India enhanced their bid to secure the series after closing day one of the final Test with England on 316-4.

After Wasim Jaffer fell before lunch for a breezy 35, Dinesh Karthik and Rahul Dravid looked in complete command in a partnership of 127 in 33 overs.

But James Anderson produced a magical late swinging yorker to oust Dravid, who made his 48th Test fifty, and Karthik was given out for 91.

After tea Sachin Tendulkar was dropped on 20 by Matt Prior and remained on 48.

By Ben Dirs

e-mail tms@bbc.co.uk (with 'For Ben Dirs' in the subject) or use 606

606: DEBATE Your thoughts on the opening day's play at The Oval

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1832 - Ind 316-4 Tremlett takes the last over and Laxman whips him wristily through wide long-on - all run. Nobody wanted the chase that down, but the ball actually stopped just short of the rope. And that's a wrap folks - India's day and England face an uphill task to save this series. See you all tomorrow, when I will hopefully be sporting a slightly less freakish face...

1828 - Ind 312-4 Anderson to bowl the penultimate over of the day and he induces an edge from Tendulkar, but the ball flies through imaginary third slip and away for four. Anderson has been causing Tendulkar trouble all day...and in comes third slip as a horse goes galloping across the pitch. Time for one last over...

1823 - Ind 308-4 Laxman gets a leading edge into the covers and that's India's 300 as the punters start streaming towards the exits. Dreamy stroke from Laxman, allowing the ball to come onto him before whipping it through wide mid-on for four. Lip-smacking shot that. Four more for Laxman with a fend through the slip cordon and that's 5000 Test runs for the tall right-hander.

1819 - Ind 297-4 Tendulkar picks up a couple with a punch into the covers and one more with a drop down to point. Two more for Laxman with a guide into the covers and the Indian shutters are well and truly up for the day.

1813 - Ind 292-4 Pearler from Tremlett, squaring Laxman up at the crease and just going over the top of off. Frustrating from Tremlett though, his next ball is signalled a wide by umpire Howell.

1811 - Ind 291-4 Laxman struggling for any fluency but he does keep the strike with a nurdle to mid-wicket from Sidebottom's final delivery. Five overs left.

1805 - Ind 290-4 Anderson drops short and Tendulkar punches him into the covers for a single to bring Laxman on strike. And Tendulkar picks up four more with a sweetly-timed cover-drive.

1800 - Ind 284-4 Chrissy (see below), I have no idea what that means - is it some form of North Notts patois? Sidebottom bowls the first two balls of his over before England decide to take the new ball. Vaughan brings in a short leg and Tendulkar nicks the strike with a single from the final ball of the over.

"Walk the walk - you bet your sweet bippy!"
Chrissy, North Notts, in the TMS inbox

1757 - Ind 283-4 The new ball is due but Vaughan is continuing with Colly. Laxman is the new man at the crease and he's off the mark with an uppish spoon to deep cover for two.

1751 - Ind 281-4 Tremlett tests Tendulkar out with a couple of shortish deliveries and the Little Master refuses to have a dart. Eschewing the short ball more and more the older he gets, is Tendulkar. Tremlett digs in another and it deflects off Tendulkar's body and runs away for four. A day to forget for Prior behind the stumps.

1745 - WICKET: Ganguly lbw b Collingwood 37 (Ind 276-4)
Collingwood has picked up the wicket of Ganguly, and that's an absolute shocker from umpire Howell. Massive inside edge onto his pads from Ganguly and he deserves a medal for holding his tongue as he walks from the pitch.

1741 - Ind 274-3 Tremlett steams in from round the wicket and continues to mine that groove just outside off-stump - another maiden, including one ball that jags back and gets Ganguly fallling over.

"Unless you're going to do something seriously good with the bat, like Gilchrist does for Australia, you'd better take those catches..."
Sir Geoffrey Boycott on TMS

1737 - Ind 274-3 Prior's gone all sheepish since his miss, like a school bully who's been told off by his mum in front of his mates. Not so chirpy now Matthew...It's time for a bit of Collingwood before the new ball and there's Sree Santh acting the goat up on the balcony. He's got the cans on and is flashing peace signs - what do we reckon the Indian paceman is listening to? That's a maiden from Colly and there's not a great deal happening at the moment.

"Chrissy (see below) obviously isn't from where she says she is Ben, or is expanding the truth. I'm from North Notts and haven't seen any women matching that description in any of my 34 years. Unless Chrissy is a bloke, in which case I haven't been looking."
Mark, Mansfield, in the TMS inbox

1734 - Ind 274-3 Tendulkar flicks Tremlett to square-leg for a single and the game is meandering into the distance as far as England are concerned.

1732 - Ind 273-3 Ganguly waits on the ball and delicately nurdles Panesar past slip for a couple and he collects two more with an ease into the covers.

1725 - Ind 269-3 Tremlett getting some good carry to Prior behind the stumps. Ganguly opens the face and glides him through backward-point for one. There's a couple of chaps in the crowd who'd look more at home in a Dalston squat. One of them's almost falling forward off his chair and the other one looks like he's about to hurl any minute. Good line and length from Tremlett, just one from the over.

"In reply to the person who thinks that Chris Read should play, may I point out that James Foster from Essex is the man to pick - a fantastic wicket-keeper and a genuine batsman. Chris Read has had his chances and failed, his keeping is good but so is James Foster's."
Ollie, Essex, in the TMS inbox

1720 - Ind 268-3 Tendulkar carves Panesar to deep cover for one and Ganguly turns him round the corner for a single of his own. Four more for Sachin, playing it late and cutting Monty to the third-man fence. Not sure why Vaughan's got Monty bowling over the wicket - he's no threat at the moment and he's not saving runs. New ball due in six overs.

