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By Caroline Cheese
1807: So Chelsea are top of the Premier League after two days of the new season, with Portsmouth propping up the table. You can watch highlights of an absorbing day today on MOTD2 at 2230 BST on BBC2 - and simulcast on the BBC website. Spoony takes the calls on 606 right now. Bye bye.
1804: Plenty of competition for Player of the Day but it's Aston Villa striker Gabriel Agbonlahor (8.72) who gets the nod after he sank Manchester City with an eight-minute hat-trick in the second half. Honourable mentions for Newcastle keeper Shay Given (8.46), Chelsea midfielder Deco (8.46) and Villa winger Ashley Young (8.35). Dunce of the day is Portsmouth defender Hermann Hreidarsson on 4.77. Pick a game, rate the players
1759: "Newcastle, Coloccini and Jonas in particular, have been outstanding... with top class barnets also!" Anon via text on 81111
1757: Disappointment for Manchester United, but let's not forget they drew with Reading on the opening day of last season and only managed two points from the first three games.
1755: Hmmm... interesting. Newcastle - who shipped 11 goals against Manchester United last season - hold on for a fully-deserved draw. Kevin Keegan is ruddy delighted with that - and why not?
1754: FULL-TIME Man Utd 1-1 Newcastle
1754: Rooney beats the wall but beats the post as well. That's surely it.
1753: Late drama. Rafael da Silva is tripped by Nicky Butt just outside the area and it's a free-kick. Rooney to take...
1751: Into added time...
1750: Blimey, that won't help Rooney's mood. His pass is cut out by... Mike Riley.
1749: Well he can't say he wasn't warned. A frustrated Wayne Rooney has been chipping away at Mike Riley for the last few minutes and he finally gets a yellow for dissent.
1746: "Newcastle... rather surprisingly... are showing how to defend against Man U. Keegan deserves a lot of praise if he pulls this off." DeleriumDon6345 on 606Join the debate on 606
1742: Kevin Keegan has spent most of the game sitting, head on hands, leaning on the wall in front of the dug-out. He's on his feet now. I think he's starting to get excited. Still seven minutes remaining.
1740: With 10 minutes remaining, Fraizer Campbell is replaced by 18-year-old Brazilian Rafael da Silva - and another great barnet.
1738: Yellow card for Fraizer Campbell after he jumps two-footed into Fabricio Coloccini. Wayne Rooney gives the case for the defence but it's a waste of breath.
1734: Just looking at the Gutierrez incident again. Turns out it was a rather elaborate dive by the Argentine. I feel mugged. He has a chuckle about it with Mike Riley a few minutes later. Lovely.
1733: Nemanja Vidic powers a header into the ground and it bounces onto the bar as James Milner attempts to clear. Vidic needs treatment...
1732: Newcastle's Jonas Gutierrez twists and turns in the box before losing control of the ball and stumbling over the challenge. No penalty - and to be fair, he didn't ask for one either.
1730: Wayne Rooney drives from midfield and lays the ball off for Fraizer Campbell but the young striker delays too long and Newcastle recover. This has been a very encouraging display from the Magpies - particularly in defence.
1726: Jonas Gutierrez charges onto a misplaced pass from Paul Scholes but Nemanja Vidic bides his time before robbing the Argentine in the box with a brilliant tackle.
1723: Obafemi Martins puts a free header over - but it wouldn't have counted as there was pushing. Rodrigo Possebon is on for Ryan Giggs, who seems to be struggling with a knock.
1719: Horrible, horrible news for Manchester City striker Valeri Bojinov, who faces six months on the sidelines as he recovers from a snapped Achilles tendon. The Bulgarian, who was injured in the warm-up today, suffered a knee ligament injury in the first game of last season and missed most of the season.
1717: Great work from Fraizer Campbell, turning the defender inside out before unleashing the fierce shot. Shay Given pulls off yet another terrific save, low to his left.
1712: As it stands, Chelsea will be top of the Premier League at the end of the first weekend. Aston Villa will be second. Portsmouth will be bottom.
