By Chris Charles BBC Sport Online

It's the biggest steal since George Reynolds was in the safe-cracking game.

Reynolds, now chairman of Third Division Darlington, is set to complete the signing of Faustino Asprilla this week.

But how will the back-flipping, Colombian superstar get on in an industrial North-Eastern town, where cartwheels actually still belong on carts?

Steve Jones, Head of Communications at Darlington Borough Council, is keen to put the record straight.

No, this is a cartwheel

He told BBC Sport Online: "I'm sure people in the South have got the impression that Darlington is full of flat caps, whippets and smoke.

"Nothing could be further from the truth. The scenery around here is spectacular, with the Durham Dales one way and the Yorkshire Dales the other."

The council's website takes it one step further, proclaiming Darlington as: "The town where Quality comes to Life".

Coffee

As for restaurants, the site enthuses: "Everyone loves to eat out, which is why Darlington is such a natural choice."

It goes on to list a plethora of eating houses, from Indian to Italian, Tapas to Thai - just about everything, in fact, apart from South American.

"We've got a Caribbean restaurant called Ochis," a lady at the tourist board offered helpfully.

Oh well, that'll have to do. And if the lad's missing Colombia's most famous export (OK, second most famous export), there's always Costa Coffee in the Darlington Store.

Guaranteed to cure those homesick blues

Tino's main passion is, bizarrely, equestrian - a piece of useless information volunteered by a Sport Online reporter who visited the striker's house during his Newcastle days.

Fear not, dear boy - the Darlington and District Riding Club would surely be only too pleased to accept you into the fold.

Note to readers: First picture of Asprilla with riding hat and crop wins a night out at Darlo's legendary Mardi Gras nightspot.

Other leisure facilities include the Dolphin Leisure Centre (which offers "so much more") and the Eastbourne Sports Complex.

(Presumably you'll find the Darlington Sports Complex in Eastbourne.)

Then you've got the Arts Centre, where forthcoming attractions include Gerry Richardson's Big Idea and the magnificently-named Tommy Emmanuel - a spot on Phoenix Nights surely beckons.

Mucky

To top it all off, Darlington is a town steeped in history - or horse mess - depending on your point of view.

A visit by King James of Scotland in 1603, inspired him to write the following verse:

Single to London, please

'Darnton has a bonny, bonny church, With a broach upon the steeple, But Darnton is a mucky, mucky town, And mair sham on the people'.

Still, as the old saying goes, where there's muck there's brass and in 1825 George Stephenson guaranteed his place in town folklore when he opened the Darlington-Stockton railway line.

But for all the memorabilia and museums in Darlington, there's one piece of local rail knowledge Asprilla should not be without...

The times of the trains to get him out of there. Just in case.