1718 - Ind 260-3 The sun is out again at The Oval, which is probably bad news for England as Tremlett continues to toil away. That's a good, tight over from the strapping Hampshire paceman - indeed, it's a maiden.

1710 - Ind 260-3 Ganguly goes macho, launching Panesar over the wide long-on fence for six. Does Monty know Gilo retired today? It's almost as if he's performing some sort of tribute at the moment - over the wicket and very flat. That's drinks.

"Matt Prior clearly is a poor wicket-keeper. He should not be playing Test cricket. I just wish England would pick the best keeper in the country - Chris Read - and not keep picking second-rate keepers for their batting skills. It may well lose us a Test series."
Edward in the TMS inbox

1706 - Ind 253-3 At one point today it looked as if play might have finished at 6, but that has turned into a bit of a pipe dream, alas. Chrissy (see below) - you talk the talk, but do you walk the walk? That's a maiden from Sidebottom.

"Queen Vic bar: Jimmy Anderson as there's always a Northerner in the plot for no apparent reason and with no visible means of support and Andrew Strauss as there hasn't been a very posh person involved since the bloke who stalked Ian Beale's mother."
Nigel Whitehead in the TMS inbox

1701 - Ind 253-3 Monty's been pretty ineffective today so far and Ganguly flicks him through mid-wicket for one. Tendulkar gets in a tangle trying to sweep but he does pick up a single with a tuck round the corner.

"Ben, have just logged on and read earlier stuff. Very excited because at around 1130ish you said you like women with tiny waists and nice round 'butts'. Hey, that's me - and the *@#&� aren't bad either!"
Chrissy, North Notts, in the TMS inbox

1656 - Ind 251-3 How long has Graham Thorpe been in Australia?! He's on TMS at the moment if you want to have a listen and I'd imagine he's wearing a crocodile skin waist-coat, corked hat and swigging on a can of Tooheys. That's one run for Ganguly with a flick to mid-wicket before Tendulkar picks up a couple with an ease to long-on.

Test Match Special

1653 - Ind 248-3 Panesar persevering over the wicket to Tendulkar and the batsman picks up a couple with a whip to mid-wicket. It's gone flatter than a week-old bottle of Rola Cola at The Oval since Prior's miss. 1647 - Ind 246-3 Another chance gone for England, Tendulkar driving at Sidebottom, getting an edge, but Prior putting down the catch despite getting two hands to it. My colleague sitting opposite me is absolutely apoplectic, but he's the sort of bloke who gets apoplectic if his plate isn't exactly the right temperature in a restaurant. I'll make him right, though, that was a rotten miss.

1643 - Ind 245-3 Vaughan wheels Monty back into the attack and he'll relish having a go at Tendulkar. But that's a dismissive stroke from Sachin, walking down the track and slapping Monty over long-off for four. However, he was nowhere near the pitch and there was a smidgeon of desperation about that shot.

"Behind the bar at the Queen Vic, it's got to be Matt Prior for some chirpy banter and Pietersen as a bit of beefcake for the ladies (plus, he's an obligatory Saffa barman in London!)"
Nick Suter in the TMS inbox

1639 - Ind 240-3 Stand and deliver from Ganguly, throwing his hands through the line and sending the ball through the covers for four. Not much foot movement and an element of risk. Ganguly flashes and misses at a wide one from Sidebottom and that's another bye. Sidebottom looking very ragged now, it might be time for a blow, and that's two more leg-byes.

1636 - Ind 234-3 That's the first leg-bye of the innings and the natives are getting a little bit restless now as this Indian juggernaut chunters on. A fairly half-hearted Mexican wave ripples around The Oval as Tremlett sends down another tight over.

"Actually wanted to make a comment about Chris Tremlett - does anyone else think he looks like Chris Martin from Coldplay? Admittedly with a few more snooker balls..."
Amy in the TMS inbox

1631 - Ind 233-3 Sidebottom looks to have a little bit of cramp in his calf but he's OK to continue. Ganguly collects one with a push to mid-on. On comes physio Kirk Russell and Sidebottom takes on some fluids.

"'Ladies, where are you?' Rather put off by your last correspondent - I have no wish to know what Iain does in his TMS inbox - yeeuch!!"
Jane Stolworthy, very hard at work, in the TMS inbox

1626 - Ind 232-3 Tendulkar attempts a florid cover-drive but inside edges to mid-on for a couple. I hear The Queen Vic is under new management. Dear old Frank (Au nom du P�re et du Fils et du Saint-Esprit - Mrs Dommett would be proud) will be turning in his grave. Which England pairing could you envisage behind the bar in Walford Square? I'm going for Collingwood (no qualms about showing any troublemakers the hairy side) and Sidebottom (his bit of rough).

1620 - Ind 229-3 Ladies, where are you? There was a spurt of female emails this morning but they seem to have dried up a bit. Tendulkar picks up three more with a punch off the back foot and Ganguly bags a single with a flick off his pads to third-man. That's classic Tendulkar, whipping Anderson from outside off to mid-wicket for one.

1616 - Ind 224-3 Ganguly drives expansively and is beaten by Tremlett. Good delivery that. A fine physical specimen Tremlett, he looks like a load of snooker balls poured into a flesh-coloured sock. Ganguly picks up a single with a nudge into the covers.

