Third Test, Antigua (day two):
England 566-9 dec v West Indies 55-1 (close)
Paul Collingwood struck his eighth Test century to help England amass 566-9, with West Indies closing on 55-1 after two days of the third Test in Antigua. Collingwood struck 14 fours in his 113, sharing 94 with Kevin Pietersen (51). Jerome Taylor demolished the stumps of Pietersen and Andrew Flintoff in three balls but Matt Prior (39), Stuart Broad (44) and Graeme Swann (20) contributed. Faced with 14 overs to survive, Windies skipper Chris Gayle hit some bold shots but fell to Steve Harmison for 30. LATEST ACTION (ALL TIMES GMT)  | 606: DEBATE |
e-mail tms@bbc.co.uk (with 'For Ben Dirs' in the subject), text 81111 (with "CRICKET" as the first word) or use 606. (Not all contributions can be used) WEST INDIES FIRST INNINGS 2137: An absorbing day's cricket - a typically nuggety knock from Collingwood, some lovely cameos down the order, and a very intriguing final hour or so as England's quicks tried to make inroads into the Windies top order. It's all set up for a handsome day's play tomorrow - England will be aiming to dismiss the hosts before close of play tomorrow, hopefully with them still some way short of the follow-on. Some good rowing late on about the merits of Colly... I have to say, the naysayers were on pretty shaky ground, what with him having just hit his eighth Test ton... thanks for all the chat, I'll see you all tomorrow... 2133 - 55-1 Harmisonangles one into the left-handed Smith and the batsman fends him away for a single to square-leg. Snorter from Harmison, the ball zipping past Powell's defensive prod, and the Durham man follows up with another at a very decent lick, this time Powell jerking his head out of the line of fire. Another fine ball from Harmison beats Powell, but the nightwatchman does his job and survives the final over of the day. "To Hannah at 2058: When I was applying to study Modern History at Oxford I was torn between writing a dissertation on history of sport - an analysis of the franchise systems in American sport, the league system of English football, and the county system of English cricket to be exact - and the history of the Bible in English during the 16th Century. In hindsight, I may have chosen a less-interesting option…"
Greg in the TMS inbox 2129 - 54-1 Broad is going to have a burst before stumps are pulled. He starts out with a real loosener, but quickly finds his range. Powell stands tall and pushes Broad into the covers for a couple - not sure he should have got two there - and Powell successfully negotiates the rest of the over. We're going to get one last over in... 2126 - 52-1 Rib music from Harmison and Smith swats him away for four. Cook was the fielder out on the boundary, but he's unable to prevent four. Three overs remaining, what England would give for another wicket. 2120 - 48-1 Four slips and two gullies in for Powell against Flintoff. Come on Freddie, make it happen... the big man bends his back and gives it his all, but he's unable to dislodge the obdurate Powell. Sorry Hannah, don't know much about 17th Century Quaker poets, but someone must have written a book about it, why don't you just copy that? 2109 - WICKET - Gayle c Anderson b Harmison 30, West Indies 45-1
Here's Harmison... and his second ball, a no-ball, is marmalised out of the ground for six. Shades of Botham at Headingley in 1981, "don't even bother looking for that one. It's gone straight into the confectionary stall... and out again". Actually, it hasn't gone into the confectionary stall, but it has disappeared down the road... no, it's been recovered! Marvellous stuff. Harmison serves up a medium-paced delivery and Gayle has an almighty heave and misses. You can't bowl there at that pace Steve - short again and Gayle tugs him away for four... AND HARMISON'S GOT HIM! Gayle thrashes straight to Anderson at mid-off... good catch actually, that was travelling. Powell is the nightwatchman, and he hasn't got any clue about his first delivery - he lost that in the flight and didn't pick it up at all. There's a short leg and a silly point in for Powell, but Powell survives. Liquorice allsorts from Harmison: a six, a four, three no-balls and, most importantly, a wicket. "It's a history thesis on female Quaker poets of the 17th Century. All contributions welcome...! I met someone last week who is writing her thesis on the development of women's cricket between 1918 and 1960 - jealous doesn't even begin to cover it."
Hannah in the TMS inbox 2105 - 33-0 I've got a real feeling that Freddie is going to rip one of these openers out before stumps. He seems to be deliberately aiming for that halfway groove, and he gets one to fly out of the frying pan and leave Gayle fending at thin air. Three slips, a fourth-fifth slip and a gully in for Gayle, but he gets well on top of shortish ball from Freddie and flays him past gully for four. An eight-one off-side field for Smith, and Victor Marks isn't happy with that - no need for Smith to play at the ball. Check my emails? (see Charlie below) I've barely got time to draw breath. "You might want to read over emails before you stick them on the site bud. Your man Rich has given you some duff information there in his Colly stats. We didn't play the Windies last year - we're playing them now and in the summer. Since the start of 2008 Colly has averaged over 40 with three century knocks included. His century at Chennai wasn't on a flat track - only him, Strauss and Tendulkar managed it and we bowled India out for 240-odd in the first innings."
Charlie BigPotatoes in the TMS inbox 2058 - 27-0 What's your thesis on Hannah (see below), maybe we can help out? Anderson probing that corridor of uncertainty outside off-stump and Smith refuses to be tempted. The Barmy Army are very well lubed now, they're really giving it some hammer up in the stands. Time for a bit of Harmy? "Re: Mark's comment- given that he's just scored 113 and his position in the team is currently being fiercely debated, I don't think Colly's in danger of going down in history as an overrated sportsman a la Beckham..."
