RESULT
West Ham 0-0 West Brom

606: DEBATE Your thoughts on the action

By Caroline Cheese

2202: I'm off to ask the footballing gods one simple question: why? Medals all round for you lot for sticking with it. Bye for now.

2200: Home games against Bolton and Stoke coming up for West Brom. Crucial, crucial games for them, you would think.

2158: "Re 2003: so close yet so far. Looks like we are all going to be a little parched tonight."
Sean via text on 81111

2157: Table news... Seventh-placed West Ham are two points clear of Wigan. West Brom are six points from safety.

2155: "Can all 22 players get yellow cards for wasting the crowd's time?"
Anon via text on 81111

2153: Opportunity missed by West Brom if you ask me. West Ham cannot have played much worse this season, but still gain a point.

2152: FULL-TIME West Ham 0-0 West Brom

2151: This looks promising. Junior Stanislas picks up the ball in space on the left and sends an inswinging cross STRAIGHT OUT OF PLAY! I despair...

2149: Three minutes of added time remaining. To be honest, you could take off the keepers and we probably still wouldn't get a goal.

2147: With a couple of minutes remaining, James Morrison, who has faded in this half after a decent first period, comes off to be replaced by Felipe Teixeira.

2146: Junior Stanislas has been lively since coming on, his cross forcing West Brom to concede a corner. Nothing from it.

2144: "If I'm Diego Tristan and I'm not coming on in a game like this, I don't think I'm ever coming on this season."
Steve Claridge on BBC 5 Live

2141: Crikey, it's all (not really) happening. After a laughable volley by David di Michele, West Ham bring on Luis Boa Morte for Mark Noble. A moment later, Jonas Olsson gets a yellow card for dissent.

2139: All change up front for West Brom. Jay Simpson and Luke Moore come on, Chris Brunt and Marc-Antoine Fortune go off. Jonathan Greening will play on the left in a 4-4-2.

2137: This game is there for the taking for West Brom against an out-of-sorts West Ham. Has Tony Mowbray sensed that? Two subs preparing to come on.

2135: Sub Junior Stanislas swings over a lovely cross from the left, but David di Michele can only glance the header wide.

2134: "West Ham are completely shapeless. They have no options when they're in possession. No width, no balance... That's why the crowd are getting frustrated."
Steve Claridge on BBC 5 Live

2132: "I met Herita Ilunga after the Wigan-West Ham match the other week. He was a true gent and is definitely now my favourite Congolese left back. Allez Herita!"
Paul, another dissertation victim, Liverpool, via text on 81111
Dissertation advice: use a lot of quotes, fills up the word count

2130: Flowing move from West Brom and James Morrison plays in Jonathan Greening. The midfielder's second touch takes him to a difficult angle and all he can do is dink it over the keeper - as well as the far post.

2127: What a way to go. Savio's booking is his last contribution of the game - Junior Stanislas is on.

2126: Former javelin golden girl Tessa Sanderson is in the crowd at Upton Park. She's busy texting someone - which means she misses Savio's wild challenge on James Morrison and the game's first yellow card. Unlucky Tessa!

2124: "Sometimes you don't notice Carlton Cole but without him, West Ham have completely lacked a focal point in attack."
BBC 5 Live commentator Dave Oates

2122: "For the sake of a bet can anyone tell me how many shots West Ham have had in total so far?"
Dave, Liverpool (the blue half), via text on 81111
Eight. What do I win?

2118: Savio controls a lovely ball from Herita Ilunga, cuts inside and blazes a ridiculous shot over the bar.

2115: Chris Brunt thwacks a very ambitious 40-yard free-kick into the wall. He - like BBC 5 Live's Steve Claridge - is probably wondering why he didn't chip it into the box for one of the "big men".

2113: Green is back on his feet after a bit of treatment. Replays show it was a cheeky little shove from the towering Olsson.

2110: Crossbar! Chris Brunt beats the defender on the left and floats a lovely cross over for Shelton Martis whose header thuds against the bar, bounces down and out. In the melee, Jonas Olsson takes out keeper Rob Green.

2108: Dutch Antilles defender Shelton Martis hauls Freddie Sears to the ground to give West Ham a promising free-kick on the byeline on the left, but the Baggies clear comfortably.

2106: West Ham work the ball well down the left and David di Michele has the shooting chance - wastefully high and wide.

2104: And away we go. Many thanks for the messages on the rice/vegetable conundrum, I am no nearer to a fail-safe argument with which to humiliate my dad, so let's hope that in his old age, he just forgets we ever had the conversation.

2102: Chins up everyone. Back come the players.

2057: "Re 1956: You sure the song being played before coming on wasn't called Not Here Not Now? What a rubbish match."
Anon via text on 81111

2052: "Re 2049: Just goes to show how foolish we were to get rid of the forever fit Callum Davenport."
Dave in Cardiff, wishing his dissertation would complete itself, via text on 81111

2049: Matt Upson has a calf injury apparently. West Ham fans will be praying it's not serious having seen Jack Collison and Valon Behrami suffer serious injuries in recent weeks.

2048: HALF-TIME West Ham 0-0 West Brom

2045: Freddie Sears seems to be bundled over in the box as he looks to get on the end of Savio's deflected shot. Again, no real appeals... strange.

2043: Marc-Antoine Fortune bursts into space on the right but there are plenty of Hammers defenders in the middle to clear the cross.

2039: "Re 2024: That is the worst description I have ever heard. Everything gets classified into five main groups: plants, animals, fungi, protista and monera. Rice is a plant, beyond that it is difficult to say based on the boundaries you place on the taxonomy on plant groups."
Harold, Loughborough, via text on 81111
This text is marginally more interesting than this game

2034: Freddie Sears has a shot blocked. The game seems to be opening up a touch now. Here's hoping...

