Gascoigne: The likeness to Gerrard is uncanny

In other words, if he is like you, Gazza, people are already trying to change him, thank the Lord!

Kenyan Cruise

I've often wondered what it is that makes the Kenyans so good at running a long way. It could be the warm weather, of course.

I still feel angry when I think of the sleet and hailstones I was forced to do cross-country runs in at school. How can you light a tab in them conditions?

The great Henry Rono said that he used to run to and from school every day, so running was a normal part of life.

Perhaps if they had an event called Sprint to the School Bus, we'd have some world-beaters, too. But there is hope.

Public transport is so pathetic these days that running may soon be the only option. Result? Marathon glory in ten years' time.

Shearer once again proves he's the picture of innocence

I know Shearer's busy lining his nest at St James's Park and waiting for Bumbling Bobby to retire.

You can hear the great man's farewell speech now, can't you? - "After much deception between the Board and meself, we have by mutual contempt agreed that we should part company, I leave Newcastle United with a hearty heave - and I wish all the best for my suppressor who follows on from me.."

There's even a chance that Shearer's stock will have got a bit higher after he successfully baited Raging Roy into getting himself sent off.

It reminded me of a cat sitting on a fence-post that is just out of reach of a Jack Russell.

Watching Keane desperately trying not to bite is my Premiership highlight of the season. Canny lad, Alan.

Tranmere fan: 'Give us back our misery!'

Tranmere's attempt to butter up its fans by giving them their money back after a terrible performance is a nonsense.

Do football administrators not understand that suffering is a vital part of being a football supporter?

Depriving yourself and your family of the basics of life in pursuit of three points from a tricky away fixture in London is all part of the job.

Giving us our money back is an admission of guilt. But like a dirty love affair, we want our clubs to treat us bad and still tell us we're worth it.

We'd rather have a fluky 1-0 than an �18 refund.