Hannah failing to write her thesis in Oxford in the TMS inbox 2053 - 26-0 Gayle very nearly plays on - not a great shot that, a very tentative and crooked stroke outside off-stump. A dirty great no-ball from Freddie, he's really striving for a wicket before stumps. And that's a dreamy stroke from Gayle, easing Flintoff through mid-off for four. Freddie hits just beyond the halfway line running across the deck, and the ball spits across the face of Gayle's bat. Flintoff's next ball actually hits the halfway line and shoots through at shin height, before running away for four byes. Flintoff gives a wry smile as if to say, "it's just a matter of time..." Flintoff locates the edge of Gayle's bat with his final ball, and the ball flies through imaginary fourth slip and away for four. Good over from Freddie, but not much luck. 2048 - 13-0 Gayle plays a false stroke, turning the blade too early and squirting the ball out into the off-side. Three slips in for Smith, who has looked the more secure of the two Windies openers. Saying that, Smith definitely played at that one, and is beaten outside his off-stump by Anderson. Anderson not really getting it right so far tonight, they need somebody probing outside the off-stump every ball. "Geoff - how big are you? I'm 6ft 7in and I know karate. And boxing."
Rich in the TMS inbox 2043 - 12-0 Short from Flintoff and Smith swivels, one-footed, and misses. But Smith makes no mistakes next time, latching onto a short one and timing the bejabbers out of it. Mark, that's a strange mixed bag of "overrated" sportsman you've provided us with. David Beckham, definitely, he's the most overrated player in the history of sport, but I don't think anyone would every accuse the other three of being overrated. Phil Taylor is God. "I am guessing that the Collyknockers also think that David Beckham, Andy Murray, Lewis Hamilton and Phil Taylor are equally over-rated too?"
Mark in the TMS inbox 2040 - 8-0 Tremendous ball from Anderson, getting the ball to hoop away lavishly from the left-handed Gayle. That's not great though, straying down leg and allowing Gayle to nibble him to the boundary for four. Anderson digs one in and Gayle thinks about hooking before pulling out of the shot. Umpire Koertzen gives an above-the-shoulder wide. Geoff and Rich - do want each others' addresses? Why don't we settle this with some old-fashioned knuckles? "More praise for Colly... a great knock. Kudos for Strauss as well, that's how to lead from the front. I am really disappointed (but not surprised!) that we are criticising the England team after that innings. PS A shout out to the bottom of the order. Really crucial for us to develop a team that can bat all the way down to the tail."
Rebecca, Sheffield, in the TMS inbox 2035 - 3-0 Flintoff shares the new ball withAndersonand Gayle adds one to the total with a push into the covers. Freddie gets a bit of curve into his last ball to Smith, and he won't want to be leaving too many of those. "Geoff - since the start of 2008 Collingwood has batted 21 times I believe and failed to pass 10 on eight occasions. He has scored hundreds at Chennai on a flat track, at Edgbaston v New Zealand, on his home ground (the Riverside) against the West Indies and at Lord's against the West Indies. Collingwood has been unreliable in recent times and seems to produce a very good knock on a good batting wicket every time it looks like we can drop him. I would never call him a 'top notch Test player' either. Top notch players don't score the majority of their runs through clips or via inside edges..."
Rich in the TMS inbox 2029 - 2-0 Andersonserves up a absolute jaffer first ball, the ball swinging away from Gayle and beating the outside edge. Too straight from Anderson and Gayle flips him round the corner for West Indies' first run. West Indies total has been amended, 566-9 now, think it must have been that Edwards stop off Swann that confused things. "I had that omelette and chips you mentioned in the BBC staff canteen at about 1.30am today while on a nightshift. Contrary to Ronnie Corbett's outrageous slurs, I thought it was really tasty."
Andy McFarlane in the TMS inbox ENGLAND FIRST INNINGS 2025: Some smashing stats there from Tim, and as Geoff has emailed me to say, "who exactly is he keeping out of the side that would score runs as consistently?" "In defence of Paul Collingwood, his last nine Test innings scores have been: 135, 61, 25 not out, 9, 108, 11, 16, 1 and 109 not out. In the last three series (South Africa at home, India away and the current series in the Caribbean) he has scored a total of 486 runs at an average of precisely 54. What's not to like?"
Tim Haveron Jones, Maidenhead, in the TMS inbox "Here here, Colly deserves more praise, he may not be flashy but has grit that is much needed in our middle order. A quiet workman-like guy, but does a cracking job for us especially when the chips are down."
Mark, Somerset, in the TMS inbox "Who knows how Steve Harmison is going to bowl, he's like his Newcastle team, you don't know what you're going to get one week to the next."
Sir Geoffrey Boycott in the TMS inbox 2018 - WICKET - Collingwood c Smith b Hinds 113, England 566-9 dec
That's a wrap ladies and gents, Collingwood swishing Hinds to Smith at deep mid-wicket and Strauss calling Swanny in. Good comeback from England after their humbling in Jamaica, another nuggety knock from Collingwood and some pretty impressive little cameos from the England tail-end. 2015 - 566-8 Colly mangles Benn over mid-wicket, and Edwards takes the catch on the boundary... however, despite flipping the ball back into play, he crashes into a Billericay flag draped over the boundary boards and England run two. 2011 - 562-8 Oh, that's lipsmacking from Swann, clubbing Hinds over long-on for a maximum. Tremendous stroke. Two more from Swann with a drill into the covers. "Re Rich, New York.What does an England cricketer have to do to get praise?! Pietersen in the last Test gets 97 and gets slaughtered, Collingwood gets a 100 and gets battered as well! If Ian Bell or Cooky had Collingwood's bottle then they would be world-beaters! Get off your high horse and try being positive for once, instead of a typical moaning Englishman!"
Mike from Bournemouth in the TMS inbox 2008- 553-8 Collygettingcocky now, and he's had a rummage around in the locker and pulled out a reverse shovel for four. Four more for Colly courtesy of a more conventional sweep... actually, that's four byes. Two more singles and a brace from Colly from the over and England are cooking on gas. "Talking of trenches - surely one S. Chanderpaul must be salivating at the prospect of digging-in on this pitch?"
Nigel from Trinidad in the TMS inbox "Chanderpaul is the only person in between England and victory. If he sticks around for 400-600 balls it will be a draw."
