Wolves in sheep's clothing

Roy Keane's suggestion that there are wolves and sheep in the Irish squad is a strange one - clearly if he's a wolf then he'd have been checked for rabies before being let back in the country.

And if the rest of them are sheep, then Mad Dog would have had no trouble rounding them all up.

I'm sure we all feel sorry for Reverend McCarthy and his flock, who have never heard such language before!

Mind, we might all start believing Keano if Mick, the poor lamb, keeps bleating to the press, instead of concentrating on inflating the sheep's confidence.

Back in the side-door

Neil Back's cheeky nudging of the ball out of the Munster scrum-half's hands has been widely accepted as 'canny professionalism'.

Getting rich quick

Oh it's so exciting watching millionaires drive for millionaires, past millionaires' houses!

Why don't they drive through the streets of Teesside, Tyneside and Merseyside?

Cos if they checked into the pits, their tyres'd be changed for bricks inside 6.8 seconds! And quite right, too!

Well done, DC, for winning in your home town! Now come back to Britain and let us open a hospital with some of your tax.

Simon who?

So Duncan Fletcher watches some young pup get clobbered for 20 minutes and then puts him in the second Test squad.

Tell you what, Dunc, I'm turning me arm over for the Blue Bell come Sunday - I usually go for seven an over an' all. I lack pace, but I make up for it with sheer guile.

Don't despair