1611 - Ind 223-3 Anderson drifts onto Ganguly's leg-stump and is feathered away for four. Anderson finding plenty of inswing and Tendulkar turns him away for a couple - good stop by Sidebottom on the boundary rope. And that's Sachin's first boundary, bending his front leg and caressing Anderson through the covers. Anderson retaliates well, getting his final ball of the over to pitch and leave Tendulkar groping. Jimmy strolls down the pitch and gives Tendulkar the stare. Tendulkar gives him a patronising smile - I half expected him to take a few steps and tousle Anderson's hair. Good contest this, but India winning it at the moment. England need another wicket.

1607 - Ind 212-3 Tremlett is on, and he's got Cook standing at leg-slip. And England think they've got Tendulkar! But the replay reveals it came off his pad rather than his bat before being pouched by Bell at short-leg. Maiden over from Tremlett and Tendulkar yet to hit his straps.

"In response to Steve of Richmond, there can be no such thing as an 'ugly Beardo'. He is ugliness incarnate. It would be like having a cold version of absolute zero."
Iain Spittles in the TMS inbox

1603 - Ind 212-3 Players are back out after tea and it's Anderson to have first bung with the ball. Anderson attempts a yorker but gets his line wrong and Tendulkar watches it pass his leg-stump. The Little Master does pick up his first run after the restart with a tuck to leg.

"My mate Ian, who is getting married himself in December, looks like a cross between French international Franck Ribery and Peter Beardsley. He answers to either 'Ribery' or 'Beardo' and has even been called 'Ugly Beardo' (as in an ugly version of the once great player) on occasion."
Steve, Richmond, in the TMS inbox

"The key to that session was England's aggression and Anderson's ability to shape the ball, that's what was causing the problems."
Sir Geoffrey Boycott on TMS

"Standing in a tight circle in a pub some years back, one of the girls' boyfriends (whom I had just met for the first time) pointed at me and said 'it looks like his face was on fire and someone put it out with a spade'. No-one knew what to say."
Tim Clarke in the TMS inbox

1539 - Ind 211-3 Ganguly leans into a Sidebottom delivery and the ball runs away for four through wide long-off. Effortless, that's Ganguly at his best. Ganguly shepherds the final ball before tea past his off-stump and players march off. Good last hour for England, they've at least given themselves a chance in this Test.

1536 - Ind 207-3 Yorker from Anderson but Tendulkar digs it out with the minimum of fuss. Snorting delivery from Anderson, getting Tendulkar to fence outside off-stump. This Indian pair shutting up shop and playing for tea.

"As a small boy I was fascinated by a man who drove a van for MacFisheries (remember them? You're as old as I am!). He had a face exactly like a fish. For a long time, I thought you had to look like a fish to work for them."
Pat George, Finland, in the TMS inbox

1529 - Ind 207-3 Another probing over from Sidebottom - a maiden. The football season starts this weekend of course and I'm looking forward to it about as much as I used to look forward to visits to my nan. The crisps were always soggy and she used to make tea with tea leaves but no tea strainer. Do you reckon Man Utd or Chelsea might have a chance this season? Bore off...

1526 - Ind 207-3 Four more byes from Anderson, Prior diving full-stretch but not able to drag it in. Sixteen years ago today since the famous Aggers "legover" comment on TMS. Apparently they've got a cast of thousands discussing Boycott's hundred hundreds tomorrow. I suggest you tune in.

Test Match Special

"Rodney Marsh taught me a lot of words that I never knew from school..." Sir Geoffrey Boycott on TMS

"At a recent wedding I told a woman she looked like Pam Ewing. Having overdone the white wine on the table I kept asking her where Bobby was. After the 10th time she burst into tears! Needless to say, I was then frowned upon by the rest of the table. Which must have made me JR!"
Andy Dunkerley, Huddersfield, in the TMS inbox

1517 - WICKET: Karthik c Prior b Sidebottom 91 (Ind 199-3)
AND ANOTHER! Karthik has a wooly old woosh at a Sidebottom tempter and is snaffled by Prior behind the stumps. Good stuff this from the England seamers, showing plenty of mongrel and getting the ball to nibble around as the weather becomes more overcast. The princely Ganguly is the next man at the crease. Sketchy from Ganguly, who is off the mark with a sliced cut for four. Just seen a replay of that Karthik dismissal and it looks like it might not have hit. Ouch.

"I was likened, on a Turkish holiday boating trip, to 80's and 90's hunk Tom Selleck. Sadly, the tour guide then changed his mind and said I was nearer to Jeremy Beadle."
Bill Hirst in the TMS inbox

1514 - Ind 199-2 Tendulkar is off the mark with a push into the off-side. So at home does Sachin look at the crease, it's almost as if he's grown straight out of the soil. Tendulkar digs out a booming inswinger before negotiating a bumper. But he spoils it all with four leg-side byes.

"Ben Stanley! (see below) Not only do I 'race' people while walking in the street, I take racing lines and commentate in my head as I glide past hapless back-markers and close the door on rivals at sharp off-camber bends."
Alan Price Fishe, London, in the TMS inbox

1510 - Ind 193-2 Sidebottom tests Karthik out with a bumper and the batsman has a big slice of luck, pulling out of an attempted hook halfway and getting a top-edge for four. Better from England, really keeping the Indian batsmen honest at the moment.