2032: Chris Brunt's fizzing cross from the left has West Ham in a bit of bother but Rob Green dives in to scramble the ball clear. The Hammers are still trying to reorganise after Upson's sudden departure.

2030: The Hammers injury curse goes on. As England boss Fabio Capello looks on, Upson is stretchered off. I must admit I didn't even see how that happened. Jonathan Spector comes on.

2028: James Morrison takes advantage of some shoddy West Ham defending to set up the shooting chance, but his effort is too close to Rob Green. Matt Upson needs some treatment, so a chance for the managers to bend a few ears.

2024: Corner for the Baggies now. Chris Brunt curls it to the far post where Paul Robinson is running in - until he is tugged back by Lucas Neill. Robinson appeals for the penalty, but he doesn't get a lot of support from his team-mates and Mark Halsey isn't interested. Quite a lot of support for the 'rice is a vegetable' theory. Troubling times...

2024: "Re 2010: Everything on earth is either animal, vegetable or mineral. Therefore rice is known as a 'grain', it is also most certainly a vegetable. Rice is the most consumed vegetable in the world followed by wheat, corn & potato."
Joe, Brighton, via text on 81111

2021: "Re 2010: Rice is a grain. Like wheat or oats. Vegetable has no scientific basis. It's merely a traditional way of defining the edible parts of a plant. 3-0 to the Hammers."
Pete, Essex, via text on 81111

2018: Jonathan Greening touches a pass on for Marc-Antoine Fortune, who lashes a shot into the side netting. That's a decent chance for West Brom.

2017: A lung-busting run by Savio down the left and West Ham win a corner!!! It's cleared, but this is progress indeed.

2010: While there's not a lot happening, I wondered if you could help me with something. I had an argument with my old dad the other day: he is absolutely 100% convinced rice is a vegetable. "Well, it's not meat is it?" was his basic argument. I know he's wrong, but I couldn't really explain why. What is the definition of a vegetable?

2008: "West Brom have gone 4-5-1 and are going to be difficult to break down. West Ham are lacking a few players going forward, so it shouldn't be any surprise the game has started the way it has."
Steve Claridge on BBC 5 Live

2005: Chris Brunt runs the ball straight out of play to gift a goal-kick to West Ham. He manages a sheepish smile as the Hammers fans laugh. Untidy start at Upton Park.

2003: "I have �10 on Di Michele scoring first and a 3-2 Hammers win. Drinks on me if it comes out!"
Jeet, Tottenham, via text on 81111
Everyone got that?

2001: Away we go then. The Baggies kick us off.

2000: The players are out on a balmy Spring night in east London. We should be up and running in a sec.

1956: Fatboy Slim's Right Here Right Now is the song of choice at Upton Park as the players wait in the tunnel. He must have a made a pretty penny out of that one...

1954: "Re 1944: I study Maths in Uni, and I can tell you there is a direct relationship between, teams at the bottom, and having the worst runs in the league, it equals relegation."
Mondraker275 on 606
Join the debate on 606

1951: "West Brom are bottom of the league but they are playing well. We have to make sure we keep the momentum. This team is making my life very enjoyable, but we are working every day to make it better and better."
West Ham boss Gianfranco Zola

1949: West Ham are looking for a third win on the bounce, something they haven't achieved in the league since the end of the 2006/7 season. Seventh place will be good enough for the Europa League (the artist formerly known as the Uefa Cup) if Hull don't win the FA Cup, or Manchester United, Arsenal, Chelsea or Everton don't finish in the top six. Think that's right...

1947: "Maybe Mowbray has a tactic, but a lot of good players are on the bench. Bednar, Simpson, Teixeira are all decent players."
Ollie, London, via text on 81111

1944: West Brom won the reverse fixture back in September, Chris Brunt scoring the winner in a five-goal thriller. However, the Baggies are now on a miserable run of four straight defeats. They are the most out-of-form side in the league.

1939: TEAM NEWS
West Ham picks youngsters Savio Nsereko and Freddie Sears to cover for the suspended Carlton Cole and Jack Collison, who is out with a knee injury. West Brom boss Tony Mowbray give first Premier League starts to Graham Dorrans and Shelton Martis, and Jonas Olsson returns from a knee complaint. Luke Moore is on the bench and neither Ryan Donk or Abdoulaye Meite are in the matchday squad after starting in the defeat to Arsenal.

1937: TEAMS West Ham v West Brom
West Ham: Green, Neill, Tomkins, Upson, Ilunga, Noble, Kovac, Parker, Nsereko, Di Michele, Sears. Subs: Lastuvka, Lopez, Boa Morte, Spector, Tristan, Payne, Stanislas.
West Brom: Carson, Zuiverloon, Martis, Olsson, Robinson, Morrison, Koren, Dorrans, Greening, Brunt, Fortune. Subs: Kiely, Hoefkens, Cech, Bednar, Moore, Filipe Teixeira, Simpson.

1931: Now, you neutrals may be wondering if there are better things you could be doing on a Monday evening. Tsk. Stop your wondering right now. While bottom club West Brom's need for a victory is pretty obvious, West Ham could do with consolidating their current position of seventh - a position which could well earn them European football.

1925: What a weekend. Manchester United suffer their biggest ever home defeat in the Premier League. An Andrey Arshavin-inspired Arsenal finally score some goals. Fulham win away for the first time in years. And Marouane Fellaini's hair is finally tamed... I missed all of that due to a poorly timed hen do, but thank goodness I'm back for the big West derby: Ham v Brom.

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