Well, it was here a minute ago

The relay baton has been designed so you can pass it on to the next bloke, right?

It's not a soggy dog-turd or a fresh-caught herring so KEEP HOLD OF THE BLOODY THING! It's your job.

Risk Management, England Style

You're 3-0 down in a five-match series. It's not even a case of 'what have we got to lose?' We've already lost it.

So what do we do? Pick the same bloody shambles as before! Fulton and Montgomerie are scoring hatfuls but let's stick with Afzaal and dear old Ramps and wait till the winter.

This is turning into The Complete Lack Of Foresight Saga and I've had enough of it.

Has it stopped yet?

Letting the Rain Reign

How many more times will Tiger Tim have cause to curse the weather?

You can tell he's a posh lad from the sticks - he comes across as someone who still licks the bowl out when his Mum makes a cake - and if he was from my way he'd deck the other bloke for even thinking of going off for a bit of drizzle.

So come on lad! Buy a brolly and get stuck in - I don't want to have to check on Michael Fish before I have a punt on you.

Rids-diculous!

Peter Ridsdale's bought 11 fish to go in a tank in the home dressing room at Leeds United. One for each player.

It's to do with this Weng Sheng Fuey (quicker than the human eye - it were a good cartoon that).

My worry is how long it's going to take Alan Smith's fish to start biting chunks out of all the others.

IAAF Nonsense

'Drug-her-over' was very impressive in her 5000 metres victory. Thankfully, all the fuss about the EPO didn't stop it from working well enough to see her away and clear on the last lap.

But let's draw a veil over that particular cock-up and concentrate instead on the surprise defeat of Haile Gebreselassie.

I have been in love with this man for years in a mano a mano hands-off kind of way.

Haile disappointed

He runs like his shoes are full of air - mind you, they probably are if he's wearing them up to date trainers.

I was gutted that he got the bronze. Given what a grand lad he is, I suggest that we use his name as an adjective from now on. Eg - Waiter: Did you enjoy your meal? You: Aye, it was highly gebreselassie thank you.

That'd work a treat I reckon.