"On a trip to Edinburgh last year I was likened to Matt Lucas' wheelchair-bound character Andy from Little Britain. I found that a pretty offensive look-a-like. I was also ranked the 4 millionth in terms of looks by a random girl in a club that same weekend. That too was quite offensive, especially as there was only twelve of us in the group."
Ben in the TMS inbox

1500 - WICKET: Dravid b Anderson 55 (Ind 189-2)
What a delivery from Anderson, the ball swinging in, moving away and making a mess of Dravid's timbers. An absolute pearler, you don't see the India skipper made to look that silly very often. Here comes Sachin - and I hear this boy can bat. Very optimistic appeal by England, the ball deflecting off Tendulkar's side and Bell taking the 'catch' at leg gully.

"I won the British Grand Prix this morning on the way to the bus stop. Got in the slip-stream of the 70-year-old leader and overtook her at zebra crossing. Murray Walker described it as 'the best overtaking move he's ever seen!' C'mon England!"
Richard, Nottingham, in the TMS inbox

1458 - Ind 189-1 Vaughan has the look of a man who's just discovered his girlfriend playing strip poker with some Polish builders on his return from work. But that's a couple of crackerjack deliveries from Sidebottom, Dravid having a nibble both times but not connecting. Dravid nicks the strike with a single from the final ball.

1454 - Ind 188-1 Good line and length from Anderson and that's probably the best over he's bowled today, including one ball that rears up and has Karthik jerking back. the first maiden since lunch.

"Re Justin Cramp. You think Roger Federer has style? I assume you are sat at work in Espadrilles, tailored shorts, a beige sports jacket, cravat, sporting Hugh Grant hair and a Panama hat, sipping on a Pimm's while your 'man' fetches your lunch."
Christopher Mooney in the TMS inbox

1450 - Ind 188-1 On a recent stag weekend, someone decided a friend of ours looked like David Gest. Has there ever been a more offensive lookey-likey? Easy single for Karthik, pushing Sidebottom to leg, and Dravid turns him round the corner for a single of his own. A colleague has just asked, "how come Michael Caine is mates with Elton John?" It's a very good question.

"I once worked in a shipyard with famous Turner Prize winner Keith Tyson. His appearance was that of someone staring into a kettle, so we called him 'Kettle Head'."
Dave Sankey, Ulverston, in the TMS inbox

1441 - Ind 185-1 Dravid reaches for one and gets a thick outside edge - fine stop from Pietersen at third-man and Dravid runs up a couple. That's drinks. How long does it take for the swelling to go down from a tooth infection? I'll level with you, I'm starting to get a bit worried.

"Richard (see below). There are three circumstances in which your rounders choice is acceptable: 1) You'll get to see the office hottie in a short, pleated skirt. 2) There will be free alcohol available. 3) You have a fat, sweaty boss and it will be hilarious watching him try to run. If any of the above do not apply, your choice mystifies me."
Jim in the TMS inbox

1436 - Ind 183-1 Karthik thrusts forward and sweeps Monty away for a couple before trumping his shot of the day from the previous over, sashaying down the track like Margot Fontaine and lofting an inside-out drive to the wide long-on fence. Karthik now 85 and his second Test ton is in sight.

"Re. pretending to race people when walking to the shops - And I thought it was only me who does this. But do you take the racing line when walking round corners?"
Ben Stanley in the TMS inbox

1434 - Ind 175-1 That's top drawer from Karthik, driving Anderson on the up and the ball disappearing through the covers for four. Shot of the day, you could print off his follow through, laminate it and pin it to your toilet wall.

1431 - Ind 170-1 Dravid and Karthik both pick up singles from Panesar's over and England are staring down the barrel at 400-plus.

1428 - Ind 168-1 Tremlett follows through, licks his lips and gives Karthik the stare, like a libidinous youth looking for some 3am action at Pzazz. Karthik doesn't take the bait, preferring instead to lace Tremlett through the covers for four next ball. A predictable bumper next ball, but Karthik sways out of line with the minimum of fuss.

1424 - Ind 164-1 Dravid turns Panesar round the corner and some half-hearted fielding allows the Indian skipper to scamper through for a couple and his 48th Test fifty. That took him 94 minutes and 82 balls and included eight fours. A truly magnificent bat, Dravid.

Re. Tredder, Reading, 1342 - A very close friend of mine has been traumatised for years with the name Fish Face. Its origins are very basic, he simply looks like a fish."
Adam, Canary Wharf, in the TMS inbox

1421 - Ind 162-1 Dravid works Tremlett to square-leg for a single and the 100 partnership. A tempting over from Tremlett, but Karthik is having none of it, watching the next five balls pitch and pass through outside off-stump.

"Steve's opinion on TV comedy is valid (but not a statement of fact). But he should know that The Royle Family are Mancs, not Scousers."
Adrian in the TMS inbox

1418 - Ind 161-1 Fairy Liquid hands from Karthik, picking up one just backward of point for a couple. Karthik and Dravid exchange singles before Panesar thinks he's got Karthik caught by Collingwood at slip, but umpire Howell decides that was pad rather than bat. Colly throws a bit of a childish fit - check that man's pocket for Black Jacks!

1414 - Ind 155-1 Bit of width from Tremlett and Dravid reaches for it and slaps him through the covers for four. Tremlett does tighten things up for the rest of the over, ploughing a furrow just outside Dravid's off-stick. More imaginary sporting glory and a tip to make those walks to the shop a bit more interesting. What I do is pick out someone in the distance, pretend I'm Seb Coe and when I catch them up and pass them, I do a little dip over an imaginary line. "Surely Ovett's got this in the bag now�but here comes Coe!"