Pickles91 on 606 Join the debate on 606 2002 - 541-8 Swann splatters Hinds over mid-wicket for four. Good mindset from the Notts spinner. Two more singles from the over before players take drinks. Aggers fancies England will push on to 600... 1958 - 541-8 Swann is off the mark with a slash to third-man for four. Benn rips through his over, and there's just one run from it courtesy of a Collingwood ease into the covers. Geoff, I'd agree The Collingwood Question is a tricky one. Not sure about you comparison with Atherton and Hussain - I would argue that despite having lower averages than Colly, they had to bat against far better bowling attacks - Wasim and Waqar, Donald and Pollock, Walsh and Ambrose, Warne and McGrath et al. It was a different game back then... "I am sure Rich of New York (see below) means well but he should check his facts. Colly has made the majority of his runs on pitches that are not conducive to doing so and also in situations that lesser mortals found too difficult. For those whose memories go back that far I put him in the Ken Barrington category, not one for the purists but a fighter and ultimately a top notch Test player. Rich, please tell me what Nasser Hussain and Michael Atherton averaged in Tests? Sorry for the rant but I'm a little annoyed with this witchhunt."
Geoff Littlefield, Surrey, in the TMS inbox 1955 - WICKET - Broad c Ramdin b Hinds 44, England 529-8
Broad is out, feathering a catch to Ramdin behind the timbers. Still no declaration from Strauss, Swanny is going to give it some hammer. 1952 - 529-7 Hinds is back into the attack and Broad paddles him to long-leg for one. Colly back on strike. Colly, like Pietersen, likes to bring up his tons in some style - he slathered Warne over the top to reach 200 in Adelaide - but this time it's a doughty nibble to square-leg for one. That's his eighth Test century, and it came from 186 balls and included 13 fours. If Collingwood was a war, he'd be the Hundred Years' War. So ruddy, bloody attritional. 1949 - 525-7 Collingwood gets a full-toss from Taylor and tucks him away for a couple before drawing a punched seven iron under some trees and through mid-wicket for four. While I was having my dinner (omelette, chips, plenty of tom sauce, in a yellow polystyrene container) we were discussing who we'd have in our "Trench XI'. Collingwood is up there, and Steve Waugh, and definitely Brian Lara. Not Steve Harmison though. Never mind trench foot, he'd be holed up a few miles back with a bout of athlete's foot. 1944 - 519-7 Four more for Broad with a crisp clip through mid-wicket and he picks up four more with a wristy square-cut. Broad has a slog at Powell and it comes off the splice and lands in no-man's land in the off-side - he picks up one. Risky single from Collingwood and he only just makes his ground, just beating the throw of Nash. Good bit of fielding, and a confident piece of umpiring from Rudi Koertzen, who decides not to go upstairs. "Why is it that Collingwood goes out and gets a 100 on a complete pancake of a wicket every time we look like having good reason to drop him? It's really annoying and will probably end up screwing us up for the Ashes."
Rich, New York, in the TMS inbox 1939 - 509-7 Right, I'm back after some munch. Many thanks to Fletch for filling in - wish I'd been commentating on that shot by Broad, that was a plum. Broad gets two for a streaky outside edge, and Broad nicks the bowling again with a leg-bye. Frustrating times for Colly, who needs eight for his ton. "With reference to St Trinians outfits, rather than an age limit of 25, a BMI limit of the same should be applied to all those intending to dress up as school girls."
Dave S in the TMS inbox 1936 - 506-7 A big play and a miss from Broad, who has taken the strike back off Colly. Broad does eventually connect with a delicious straight six that raises the 500. Shot of the day. No doubt. Broad then nicks the strike off the last ball of the over. 1931 - 498-7 Tick tock. Where is the sense of urgency? Taylor hits the centre line and the ball hardly lifts off the deck. A scrambled single, complete with dive from Broad, who would have been out with a direct hit from Devon Smith, is followed by one to Colly, who wants some of the strike for himself. 1927 - 496-7 Broad on strike - Colly hasn't seen much of it since tea - and Powell looks somewhat bemused after an ugly looking swipe. Powell decides the only appropriate course of action is to pitch the next ball in his half of the pitch. Broad pinches a single off the final ball of the over.No surprise there then. 1922 - 495-7 Taylor does Broad all ends up with an off cutter. Hit that for four. Broad does oblige with the next delivery, though there is a strong hint of luck about the inside edge that races to the rope. Broad plays and misses at a fullish delivery and inspects the pitch as if to suggest the answer lies about eight yards from the crease. A single follows off a short ball. 1918 - 490-7 Colly takes a single as Powell continues, while Broad plays an expansive looking drive that finds a fielder. No mistake with a cut shot later in the over and the ball runs to the boundary. Cracking. He then dabs a short one to keep the strike. 1914 - 484-7 In steams Jerome Taylor, the ball is on to Colly quicker than he anticipates but a small inside edge averts the prospect of anything other than a scampered single. Broad digs out a full one and England tick over at a pace that does not suggest a team pushing for a declaration. 1909 - 483-7 Daren Powell aborts his first approach to the crease. Shades of last week. Better luck second time around and we are back up and running. Colly closing in on three figures and England looking to reach 500 - should be a good session. Colly scrambles a single - the only run of the over. 1903: Ben Dirs has gone to the canteen. Well deserved I say. Play is about to resume. "Hate him or love him, you've got to admit that at times like this one has to give thanks that we have Paul Collingwood in the side."
Cricketing_stargazer on 606
Join the debate on 606 "The 'swog as opposed to the much more mundane 'sleep'?"
