Two late wickets took the gloss off a good opening day for England in the first Test against India at Lord's.

Andrew Strauss (96) put on 76 with Alastair Cook (36) and 142 with captain Michael Vaughan (79) as they punished some wayward bowling from the tourists.

But Anil Kumble, who had Strauss caught at slip earlier, got Paul Collingwood lbw and Vaughan edged RP Singh behind.

Kevin Pietersen rode his luck to make 34 as England closed on 268-4 after the third and final stoppage for bad light.

606: DEBATE Your thoughts on day one

e-mail tms@bbc.co.uk (with 'For Tom Fordyce' in the subject) or use 606

By Tom Fordyce

1853: Eng 268-4 - BAD LIGHT STOPS PLAY FOR THE THIRD TIME
More chat between Bucknor and Taufel, and that really is it this time. A nasty little sting in the tail of the day for England, and India will be delighted the way they turned that around. KP's on 34 not out, Siders yet to get off the quacker. See you around 1030 BST on Friday...

1845: Eng 264-4
Siders is in now alright, but he's watching from the other end as KP inside-edges just past his castle. Gulp. Arpy then drops short and is flayed away. Suddenly the pressure is bang on out there.

1840: WICKET - Collingwood lbw Kumble 0, Eng 255-4
Colly decided to come in ahead of Sidebottom - and he's lasted all of three balls, plunging his pad at Kumble's straightener with bat miles away, and Umpo Taufel has no doubt. The match is changing, right at the death.

1834: WICKET - Vaughan c Dhoni b Singh 79, Eng 252-3
Zut alors - Vaughan aims a leaden-footed push at a slight away-dancer from RP, gets an audible snick and is on his way. India are cockahoop, Vaughan despondent. Looked for all the world like he was going to bag a ton, the skipper - but now he's trudging off, trailing his blade behind him.

1831: Eng 252-2
Kumble on, jumpered up, and KP stays safe. On the England balcony, Ryan Sidebottom is padded up. Monty is chatting away to him in animated fashion, but Siders is staring straight ahead with a fixed half-smile on his face.

1829: Eng 251-2
RP Singh turns his arm over in front of a sparse scattering of punters, and KP jumps on a short wide one to slap a four away through cover.

From Alan Hughes: "On the subject of anagrams, Andrew Strauss translates as 'Sad runs waster', while Marcus Trescothick can produce 'O, such smart cricket'."

1819 Not carefully enough, Fordyce - Buckno's just been out there again, and he likes what he sees. We;re back on in 10 minutes. Hello? Hello? Anyone still there?

1759: Eng 247-2 - BAD LIGHT STOPS PLAY AGAIN
Desultory applause from what's left of the crowd as the meters of light are brandished again, and that could be it for the day. I know I said that before, but I've considered my chat even more carefully this time.

1754: Eng 244-2
Zaheer attempts a spicy short one but gets zero jump from the track, and KP slaps him away wide of midwicket for his first boundary.

1747: Eng 236-2
Zaheer canters in to KP, who gets busy with nibbles to leg. Vaughan looks far from happy to be out there - it's still gloomier than a Sisters Of Mercy convention.

From Paul Jones: "An anagram of Tom Fordyce, however, is 'comedy fort'. Nice. 'Comfort dye' is almost as appealing."

1743: Wake up at the back there - we're back on! Came out of nowhere, that decision - it isn't much brighter, but it's enough for the umps. Cue a frantic scrambling for pens and keyboards in the BBC hot-seats.

From Chris Noon: "Rudgely: I'm off home now. If you insult me in the next hour and a half and there is no riposte, it's because I'm on the train - not because I cannot think of a comeback."

1713: Still supa-gloomy out there. It could clear up, but that would require the weather forecast to be entirely wrong. Sit tight and I'll keep you posted.

From Oliver Studdart: "Simon Rudgely - you just needed to put in his full name, 'Christopher Edwards'. Then you have 'Cheddars trip whores'. Not sure what it means, but I'm sure it will give you a small sense of satisfaction."

