2048:Who saw that coming? England lost their last five wickets for 17 runs, Gul taking four of them in 18 balls to blow the innings apart. With two matches in the five-match series, it's 2-1 England and very much alive.

2045: Wonderful delivery, straight and fast, and Anderson never stood a chance. Two of his stumps lie drunkenly on the turf, the other left lonely and upright, and Pakistan have pulled off a splendid victory. Dismal tour, dreadful circumstances, and this rare chink of sunlight is greeted with wild celebrations by players, coaches and supporters alike.

47th over: WICKET Anderson b Razzaq 3, Eng 218 all out - PAKISTAN WIN BY 23 RUNS
Razzaq now, swinging it a treat. Wright backs away to leg and nearly plays on, and then Anderson - gulp - beaten by a slider across his bows. Next ball - GONE!

46th over: Eng 217-9
Ajmal now, Gul through his allotted 10. Singles dabbed, and now Anderson wil cut away - they'll take two here, maybe three... nope, just two. Defensive prod from Jimmy, and it's 25 from 30...

45th over: Eng 214-9
Extraordinary finish, so unexpected - four wickets for six runs from 18 deliveries for Gul, and he has singlehandedly changed the course of this match. 31 runs needed from 42 balls, Wright and Anderson the last pair, the England fans in the stands stunned to near silence as the Pakistan fans go ripe bananas. Single to Wright, Anderson jabs down on two and takes a nervy single of his own. Wright slashes... the ball is aerial... ooof, just shy of the man haring in from the point fence. 28 needed from 36.

44th over: WICKET Swann c Afridi b Gul 0, Eng 211-9
Gul now, eyes on stalks, rampaging in... Wright runs it away to wide third man and sets off for a desperate two that he just makes with the assistance of a dive. Fine sprawling stop from Shafiq at midwicket to keep it down to one, Swann on strike with two balls left. Woooah - done like a kipper outside off. Full, fast.. drilled straight to extra cover!

43rd over: Eng 208-8
Swann now, just Anderson left in the hutch. Wright drives Afridi down the ground for one, the noise in the Oval air now fever pitch. Swann defends doughtily to three balls and then misses with a mighty mow. 34 runs needed from 48 balls - Gul has one more over left, and here it comes...

42nd over: WICKET Broad b Gul 4, Eng 207-8
Gul charging in like a wild-eyed madman - huge bellow for a snag behind against Wright, but it's nothing doing. Two singles, and then... BOWLED HIM! Sensational delivery, the middle stump gone gone gone, and Pakistan are on the brink of snatching it at the death...

41st over: Eng 205-7
Stuart Broad now, and he's getting a whole earful of chat from the fielders. You dish it out, you get it back. Steely-nerved pushed singles off Afridi, who's not been at his best with the ball. It's all about the wickets, you'd have to think.

40th over: Eng 202-7
What a ball, what an over - sensational delivery from Gul, sizzling a vicious reverser through an open gate to send the off-stump cartwheeling away. Three wickets left, 66 balls, 40 to win...

40th over: WICKET Bresnan b Umar Gul 0, Eng 201-7
Bresnan the new man, and... BAAAAGHH...

40th over: WICKET Morgan c sub (Wahab) b Gul 61, Eng 201-6
Leg stump, flicked up and away... straight down the throat of the man in the deep. You don't think...

39th over: Eng 201-5
We'll have Razzaq to return, seeking the reverse swing he was conjuring up earlier. Singles left, right and centrally, and that's a thumping drive from Wright back down the ground. 41 runs needed off 72 balls.

38th over: Eng 194-5
Dear oh dear - Afridi might blow his lid here - Shafiq makes a dog's backside of a simple gather on the midwicket fence and allows a needless four to slip through his fingers. England starting to cruise.

37th over: Eng 194-5
Dear oh dear - Afridi might blow his lid here - Shafiq makes a dog's backside of a simple gather on the midwicket fence and allows a needless four to slip through his fingers. England starting to cruise.

From Steve in Wigston, TMS inbox: "Re stumper brothers, the Akmal brothers may be the first to both keep wicket in an international. At first class level, I think the first were the Tolchard brothers who both kept wicket in the same County Championship match for Leicestershire v Derbyshire in 1977. I'm not certain about this though-some fine English ale has played havoc with my memory capacity!"