1710: Obafemi Martins cuts in from the left and shoots low but it's an easy one for Edwin van der Sar.
1705: We're off again at Old Trafford.
1705: "Twelve goals in three matches and still another half to go in the Man U game. I'm so glad the footy is back!" Alex via text on 81111
1703: And again... "It's a given who's leading the Man Utd-Newcastle ratings. No, don't misunderstand me, that's Shay Given, the Magpies' goalkeeper. His spectacular header/save has seen him rocket to a nine-troubling 8.67, with Jonas Gutierrez second on an easy-to-remember 7.77. Don't agree? Get involved." Man Utd v Newcastle Player Rater
1701: Heeeeere's Danny (the Stat): "Well, there's a thing. Ashley Young (8.19) still leads the ratings on the Villa-Man City Player Rater, although hat-trick superstar Gabby Agbonlahor (8.06) is closing the gap. I'd expect Gabs to be in top spot before too long. No-one, but no-one is even close to those boys." Aston Villa v Man City Player Rater
1658: "Re 1644: When I first saw Coloccini and that hair I just thought 'error prone' but he's been rather good, I'm a little disappointed." sixgunrick on 606 Join the debate on 606
1653: Let's hope the wind doesn't change or Manchester City boss Mark Hughes will be left with a very deep frown on his face. City work so hard to get their equaliser and then are undone by an eight-minute hat-trick from Gabby Agbonlahor.
1651: FULL-TIME Aston Villa 4-2 Man City
1648: HALF-TIME Man Utd 1-1 Newcastle
1647: GOAL Aston Villa 4-2 Man City Michael Johnson's deflected shot comes to Vedran Corluka, who gets the ball out from under his feet and slots home a consolation.
1647: What's that? Is Gabriel Agbonlahor's the fastest hat-trick in the Premier League? Good old Danny the Stat... "On 28 August 1994, Liverpool striker Robbie Fowler scored the Premier League's fastest hat-trick when he netted three goals at Anfield against Arsenal in four minutes and 33 seconds. Liverpool won the game 3-0. Agbonlahor's hat-trick took - provisionally - seven minutes 43 seconds (subject to ratification). Slowcoach."
1644: Never mind all these goals, Newcastle's new signing Fabricio Coloccini has got tremendous hair. Springy curls AND a mullet. Love it.
1641: Daniel Sturridge lays the ball off for fellow City sub Stephen Ireland, whose shot is palmed away by Brad Friedel, and Sturridge then stings the keeper's hands with a swerving effort from distance.
1636: The Villa fans are giving their team the 'oles' now as they stroke the ball around. That will compound the misery of the travelling support.
1633: GOAL Aston Villa 4-1 Man City Stunning. Gareth Barry slides the pass through for Gabriel Agbonlahor, who holds off the challenge and coolly beats keeper Joe Hart. A seven-minute hat-trick. Re-mark-able.
1631: GOAL Aston Villa 3-1 Man City Villa attack again on the left. Gareth Barry provides the overlap for Ashley Young and Gabriel Agbonlahor is completely unmarked to head home the cross.
1630: Michael Carrick limps off at Old Trafford and is replaced by John O'Shea. Bad news for United - as well as England boss Fabio Capello.
1627: GOAL Aston Villa 2-1 Man City John Carew knocks down Ashley Young's corner and Gabriel Agbonlahor escapes Gelson Fernandes's marking to stroke the ball home.
1626: GOAL Man Utd 1-1 Newcastle Well that didn't last long did it? Ryan Giggs angles the ball in from the left and Darren Fletcher steals in at the near post to apply the finish.
1624: GOAL Man Utd 0-1 Newcastle Have I typed that right? I have, you know. James Milner swings over the corner and Obafemi Martins arrives with sweet timing to power home the header, despite Paul Scholes' attempt to clear on the line.
1622: GOAL Aston Villa 1-1 Man City Luke Young clumsily kicks Michael Johnson from behind as the midfielder prepares to shoot and Elano sends Brad Friedel the wrong way with the penalty.