George, Leicester, via text on 81111 TEA 1843 -482-7 Nash will take the last over before tea and Colly nurdles him away for a single. Nice ease into the covers from Broad for one and Collingwood nibbles Nash to mid-wicket for another single. Broad defends the rest of the over and that's tea... 1838 - 479-7 Colly takes a sharp single and Broad is on strike. Nice shot that, shovelling Benn over his shoulder for two. Benn over-pitches - in fact that was a full-bunger - and Broad unfurls a willowy, Gower-esque drive for four. "I'll be amazed if he doesn't get a Test hundred," purrs Sir Boycs, and Broad follows up with a chip to the long-on fence. England getting on with it. "Ben, I like 'swog', but I found it is already defined as 'to drink or ingest an alcoholic beverage' (urbandictionary.com)... How about slop?"
Alex in the TMS inbox 1832 - WICKET - Prior c Chanderpaul b Nash 39, England 467-7
Prior, looking to put pedal to metal, skies Nash straight to Chanderpaul at mid-off.Not a bad knock from Prior, here comes Broady, who will look to give it some tap and push England past 500. The batsmen crossed, and Colly nicks the strike with a jab to mid-on. 1831 - 467-6 Prior smears Benn to point for a couple - good running. One more for Prior with a flick to deep mid-wicket before Colly drops to one knee and paddles Benn over his shoulder for a couple. Bit of air from Benn, and Collingwod is very nearly yorked. The chaps in the TMS box have got some fruit cake on the go, and we've got eight minutes to go until tea. 1828 - 462-6 That's better from Colly, thumping Nash over wide long-on for four. Nash keeps it tight for the rest of the over, no more runs from it. "I think England will have a few overs with the new ball tonight, they'll want to make a breakthrough before stumps..."
Sir Geoffrey Boycott on TMS 1824 - 458-6 Too short and wide from Benn and Prior plays a neat shot, carving the ball to the third-man boundary. And again from Benn, and Prior repeats the stroke... England's 450 up, and that's also the fifty partnership. Benn spears a quicker ball into Prior's pads and the Sussex glovemen nibbles him to square-leg for one. Hopefully this pair will kick on from here, I was really starting to zone out there... 1817 - 448-6 Another dreamy cover-drive from Prior and he's looking in pretty good nick. Gayle, inexplicably, has taken himself off after just one over and brought Brendan Nash and his left-arm medium pace into the attack. Nash gets a bit of lift and surprises Prior, before the hosts think they've got Collingwood - the Durham all-rounder drives into the ground, and the ball ricochets off his boot and into Nash's hands. Not out, and third umpire Norman Malcolm agrees. Dreadful stroke that. 1813 - 443-6 Collingwood flicks Edwards to mid-wicket for one, before Prior misses out with a savage cut, straight to the fielder at point. Benn races through another over, and there are just a couple from it. The left-arm spinner has now gone for 100 from his 33 overs. He's looked pretty ordinary to be honest. "Ben, Apropos KP's batting, TMS have just used the term 'slog-sweep' again. Isn't it about time we called this 'the swog'?"
John Starbuck, Huddersfield, in the TMS inbox 1806 - 440-6 Gayle brings himself on and Prior and Colly exchange single before the Windies skipper drops short and Prior carves him to the backward-point fence. Talking about Newcastle city centre on a Saturday night, Sarah from Bucks has just emailed in a story about people in Newcastle wearing no clothes on a night out. "Scientists want to discover if Geordies feel the cold or have extra thick skin to cope with low temperatures," begins the story. Romfordians are the Geordies of Essex, Brannigans on a Saturday night in February looks like a branch of La Senza, except, alas, with significantly plumper mannequins. How do Geordies brave the cold? 1800 - 434-6 Three from Benn's over before Edwards drops short and Collingwood very nearly holes out to the fielder at mid-wicket, but the ball drops just short. But the Durham nugget gets hold of it two balls later, slapping Edwards through mid-wicket for four. 1753 - 427-6 Edwards replaces Taylor and his first delivery is tucked round the corner for a single by Prior. Collingwood gets a thin inside edge which squirts between his legs and runs away for one. That's a doozy from Edwards, who gets the ball to nip back off the seam and scythe Prior in half. This is pretty glacial stuff now from England, we could do with some tap-taparoo to liven things up a bit. "Collingwood's batting is akin to a crab in elegance. Lots of shuffling, scrabbling and clawing. Truly impressionistic!"
Albert in the TMS inbox 1749 - 425-6 It's Benn to continue to Prior, and the Sussex biffer uses his feet and chips the left-arm spinner over mid-off for a sweet four. Prior moves to 14 with an ease to point, before Collingwood stabs outside off and is beaten. 1741 - 420-6 Taylor serves up some chin music and Collingwood ends up on his backside. Pretty rapid that. One for Colly with a nurdle to mid-wicket. Players take drinks. "I think Chris Gayle must be short of cash, because he's terrified of being fined. Hinds and Benn are bowling their overs so quickly..."
Vic Marks on TMS "Alison, age hasn't stopped me dressing up as a St Trinians schoolgirl."
Peter (55), Bishop's Stortford, in the TMS inbox 1738 - 418-6 Benn gives that plenty of air and Prior works him easily to square-leg. Hinds sets off after it as if he's pulling a dust cart, that should never have been two. "A summary of the adjectives used to describe Collingwood's batting sums up all you need to know about the man's style: we have groping, shovelling, deflecting, slapping, pushing, nibbling, nudging.... Dirs, you make it sound, quite aptly, like he is fighting his way across Newcastle city centre on a Saturday night."
Adam in the TMS inbox 1735 - 416-6 Collingwood looks to pull and is struck on the thigh - stinger. Taylor raps Colly on the pad, but that was clearly sliding down leg. The Sky cameraman is feeling a bit frisky and he latches onto a couple of English roses in the stands. Lovely stuff. "As Alanis Morissette would say, 'isn't it ironic' that KP will not be criticised for scoring a slow 51 (by his standards) and getting out to a nothing shot. Compare that with the torrent of abuse he got for scoring an exciting 97 in Kingston and getting out trying to hit a six."