"It's very scary - I've always been Ashley Giles the cricketer and I have days when I think, 'what am I going to do?' But it's a new beginning and I need to look forward."
Ashley Giles on TMS

Test Match Special

1411 - Ind 151-1 Monty goes over the wicket and there's just one from the over, from the bat of Dravid.

1407 - Ind 150-1 That's India's 150 courtesy of a push into the covers for a couple by Karthik. But that's a bit slap-dash from Karthik, missing with a wild and windy woosh outside off-stump. I'm feeling a little queasy now - haven't really slept for three days and all I've been eating is a slice of bread with my bad tooth pills. Please keep an eye out for any mistakes, there are sure to be a stack of them this afternoon.

"What is this nonsense of people rambling on about things not remotely connected to what you are paid to do and you joining in. Can we have some decent cricket comments please. I thank you good sir."
Mohammed Mulla, Bradford, in the TMS inbox

1404 - Ind 148-1 Dravid gets stuck into Panesar, waiting on one and carving him through backward-point for four before piercing the two cover fielders for a second boundary. When Monty starts getting some tap, you have to start worrying...

1400 - Ind 139-1 Tremlett is into the attack and he dredges up a ripsnorter that rears up off a length and almost locates the edge of Karthik's bat. That was a peach, England need a few more of them. Dravid picks up one with a clip to deep square-leg.

1356 - Ind 138-1 Dravid rolls his wrists and picks up a single to mid-wicket. Monty gets some extra turn and bounce, the ball may have shaved Karthik's glove, but falls just short of Bell at short leg.

1353 - Ind 137-1 Sidebottom strays down leg and that's four byes. Signs of raggedness from the Nottinghamshire swing merchant. Dravid picks up a single with a turn to leg. The King of Spain is on TMS explaining his retirement if you fancy having a listen.

Test Match Special

"I've just turned down an evening in the pub for an office outing of rounders. Does this make me less of a man?"
Richard Lambourn in the TMS inbox

1349 - Ind 131-1 Karthik clips Panesar to leg for a couple before whipping him through mid-wicket for two more. A chance for England - Karthik unleashes a full-blooded drive and Strauss shells the catch diving low to his left in the covers. Tough ask, but England need to be taking those if they're going to have any chance of squaring this series. By the way, I must apologise for joining the flip-flop generation all those weeks ago - I think I may have naused-up everyone's summer. Apart from the last week, I've barely worn the rascals. Sorry.

1342 - Ind 126-1 Right, we're off again after lunch and Sidebottom's first ball is laced through the covers for four by Karthik. One more for Karthik with a clip to leg before Dravid gets in on the act, twirling Sidebottom through the off-side for another boundary. Sidebottom hits back well, getting one past a tentative prod from Dravid.

"When I was at school I was called Fish Face because of my fat face. Should this have been Fish Bowl Face? I've since moved on to being called Duffy Moon."
Tredder, Reading, in the TMS inbox

"Ben, you are most horribly mistaken with your roasting claim. Surely all sane men know that beef is the best meat. Beef is the king of meats, majestic like a Michael Vaughan cover-drive. Lamb is a mere Paul Collingwood nurdle for one in comparison. Remember, you can�t beat a bit of bully."
Tim Hampson in the TMS inbox

"The Royle Family versus Fawlty Towers? The Royle Family versus Phoenix Nights? Only one winner in both of those - and it's not the scousers. Agree about Rahul Dravid though."
Steve in the TMS inbox

"On the subject of Sir Mix-a-Lot, when I was on holiday in the US a couple of months ago, I caught an episode of Who wants to be a Millionaire. For $500, the question was: Which of these musicians was not knighted by the Queen: A) Sir Elton John B) Sir Mick Jagger C) Sir Paul McCartney or D) Sir Mix-a-Lot. The contestant didn't even consult the audience, immediately giving her answer as B) Sir Mick Jagger..."
Paul Joyce in the TMS inbox

"Andy (see below), Bronson was killed for bringing the fleet out of hyperdrive too close to the rebel base on the ice planet Hoth, thus losing the Galactic Empire the element of surprise. Stop getting Star Wars wrong!"
David Couchman, Macclesfield, in the TMS inbox

"Ben, I have just experienced the 'Pot Noodle Phenomenon'. This is the point when you reach the bottom of your rehydrated, powdered foodstuff only to find, no matter how much you've stirred it and regardless of how much water used, a clump of bone dry material. This is sometimes referred to (incorrectly) as the 'Cup-a-Soup Effect'.
Phillip, Durham, in the TMS inbox

"I can just imagine Donny Dirs sitting down in his silk dressing gown and slippers with all the big wigs at the BBC to get you your job: 'I aint got no beef with you son, but my boy needs a job, and I ain't asking twice.' Harpenden must be a bitter, bitter place."
Keegs in the TMS inbox

1300 - Ind 117-1 That's Karthik's fifty courtesy of a whip through mid-wicket for one. A slow start from Karthik, but he slipped through the gears and brought it up from just 77 balls. Dravid sees out the over and that's it for the morning. India in total control, and that correct call from Dravid could well have won them the series. I'm off to purchase a slice of bread with which to eat my cocktail of pills - NO EMAILS UNTIL PLAY RESTARTS! PLEASE!

1259 - Ind 116-1 Karthik moves to 46 with a glide through third-man for four and to 49 with a push to backward-point. The Indian opener will have one more over before lunch to reach his third fifty of the series.