1621: Penalty to Manchester City.
1620: City defender Tal Ben-Haim is off for treatment and when he's waved back on, he immediately intercepts a pass and advances towards goal. He is eventually crowded out though as he desperately looks for someone else to take on the shot.
1615: Shay Given makes a double save now, from Wayne Rooney and then Paul Scholes, after some slack Newcastle defending.
1613: Just seen a replay of that Campbell header a moment ago and it actually hit Given on the head. Incredible.
1612: It's suddenly got very, very lively.Jonas Gutierrez is clattered just outside of the box by Nemanja Vidic. Nailed on free-kick. Not given by Mike Riley. Weird. At Villa Park, Martin Petrov hammers a half-volley into the side netting as City press for an equaliser.
1609: Wayne Rooney crosses from the left and Fraizer Campbell heads hom... oh no he doesn't because Shay Given produces a wonderful save. Save of the season... so far.
1606: GOAL Aston Villa 1-0 Man City The game at Villa Park is back under way and what a start for the hosts. Perfect cross from Ashley Young and John Carew heads in from close range at the back stick.
1604: Ryan Giggs has an early free-kick and it smacks into both James Milner's arms. Ball to hand apparently. How many handballs today?
1602: Cristiano Ronaldo is sitting behind the Manchester United bench, in a backwards baseball cap. Cool. I wonder what he's been up to since last season ended? I literally have no idea. We're off at Old Trafford.
1601: Here's Danny the Stat again... "Ashley Young is a having a bit of a 'Usain' moment over on Player Rater. The Villa front man is on 7.56, which is streets ahead of his nearest rival, Man City's Martin Petrov. Indeed, he is the only man in the match to "break the seven" (seriously, it will catch on). Still lots of time for it to change, mind..." Aston Villa v Man City Player Rater
1558: News just in. Andrei Arshavin's on-off move to Spurs is, er, off. Gutted. I really, really want the Russian magic man to play in the Premier League. Spurs rule out move for Arshavin
1556: Aston Villa's new �7.8m signing Carlos Cuellar is introduced to the Villa Park crowd at half-time. He should be fit for his debut next week.
1553: "When the season starts you always think: 'How can you do without this?' Young Fraizer (Campbell) has got great speed and character and we're looking forward to seeing him play. This is a team that's growing together and we're confident we'll be OK." Man Utd boss Sir Alex Ferguson
1551: "How on earth are Villa not ahead?! They may well live to regret not taking advantage of all these half chances." nowthennathan on 606 Join the debate on 606
1548: Villa on top, but City are improving after that early setback of losing striker Valeri Bojinov in the warm-up.
1547: HALF-TIME Aston Villa 0-0 Man City
1546: "It's a good place to come first game as we'll get an idea of where we are. They've got a few key players missing, so let's see what we can do. If we can get the ball, who knows? The headlines aren't written - we write them." Newcastle boss Kevin Keegan
1545: Close for Villa again. Ashley Young crosses from the left and Nigel Reo-Coker is an inch away from heading in.
1544: Gabriel Agbonlahor looks all set to tap in Stilyan Petrov's cross but Micah Richards comes to City's rescue with an acrobatic clearance.
1541: "How is Theo in the England squad but Ashley Young not? Walcott looked ineffective as so often yesterday." Steve, UK, via text on 81111
1539: It's all gone a bit quiet. Wales striker Ched Evans - a late inclusion in the starting line-up after Valeri Bojinov broke down in the warm-up - volleys over for City.
1530: Gaping holes in the City defence and Gareth Barry skips through one of them, but gets caught between a cross and a shot.
1528: TEAMS Man Utd v Newcastle Man Utd: Van der Sar, Brown, Vidic, Ferdinand, Evra, Fletcher, Carrick, Scholes, Giggs, Campbell, Rooney. Subs: Kuszczak, Neville, Rafael Da Silva, O'Shea, Evans, Gibson, Possebon. Newcastle: Given, Beye, Taylor, Coloccini, N'Zogbia, Milner, Butt, Guthrie, Gutierrez, Duff, Martins. Subs: Harper, Jose Enrique, Bassong, Smith, Geremi, Edgar, Donaldson.