Powerpants in Leeds in the TMS inbox 1731 - 416-6 Prior picks up a single with a turn to long-leg and Colly bags a single with a drive into the covers. Bit of width from Benn and Prior rocks back and slaps him to the third-man fence for his first four. "Re: John Snow and the judicious use of his hanky. That wasn't just about a display of detached English 'sang froid'. How do you think he got that late swing if it wasn't for a bit of carefully applied snot to one side of the ball?"
Paul in Lancs in the TMS inbox 1726 - 410-6 Collingwood clips Taylor through mid-wicket for a couple. "When was the last time England's top five all scored 50s," cry quite a number of you. Dunno, I'll try to find out. Saying that, surely Anderson counted as the number five in this innings? Bit of lift from Taylor, and Collingwood is struck on the wrist. No damage done. "Hinds bowling to Collingwood, Test cricket at its best."
Joel, Birmingham, in the TMS inbox 1721 - 408-6 Taylor keeping things nice and tight. Prior very nearly plays on, but the ball ricochets off his inside edge and onto his left leg. Edwards digs one in halfway down the track, and once again the ball shoots through and leaves Collingwood groping at thin air. Classic Collingwood, shovelling the ball off his pads for a single to mid-wicket. 1712 - 407-6 Collingwood has a big responsibility now. Edwards is on from the other end, and Colly deflects him to square-leg for one. Prior drives hard into the ground and the ball loops over Edwards' head and away for one. I should point out to Jon that Tim in Brighton's comment about Chris Lewis, Gladstone Small and Devon Malcolm being England's coolest ever cricketers was, of course, a satirical one, making fun of the fact that to some people out there, merely being of Caribbean descent means they are "cool". Chris Lewis was about as cool as a cup of hot Bovril - he got sun stroke on one tour after shaving his head... "Ben, never mind the 'racial stereotyping', what about the ageism? At 27 and four days I have now sunk into a pit of despair at the thought I am beyond dressing up as a school girl..."
Alison, crying into her keyboard, in Ghana in the TMS inbox "The coolest England cricketer must surely have been John Snow. There's that footage of him sending the Australians reeling in the Old Trafford match of the 1972 Ashes series. Not for him the ecstatic hugging of team-mates and high-fives all round when he took a wicket: he just stops in mid-stride, pulls a handkerchief from his pocket and blows his nose."
Felix Rigg in the TMS inbox 1704 - WICKET - Flintoff b Taylor 0, England 405-6
While there was only suggestion that Pietersen's delivery kept low, that one to Flintoff definitely shot through at shin height. Two stumps go cartwheeling, not a great deal Freddie could have done about that. Mrs Freddie and daughter Holly had taken their seats to watch the man of the house bat, they can now pack the bat and ball and head for the beach. Prior survives the last three balls of the over. "RE: Matt in Witney, I can play the theme from The Archers on an empty packet of Doritos caught under one of the wheels of my office chair, if that counts."
Adam in the TMS inbox 1700 - WICKET - Pietersen b Taylor 51, England 405-5
Down goes KP - he seemed to get stuck in his crease there, feet rooted, and he dragged a seemingly innocuous delivery from Taylor onto his stumps. Big wicket for the hosts, here comes Freddie. 1659 - 405-4 Sorry about that folks, I got a bit mixed up with my 24 hour clock. How does it work again? "Heads must roll," roars Terry Robinson via email. Bit of encouragement for Benn there, getting one to slide across the face of Colly's bat. 1456 - 405-4 There's KP's 13th Test fifty courtesy of a clip to mid-wicket for one. Sir Geoffrey is confounded by Collingwood's run down the pitch and his touching of gloves with Pietersen - "what is that all about?" opines the strictly hands-off Yorkshire grinder. 1653 - 401-4 That ball from Benn, a high full-toss, comes gift-wrapped with a bow and Collingwood slaps him through the covers for four. Colly pushed Benn into the covers for one to bring up England's 400, before KP whips Benn straight down the ground to move to 49. KP really grinding around in second gear at the moment, it's been a funny old innings. "So who was the coolest England cricketer? I'd say it's between Chris Lewis, Gladstone Small and Devon Malcolm..."
Tim, in 'cool' Brighton, in the TMS inbox 1650 - 395-4 Pietersen looks to sweep Hinds from outside off but misses. And Hinds thinks he's got him lbw from another sweep, but Umpire Harper reckons that hit KP outside the line of off, although Hawkeye disagrees. An escape. 1645 - 395-4 Left-arm spin from both ends now - Hinds on. Not the most fluent action from Hinds - he looks like he's got calipers on both legs - but he keeps it tight, and that's a maiden. Pietersen has a go at Benn, but that's a fine stop by Gayle in the covers. KP does pick up a single with a slap to deep cover and Collingwood nibbles a single to point. "I feel victimised, due to none of my comments being added to this wall. Is it because I am a banker? I know we are now hated more that traffic wardens, Ken Livingstone and estate agents combined, but all we did was lose a few quid..."
Tom, London, in the TMS inbox 1642 - 392-4 Collingwood nudges into the covers and runs a single. KP could have had a run of his own, but declined to take on Gayle at point. "Casually scrolling up and down through this morning's commentary, I realised that I could do a pretty convincing rendition of the Test Match Special theme tune on my clicking scroll-wheel. I wonder if any other readers have found themselves performing cover versions of well-known theme tunes on their office furniture? And if so, why?"
Matt, 'busy' in Witney, in the TMS inbox 1639: Here come the players and we'll have some play in a couple of minutes. The hosts desperately need a wicket or two here, otherwise 600 could be on. Here's Benn to bowl the first over after lunch... I like Benn, he's really cool. "Just a thought, does Hinds have 57 varieties of delivery?"
Max. Working. Hard. In the TMS inbox "Michael Holding was the Rolls Royce of fast bowlers. Normally you can hear fast bowlers running up, but you couldn't hear him coming, that's why we christened him Whispering Death..."