36th over: Eng 189-5
Doctrove on the walkie-talkie between the overs. Maybe he's ordering a fast car to pick him up from the back of the pavilion in an hour's time. Slashing drive for two by Morgan, and it's 53 needed from 84 balls now.

35th over: Eng 183-5
Ajmal beats Wright outside off, and Akmal whips off the bails - the stumping appeal is dismissed by Billy Doctrove without recourse to the third umpire, and foolishly so - replays show that Wright's back foot was fractionally off the ground. Skipper Afridi furious, and you have to say he's got a point.

34th over: Eng 178-5
Shoaib again, charging in like a fearsome old bull. Brace of attempted yorkers, both dug out by the gimlet-eyed Morgan. 1-43 off ten for the old stager.

33rd over: Eng 175-5
Ajmal drags one wide and flat, and Wright will clunk that away off the toe end for four to third man. Check-drive down the ground for Morgan, and that's his half-century - the 10th of his ODI career. 58 balls in it, a beautifully controlled affair. Partnership 73 off 73 balls.

32nd over: Eng 170-5
Shoaib Akhtar returns, sweating profusely, hair gleaming black and wet. Whoosh - he does Morgan all ends up outside off, Stand-In Stumper U Akmal doing well to clasp the ball. Drinks.

31st over: Eng 167-5
Edge from Wright, but it falls just shy of Hafeez at slip. Morgan working the ball around beautifully, the partnership slipping up past 60, and just 75 more needed from 114 balls. Smart cricket.

30th over: Eng 161-5
Bryn (below) - nope. My brother and I both kept wicket in a 20 overs-a-side Fordyce vs Fordyce Relatives on the beach last month. Horribly competitive affair. Afridi taking some tap here, Morgan launching him over extra cover for a deflating/inflating four, depending on your point of view.

From Bryn in Manchester, TMS inbox: "Is this the first time two brothers have kept wicket in the same match?"

29th over: Eng 154-5
Ajmal for some double tweakery. Is that an overthrow? Almost - sloppy again from Afridi, stitching up his bowler with a wild return. Definite overthrow this time, and it's all starting to fall apart for the tourists.

28th over: Eng 148-5
I think Kamran Akmal will have to go off here - his finger looks to be causing him all sorts of ouch. Yup - he hands the gloves gingerly to his brother Umar, and winces his way to the pavilion. Afridi now - shorter, wide, slapped away past the toiling timber-carrier that is Akhtar. Lordy - way down leg from Afridi, a lovely way to help the non-stumper stumper to settle in, and that'll go away for four more. It's all happening.

27th over: Eng 137-5
Morgan runs Gul away to third man for one, leaving Wright - six runs off 14 balls - on strike. That ups his numbers - four lashed through cover - but it's squeaky-seat time next as a late in-dipper nearly traps him in front.

26th over: Eng 131-5
And now the egg sweats begin. Skipper Afridi will continue despite that shonky first over, and Morgan lofts him nervily into the vacant midwicket area for one. Sun well and truly downed now, the sky behind the OCS stand purpled and darkening.

25th over: Eng 128-5
A warm thanks to Al Watkins for his stint at the helm over the last few overs. Never have I eaten a three-egg mushroom and tomato omelette with three-bean salad and chips quite so fast. Vicious wide down leg from Gul, and that'll race away all the way to the fence - Kamran Akmal makes a valiant attempt, but that finger he injured spilling Yardy earlier looks to be causing him all sorts of bother. No reserve stumper available for the tourists... Another wide down leg, and then Morgan is done all ends up by a jafferoo outside off.

24th over: Eng 121-5
Afridi continues and finds some grip but Morgan seizes on the chance to unleash a powerful reverse sweep for four to keep England up with the required rate. Game in the balance. And our friend Tom is back in the seat.

23rd over: Eng 114-5
Wright is off the mark with a single, and away from the dangerous Gul. Morgan plays watchfully, with the reverse swing causing problems, and picks up two to move to 22.

