you run into a spot of bother, here are some useful tips and choice phrases to make that sporting holiday all the more enjoyable.
The French
It's well documented that there's some friction between the English and French.
 Warning! Avoid stereotypes |
Usually it centres around the notion that the French are rude and arrogant, whereas the French think the English are...well...rude and arrogant.
In order to make sure your interactions with our Gallic friends don't result with you being drop-kicked into the Seine, here is a short guide to some things to say and certainly avoid saying.
Don't mention the war. No, not the First or Second World Wars but the recent one in Iraq. The government and public were very much against any action, which left relations between the country and the Americans and British at a very low point. Do try and philosophise. Sitting at a cafe and talking about life, love and the arts may win you brownie points. However if you can only stretch to having a natter about the 'lively' films on Canal+ and the bargains on offer at French Connection, it's probably best to avoid talking to anybody. Don't stereotype. Although you may think that you're being polite and inquisitive, starting a conversation with "So being French you must know where the nearest garlic vendor is?" would go down like a sack of pommes de terre. Do air kiss. It's very luvvie, but the two air kisses on both cheeks is also very French.
At the Stade de France
If you find yourself talking to a French person while queuing for a cup of choc au lait, then try some of these phrases.
 Don't take the mickey out of Euro Disney |
J'ai toujours cru qu'Eunice Barber etait plus forte que Denise Lewis.
I've always rated Eunice Barber above Denise Lewis.
Vous athletes ont beaucoup de finesse.
Your runners display so much finesse.
J'ai echange ma Mitsubishi Shogun pour une Citroen Xsara Picasso.
I got rid of my Mitubishi Shogun and opted for a Citroen Xsara Picasso.
J'ai visite Euro Disney et il faut avouer que le Mickey francais a un certain je ne sais quoi
I visited Euro Disney and I found the French Mickey seems to have a certain je ne sais quoi.
Ou sont les chiottes?
Where are the toilets?
Food and socialising
 Not big or pukka |
Are you looking to mix business with pleasure? Well, if you are, then it's a good idea to follow these snippets of advice.
Have you arranged a meal with your business associate? Expect to pay for it. When eating with your guest(s) keep both hands on the table at all times. Although this may hinder you from eating properly and make you look stupid, it is deemed polite. Cheese is served at the end of meals. Try not to ask if they have trifle as an alternative. If you are just planning to go out on a social soiree then remember to:
Dress well. The French make an effort when they go out. Wearing ripped jeans and an ironic Slayer t-shirt may be frowned upon. Think before you buy. A gift would be a lovely gesture. Buy an item which best represents your country. Something intellectually stimulating like a popular British book, for example a work by Charles Dickens, would be a good idea. Try not to plump for a Jamie Oliver-style cook book, which although shows that British cuisine is far from bland, would not be a great gift for your French friend. Think granny and sucking eggs.
MMIX
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