Sir Geoffrey Boycott on TMS "Enough of the all this racial stereotyping! First of all Sam Lyon's cooing about Chris Gayle's beard and how 'cool he is' and later on Viv Richards was 'cool' (despite his well-reported panic and frustration) and now veteran West Indies quick Curtley Ambrose is 'so cool'. Can't salaried scribes like yourselves come up with any other adjectives to describe the Caribbean's finest sportsmen?"
Will Halliday in the TMS inbox 1628: Just heard a couple of BBC maintenance men discussing going down the Wetherspoon's 'Monday Club' this evening. I once found myself caught up in the maelstrom that is the 'Monday Club' in Romford's Moon and Stars. 80p a pint, but I also saw a man - how to put this delicately? - not quite make his ground, toilet-wise. Which just goes to show, even cheap beer has its price. "Re Conners (1549): You may be going through a tough time, but try not to take it out on Ben. Try to externalise your rage in creative ways… take a sewing class, take up a sport, set yourself on fire etc…"
Adam Freer in the TMS inbox "Conners, Yorkshire (see below), if I wanted quality commentary I'd be following this test on Cricinfo."Richie in the TMS inbox 1556 - Just two singles from Benn's over, as whisps of smoke from the pitch-side barbeques begin to float across the field. Ryan Hinds is going to have a twirl before lunch... KP whips him away for a single to deep backward square before Collingwood chops through point for a single and his 12th Test fifty. Good knock that, pretty fluent, taking just 77 balls. And that is lunch - 90 from the session, just Jimmy Anderson falling, and PLEASE STOP EMAILING FOR 40 MINUTES! 1553 - 387-4 Short and wide from Powell and Collingwood slaps him through point for four. Colly gets another ball right in the slot, but Chanderpaul limits him to just one. Shame, that was an elegant stroke. Oh dear, that's a full-bunger and Pietersen whip-cracks him to the long-on boundary. "Re. Kids in the office… definite winner in the office annoying awards. Beaten finalists include the HIYA receptionist, security guard who checks ID on the way out and the guy next to me who's eaten tuna pasta every day for the last two and half years."
Adam R, London, in the TMS inbox "Any chance you can stick to the cricket rather than perpetual, inane quips and hoping they tickle? Are you doing all the days or will we get some quality commentary soon?"
Conners, Yorkshire, in the TMS inbox 1549 - 378-4 Decent lbw appeal by Benn against Collingwood, but it was probably sliding down leg. Benn shows some aggression, going to shy at Colly's stumps, and Colly grins a wide grin that says, "I'm on 42 sunshine, and I'm going nowhere." Benn serves one up short of a length and Collingwood nicks the strike with a push to mid-on. 1546 - 377-4 KP nearly gives it away, whipping Powell just short of the fielder at mid-wicket. This is a really scratchy innings by KP's standards - Powell serves up a dolly outside off-stump and the former England skipper misses out, before spinning on his heels and giving himself a very public ticking off. The game meandering along at the moment, KP's 41 has taken 106 balls. 1541 - 376-4 Colly moves level with KP on 40 with a nibble to point for one and KP picks up one with a firm stroke to deep cover. Benn really giving it some air here, but this England pair quite content to just dab him around at the moment. "As a Friend of Danny (see below), I can confirm that this story is true. Despite my attempt to keep it under wraps, my wife also found this out and we had a 'retrospective' row about how I proposed after we'd had an argument when we were 19. For the record he looks like Iain Dowie, so every cloud..."
Stuart in the TMS inbox 1538 - 373-4 A maiden over from the reliable Benn, and Powell has settled in to a better spell. That one from Powell keeps a little bit low, but, as is his way, KP makes a right meal of it, reacting as if he's batting on a sticky in Brisbane against Dennis Lillee. That's a maiden from Powell, and England are momentarily becalmed. 1532 - 373-4 Pietersen whips Powell off his legs for a single and Colly nurdles to mid-wicket for a single of his own. There's Curtly!!! The big man's signing some autographs out on the boundary. That's some haircut he's sporting, he looks a bit like Tina Turner in Mad Max. What a player though - so cool, he made Chris Gayle look like Frank Spencer. 1527 - 371-4 Good use of the feet from Collingwood, coming down the pitch and lofting Benn over deep mid-wicket for four. Colly now on 38, Pietersen has edged ahead on 39. "The complication of attending one of those whooo-laden, beery house parties is that you'd have to be secretly in love with a girl from the wrong side of the tracks, who hasn't even got her own jeep and whose dad keeps her on a tight leash, though out of genuine parental concern rather than because he's a total bully. This would all be very difficult to confront with your jock friends, at least until the final scene when love wins out over shallow high school reputational matters. To be honest, when you get to the pearly gates, I'd advise heading straight to the pub for a pint of decent bitter and a game of darts - it's so much simpler."
Paul in Lancs in the TMS inbox 1525 - 367-4 That's a doozy of a drive - shot of the day - a dreamy cover-drive for four by Pietersen off the bowling of Powell. Really don't rate Powell, he's bowling with all the spite of a Johnny Mathis LP. 1520 - 363-4 Collingwood lunges forward against Benn and is beaten. A thick edge for Collingwood, and Benn is doing a pretty good job applying the brakes after some pretty rapid scoring. That's a maiden... and here's some Boy George on the stereo! "Loving would be easy if your colours were like my dream." Even easier if you weren't banged up. 1517 - 363-4 Pietersen drives backward of square, Nash chases it down, but there are still two runs. Not really looking in tip-top nick, KP, but he's sticking around, and that's the main thing. "I think Danny from London (1500) was quite impressed with his proposal idea. Sorry to burst your bubble mate, but it's much like new parents bringing their kids into the office. They think they are great, but no-one else could give a monkey's."