22nd over: Eng 111-5
Morgan rocks back to hit Afridi for a fluent four but a misplayed reverse sweep almost gets him walking back to the pavilion. Bang - another four, blasted to the boundary, and he looks in control out there.

21st over: Eng 103-5
Luke Wright in the middle now and he survives the final ball of the over.

20.5 overs: WICKET Yardy lbw Gul 4, Eng 103-5
Yardy is struggling under the lights but manages to hand the strike over to his partner, who gives it straight back to his fellow leftie. Gul beats Yardy again and then gets one to come back and Yardy is leg before, plumb.

20th over: Eng 101-4
Morgan, looking focused, calms things down. He's going to have to play a good innings now.

19th over: Eng 96-4
As Tommy departs for the canteen, the new batsman at The Oval is Michael Yardy, who comes in ahead of Luke Wright. Suddenly our batting looks a little on the light side... and Kamran Akmal drops Yardy. The keeper should have caught it, but drops it on the dive. Gul is furious - as fast bowlers tend to be at the best of times. Kamran seems to have hurt his finger in the process and on comes the physio with the magic spray.

18.2 overs: WICKET Strauss b Gul 57, Eng 95-4
Dragged down leg by Umar Gul, and Strauss dinks that fine for a soft four. BOWLED HIM! Possible inside edge back onto the timbers, but they're scattered to the winds now...

18th over: Eng 90-3
Gaagh - Strauss inside-edges Ajmal's doosra just past his leg stump. We're in the doldrum middle overs, I fear.

From Josh in Bermuda, TMS inbox: "What about Muhammad Ali, surely the epitome of elegant violence."

17th over: Eng 87-3
Gul returns as the players re-gather. Flicking single taken from Strauss, and then Morgan struggles to pierce the inner ring before finally slap-cutting into the deep for a single.

From Tom in Hants, TMS inbox: "How can anyone who saw Zidane's infamous headbutt on Materazzi not agree that violence could be elegant."

16th over: Eng 84-3
Ajmal again, with that curious half-stopping action of his. Strauss stands with a wide stance and strokes a shorter one through point for the single that takes him to his 50 - his 23rd ODI half-century. Morgan drops to his knee to flick a sweep away for two, and that's drinks.

15th over: Eng 80-3
That's made it interesting, no? Morgan jogs to the crease, the floodlights burning brighter, the temperature dropping. The Middlesex man gets off the mark with an angler to point.

From Paul in Lancs, TMS inbox: "I hate to be picky, but I'm not sure it is valid to describe any violence as elegant. If, by elegance, you seek to evoke a process of ordering designed to create the aesthetically pleasing, then it is surely contradictory to talk of violence in such terms; violence is, by necessity, a disordering act. As the great German political philosopher Hannah Arendt noted 'Violence can destroy power; it is utterly incapable of creating it.' Of course, it may be that you used this juxtaposition purposefully, in order to convey, through a clever irony, that very sense of ordered power that Strauss conjures with this straight driving. If this is the case, I do of course apologise."

14th over: WICKET Bopara c K Akmal b Ajmal 8, Eng 77-3
Time for some tweak - Bopara slashes outside off, Stumper Akmal celebrates. Umpire Doctrove... gives it!

13th over: Eng 74-2
Bopara - oh, lucky, very lucky - Akhtar sizzles in a brace of rapid in-darters, and the batsman inside-edges both onto his back pad. That's more like it - stepping into a wider one to slice away a drive off the face. Umar Akhtar gives chase, but sliding to the rope he fumbles and a last-gasp second attempt is pinged on the replay by Umpo Illingworth.

12th over: Eng 68-2
Change of bowling - Umar Gul for a joust. Too full, but the timing from Strauss is still dreamy - four, whistling past the dawdling Yousuf at mid-on. Dashing late cut from Bopara, denied four by a fine diving stop at gully, and then Strauss will pick up another boundary with a clip off the hip past short fine leg. 45 already for the skipper; 174 needed from 38 overs.

11th over: Eng 58-2
Mmmm, what a shot that is from Strauss, pinging Shoaib back down the ground with elegant violence. Singles angled away before Bopara crashes a lovely drive straight into the stumps at the non-striker's end.