1526: Crikey that was close. Nigel Reo-Coker crosses from the right and Gareth Barry is at the far post to half-volley in - but he puts it wide of the post with the goal gaping. It brushes the net on the way past, prompting a few mistaken celebrations from the home fans.
1524: Look at Roman Abramovich. The Chelsea owner absolutely loved that. He's laughing and clapping as the players lap up the reception from the home crowd. A superb start to life under Luiz Felipe Scolari.
1522: FULL-TIME Chelsea 4-0 Portsmouth
1521: TEAM NEWS Man Utd v Newcastle Wayne Rooney recovers from a virus to lead the line for Manchester United and he is partnered by youngster Fraizer Campbell, as Carlos Tevez has flown back to Argentina following a family bereavement. Newcastle hand competitive debuts to centre-half Fabricio Coloccini, midfielder Danny Guthrie and winger Jonas Gutierrez, while Obafemi Martins starts up front.
1518: GOAL Chelsea 4-0 Portsmouth Deco takes a couple of touches and sends a swerving shot past David James, who gets a hand to it but can't keep it out. He probably should have kept it out to be fair, but it was a well-struck shot with absolutely no backlift. Couple of minutes left.
1514: "I hope Man Utd tie up the Berbatov deal soon, I'm worried about how good Chelski are looking." toddthered via text on 81111
1513: Gareth Barry attempts a fancy backheel but only ends up with egg on his face as the ball comes off his other foot and goes away from goal.
1511: John Carew is looking dangerous for Villa. He's already had a couple of headers saved and now his low shot is saved by City keeper Joe Hart.
1508: Off comes Joe Cole, on comes Shaun Wright-Phillips - who has been linked with a move to Portsmouth.
1506: More comedy capers at Villa Park as the ball smacks into Martin O'Neill. It's like It's a Knock-Out!
1504: Manchester City's season goes from bad to worse. They win an early corner which is aimed towards Elano - who is tripped by the referee. THE REFEREE! Ha ha ha...
1500: Excellent timekeeping at Villa Park. They're off.
1457: News from Villa Park... Valeri Bojinov has been carried off in the warm-up and won't be in City's starting line-up. He is replaced by 19-year-old Welshman Ched Evans.
1455: Peter Crouch chests down the ball and flicks it back for Niko Kranjcar, whose volley seems to hit Ricardo Carvalho's arm. Ref Mike Dean waves away the penalty appeals.
1453: Hold on though. Younes Kaboul has a bit of space in the box but can't take advantage then Ashley Cole produces a brilliantly-timed challenge on Lassana Diarra.
1451: Joe Cole fakes to volley but then chips up the cross to Nicolas Anelka at the far post. His header is stabbed behind by the Pompey defence. Chelsea in cruise control here.
1449: "You can't leave your left-back on your own with Jose Bosingwa as Portsmouth have done. The Chelsea right-back has absolutely destroyed them today." Steve Claridge on BBC 5 Live Sports Extra
1446: "The best thing that could have happened to Anelka's career is Scolari." seavilla de la bauza_11 on 606 Join the debate on 606
1442: Chelsea on the counter and the ball eventually falls to Nicolas Anelka on the edge of the box but he blazes over. Chelsea looking just as good in the second half...
1438: John Obi Mikel slides the pass through for Nicolas Anelka, who is a centimetre offside. David James smothers the shot anyway.
1436: Second half under way. No changes.
1435: "Are you watching the same game Miss Cheese? No way was that a penalty. It's close range, Distin has tried to move his arm away and he's not even looking. Poor decision from you and the linesman." Anon via text on 81111
1434: "Why no Cuellar? I ask you Caroline! What was he thinking? I'll tell you what ���!!!" Anon via text on 81111 Well since you ask Anon. Aston Villa's new signing is injured.