"Alan, my mate is a 38-year-old balding father who went out for a few drinks recently. Do you consider being sick in the first class carriage of a train overstepping the boundaries of common decency? His name, by the way is Paul Harris."
Darren Kerins, Leighton Buzzard, in the TMS inbox

1254 - Ind 109-1 Monty's keeping his end of the bargain and that's another belt and braces maiden from the great man. There's a chap in a tartan hat-wig combo - I assume he's come as Steve McFadden off Eastenders.

"I used to have epic five-hour tennis matches using the garden fence as a net, hitting air shots, against imaginary opponents, pretending I was Andre Agassi. Although Mother refused to let me grow an 80's mullet like the great man. I had changeovers, drinks breaks, new ball changes...the neighbours must have thought I was a loon."
Robin, The City, in the TMS inbox

1252 - Ind 109-1 Andy Caddick is on TMS during the lunch break, if anyone's interested. Karthik picks up two more with a push into the covers and he's now 42. An absolute howler from Sidebottom, the ball arcing down leg-side, evading wicket-keeper Prior and running away for five.

Test Match Special

"To Alan (see below) - the appropriate behaviour for yourself will be to start the evening propping up the bar for a couple of pints. Then move to a corner where yourself and friends will recount stories of time gone by washed down with some more beer. After six or seven pints, leave the public house and proceed to another place where there are poles and dancing takes place around them while you sit and watch and remember other days gone by and what you used to be able to do. Have a good one."
Wiltscanary - also balding and middle aged - in the TMS inbox

1248 - Ind 103-1 Panesar drops short but Dravid misses out, clipping straight to the fielder at mid-wicket. Quicker one from Panesar and the ball balloons off Dravid's pad and drops just short of Bell at short-leg. Despite the oohs and aahs, I'm not sure there was any bat on it. Pretty flat stuff from Monty, he's in for the long haul.

1245 - Ind 103-1 Sidebottom drifts onto Dravid's pads and is whipped away for four - India are yomping along at four an over at the moment and that's the 100. Monty mis-fields at square-leg, looking like someone trying to pick up a scorpion, and the ball dribbles away for three.

"Ben, I amuse myself for hours becoming the first man from Macclesfield to score 150 and take 10 wickets on debut."
David Couchman, Macclesfield, in the TMS inbox

1240 - Ind 96-1 Karthik picks up another single with a defensive prod before Anderson pulls off a brilliant piece of fielding down on the third-man boundary, clawing the ball back before pushing it away from the rope with a second movement. Two runs for the shot. I get the feeling Monty could be worked into the ground like an Irish navvy during this Test. It's official! The King of Spain has abdicated! Long live the King of Spain!

1236 - Ind 90-1 Karthik opens the face and runs Anderson away for four - not totally in control, and it brings a wry smile to Anderson's face. One more for Karthik with a clip into the covers and it's all a bit of a slog for England at the moment.

"Roger Federer is clearly the best sportsman of all time due to his power, pace, athleticism, skill, utter style and grace and mental fortitude. Ali was just a raw talent and boxing is not a sport. I agree about lamb though."
Justin Cramp in the TMS inbox

1232 - Ind 85-1 Up goes the cheer and that can only mean one thing - it's Monty Time! Karthik turns Panesar off his legs for a couple before stealing a single with an easy push to mid-off. Dravid gives Monty the old barn door for the rest of the over, he's going to take a good look at the left-arm spinner before taking any chances.

"Further to your homage to the legendary butt-loving rap star Sir Mix-a-Lot, do you think he would like cricket? And if so, would he be allowed into the member's area at Lord's, or do you have to be a real sir?"
Sir Tax-a-Lot, London, in the TMS inbox

1228 - Ind 82-1 An Indian fan in the crowd with hair like Rusty Lee but a girlfriend to die for. How did that happen? Anderson retaining a nagging line and length...up until the final ball of the over which is short and wide and carved away for four by Karthik.

1225 - Ind 78-1 Karthik rocks back and drags Tremlett to mid-wicket for a single before Dravid picks up one with a push to mid-on.

"For Stuart Smith (see below). I beg to differ re the cockney legends that are Chas n Dave. Surely their biggest hit was 'Rabbit', or maybe 'Snooker Loopy'? My 10p is on 'Rabbit'. Step forward someone with the Guinness Book of Hit Singles for adjudication please."
Andy, Birmingham, in the TMS inbox

1221 - Ind 76-1 Dravid is off the mark, twirling his bat and sending an Anderson delivery motoring through the covers for four. More wide stuff from the Lancashire paceman and Dravid throws his bat at it and that's another four to the third-man fence. Two more for Dravid with a flick through mid-wicket, although that should have been a few, the ball stopped just short of the boundary. There are certain things that every sane person knows - that Muhammad Ali is the greatest sportsman of all time, that lamb is the best roasting meat, that The Royle Family is the best sit-com ever made and that Rahul Dravid is the most underrated batsman ever. I saw that new episode of The Royle Family the other night and cried like a woman in front of a couple of mates. Genius.

1214 - Ind 66-1 Dreamy stroke from Karthik, showing Tremlett the maker's name and the ball racing through mid-off for four.

1210 - WICKET: Jaffer c Pietersen b Anderson 35 (Ind 62-1) Anderson plonks one in short and Jaffer stands tall and yanks him away for four. But he's gone two balls later, upper-cutting and Pietersen snaffling the catch at third-man. Lazy old shot from Jaffer and that's very much a gimme for England, who were looking in a bit of trouble there. India skipper Dravid is the next man in.