10th over: Eng 51-2
Trott didn't stand a chance there - vintage Shoaib. Razzaq now to Strauss, and he'll pick up three as Afridi deflects the ball past his team-mate as mid-off. Single to new-man Ravi Bopara, and then - wallop - fraction short, pulled away by Strauss for four more. Ole! Great stop by Afridi this time, only for him the good work with a wild throw that costs an overthrow.

9th over: WICKET Trott b Akhtar 2, Eng 42-2
What a ball that is - blistering pace, vicious late in-swing, the very definition of a deadly yorker. Timber flies everywhere.

8th over: Eng 40-1
Trott in the money over the ODIs this summer, even if he's been paying relatively slowly. Four watchful dotters, pushed single. Expect Steady Eddie rather than Fireworks Sam.

7th over: Eng 38-1
Shoaib switches to round the wicket, sticking a wide leg slip in as part of the plan. Strauss uses the angle to run one through midwicket for a simple two and then does the same for one through square leg. Trott twitching already at the other end.

6th over: WICKET Davies b Razzaq 18, Eng 35-1
Ach - cunning slower one from Razzaq, ghosting the white pearl between Davies' thrusting pad and bat. Not so cunning next up though - shorter as well as slower, and that will get carted away over midwicket for a don't-move four. Bowled him1 Repeater of the first ball of the over, and this time the off stump goes flying backwards.

5th over: Eng 28-0
Dashed single to Yousuf at mid-on to get Davies on strike, and that's a lovely wristy clip to deep backward square leg for one more. Half the Oval outfield now covered in shadow, a blue-ish sky up above.

4th over: Eng 26-0
A touch of swing out there into and across the lefties, but the only place that one's swinging to is the cover fence - crackeroo of a backfoot drive from Strauss off Razzaq. A chap in the crowd raises an unsteady pint pot and does a truncated backside wiggle.

3rd over: Eng 21-0
Strauss waits, blinking behind his grille, pink bat handle just visible between those two padded paws. Short from Akhtar, and Strauss is on it in a flash, pulling it sweetly to the midwicket fence. Oof - lucky with the next one, slashing it into his back pad and away, but that's dreamy up next - flicker off the pads for four more. Splendid start.

2nd over: Eng 12-0
Abdul Razzaq from the other end, and he's got both batsmen in trouble here - taking the edge of Strauss's bat for a single to third man, sizzling one straight through Davies' gate and then foxing the Surrey opener with one that goes the other way.

1st over: Eng 9-0
So then - here we go. Shoaib Akhtar to open out, long shadows stretching out across the green South London turf. Oof - right through Strauss - nope, inside edge to fine leg, and that's streaky. Davies nearly snicks behind, but that's more like it - BIFF! over backward point for four, BOOM! four more, laced through extra cover on the up. Sweet strokeplay.

1630: Right then gang, England's innings will start at 1715 BST after a few sarnies. TMS will now reflect on the career of Freddie Flintoff so have a listen... should be fun.

50th over: WICKET Umar Gul b Bresnan 14, Pakistan 241 all out
Ach - Chinese cut, races away for four. Rushed single to cover, and then Gul steps to off and is comprehensively cleaned up.

49th over: Pakistan 236-9
Gul dinks one away to the leg side. Shoaib Akhtar now, the floodlights burning bright... oooh, almost plays on off the back pad. Fine yorker, cheeky slower one, and that's a cracking final over for Broad.

From Tom Nicholson, TMS inbox: "Freddie could be employed removing the tops from lighters, for when you want to get the flint... hmm, not as funny as I thought."

48th over: WICKET Ajmal lbw Anderson 2, Pakistan 234-9
Saeed Ajmal the new man, and after Gul smears the last ball of the previous over through square leg for four, Bopara spills a tricky one at gully. Out! Cunning slower one, missed, bang in front.

47th over: WICKET Razzaq c Anderson b Broad 31, Pakistan 227-8
Full from Broad, too full, and Razzaq will crash that high over cover to four. Gone! He tries to go the other way to a slower one, and Jimmy A takes a fine snag dropping onto his knees at deep midwicket.