1432: How about a big round of applause for Danny the Stat, back from his inordinately long holiday after Euro 2008. Here he is with Player Rater news (largely because I was too lazy to look): "Some surprisingly average marks for Chelsea players, seeing as they've just destroyed Community Shield finalists Portsmouth. Michael Ballack is the only man to "break the seven" (it'll catch on), notching 7.17. Six-point-something for the rest, save poor old Florent Malouda on 4.48. Nothing to write home about for Pompey - but Peter Crouch who towers over his team-mates with 7.06." Chelsea v Portsmouth Player Rater
1425: So Luke Young makes his Aston Villa debut at right-back and John Carew replaces Marlon Harewood in attack after recovering from a calf injury. Manchester City captain Richard Dunne is suspended so Tal Ben-Haim moves to centre-back and Javier Garrido comes in at left-back. Bulgarian striker Valeri Bojinov makes his first start for a year up front after recovering from knee ligament damage.
1424: TEAMS Aston Villa v Man City Aston Villa: Friedel, Luke Young, Davies, Laursen, Shorey, Reo-Coker, Petrov, Barry, Ashley Young, Agbonlahor, Carew. Subs: Taylor, Harewood, Knight, Salifou, Routledge, Gardner, Osbourne. Man City: Hart, Corluka, Richards, Ben-Haim, Garrido, Etuhu, Gelson, Johnson, Petrov, Elano, Evans. Subs: Schmeichel, Michael Ball, Onuoha, Ireland, Hamann, Sturridge, Caicedo.
1423: Bolton fans won't be enjoying this much. If the scoreline stays the same, Chelsea will overtake the early pace-setters at the top of the league.
1421: What a start for Big Phil. Chelsea looked very, very good in that half, with new signings Deco and Jose Bosingwa settling into the team very nicely indeed.
1419: HALF-TIME Chelsea 3-0 Portsmouth
1418: GOAL Chelsea 3-0 Portsmouth Frank Lampard earns his �151,000 for the week by smashing home the penalty. He celebrates by slapping his hand on his Chelsea badge.
1417: Penalty to Chelsea. Joe Cole's cross thwacks into Sylvain Distin's arm and that's pretty clear, you have to say.
1414: Ooh, hello. A Portsmouth attack. The ball comes out to Glen Johnson after Petr Cech saves from Niko Kranjcar but he smashes it straight into a defender instead of setting up Jermani Defoe.
1413: Florent Malouda is into the action straight away, fizzing a dangerous cross across goal but Ashley Cole can't get the final touch.
1408: Luiz Felipe Scolari has decided this is far too easy so he's replacing Michael Ballack with Florent Malouda. The German isn't limping, so it must be a precaution.
1404: Younes Kaboul picks up the ball in defence, looks up, and floats a long ball towards Peter Crouch. Easy for Petr Cech. It's just like watching England.
1401: Nicolas Anelka so close to a second. He latches onto a weak back header from Sol Campbell and prods the ball past the onrushing David James before seeing it roll agonisingly wide.
1357: GOAL Chelsea 2-0 Portsmouth David James fails to reach Jose Bosingwa's deep cross from the right and Deco lobs it up for Nicolas Anelka to head in from about a yard out. I don't know what all the fuss is about, Big Phil is almost certainly thinking, this Premier League lark is a walk in the park.
1354: "Gutted! At work so can't watch the new look Scolari Blues in action, currently checking the score in the toilets! Come on you Blues!" Anon via text on 81111
1352: Not for the first time today, Nicolas Anelka sprints clear - the pass again from Michael Ballack - but David James is equal to the shot. Blues looking very good so far.
1350: Michael Ballack has a pop from distance but there's not much power on it and it's deflected wide anyway.
1348: The boys on BBC 5 Live Sports Extra are purring about Chelsea's new right-back Jose Bosingwa. "Already you can see that he is bringing something Chelsea were lacking," says Steve Claridge.