From Chris SJ: "How about �Discard Shrew� for Chris Edwards? Sure I could�ve done better but my brain is starting to fall asleep owing to the rubbish weather."

1652: Eng 233-2 - BAD LIGHT STOPPED PLAY
Slow handclaps from the crowd as Umpos Bucknor and Taufel wave their light-meters in the air, shake their heads at the reading and offer the light to the England pair. Off they stroll, with a cloud the size of Kansas drifting menacingly over the ground.

From Simon Rudgely: "Chris Edwards - there was no need for that comment. I can't find anything funny on Google for Chris Edwards and your name does not make anything funny when trying to anagram it. I am off to retire to a small dark corner and never speak again."

1645: Eng 231-2
Zaheer on to aim a few chin-scratchers at Pietersen, who didn't seem to like it up him against the Windies earlier this summer. He sways out of the way of one and then stops himself mid-hook on another. Vaughan nods encouragingly from the other end.

From BBC Sport's Oliver Brett at Lord's: "In what has been a fairly soporific session in the press box, a mini-scandal erupts to pep everyone up a bit. 'Has anyone seen CMJ's binoculars? Large grey ones' booms a voice from the front row. After a few furtive glances, the man from the Press Association admits to being the culprit. Much guffawing all round."

1637: Eng 230-2
Cheekly little spell this from Santh - he's now coming round the wicket to Vaughan, angling the ball across the skip and extending his follow-through down the track to post a little slice of chat pie in Vaughan's ear.

From Chris H-T: "Following the whole Sarah/Bill/Heidi thing with interest. When Sarah refers to sharing her sitting-room with a cow is she referring to Heidi, or an animal of bovine nature? If it's Heidi, how does she propose to obtain said milk? Could this escalate into your first TMS cat-fight?"

1632: Eng 223-2
Uh-oh - enormous dark grey clouds loom over the Mound Stand. That doesn't look good at all. KP's at the crease, eyes the size of dinner-plates, revved up on Red Bull like a superbike on the front row of the grid. At the other end, Vaughan is purring along like a well-kept Bentley.

From Denzil in Belgium: "Just seen the latest Potter film over here, and was intrigued by the subtitles. In Dutch, Hermione is Hermelien Griffel, Dumbledore is Perkamentus, Seamus Finnigan is Simon Filister, and worst of all, Neville Longbottom is no more, to be replaced by Marcel Lubbermans."

1626: WICKET - Strauss c Dravid b Kumble 96, Eng 218-2
What's he done? That is madness... Four runs short of a precious ton at Lord's, Strauss comes charging down the track at Kumble and then pokes a desperate edge straight into Dravid's pouch at slip. He bonks himself on the head with his bat as he trudges off. What was he thinking?

1622: Eng 214-1
More chat from Santh to Vaughan, who walks away dismissively, takes off his lid and spikes up his hair. Tonsorial task complete, he bangs the lid back on and squashes all his good work.

From Chris Edwards: "Simon Rudgely is an anagram of Smug Oily Nerd."

1618: Eng 214-1
Santh beats Vaughan outside off, and celebrates by giving the England captain a mouthful of meaty chat. Vaughan blinks back and mentions the scoreboard.

From Toby Knight: "Wasn't Edward later found to have failed his steam sample having slipped a little something into his water tank?"

1612: Eng 212-1
Dear oh dear - Ganguly, stationed out on the square leg boundary like the prince of a distant mountain kingdom, is called into action to chase a Strauss slap and makes hand-on-mouth mess of the attempted dive. Dravid stands with hands on hips and stares up at the clouds with furious anger steaming from his ears.

1604: Eng 201-1
Sree - or Santh, to be more formal - comes back into the attack. Bet he wishes he hadn't bothered - he serves up two lacklustre wides, and is then thick-edged away by Vaughan for three to bring up England's 200.