From Richard in Manchester, TMS inbox: "Freddie as King is going too far. Governor of the Colony of Australia is much more appropriate. I can visualise his Coat of Arms including Ashes."

46th over: Pakistan 222-7
Bresnan again. Two wides down leg, well stopped by Stumper Davies, and then - oo-laa - Razzaq clears his front foot out of the way and batters the scuffed white ball away to the fence for another four.

45th over: Pakistan 211-7
That Afridi run-out rather knocked the wind from the Pakistani sails. Singles only, and with five overs left, what do we think - 250?

44th over: Pakistan 207-7
Slower ones too from Brezza. Gul doesn't know what to do with them, but Razzaq does - stepping away, paddling round the corner for four more. Dabber round the corner for three; wobbly wide.

43rd over: Pakistan 197-7
Cunning variety from Jimmy A, slower one, rapid one, in-dipper... Umar Gul can barely lay willow on it. Maiden! Warm applause ripples round the park.

42nd over: Pakistan 197-7
Broad, pristine figures glinting on the scoreboard... ah. Mowed way over the midwicket rope by Razzaq for a crashing six. Projected score around the 236 mark.

41st over: Pakistan 189-7
Looking at that run-out again, it was even stranger than I first thought - Afridi actually inadvertently deflected the ball onto the stumps off his own bat as he turned away from the fielder and strolled back to make his ground. Muchos bizarros. James Anderson in to Umar Gul, and the new man is nearly run out as he skitters forward and back. Dear oh dear.

40th over: WICKET Afridi run out 34, Pakistan 185-7
Hold on - what's happened here? Afridi falls asleep at the non-striker's end and, with his bat well over the crease, simply fails to ground it as the throw comes in and demolishes the timbers. Daft run-out, and was that the moment Pakistan's chances disappeared?

From Spencer in Bristol, TMS inbox: "Im thinking Freddie would make a great bus/coach driver taking people on scenic tours around Lancashire telling stories of his cricketing days over the microphone."

39th over: WICKET Alam c Strauss b Yardy 64, Pakistan 179-6
Darter, pinged up and away... straight down Strauss's snout at extra cover. Decent knock, but he failed to accelerate away.

38th over: Pakistan 179-5
Swann, Afridi... six! Marmalised over long-on. Mighty blow. Boom-Boom steps away to leg, wafts that mighty blade... four more! This time through cover. Not over yet, this match.

From Joe in Guildford, TMS inbox: "Again, in response to Fergus Keatinge comment, what a fantastic idea……….my mind has wandered beyond any UK engagement and is firmly fixed on Hawaii, the locals have spent months preparing for the state visit, standing excitedly, expectantly by the shoreline, Lei Lei's a-ready and then 'The King' is spotted on the horizon, crown on head, beer in one hand and being chauffeured, by pedalo, with an entourage of other assorted shaped, sized and coloured pedalos with vuvuzelas being blown."

37th over: Pakistan 165-5
Watkins gone, Fordyce back. Yardy to continue, and Anderson makes a fine diving save at cover to deny Afridi a fence-rattling four. Two chipped away over midwicket by Alam; four more crashed off the back foot through the vacant backward point slot. Re Dinz below - sadly for Fred, Dirs and I finally managed to flog the Champervan just after the completion of Karma Chameleons. Hard to say which event made us happier.

From Dinz, TMS inbox: "I think Freddie would be happily employed as the 3rd man in your camper van when you and Dirs next decide to blunder around a major city during a high profile sporting event."

36th over: Pakistan 158-5
Swanny comes back into the attack. Or is that defence? Three singles that I can only describe as non-descript before Afridi finally opens up and launches a straight four past Swann's head which flies to the boundary. A few more from a mix-up in the field and 10 come off the over - much better from Pakistan.

35th over: Pakistan 148-5
Luke Wright denies Fawad a four with a bit of athleticism in the deep but the left-hander brings up his fifty nonetheless. He's only hit two fours so needs to try to up his tempo. More darts from Yardy end the over and we await the fireworks from Afridi.

34th over: Pakistan 141-5
Three singles, two extravagant Afridi drives that miss the ball by a country mile, a clever dab for two and another Bresnan over is over.

