Please don't shout at me, Mrs Eriksson!

All of these footballers and football managers are just little boys at heart who've never graduated out of the playground to get a real job.

I think more of their mums should get involved to put them in their places.

Ee, ai, that's a Yorkshire woman speaking all right.

The thing about mums getting involved is...it's the worst thing that can happen.

Even as an eight-year-old kid, when your mum says "I might come down and watch you play football", you're like: "Oh don't."

What happened with me when I was a kid was that my dad would come down to watch me and he'd start getting involved.

He'd stand with one leg slightly over the touchline, just in case the right winger got a break on.

My mum was supposed to come down to calm him down, but who comes on the pitch and smacks the referee? It's not me dad.

The trouble was she didn't know what she was talking about. By the end she was having a go at everybody.

"This grass is too long," she'd be saying to the lawnmower man - it was just too embarrassing.

There's nothing worse than an interfering mother

Then you'd come off at half-time and she'd be saying: "Look at the state of your legs, you're covered in mud."

And I'd say: "But mum, I'm a midfield battler!" It was terrible.

I take your point, Christine - in a way. I'm sure the mums could get more involved, but I'm not sure the players want it.

And I speak as a Yorkshireman who still lives in fear of his mother's hand.

Did you read about Sven's mum, though? She reckoned Fergie wasn't allowing her son to do his job properly because he kept pulling players out of internationals.

But the thing is, Sven's probably said that to Fergie in a very diplomatic, Scandinavian kind of a way and he really wouldn't want his mum sticking her oar in.

I'll tell you another story about my mum. I got into a scrap in this boozer and once we'd been separated, we shook hands and went home.

Next morning I woke up with a shiner, me mum finds out about it and she's straight down the school smacking this lad's head in.

I told her we'd sorted it out, but she wasn't having any of it.

Stay out of it, mum!

So you don't want your mum getting involved because they tend to perpetuate things rather than let them lie.

Christine, basically what I'm saying is that I'm not sure I'd want you to be my mum. Not in a sporting context - I'm sure you're very good in other ways.

I'm sure she is. Anyway, moving on now to Keith C in Canada.

He says: From what I saw, during the few World Cup matches I bothered with, I'd say soccer is now a non-contact sport, so how can any 'dive' be justified?

If these nancy boys were playing against the All Blacks rugby team then they would have a reason to be on the ground.

I expect many of these so-called stars would faint at the sight of some real men in full cry. Soccer players are a bunch of overpaid, cry-baby pansies.

Well done, Keith. You've watched the game, you've seen what happens and you've got it spot on.

I don't like to agree with someone that lives in Canada - all that wind and snow and no place to go - but he's right.

Even if they're not overpaid, cry-baby pansies, you can guarantee that some pillock from the Royal Shakespeare Society is in the clubs as we speak, teaching them how to be like it so they can milk the free kicks and all that stuff.

When a tough little terrier of a lad like Ashley Cole starts slinging himself around, you really have had it.

Get up, you big jessie!

You might just as well call it a game of artistry, where people throw themselves around in the best possible way and get judged like in ice skating or summat.

I agree with you, Keith C!

Yeah, I don't like the use of the word 'soccer' though - but that's probably just me being old fashioned.

No, I don't. I dunno where that came from. Apart from anything else, I don't know why it's 'cc' in the middle and not 'ck'.

It's probably just a Yank word to distinguish it from what they call football - a game in which the ball is almost invariably not kicked for most of the time.

But at least I've got something to moan about the North Americans for! What a relief, thanks for that.

Next up is Danny from the UK , who disagrees with a point you made last week.

He says: Surely cricketers can last five days now just as well as they could in the past?

The difference now is that they play seven home tests instead of five,11 one-day internationals and go on ridiculously long winter tours - all designed to take care of the ICC's bank balance.

Well, yes and no. If you were a professional cricketer in the old days, you wouldn't get two weeks off in between Test matches.

200 overs a day - and he still found time for his pipe

You'd go back to your counties and in the case of Fred Trueman, you'd bowl 200 overs in the day and score a double hundred before lunch.

They'd be playing cricket continuously and that's why they ate and drank so much - they needed some solace at the end of the day.

But these lads today are all supposed to be top, fit specimens.

They've got all the coaches and psychological coaches and yet they break down more than London buses. It's ridiculous.

I think they ought to drink more to warm down.

Well, this is it. Maybe they're too fit - their hamstrings are so highly strung it just takes one tweak and they're gone.

Exactly, although I don't why they're playing Flintoff when he's got a hernia problem.

Because we've got no-one else.

Ah yes, that's it - that old chestnut. I keep forgetting there's not too many good players around.

More fat, less fit - that's what we need.

Yeah - it suits most of us down to the ground.

I'll concur with that, Robbo. Last point now, from Davy. He says: You can talk about Sunderland hardly ever scoring - but what about Boro?!

First game of the season, zero goals - and I suspect it won't be the last time we see that figure against your name.

Bloody Geordies!

Unlike the mighty Toon, who are once again proving there's only one team in the North East.

When that question started I thought it was from some moaning Sunderland fan, but I might have known it'd be a bloody Geordie!

They just cannot resist it - keep out!

You know why it's called Newcastle? Because there was a castle there and city walls and all that.

Why did they have to get knocked down? They could have just had a big siege and thrown boiling oil over them - then we wouldn't have to bother with them now!

They sit around crowing, just cos they're top of the league at the moment. Well you won't win owt!

And we'll get more goals than Sunderland by the end of the season, I can guarantee that.

There's that old joke that Sunderland went on a discovery tour the other day, the opposition's penalty box!

You know the sort of jokes...I've got a dog that does somersaults every time Middlesbrough score. Oh really, what does it do when Sunderland score?

I don't know, I've only had it three years!

That's a brilliant joke, I'll be dining out on that one!

But it's true, Sunderland are the most tedious team and the Scouse chimp'll be on his way soon. I can't see Reidy lasting another three weeks, frankly.

He's done very well over the years, but they've had enough of him.

OK Robbo, well thanks for that - and have a good weekend.

I will, you too, son.

See you then.

Ta-ta, son.