From Sarah in Canterbury: "Bill - who is this Heidi person? Is my heart to be broken before we have even met? And I must tell you I cannot share my sitting room with a cow, however convenient it is to have fresh milk for my morning cuppa."

1604: Eng 197-1
Kumble kontinues after a pleasant tea-break, and a sleepy Strauss stabs down on a spitting sizzler.

From Peter Mears: "Re the Harry Potter stuff. What a ridiculous concept! Unbelievably far-fetched. Who ever heard of a ginger kid with two friends?"

TEA

1541: Eng 197-1
There we go - Strauss strolls off unbeaten on 84 after pulling a dropped-short Sachin finger-sticker through midwicket for four. Vaughan strides alongside him on 57, and there's contentment easing from every pore as they scale the pavilion steps. Time for toilet breaks here - I'll be back in 15.

1536: Eng 190-1
Time for another before tea? Kumble dances in on tippy-toes and almost fools Vaughan in the flight, only for Umpo Taufel to wave away the noisy lbw appeal. Dhoni bites the webbing on his glove reflectively.

From Mick Arnold: "Regarding Spencer from Thomas The Tank Engine and Friends (Christopher Hodson at 14:58): He did not run out of water on Gordon's Hill in the race with Edward. He fell asleep whist the Duke and Duchess took some photos of the island. At that point Edward overtook him and won the race. 'Fastest and best' was Spencer's catchphrase - but not on this occasion."

1532: Eng 188-1
Hello - Sachin's going to have a joust with his little leg-tweakers. Vaughan watches studiously as the first few bounce gently past off-stump, and then jabs down on a cheeky googly.

From Heidi to Bill in Switzerland: "So, you English who is the two-timer, you take advantage of our good Swiss hospitality, eat my fondue and now I am reading you have an English miss. It is all over between us - return the cow to my father."

1529: Eng 187-1
Scratchy moment for Strauss - he aims a bulging-veined sweep at Kumble, gets a steepler of a top edge and then watches with relief al over his chops as the ball bounces in no-man's land beyond stumper Dhoni. Whoosh.

From Simon Norris: "Andrew Curphey � we all know you�re reading TTTE yourself to fill time until the Harry Potter book is released this weekend. Incidentally, a gaggle of kids dressed as Potter and his fresh-faced chums are standing outside Waterstones in Piccadilly and annoyingly shouting �Honk for Harry� at passing cars. Don�t they have old ladies to terrorise on the estate at home any more?"

1524: Eng 184-1
Shadows appear on the outfield once again, and all is good in the world - England are beginning to coast, and the Indian attack are looking puffed. Zaheer slams a short one into the blancmange of a pitch, and Strauss boffs it away dismissively for another four. Easy peas.

From John McCabe: "There is a traditional folk song titled 'Spencer the Rover but I�m not sure if the Spencer in question is some sort of nomad or a motor vehicle formerly built at Longbridge."

1519: Eng 180-1
Delightful shot from the skipper, creaming a fullish one from Zaheer through extra cover at 500mph. That's his 50, and the century partnership too. A warm buzz of satisfaction rises from the stands.

From Sarah in Canterbury: "Please can you reassure Bill in Switzerland that I am not ignoring him, Tom. Just popping out and will address the arrangements for the wedding on my return. I am very happy to hear that satellite television is now in place and that it seems there are no impediments to our union."

1514: Eng 174-1
Kumble tries to badger Strauss with the wrong 'un, but he drags it short and Strauss pulls it away for his 12th four. 71 now for the home-town boy, with Vaughan just two away from his own half-ton.

From Andrew Curphey: "To Christopher Hodson - thanks for ruining the ending to the story. I was looking forward to reading that to my son tonight to find out how it ended."

1507: Eng 169-1
Vaughan moves to a silky 48 with the subtlest of tickle-glances off Kumble for four. Interesting little battle on now - if England can get through to tea in half-an-hour's time with these two at the crease, they'll start fancying their chances. But if Kumble conjures out one or two wickets, the tea-time sandwiches will taste pretty different.