33rd over: Pakistan 136-5
Yardy returns, and that's super fielding from Morgan to keep a streaky Afridi edge from zipping away for four. Courtesy break for me - you're in the hands of Al Watkins for two overs.

32nd over: Pakistan 133-5
Bresnan rumbles in again. Short, crashed off the back foot by Afridi, half-stopped by Strauss at midwicket. Maybe a fifth-stopped - the ball continues on to the fence, and Strauss is left wringing his battered digits.

From Matt in Chester, TMS inbox: "In response to Fergus Keatinge (27th Over), I think Freddie as King would upset the Australians and is therefore the perfect appointment."

31st over: Pakistan 126-5
Now then. A heavy weight on Skipper Afridi's shoulders as he trots to the front, Boom-Boom bat whirling mightily. Slappy drive back down the ground to get off the mark.

30th over: WICKET Umar Akmal c Swann b Bresnan 14, Pakistan 121-5
Time for a change, thinks Skipper Strauss, and... out! Short, slashed, simple pouch down at backward square leg.

29th over: Pakistan 119-4
Umar Akmal sporting the strangest of looks this arvo - a smear of luminous green lip-gloss across his chops. Looks like he's off to Gatecrasher circa 1998. Seven more off Swann's over, and suddenly they're starting to find the gaps for ones and twos.

From Alistair Boynton, TMS inbox: "Re: Freddie - There are enough people who just want to hang out with him that there's a case to be made for him being employed by the state. He could spend his days going round to cricket clubs, peoples houses, or village pubs, and just reminiscing about 2005. After all, we pay the Queen a ton of cash, and she's never offered to buy me a pint... Do I need to point out that a range of other heads of state are also available?"

28th over: Pakistan 112-4
Watch your lip Fordyce - short and wide from Yardy, slashed away by Alam for four. Another loose one, swept away for more runs. The projected total at this run-rate? 200. Below par.

27th over: Pakistan 103-4
Just 18 runs from Swann's six overs so far, and England's spinners are rattling through their overs almost untroubled.

From ferguskeatinge to Twitter: "I'm gonna go all out and make a bold statement.... Freddy for king?"

26th over: Pakistan 99-4
Umar Akmal the new man, and someone needs to put pedal to metal here - they're dribbling along at under four runs an over here. Fireworks shmireworks, if that wasn't the worst word I'd ever typed.

From John in Nibley, TMS inbox: "Freddie very kindly signed a bat for our cricket club emblazoned with the message "Good luck with the new pavilion." I was wondering if he'd like to follow that through and come and help paint it this Saturday."

25th over: WICKET Shafiq c Morgan b Swann 40, Pakistan 95-4
Who said sleepy? Down the track, lofted high... but not far enough, and Morgan strolls round to snag a simple pouch.

24th over: Pakistan 95-3
Alam slices Yardy away for two and then dabs a single. Sleepy middle overs in full swing.

From davidsworlduk to Twitter: "i'd employ freddie to sit in my living room watching 2005 ashes on DVD and talking me through each ball and each shot."

23rd over: Pakistan 89-3
Decent little ding-dong developing between Swann and Alam. Swannage thinks he's got his man with a flatter, faster one that raps into the pad, but there's a big inside edge. Let's have a look - ooof, hitting middle, pad first, but almost impossible for the umpo to see in real time.

22nd over: Pakistan 88-3
There we go - Yardy gets the nod. Is it possible to get through a whole over of his without using the word 'darts'? What's that? When? Ah.

21st over: Pakistan 85-3
Anyone else care for a bit of Yardy? Spin-twin Swann to twirl away for the time being. Fawad Alam taking his time settling into his stance. "Hurry up!" shouts Swann, slightly irritably.

From Matt in Chester, TMS inbox: "I think the nation should buy Freddie, and for posterity purposes, set him into a block of acrylic in the hands-aloft-one-knee-down-after-running-out-Ponting posture. Then tour him round the country, possibly the world. Put the Great back into Britain."