Scott, Surbiton, in the TMS inbox 1513 - 361-4 If Pietersen sometimes goes at the bowling as if he's wielding a two-stroke chainsaw, Collingwood of late has looked like he's tooled up with nothing more powerful than an electric potato peeler. He's looking a little more spunky today though. Windies skipper Gayle brings spinner Benn into the attack, and KP nurdles him for a single. 1507 - 360-4 Danny, London (see below), come on son, you're showing everyone up. Don't tell me, you also forged the wedding bands yourself and set the mother-in-law up in a granny flat? Powell gets one to spit up at Pietersen, and the way Powell's bowling, that's a minor miracle. Pietersen nicks a quick single to square-leg, Collingwood sliding in and just beating the throw. "I proposed on the bottom of the ocean, whilst scuba diving - using slates and sign language. Made 'the kiss' a bit tricky though… fortunately it was a yes - well at least that's what I think she said."
Danny, London, in the TMS inbox 1500 - 359-4 Edwards draws an edge from Colly, but the ball flies between second slip and gully and away for four. Colly drops into the covers and scampers a single before Pietersen plays an iffy looking pull shot that finds wide open space at deep backward square-leg. One for the stroke, players have a little drinky. "I'm stood at the back of the Richie Richardson stand watching Colly help himself. I've not seen him look this up for it for ages. The biggest cheer yesterday, apart from the Strauss century, was when a prone pigeon came back to life after half an hour of playing dead on the outfield. It had been taken out midair by some sort of hawk creature in front of the stand."
Richard G in the TMS inbox "I'm all for the St Trinians outfits in the office, albeit with a modicum of common sense. Perhaps an age limit of 25?"
Adrian in the TMS inbox 1455 - 353-4 Powell gets one to nip back off the deck and hit KP slap, bang in the orchestras. KP does one of those toe-stubbing, "that didn't really hurt that much", mincing walks towards square-leg. The pitch doing plenty of tricks now, although Pietersen does pick up a couple to mid-wicket. "I met Michael Holding once. It was at Hove during a Sky-enhanced one day game. He was sat round the back of the TV truck, stuffing half a cow between a bun into his mouth. I shouted 'Alright Mikey?' to him and he nodded, smiled and dripped an unidentified sauce down his chin. Memories, it's all we have left."
Tim, pretending to work from home in Brighton, in the TMS inbox 1449 - 351-4 Edwards digs another bumper in, and Collingwood flogs him away for four. Colly is racing along here, and he's now gone past Pietersen. There's the 350 courtesy of a nurdle round the corner. 1446 - 345-4 These are exactly the sort of cheap runs Colly needs - medium pace from Powell, halfway down the track and Colly helps him round the corner for four. "Didn't someone sign Powell in County Cricket?" asks Sir Geoffrey. "They must have the brains of a boot..." Signs now of some uneven bounce - a couple of balls keep low and shoot through, and KP does particularly well to keep the second one out. "A mate of mine thought he was about to get mugged when he bought an engagement ring in North London by a topless insane man. The ordeal must have affected my friend's thinking because later that day, instead of taking her down to the Thames for a quiet romantic moonlit walk, he popped the question in their bedsit while the Sky man was round installing Sky plus. Classy."
Harry (in Brixton and off work with a knee injury) in the TMS inbox 1440 - 338-4 Edwards drops short and KP leans back and wallops him to the mid-wicket fence. Good shot that, was on it in a flash. Edwards gets the mild hump and tempts KP with a bumper, which the batsman declines to have a go at. BUT HE'S ALMOST GOT HIM! Full-bunger from Edwards, KP jabs it back, but Edwards is falling the wrong way and is unable to pull the catch in. Two for the shot, a very difficult chance. "Re Gina - Your boss only wants you in that outfit for one reason and it is not to raise money. The St. Trinians outfit is male fantasy number seven. Going back to cricket, Collingwood has been sitting next door to Ian Bell in the One Last Chance Saloon for quite some time. Scratch, scratch, scratch, score a few runs to save your position. If England have ambitions against the top teams we cannot afford to carry players who are out of form in that fashion. Give Bopara a run and see if he is up to it."
Neil Woods, Northumberland, in the TMS inbox 1435 - 332-4 Sir Geoffrey is talking about the lack of locals in the Recreation Ground - he reckons there are less than a hundred, which is a bit depressing to be honest. That's not though - Powell drops short and Collingwood raps him through backward-point for four. And another - Powell bowling like a drain, and this time Colly yanks him away for another boundary. "The 'Bellingwood' comment has provoked discussion in our office. My vote for the perfect cricketer would be Sir Donalchin Larbotharne. Could certainly fill the all-rounder spot."
Andy, Oxford, in the TMS inbox 1430 - 323-4 Edwards gets one to race through and Pietersen plays that uncomfortably, jagging his head back and finding himself beaten. More pace from Edwards, and this time Pietersen manages to fend it down to square-leg for one. Oooh, this is a nasty little spell - this time Colly gets some chin music and is hit on the lid. Edwards trots down the track and gives Collingwood some daggers. Good over that, three balls over 90mph. Harmison should be looking at that and licking his lips. He's probably not though, he's probably reading Heat or something. "If hot toffee sauce dripping off a spoon could talk, it would sound like Michael Holding describing the day's play. Happy Birthday big fella."
JP in Retford, Notts, in the TMS inbox 1426 - 322-4 Pietersen nicks a quick single to mid-on. Runs for Collingwood, and good ones. First he clips Taylor to the long-on boundary for four and follows up with a pull to the square-leg fence. Heartening. Looks magnificent in Antigua, heavenly almost. In fact, when I get to heaven, if indeed there is a heaven, the first thing I'd ask to do is watch a day of Pietersen in full flight in Antigua. That, or attend one of those high school house parties they have in Hollywood movies. Drinking beer through a funnel and going "WHOOOOOO!" really loud every now and again. Brilliant. "If England had a player called 'Bellingwood', they'd have a very fair player indeed..."