From Rick Laughton: "As a fellow resident of Switzerland, also suffering from the lack of TV coverage, I would be happy to help arrange Bill and Sarah's wedding (in exchange for a peep at the highlights on his newly-installed satellite system). May I suggest some traditional Swiss flag-tossers and alpenhorns as a guard of honour?"

1503: Eng 165-1
Strauss smashes his way out of the shackles with a meaty back-foot pull for four off Zaheer. The cheer from the crowd causes a slumbering MCC member to briefly raise his his chin from his chest before Morpheus takes hold once again.

From Patrick Barge: "If Chris Noon is not the Hampshire DJ, the real one is going to be very confused with the booking enquiry form that I've just sent him, complete with insults."

1458: Eng 159-1
Good loop from Kumble, drifting them away from Vaughan with tantalising tweakers that start off looking like juicy full tosses but then suddenly morph into vicious spitters.

From Christopher Hodson: "In the Thomas the Tank Engine and Friends stories, 'Spencer' was a visiting engine on the fictional Island of Sodor. He belongs to the duke and duchess of Boxford. He is stuck up and snotty to the other engines, but ran out of water on a hill and Gordon had to save him. He was beaten in a race with Edward."

1445: Eng 155-1
Two maidens on the bounce from Ganguly and Kumble, and we've hit that mid-afternoon lull when lunches weigh heavy on the gut and eyelids begin to droop. It's all very polite out there - no audible sledging, strictly limited aggression and a minimum of running.

From Philip Bedson: "Is anyone else worried that Simon Rudgely and Chris Noone are going to end up as the Biggie and Tupac of TMS?"

1445: Eng 155-1
Hello - here comes Kumble for his first twirlio of the afternoon. Strauss is nearly yorked by a cheeky dipper before escaping to the other end with a squirty single.

From Bill in Switzerland: "Please post this message as it is the only way I can communicate with Sarah from Canterbury, who, during the last match against the West Indies and through this very channel, kindly accepted my marriage proposal (sort of). Her only condition was that I install satellite TV as we receive no cricket broadcasts otherwise here in Switzerland. Please tell her I've been connected.

"Now there are other issues to be resolved such as organising the ceremony, booking the yodellers, mailing her a photo of myself, and so on. You'd be doing us a great favour if you published this immediately."

1441: Eng 152-1
Time for a drinks break - the poor lads out there must be gasping after full 40 minutes without a beverage. Ganguly wraps up with a maiden, beating a stretchy Vaughan outside off with a little away-wobble and then almost inducing an aerial drive with a slower one.

From Chris Noon: "Simon's research is commendable, but his discovery specious: I can assure TMS readers that the googly-eyed maestro who mans the turntables during Hamsphire obsequies is not me."

1435: Eng 152-1
Middle-of-willow joy at last for Strauss, leaning back on a short one from Zaheer and punching through extra cover for four. Still cloudy at Lord's, but no overhead wetness as yet.

Top three suggestions via email for Chris Noon to play at funerals:

1. Knock On Wood 2. Deeper Underground 3. Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now

From Alex Cocksworth: "Re Spencer Playne - you think you�ve got problems? Try being a Cocksworth. And I�m a girl."

1428: Eng 143-1
Maiden from Zaheer to Vaughan, who's doing that funny tilting thing with his head as the bowler approaches. It's no Phil DeFrietas coming-in-to-bowl snort, for sure, but it makes him look like a quizzical owl - or Professor Yaffle from Bagpuss.

From Geoff McHugh: "Further to the contribution from Roger Hartley on a Spencer as a ladies undergarment. The history of Spencer as an item of apparel is quite interesting (if you like this kind of thing). It was originally a short jacket invented by the Earl Spencer in the 1700s, then in the 1800s it became the name for a close-fitting, waist-length jacket worn by women and from there it's but one small step to Antipodean undergarments."