20th over: Pakistan 80-3
Wright hasn't taken a single wicket in his last six matches for England, but he's a bit unlucky there - in-nip to Shafiq, and I'd have given that one. Doctrove reckons that was missing down leg. Hmmm. Wide from Wright, then juicy outside off - four thrashed away by Shafiq. And another! Wright, hair wedged up in Scotty Styris fashion, is taking a pasting.

19th over: Pakistan 67-3
Broad tightening the vice here, spilling only the occasional single, trotting down the track to glare at the batsman like a playground bully confronting a shy first year.

From ryangreenaway to Twitter: "Freddie Flintoff 24hr Supermarket Trolley Attendant. The CCTV footage will do the rest."

18th over: Pakistan 63-3
"Oh no - it's Luke Wright..." says a colleague to my right, in somewhat mealy-mouthed fashion. In trundles the mocked, over-pitches with much bustle and gets clattered back down the ground for a shackle-breaking four.

From Paul in Lancs, TMS inbox: "Years ago, when living in the Berber mountains of a then Soviet 'sphere of influence' Algeria (it's a long story), rumour spread from one of the Russian engineering encampments nearby that one of the engineers had managed to defect by hiring a pedalo on an Algiers beach and then just keeping going till he hit Palma about 200 miles away. One of my as yet unfulfilled ambitions in life is to tell this tale of human endurance in the face of really aching knees, and recreate it for cinema. Now if Freddie's at a loose end, and has the money to back such a film...."

17th over: Pakistan 56-3
Let's have a look at Broad's figures: five overs, just 19 runs, four of them fortuitous overthrows. Decent. Drinks.

16th over: Pakistan 54-3
First sign of tweak for Swann, the ball flicking away into the leg-side for another single. Watery autumn sun out overhead again - ideal conditions for conkers.

From another Dave in Bristol, TMS inbox: "Freddie should look to branch out into a range of action figures, or become a modern day 'Mr Potato Head' type of toy. Choose from knees in various stages of disintegration, arms with batting, bowling or pint raising actions, and the coup de grace, a range of interchangeable eyes ranging from the wild stare given on removing a key wicket to the blurry, bloodshot mess found atop a tour bus. Sunglasses sold separately."

14th over: Pakistan 49-3
We'll have some Swannage for the first time today, and there's loop if not much turn. Dabs, wristy flicks, nurdles. Glimpse there in the crowd of 10 blokes dressed in dickie-bows and DJs. Perhaps MI6 just up the road have organised a work outing for the double-o's. Pizzas and ten-pin bowling to follow.

From Matt in Essex, TMS inbox: "I would employ Freddie to re-enact some of his greatest wickets in my back garden with a set of miniature stumps you take to the beach. I would play the quivering batsmen. This may not help his injury in the long run but it will help greatly with my entertainment."

13th over: Pakistan 47-3
Disciplined line from Broad again, but he'll ship some runs here - Shafiq dashes through for a quick single, and as he does so Morgan's errant throw rebounds off his right and disappears down to the rope at long on. Broad teapots, gobs at the ground and swipes a disconsolate volley at the spittle.

From Peter, Dublin, TMS inbox: "I think Mr Flintoff should do one of those Dave Gorman type adventure programmes where he goes around the world seeking out other Andrews who are nicknamed Freddie, have bad knees, aching ankles and a predilection for pedalos"

12th over: Pakistan 37-3
Ryan Sidebottom there in the dugout, passing round a bag of sweets. What a day he enjoyed at Old Trafford yesterday. Jimmy again, that lovely smooth action of his, and they can only nurdle a trio of unos. Stands filling up, sun disappearing.

From Rob in Northants, TMS inbox: "I'd empoly Freddie as a Freddie Flintoff look-a-like."

11th over: Pakistan 34-3
A single slip in for Broad, and a big shout against Shafiq - nope, missing on both height and leggishness. Three tight singles, England in control.

From Gil, near the Oval and trying desperately to learn about Coroner's Courts and not go and watch the cricket, TMS inbox: "I think I'd employ big Fred as my personal jester. I could trot him out at dinner parties when conversation faltered, he could recount his many drinking stories before going back under the stairs, Harry Potter style"

10th over: WICKET Yousuf lbw Anderson 16, Pakistan 31-3
Sharp in-nipper off the seam - caught in front - is that too high? Umpo Doctrove doesn't think so - he's triggered him...