1347: "Go away Joe Cole! Even as a United fan, I can say that was quite honestly a gorgeous pass by Michael Ballack. Looks like we have challengers this season!" sam_mufc7 on 606 Join the debate on 606
1343: GOAL Chelsea 1-0 Portsmouth Michael Ballack picks out Joe Cole with a quite brilliant first-time pass and the England midfielder beats the offside trap to slot home Chelsea's first of the season - against his former manager.
1343: "Good to see potential champions at Stamford Bridge and looking forward to seeing Chelsea as well." Ed in the Pompey end, via text on 81111
1340: Frank Lampard has Chelsea's first shot of the season from 25 yards. David James bounces it once before collecting.
1337: Ashley Cole wins a rather fortunate free-kick on the left after a Glen Johnson tackle. No one on the end of Frank Lampard's delivery. Johnson's new 'do' is fairly shocking too by the way. You can tell these footballers have had a bit of time on their hands.
1336: Portsmouth keeper David James - with dodgy old corn-rows for the new season - flaps at a corner but gets away with it.
1334: Chelsea midfielder Deco says hello to the Premier League with an awful tackle on Lassana Diarra. The Pompey man is hobbling but OK to continue.
1331: Off we go.
1330: Oh, he was just saving himself. Scolari applauds all four corners of the ground as he is introduced over the PA before walking over to Harry Redknapp and enveloping the Portsmouth boss in a big bear hug.
1327: Here come the players, walking out into bright sunshine. Luiz Felipe Scolari, sporting a club tracksuit, takes his place on the bench with minimum fuss. There's probably not a lot of fuss to be made in sitting down though is there?
1323: "God it feels good to have football back. What a desolate barren place my life had become without it, hurrah for footie!" boringoldblue on 606 Join the debate on 606
1319: The Stamford Bridge pitch looks lovely. The mower people have gone for wide stripes if you're interested - simple but stylish, and a lot easier on the eye than the headache that is Sunderland's pitch.
1317: "Time to wrestle the title back from Manchester United. Enough of seeing Gary Neville and Ryan Giggs lifting it. Chelsea 2-0." JT_BlueForever on 606 Join the debate on 606
1313: "Re 1300: Why would penalties be discounted? Still trying to convince yourself you won the Champions League?" Rob via text on 81111
1311: Luiz Felipe Scolari has got me on side already. He ends his pre-match interview by saying "all the best for you". Aah.
1308: It turns out you say 'oi' if you want to say hello in Brazilian Portuguese. Serves me right for trying to be clever.
1304: I say there are no surprises in Scolari's team but Michael Essien's name is absent. He has a slight injury apparently but should return next week.
1300: "Come on Chelsea. 3-0 to take an early lead in the league! Great pre-season, 19 scored, 1 conceded (if penalties discounted)." Anon via text on 81111
1251: TEAM NEWS Chelsea v Portsmouth No surprises on Luiz Felipe Scolari's first Premier League team sheet. Jose Bosingwa and Deco make their league debuts for Chelsea, while Nicolas Anelka is on his own up front in place of the injured Didier Drogba. Younes Kaboul is named in the Portsmouth team, replacing Pedro Mendes in the only change from the Community Shield line-up. New signing Peter Crouch partners Jermain Defoe up front.
1250: "Morning Cheese! So the real footy starts today! Time to see how Pompey's little and large strikeforce get on. Although it will probably be another Lampard show." Phil, Pompey fan, trying to find a non-Chelsea pub in SW15 , via text on 81111
1246: Frank Lampard is now the highest paid player in Europe apparently, and second only to Dave Beckham globally. Lamps' new contract is worth �151,000 a week. I'd love to have heard those negotiations. "Frank, we'll give you �150,000." "Forget it, I'm off." "�151,000?" "Oh, OK then."
1241: "Come on 'the so-so one!' I hope Deco, Essien and Bosingwa are starting." mrcap123 on 606 Join the debate on 606
1230: Hello, or should I say ola, for today is the day we welcome Luiz Felipe Scolari to the Premier League as Chelsea open their campaign against Portsmouth in the early game. Can't wait.
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