1423: Eng 141-1
Long delay there as in-depth discussions take place over the state of the ball. It appears to be going a bit like this:

Dravid: We can't bowl with that
Vaughan: Yes you can
Dravid: No we can't
Vaughan: Course you can
Dravid: What about this one?
Vaughan: Nope
Dravid: This one?
Vaughan: No way
Dravid: This one then?
Vaughan: Yeah, go on then

From Spencer Playne: "My parents did indeed take the 'silly surname, may as well give him a ridiculous forename' approach. However, am surprised a 'Roger' - the king of all comedy names - has been the one to point that out."

1415: Eng 141-1
RP is having a stinker - he flings two more wides towards Tendulkar at second slip, gifts Strauss the single he needs to reach his half-ton and then offers up two peachy half-volleys on a silver salver for Skipper Vaughan to crash away for successive fours. Folded arms and accusing stares from the slips.

From Piers Pennington: "Can Simon or Chris shed any light on who would hire a mobile disco for a funeral? What does Chris play on such occasions - Staying Alive?"

1411: Eng 129-1
Those maidens have monkeyed with Sree's mind - he serves up an over so random that it would have made Saj Mahmood blush. After two deliveries aimed at second slip, Strauss reaches for a fuller one and cracks it past Zaheer at mid-off. Zaheer waves a token hand at the ball and then waits for someone else to fetch it.

1406: Eng 124-1
Vaughan finally provides succour for the sloshed, rocking back to slap a short one from Singh to the midwicket boundary. A small child waves a card bearing the numeral '4' and then looks up at his father for approval.

From Martin O'Malley: "I went to an 'inner-city� school and I was the only one who had played before. We bowled firstand they declared on 150; I opened the bowling then kept wicket. We were bowled out for 9, I scored five. I cried afterwards while the other boys laughed at me."

1402: Eng 118-1
Six maidens on the bounce from Sree, and the better-oiled members of the crowd are beginning to get restless. KP's waiting on the England balcony, pads on, mighty blade resting on thigh.

From Roland Smith: "A 'Spencer' is also a cut of bacon, but I can't remember if it's a three-quarter cut with the ham or with the leg."

By the way, here's the pic of Chris Noon which Simon R included on his email:

1359: Eng 118-1
A generous reading of that Arpy over would see Vaughan described as circumspect. Boycott was loving every left-alone second.

From Simon Rudgely: "Re Chris Noon - I must inform you that I played for the Mighty Moles at the end of my somewhat unspectacular football career which included Fulham, Bristol City, Stevanage, Bath City and Worthing - which I think surpasses the Chris Noon in Hampshire I found on Google who runs a mobile disco which does weddings, birthdays and funerals."

1352: Eng 118-1
Sree's getting some dart out there - he gets one to nip back at Vaughan's nipples, and the England skipper throws himself out of the way. Plenty of empty seats here as the luncheon period extends into the early afternoon.

From Paul Cunliffe: "Re Mike Parkin's earlier Andrew Strauss/leafy Beaconsfield/errant car story. A story made much more interesting with the knowledge that Mike's response to said incident was to inconsolably burst into tears because of 'shock'. The big cry baby."

1348: Eng 117-1
Arpy to Strauss, who aims a behemoth of a drive at a away-dipper and toe-ends it gently to cover. Slightly suspect grey clouds overhead. Wasn't this supposed to be the only sunny day of the entire summer? It's a disgrace.

From Roger Hartley: "It's a good job Spencer Playle didn't venture down here with Alex Hall. 'Spencer' is the name here in Australia for a lady's undergarment, similar to a liberty bodice with just a hint of lace round the neck. No matter what school he went to he would be derided."

1343: Eng 115-1
As you were, my friends - Sree serves up six leave-alones, and Vaughanie sticks to the script.

From Matt Crouch in Copenhagen: "Just had time to hang out the laundry, make the bed, do the dishes and waft the hoover around the apartment in the lunch break, thereby convincing the missus that I haven't just been lazing on the sofa listening to TMSall day when she gets home from work. Anybody else as productive during lunch?"