9th over: Pakistan 31-2
Yup - we'll have Stuart Broad for his first joust of the day. A mere three singles angled away, and Skipper Strauss looks pleased with this start.

From Dave in Bristol, TMS inbox: "Re what Fred could do next: how's about one of those reality survival programmes updated for the celebrity age? Ray Mears meets Hello magazine kind of thing. In it, Freddie would have to negotiate the dangers of everyday life without either consulting an agent or agreeing to enter into any advertising contract. For example, he could be set a challenge of making a cup of tea without becoming 'The new face of PG Tips'. Other brands of tea are, obviously, also available."

8th over: Pakistan 28-2
Nice it's Yousuf's turn to tuck in to a juicy leg-side slice of pie, and he'll drill that away for his first boundary of the day. Time for a change of bowling? NB Manually refresh to pick up a few page-changers.

7th over: Pakistan 19-2
Mmm, that's more like it - silky drive through the leg side from Shafiq as Brezza over-pitches onto middle and leg.

6th over: Pakistan 14-2
If he is the real Pope, he needs to ask that nun sitting next to him to shave her beard off. It's not very becoming. The Pakistan pair shackled here.

From Fred in Kyoto, TMS inbox: "Flintoff should train with the RSC. He'd make a great Freddie Falstaff in Henry IV - a joker and drinker with weight issues, he's mostly there already."

5th over: Pakistan 13-2
Bright sunshine now in south London, the atmosphere still muted. 23,000 tickets sold, I'm informed. Yousuf gets tied up by the burly Brezza before tucking a two off the toes. Hello - the Pope's here! Not sure if it's the real one or a bloke in fancy dress. I'll check.

4th over: Pakistan 10-2
Mohammad Yousuf the new man, and he's got a job to do here. Wild swing from his partner Asad Shafiq, and the tired tourists are listing.

From Matthew in Cumbria, TMS inbox: "If Freddi is at a bit of a loose end my mams garden needs a bit of a makeover. I know the bebb is always on the look out for a new show. To cut cost i am sure she would let them put a caravan on the road outside for them all to sleep in. I would call the show "Matthews mams garden makeover with Freddie Flintoff"".

3rd over: WICKET K Akmal b Bresnan 5, Pakistan 8-2
Dear oh dear - harmless ball down leg, dragged onto the stumps off the inside edge. Anyone fancy doing something this evening?

From Chaz in Reading, TMS inbox: "Freddie could nick your job, and entertain us with some of the greatest drunken typos ever."

2nd over: WICKET Hafeez c Davies b Anderson 1, Pakistan 8-1
Jimmy Anderson from the Vauxhall End, and there's a little early wobble for him there away from the new ball. Almost an edge behind, and he's gone this time, fencing and feathering through a beauty...

From Martin, TMS inbox: "Freddie should spend the rest of his life on the 4th plinth at Trafalgar Square along with the three lions. Also an appropriate venue to remind us of his greatest hangover."

1st over: Pakistan 6-0
Tim Bresnan, looking more and more like the heir to Ian Austin's elasticated trousers, to get us under way, Kamral Akmal to face. Tickle off pad down leg that Stumper Davies can't get to, and they'll run two leg byes. Shorter, pushed away through point for the first four of the day. Decent batting track at The Oval, and it'll be interesting to see what effect the dew and chill have later doors.

From Si in Donny, TMS inbox: "I think that Freddie should follow in the footsteps of Freddie Trueman and start up 'The Indoor League' whilst smoking a pipe and drinking a pint."

1245: So then. It's farewell Freddie. Emotional, of course, but let's not wallow in it. Instead, I'll open the floor to ideas for what he should do next. Apart from corporate golf days and corporate bar-based jollies after corporate golf days have concluded.

1240: One change for England - Paul Collingwood has a virus, so Luke Wright comes in. And Pakistan bring Abdul Razzaq in for Big Unit Irfan.

1235: Afternoon - all buoyant? Pumped? News from the middle on a crisp, sunny day at The Oval: Shahid Afridi calls correctly and decides that Pakistan will bat.