"Wow, Zammo scrabbling around on the toilet floor takes me right back to my roots. Although I think my favourite scene from Grange Hill was when Bronson (who I think Darth Vader also killed on the Death Star for letting the rebels get away) locked Danny Kendall in his car after finding him shooting up in the art room. I always thought Kendall was a misunderstood creative type as opposed to a no-good waster that Bronson used to always dismiss him as. A bit like Graeme Hick, to give this email some cricket relevance."
Ally Antell in the TMS inbox

"If you're talking about fat-faced people, you just can't forget Sonia from Eastenders."
James, Bristol, in the TMS inbox

"I'm going out for a beer or two tonight for the first time in a long time. What does the audience feel is appropriate behaviour for a 38-year-old balding husband and father, without overstepping the boundaries of common decency?"
Alan in the TMS inbox

1202 - Ind 58-0 That's the fifty partnership, Karthik pushing the ball past Tremlett for a couple. A moral victory for Tremlett next ball, finding the edge of Karthik's bat and the ball piercing the slip cordon and racing to the third-man boundary. And that's another boundary for India, Karthik leaning into a Tremlett delivery and whipping it through mid-wicket. That's drinks, India coasting, ominous for England.

1158 - Ind 49-0 A single for Jaffer with a turn round the corner off Anderson. The outfield at The Oval is like a billiard table and Karthik bags three with a clip off his legs. Does anyone else still do imaginary commentaries of themselves winning the Ashes, the football World Cup etc? "In comes Warne, who gives it some air�and that's the Ashes! Dirs skips down the pitch and launches Warne over mid-wicket for six�". After that, I rip out an imaginary stump and run off the pitch trying to avoid imaginary fans, all the time making crowd noises with the back of my throat. I've got a mate who pretends he's a maverick 70's footballer being interviewed by Parky about his various misdemeanours. Weirdo.

1153 - Ind 44-0 Tremlett has a very valid lbw appeal turned down by umpire Howell - that trapped Karthik in his crease and looked plumb, but Hawkeye suggests it was going over. Karthik gets away with an uppish drive which races through the covers for four. Not much out there for England at the moment.

"Some other fat-faced people that those with tooth infections could impersonate: Billie Piper, David Coulthard, Mariah Carey and Moon-Face out of Enid Blyton's Magic Faraway Tree."
Tony Russell, Streatham, in the TMS inbox

1148 - Ind 37-0 Sidebottom tries out a bumper but Jaffer drops his hands and the ball goes harmlessly by. Having adapted to the earlier swing of Sidebottom, there are no great dramas for the Indian openers. A couple of absolute English peaches picked up by the Sky cameraman. I like big butts and I cannot lie, you other brothers can't deny, that when a girl walks in with an itty-bitty waist and a round thing in your face...

"If you don't finally give in and publish something by me I will have no option but to circulate a photo I have of you singing Chas and Dave's biggest hit Ain't No Pleasing You to a rowdy Welsh crowd."
Stuart Smith in the TMS inbox

1145 - Ind 37-0 Oh dear Andrew (see below). What happened? Mess the bed? Funnily enough, my dad, a toolmaker-cum-cab driver, doesn't have much influence with the mandarins at the BBC. He was mates with the bloke who played Terry the chef in Fawlty Towers though. Bit of chin music from Tremlett - nasty that - and Jaffer just manages to fend it into the covers. Jaffer picks up a single with a clip to mid-wicket.

"Oh joy, it's you again Dirs. Did your daddy have a falling out with the BBC bosses? Because that's clearly the only reason you got your job in the first place. The well-trodden route no doubt - minor public school, Oxbridge reject university and then desperately trying to be a part of a British institution in the BBC. T**t."
Andrew, Harpenden, in the TMS inbox

1140 - Ind 36-0 Sidebottom still hopping it about and he just misses Jaffer's off-stick with another that curves back in. But that's bread and butter for Jaffer next ball, clipping Sidebottom off his pads for four. Two more for Mr Nice and Easy down to third-man and he'll be calling for his slippers in a minute.

1137 - Ind 29-0 Vaughan turns to Tremlett in the hope his extra bounce can cause the Indian openers some problems. Good to hear England legend Graham Thorpe doing a stint in the TMS inbox, and exhibiting more than just a slight Australian twang. One no-ball from the over, but pretty tight other than that.

Test Match Special

"When I'm listening to music on the bus and I need to press the bell, am I alone in trying to ring it in an apt place of the song? I'm tempted to stick The Typewriter on my generic mp3 player, cos that'd be pretty much perfect."
Jim, Leeds, in the TMS inbox

1130 - Ind 28-0 Karthik times Sidebottom through the covers for three. As Monty gave chase, the crowd went wild, as if he was homing in on the first four-minute mile. Good, athletic fielding from Monty to save four. Jaffer times Sidebottom through mid-wicket for another boundary. This chap makes batting look as simple as H from Steps.

"Actually Ben, I CAN imagine Clive Lloyd getting up to some tricks. After a game at Sophia Gardens some years ago, me and my mate walked down the road ahead of him and his language was atrocious. As a 10 year old, I can honestly say I learnt more about the female anatomy from Clive Lloyd than I ever did from the playground."
Marc, Hong Kong, in the TMS inbox

1127 - Ind 21-0 A colleague has just picked me up on my McCririck 'bogey' comment (see below). Obviously a better man than me, he didn't watch that particular series of Celeb BB. Anderson gets one past Jaffer's outside edge, but Jaffer, unnerved, upper-cuts the Lancashire paceman for a maximum next ball. Safe as houses, and Jaffer has 18 from 18.