From Tim Rogers: "Please can you tell Sarah Ginn of Guildford (see comment at 1215) that I shan't forget - and would she like a Twirl from the newsagents nextdoor?"

LUNCH

1301: Eng 115-1
That's your lot for now - Vaughan streaks a four of the outside edge as Kumble finds a sniff of turn, and it's been England's morning. I'm off for a stroll and a sanger - see you in 38.

From Spencer Playle: "I'm proud to have gone to a 'Grange Hill' style comprehensive - but my friend Alex Hall went to posh Dulwich and became so arrogant that he had to move to Australia to be amongst people he could relate to."

1259: Eng 110-1
Lordy - a crazy let-off for Strauss - he mis-times a drive in a gentle loop straight to Karthik at point, only for the some-time wicketkeeper to somehow spill it. Strauss was already on his way, only to look up shocked at the crowd's roar and stand his flukey ground. Gulp.

1255: Eng 110-1
Anil Kumble comes on for a shoulder-loosener, and produces a magnificent Harmison first up - a chest-high full toss that a surprised Strauss pulls away for one.

From Andrew Raisbeck: Re Simon Watts - surely a purity ring for the Care Bear would solve the problem?"

1251: Eng 109-1
We've entered that phoney war period before lunch, when the bowler trundles them in harmlessly outside off and the batsman thrusts his pad forward before pulling his willow away theatrically. Sree barely breaks sweat, Vaughan stays put.

From Chris Noon: "Did a Google search on Simon Rudgely. It appears he is stand-in goalkeeper for Surrey-based football team Molesey FC. But alas for the mighty 'Moles', they are a pretty porous outfit when Rudgely dons the gloves. 'Molesey suffer third straight defeat' and 'Blues send Molesey back to earth with a bump' are two headlines I found in the Weybridge News."

1247: Eng 109-1
Zaheer scoots in to Strauss, drops short and is clunked away through point off the toe of the bat. The ball dribbles away for four, and Strauss has the decency to shake the sting off his shaking hands as it does.

From James O'Donnell: "On the subject of poor schools, I went to a school so poor that we couldn't afford whites and had to play in our school trousers with white polo shirts. One lad did manage to get his hands on a pair of white jeans to go with said polo. When he strode out to bat, the opposition asked why he was dressed as a painter. He was out for a duck."

1242: Eng 105-1
Sree's back on, and Vaughan takes a careful gander before leaving well alone. In the TMS commentary box, Graham Thorpe is talking about his winter in Sydney. You wouldn't believe how Australian he sounds - it's vaguely distateful.

From Paul Crockford: "Interesting comment about the shared use of a box. When playing for my company team we always had the same problem. My solution was to wear two pairs of pants so the used box would not have to come into contact with sensitive areas."

1239: Eng 104-1
Maiden from Zaheer, the fifth of the day for any bored fact-fans out there. Vaughan leans nonchalantly on his blade at the non-striker's.

From Simon Watts: "In addition to Sarah Ginns note, can I wish bon voyage to Murphy, my pet rabbit, who is having an adjustment to his nether regions today. I've told the vet to be gentle. Hopefully this will mean that Murphy will lose his amorous ways with my daughter's Care Bear in the future."

1234: Eng 104-1
Super stuff from the skipper - a cover drive that is 99% class and 1% effort, followed by an on-drive for another four that has the purists purring and nodding at each other with approval.

From Mike Parkin: "I used to play cricket with Andy Strauss for Gerrards Cross. Our most notable game together was a six-a-side tournament held in leafy Beaconsfield - notable as the game was interrupted when an out of control car careered through the car park and onto the pitch. I thought it was driven by the enraged father of one of my dodgy caught-behind victims, but it turned out to be an old man with no licence."

1230: Eng 94-1
Zaheer to Strauss, and the leftie is beaten as he thrusts boldy forward outside off. The sun is out, if not quite beating down, and the pre-lunch hubbub grows louder.

