Friday's newspapers take gleeful pleasure in reporting the toils of the world's finest golfers in a wind-ravaged first round of the Open Championship But column inches are monopolised by a man whose hopes of a first Major triumph were blown away before he even stepped on to the course at Sandwich - Colin Montgomerie.
"Colin Montgomerie took his traditional role of Open fall-guy too literally as he crashed out of the 132nd championship on the first day," is how the Daily Mirror describes Monty's slip on his way to breakfast.
The Daily Mail is even less sympathetic, devoting three pages to the Scot's exit after seven holes due to an injured right hand.
The paper offers this verdict. "He will never win the Open and the man who knows that deep down is the one who walked out on the championship yesterday when the going got tough."
The Sun prefers the woes of Tiger Woods for its back page, tracking down the man who found the world number one's lost ball at the first hole.
 | THE HEADLINES The Daily Telegraph: Norman on course amid chaos at St George's The Times: Els and Woods blown off course The Sun: Spotcha (man finds Tiger's lost ball) The Guardian: Sandwich bites Tiger: Woods picks up Open wound Daily Mirror: Montgonerie Daily Express: Monty's rough and tumble Daily Star: Thumb you lose Monty Daily Mail: Curtain comes down on Monty pantomime The Independent: Otto sets pace as favourites lose their way |
Retired fireman Terry Bennett, an �8-a-day volunteer marshall, discovered the wayward ball too late to save Tiger from a triple-bogey seven.
But he declared: "It is one hell of a memento."
While Tiger's horror hole has the graphics men working overtime, several papers ask their readers to spare a thought for American Jerry Kelly, who had an 11 at the first.
"I haven't had a pint all week. I may now," Kelly tells The Independent.
Football's partial banishment from the back pages does not stop Chelsea continuing to be linked with more of the biggest names in European football.
But there is trouble afoot for some of "Chelski's" main rivals.
The Daily Star reports that Arsenal have no money to spend at all on new players and that Manchester United's move for Ronaldinho is on the verge of collapse.
The Mirror, meanwhile, unmasks the "mystery Venezuelan billionaire" seeking to take over Aston Villa as Gustavo Cisneros.
It claims Cisneros has even more money than Chelsea owner Roman Abramovich, goes fishing with former US President George Bush and always gets what he wants.
And finally, the sports pages crank up the pre-British Grand Prix hype by interviewing BAR driver Jenson Button.
With a Schumacher expected to triumph at Silverstone on Sunday, it is nice to see that Button at least salvaged some home pride by winning the first race of the weekend - a lawnmower challenge.
MMIX
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