Vic Marks on TMS 1421 - 313-4 That's a ugly old shot from Pietersen, who rocked back and flailed outside his off-stump and was beaten. KP picks up a single, and Colly is back on strike. Another scratchy skew to square-leg, and you have to think that the Durham all-rounder is on borrowed time in this England middle order. You can't have him in the Ashes series, they'll have him on toast. 1417 - 312-4 Big lbw appeal against Collingwood, but Umpire Harper reckons, presumably, he was marginally outside the line. That looked a pretty good shout from Taylor to me, on another day Colly would have been ploughing a lonely furrow back to the hutch. Sad to see Colly scratching about like this, because when he's in a bit of form, he's about as no-nonsense as it's possible to be. In fact, if you asked an in-form Collingwood: "War, what is it good for?" he'd probably reply, "advances in the field of prosthetics?" "The bloke who says he didn't realise his engagement ring was meant to have a rock on would be classed as a genius in my book. I wouldn't mind people thinking i was thick if it saved me a couple of grand."
Finchy in the TMS inbox "Can I seek support from you and others against my boss who has put it to the office that, for Comic Relief, we all dress in St Trinians outfits. I don't mind doing my bit for Comic Relief, but that seems to be going a bit too far."
Gina in Gloucestershire in the TMS inbox 1409 - WICKET - Anderson c Ramdin b Edwards 4, England 311-4
KP clips Edwards round the corner for a single to long-leg before Anderson scores his first run of the day with a nudge to fine-leg. Edwards digs one in to KP and the fielder at square-leg shows bravery to limit England to a single. Down goes Anderson, feathering a straightforward catch to wicket-keeper Ramdin. Collingwood gets a life with his first ball - Edwards digs one in and somehow Colly fends one over the gully fielder for a single. Scratchy. "A mate of mine's fiancee proposed to him with a Haribo ring, which he then ate to seal the proposal."
Sarah in York in the TMS inbox 1405 - 308-3 Here's Jerome Taylor with the cherry in his fist and Pietersen gets his first runs of the day courtesy of a gentle push-drive, through the goal mouth, and away for four. Peachy. Two more for KP with a nurdle to mid-on. Taylor attempts a yorker, but KP squeezes him away for a single to mid-wicket. Anderson shoulders arms to the final ball of the over. Vic Marks on TMS reckons Anderson bats like David Gower, which is a bit like saying Diana Ross plays football like Maradona. "Beautiful day in Antigua, blue sky, the odd white, fluffy clouds, and there was no overnight rain. Mainly England fans in, and we're set fair for a good day's play..."
Jonathan Agnew on TMS 1358: "What's Jossy's Giants?" asks Richard Emery from Gloucester. Jossy's Giants was a kids' show about a kids' football team in Newcastle (or somewhere in the north-east), written, bizarrely, by hatstand darts commentator Sid "Top Stacking" Waddell. Returning to the real world, here come Pietersen and Anderson... "KP came to me in a vision last night and said that, today, he would hit the highest number of sixes of any player in a Test innings. I think this is a great sign and I look forward to watching the prophecy come true. My girlfriend thinks I ate too much cheese before I went to bed."
Mick, Birmingham, in the TMS inbox "One person I'd love to meet before I kick the bucket is Michael Holding. It's his birthday today - can someone wish him happy birthday for me? I'm coming over to Barbados next Wednesday maybe I'll be lucky and someone will 'fix it' for me. Enjoyed the cricket yesterday - can't wait for next week!"
Chrissie in the TMS inbox 1354: I'm going to stick my neck out and say KP will make a ton from as many balls today. While you wouldn't have been surprised to hear that the groundsman at the Sir Vivian Richards Stadium was a giant mole, this track looks like a branch of the German autobahn. It's flatter than a bottle of four-day old Rola Cola. 1343: "What's the weather like in Antigua?" asks Jay. Looks absolutely saucy from where I'm sitting and Beefy looks as brown as a nut. The radio commentary's just kicked off, so you might want to get plumbed in, Boycott-wise. "Yesterday was probably the worst captaincy I've seen in Test cricket for a long time. Chris Gayle just switched off and left the spinners on..."
Sir Geoffrey Boycott on TMS "So Dirs - I hope your fingers are ready - 'cos I can feel a KP master-class coming on. Your keyboard is going to be smoking later on."
Chappers in the TMS inbox 1341: Would be splendid to see Pietersen and Flintoff giving it some hammer on this track. Not often that's happened before. Beefy on Sky reckons if KP gets in and "goes massive", England could have 600 by tonight and could even have time for an hour at the West Indies batsmen. "Afternoon Ben, am I the only who fears the worst for today? We need to pick the run-rate up considerably to realistically be on for a result by Thursday. I fear that either we will not score quick enough to give us enough time to take 20 wickets, or in looking for quick runs, we will once again throw away a good start. Please KP, prove me wrong!"
Peter, Castleford, in the TMS inbox "I've waited about four years for England to play their first innings positively - I swear the last time was Edgbaston '05 - and the one time they do, I spend the whole day on a flight to Minneapolis. At least now I'm almost in the same time zone as the match!"
Joe (Normally Worcester, but today, Iowa) in the TMS inbox "I think Jimmy might stick about. Let Pietersen settle in and off we go, as they say! Five-hundred plus is a must on this track... anything short would be seen as a missed opportunity."
Lindsay, Dundee, in the TMS inbox 1329: Andy (see below), you, sir, are a pollyanna. Saying that, Jimmy's certainly a better night-watchman than Matthew Hoggard, who for a couple of years seemed to be labouring under the impression he was a world-class batsman. It has just emerged that some bloke in the office proposed to his wife a couple of years back and was unaware that an engagement ring was supposed to have a rock on it. Does that make him one of the most stupid men in the world? "Afternoon Ben, I've got Anderson in the office sweepstake to last 10 more balls. Is that optimistic?"
Andy in the TMS inbox 1320: Hello you. Well, that was a bit more like it yesterday, wasn't it? If Pietersen can knuckle down on this deck, England could be looking at a total well in excess of 500, which would make a nice change...
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