1225: Eng 92-1
Vaughan's looking as unruffled as a leopard asleep on a shaded branch, a sentence which will probably condemn him to instant dismissal in the next over. Sourav continues with six deliveries at the pace of milk-cart going uphill.

From Gareth 'From The Block' Evans: "Am I the only one here who didn't go to a super-top exclusive college where they had 'matrons' and it was the norm to bowl out rugby stars? I feel a bit guilty now for calling Strauss posh - am I going to get strangled with a cravat?"

Gareth - there are no class boundaries in this commentary - we're one big family under the, ah, magic umbrella of cricket. Or something. Anyway, I went to a state school so skint that, when we played cricket, the outgoing batsman had to hand his sweaty box over to the incoming batsman as they passed on the outfield. You wouldn't believe how many people wanted to open.

1219: Eng 87-1
Gangulers continues, and Vaughan drives him straight for four with a front elbow so high it clears his helmet.

From Simon Rudgely: "Re Chris Noon - I'm sure Johnny is very thankful for your help in pointing him in the right direction to World Cup glory. As he walked towards the pavillion did he tell you to stick to working at a desk all your life?"

1215: Eng 82-1
Zaheer back into the attack as Skipper Vaughan joins Straussy, and a thick outside edge gets the chunky patrician into the 30s. Up in one of the VIP boxes, the Duke of Edinburgh is deep in conversation with John Major. No sign of HRH storming out yet, but if it hasn't happened soon I'll make it up.

From Sarah Ginn in Guildford: "While leaving messages for people, could you remind Tim to pick up some hamster food and bedding on his way over tonight?"

1208: WICKET - Cook lbw Ganguly 36, Eng 76-1
Dear oh dear - Sourav comes on for a twirl, looking so uninterested you expect him to instruct his manservant to do the honours for him. Next thing you know Cookie's missed a turgid wobbler, the shout's gone up and the Essex Tyro is on his way. Replays show it was missing off-stump too, but not in Steve Bucknor's head.

1202: Eng 76-0
Bong - it's runs o'clock again as Arpy wanders down leg. Cookie's on 36, Strauss on 29, and all is good at England Towers. Geoff Boycott is busy comparing the Indian attack to any number of useless items from his childhood.

From Chris Noon: "I tell you who did go to Lord Wandsworth College - Jonny Wilkinson. I should know because I once trapped Jonny lbw with a beautiful inswinger when playing against LWC in the Hampshire County Cup back in 1993. I pointed him back to the pavilion and told him to stick to rugby, the mug."

1154: Eng 62-0
Arpy's bang on the buck, and Rahul is clapping while looking meaningfully in Sree's direction. Up on the England balcony, Allan Donald has Chris Tremlett and KP in stitches with what looks like an extremely bawdy anecdote. He's standing and jabbing a finger at an imaginary foe, and the chaps are loving it. Here comes Vaughany too - he's strolled over to catch the punchline. I'm no expert in lip-reading, but I think I caught the words "traffic cone", "no idea where my shoes were" and "bruise the size of a frying-pan".

From Dan Woolstone: "Yes I did go to Lord Wandsworth College - but I never stole your cue, Dave. In fact, if matron hadn't helped me, I'd still be in that bin on top of the snooker table where you left me."

1149: Eng 62-0
Sree's gone wobbly again - he serves up a half-volley in the help-yourself zone on Cook's legs, and another flipped four is added to the tally. 0-31 off his five overs so far, and it could be time for a blow.

From Andy Radford: "While the subject has turned to "old friends" I was wondering whether you were the Tom Fordyce who captained Girton College back in the 90s."

Very much so, Andy. I don't believe we won a game under my stewardship. I was like Chris Cowdrey without the influential parent.