1121 - Ind 10-0 Fine bit of bowling from Sidebottom, getting the ball to swing in late and very nearly pierce Karthik's defences. Karthik picks up a couple with a push into the covers and Sidebottom looks the most likely to pick up a wicket at the moment.

"Regarding the still great Andy Caddick, agree with you wholeheartedly. Far and away the best English bowler currently playing first-class cricket. If not tagged with 'can't be arsed on tour' label and overlooked for so many Test matches, would have easily surpassed many on list of top wicket-takers. Regularly taking wickets on a superb batting track at Taunton."
Jezzie, often writing, never published, at work in sunny Plymouth, in the TMS inbox

1117 - Ind 8-0 John McCririck and Sun racing correspondent Claude Duval up in the pavilion, no doubt comparing bogeys. And that's the first runs of the day, Jaffer standing tall and carving Anderson through cover-point for four. And another, Jaffer just placing his bat in the path of the ball and the cherry racing to the long-off fence. Peche de la peche from the elegant right-hander.

1112 - Ind 0-0 Sidebottom is keeping it tighter than Larry Blackmon's codpiece at the moment and peppering Karthik's off-stump. That's another maiden and Sidebottom continuing to get plenty of hoop into the batsman.

"Hi Benders (a name befitting anyone having anything to do with TMS), I've just read that the King of Spain is set to announce his retirement tomorrow, surely he should be abdicating? Imagine the outcry if The Queen simply decided to relinquish her responsibilities with just 24 hours notice."
Dave Crosthwaite in the TMS inbox

1107 - Ind 0-0 Anderson it is to share the new ball with Sidebottom and his second ball is a jaffer, squaring Jaffer up and just missing his off-peg. Another tight over from Anderson and India still to get off the mark. I tell you one thing, if you'd thrown jelly beans at Gatting, he wouldn't have started waving his bat about, he would have hit the deck sharpish and started scrabbling around like Zammo in that scene from Grange Hill when Jackie throws his smack all over the changing room floor.

1104 - Ind 0-0 Sidebottom to have first go with the ball and he gets a bit of shape into the right-handed Karthik, the Indian opener swishing and missing at the third ball of the over. There is a buzz around The Oval the like of which you only get on the first morning of a Test and that's a probing first over from Sidebottom.

1058: Right, a spot of Jerusalem and it's nearly time. England huddle and out trot Jaffer and Karthik.

1057: If there are any ladies out there looking to lose weight ahead of their hols in Magaluf, I strongly suggest hitting yourself in the face with a spanner and pouring the fizzy drink of your choice down any cracks that appear. Hopefully, you'll get an infection and you'll barely be able to eat for three or four days. Tooth infection has it upsides. While I look like I've got a helium balloon attached to my shoulders and half expect to wake up to hundreds of locals outside my bedroom window wielding flaming torches and pitchforks, I was able to spend 10 minutes in front of the mirror the other night doing Marlon Brando impressions. I got so into it, I borrowed my mate's gel, slicked my hair back and did that thing where he smacks his face with his hand.

1055: A couple of chaps dressed as bags of jelly babies in the crowd. Lovely stuff. My colleague, who is of Indian extraction, has predicted tons for India's top four, which elicited knowing sighs from everyone else on the cricket desk.

"I find it sooo amusing that your name sounds like 'Benders'. That is all."
Michael Hall in the TMS inbox

"I thought I'd be funny on Saturday and throw jelly beans onto the wicket during a local game. One batsman called me a childish *@#&&@ just before being bowled by a ball which ripped into his leg stump via a pink one. Oh how we laughed and called him funny names as he departed the field."
Martin in the TMS inbox

1041: England have not lost a home series since 2001 while India have not won a series in England since 1986, so there is much at stake at The Oval. The Times is reporting this morning that Sir Andrew of Caddickshire was on standby to replace Tremlett had the Hampshire man's shoulder let him down. My word, I would have loved to have seen the big man steaming in again - still better than anything England have got at the moment in my opinion...

1038: Ian Botham is claiming England will be happy they've lost the toss. In blazing sunshine at The Oval. On a flat deck. Against one of the best batting line-ups in the world. For such a great man, he's sometimes such a disappointment

1034: India, like England, are unchanged. Rahul Dravid has won the toss and, funnily enough, the tourists are going to have a bat. That's a short, sharp, early morning kick in the testicles for England. David Gower brings up jelly beans with Vaughany on Sky and the England skipper, who appears to be cultivating a luxurious mullet, chuckles, makes his excuses and strolls off. Cheeky, David, very cheeky...

"Good Morning Ben, good to have you back with us Sir, lovely stuff! How was Faliraki? Bet the ladies couldn't believe their luck!"
Ste Pritchard, Chester, in the TMS inbox

1032: Well, well, well, I'm out of the office for a few weeks and the England team turn into a bunch of seven-year-olds. Who'd have thought Ian Bell would be the Phantom Jelly Bean Thrower of Old Nottingham? It's like discovering that quiet bloke over the road who "keeps himself to himself" has got half of Bristol buried in his back garden. I can't imagine Clive Lloyd ever turned round to Joel Garner and said, "look, all this chin music is getting us nowhere, we'll get Viv to scatter a few Mojos in his crease and see if he gets the hump."

1030: Hello you. Hope you're all well, it's been a while. The first news to relay is that England are unchanged from the side that went down at Trent Bridge, which means Stuart Broad is still waiting to make his Test debut. Chris Tremlett had given England a scare on the eve of the match but has recovered from a sore shoulder.