1144: Eng 54-0
RP Singh continues, and after Cook skips through for a quick single, Strauss clips a loose one through midwicket for a relaxed two. Slice of chat about Arpy, if you haven't seen him in action before - he's a skinny left-armer with a high helmet of hair and a patchy 'tache under his nose. As opposed to under his chin or armpit. What a ridiculous sentence - I apologise wholeheartedly.

1140: Eng 51-0
Sree strays onto Strauss's toes and is boffed away through midwicket for a bottom-hander of a boundary.

Results are in, by the way, for the phone-in competition we've been running to win a diamond-encrusted cricket bat signed by WG Grace, Don Bradman and Shane Warne. The winner is a Mr T Fordyce of London, with runners-up prizes going to a B Dirs and S Lyon.

1135: Eng 45-0
Impressive from Singh - just the threat of away-nibble from the leftie, and Cook goes cautious.

From David Thomas: "Apologies for using your site for looking up old friends, but can I ask previous correspondent Dan Woolstone whether he went to Lord Wandsworth College? If so, can I have my snooker cue back?"

1131: Eng 45-0
Sree has a joust from the other end, and he's liking it a whole lot more - he runs one across Strauss from over the wicket, and the slip cordon ooh-aahs. To flesh out Sarah's Sree comparison, the zombie effect has been achieved through liberal use of thick white sun-block on the chops. But he's also sporting a droopy 'tache that's very My Name Is Earl.

From Gareth Evans: "I always feel the same sense of uneasy foreboding at this time in an England innings - it's all going well but I give it 10 minutes before Strauss is looking though his legs at his mangled stumps and doing that slightly surprised posh-boy look."

1127: Eng 41-0
Rahul's seen enough - RP Singh is thrown the battered cherry, and he tightens things up from the off. Zaheer's been sent to the boundary in disgrace.

1123: Eng 40-0
I do beg your pardon - I flagged this one up as the first match in a three-Test series, but it's clearly a one-off Twenty20 bish-bash. Eight an over from England so far, with bowling as loose as Mike Gatting's trousers when worn by Stuart Broad.

From Sarah in Canterbury: "Is it just me, or does Sreesanth look like he's straight out of Shaun of the Dead?

1116: Eng 26-0
Sree's radar is suddenly all over the place too - he pops a tepid looper onto Cook's pads for three more, and then fires a quicker one way down leg for four byes. Dravid purses his lips while Sree swallows and looks at his feet.

From Dan Woolstone: Is the artist formerly know as Ben Dirs okay? Is he ill or is he lost in the Alps whilst covering the Tour de France?"

Dan - Dirsy is in the rudest of health. He's enjoying a hearty late breakfast before coming in around the 1pm mark to get involved in the business up at Carnoustie.

1108: Eng 19-0
Zaheer's having an early shocker here - his away-dippers are starting wide and going wider, and glamourpuss stumper Dhoni is forced to dirty his pads with successive tumbles. The only straightish balls in the over take fat edges from Strauss and zip away through gully for fours.

1108: Eng 10-0
Nice from the languid Cook - two easy tucks off his pads behind square for the first two fours of the match. Sree Santh, as the artist formerly known as Shanthakumaran Sreesanth has asked to be called, looks guiltily at his skipper Dravid.

1102: Eng 0-0
Zaheer Khan to open up, and he's swinging it away from Andrew Strauss at a gentle pace. Not so gentle is the reaction in the TMS inbox to Tremmo's selection ahead of Broad.

From Ben Ramsbottom: "I am completely livid with pure and holy rage at the baffling, foolish, no brainer selectorial decisions that have been made today under the guise of forward thinking and picking the best men for the job."

1046: Rotund men in white shirts and Windsor-knotted MCC ties are slowly filling up the benches in the pavillion. The sun has slipped away behind greyish clouds - quelle surprise - but the chap about to ring the bell outside the dressing-rooms is still halfway through his first pint already. Impressive.

1030: Big news at the toss - Michael Vaughan calls correctly, and England will bat. Could be a huge result, that - this pitch looks like an absolute belter.