1610: This is looking very much like this could be a one-innings match, then, and after 11 wickets fall on day two you fear a touch for England having to bat last. Not that they helped themselves much, mind, and more than one or two will be rueing their shot selection when they tuck themselves in with their hot milk this evening. South Africa with their noses in front for my money, but all that could change if England have a good hour or two tomorrow morning. Much responsibility on Matt Prior's shoulders and a new ball to contend with. If you miss any of the action tomorrow, you will regret til the very end of your days. Possibly. Tom Fordyce and Pranav Soneji will talk you through it - nice.

Michael Vaughan on TMS: "Good knock, that, from Matt Prior and England will be looking for continued aggression from him in the morning as well as a cameo or two from their lower order. South Africa, though, will see what England did this morning and feel they probably just about have the edge right now."

1601 - 241-7 - STUMPS
Last over of the day... and Matt Prior takes the opportunity to bring up his half century off the penultimate delivery of the day with a delicious cover drive. The keeper-batsman grabs a couple off the final ball and that's it for the day. The new ball not (yet) doing anything really mischievous and Matt Prior (52) and Graeme Swann (5) will resume in the morning tasked with making up as much - if not more - of the 50-run deficit as possible.

1556 - 236-7 Morne Morkel delays the new ball for a couple of deliveries, bizarrely, and Graeme Swann takes advantage with a punch through mid-off for three. It prompts the change to the new cherry and Matt Prior responds by climbing into a short one that he pulls away to the boundary rope. Lovely shot and a very important innings so far from the keeper-batsman.

1550 - 229-7 Last over before the new ball is due, but Broady's demise means England cannot afford to go on the attack and this promises to be a tricky last 10 minutes for the tourists now.

"Right, stop changing commentators until the Saffers are batting. Then change every over. The last three wickets have coincided with your change of backside in the hot-seat. So please stop alternating!"
Richard, in Tamworth via the TMS inbox

1547 - 228-7 Graeme Swann the new man in and England have had worse number nines in their history, for sure. He's brought on strike immediately as Matt Prior grabs a single first ball, and Morkel has him in a bit of bother early doors, as you'd expect. A couple of extras end the over and we'll have about 13 minutes more play.

1541 - WICKET - Broad b Steyn 25 (Eng 225-7)
Stuart Broad has decided now is the time to attack and he looks one part David Gower, one part Mr Tickle in a Blender as he wafts and waves at anything outside off stump. He grabs a couple with a chip over mid-off before missing one outside the edge. HE'S GONE NOW THOUGH! Dale Steyn gets one through the left-hander's defence and clips the top of the bails to end Broady's 39-ball stay. New ball due in two overs.

1537 - 221-6 With Paul Harris getting about as much spin as the HMS Belfast, Graeme Smith turns back to Morne Morkel, the South Africa skipper sensing a wicket is needed here. Matt Prior rolls his wrist on a couple to grab four off the over and the 16,000 plus crowd have finally found their voices and are starting to party. The benefits of an afternoon lager.

1531 - 217-6 Good Golly Miss Molly, that's a beaut from Stuart Broad, the left-hander slamming Jacques Kallis on the up through the covers for a delightful four. They don't want him settling in at the crease, the Proteas. The burly all-rounder responds by pinging one up into Broady's chest but fear not, his splendid little face is untouched and remains as lovely as ever.

1527 - 212-6 Paul Harris returns to the attack in place of JP Duminy, but he is hardly ripping the ball out of the rough and England negotiate three singles to keep the scoreboard ticking over nicely - the tourists trail by 79 runs.

1524 - 209-6 Yep, the Proteas' over-rate has done for Dirsy and matters won't be helped by the return to the attack of Jacques Kallis - the veteran is not as young as he used to be bless 'im, you can hear the joint-cracks from here. He's still as accurate as Phil Taylor's tungsten, mind, and he yields just the single to the off side for Matt Prior. Oh, and refresh the page if you would, merci.

1519 - 208-6 Duminy to continue after the drinks break. Prior is very nearly snaffled by Amla at short-leg, the ball taking the edge and ricocheting off his thigh for a single. He's got a good action this chap, but it doesn't matter how good your action is, if you're short and wide you get punished - four for Broad through backward-point. Right, stick a fork in me, I'm done, here's Sam Lyon to take you through to stumps...

1512 - 202-6 Bit of a half-hearted lbw appeal from Harris against Broad, it goes upstairs for a referral, and they take about three minutes over a decision Boycott's mum could have made in the blink of an eye. That struck Broad outside the line. Another appeal from Harris, Umpire Harper's not interested, and the ball races away for four to long-leg. It's originally given as leg-byes, but Harper changes his mind, and it's four for Prior... 17 overs remaining...

1507 - 197-6 That's a smart shot from Prior, a tuck off his pads for a couple, and he adds one more with a little dab round the corner. Broad drops to one knee and nibbles Duminy to fine-leg for one more. Anyone after a good cricket read should look no further than Duncan Hamilton's biography of Harold Larwood, if only for the vivid description of his old Notts skipper Arthur Carr, who once drove through the front doors of a pub, loaded his car with crates of beer, before backing out and driving off again. And he hated Aussies. Lovely stuff.

1503 - 193-6 Harris on now, we've got spin from both ends. That's not great from Prior, scooping Harris round the corner for one, it was uppish. Positive from Broad, clonking Harris straight over long-on for four.

"Ben. Do you think both teams had a massive New Year's Eve party together and hatched a plan to complete the match in three days so they could have another one?" Simon Talbot-Williams in the TMS inbox

1500 - 188-6 Prior back-cuts for a couple, before dabbing into the off-side for one. Prior doing pretty well here, England now trail by 103 runs.

1456 - 185-6 De Wet drops short on the leg-side and Broad tugs him away for a single. Two slips, a gully, an extra-cover and a mid-off in for Prior... too straight from De Wet and Prior turns him away for an easy single. This South African over-rate is glacial...

1451 - 183-6 JP Duminy into the attack and Prior plays a Pietersen-esque slap into the covers for two. Nice loop and drift from Duminy, keeping Prior in two minds, and England's wicketkeeper is taking no chances.

1447 - 181-6 Prior steers De Wet rather unconvincingly into the covers for one, Broad solidly behind the rest of the over. A little tip for you - a friend of mine was eating a banana in a lift recently when a woman started clutching her throat and choking. Allergic to bananas, apparently, so don't eat them in lifts, or any enclosed spaces.

1445 - 180-6 Kallis keeps it nice and tight for five balls, before dropping just short and allowing Prior a single to square-leg. Twenty-four overs left today, the Saffers could well be batting before the close...

1440 - 179-6 All of a sudden it's looking a little bit grim on the England balcony, as Prior on-drives for a single - good stop from Harris. That dismissal by Bell was the equivalent of Scott getting to within a few miles of the South Pole and declaring, "don't fancy this, it's a bit chilly, anyone fancy heading back?"

1437 - 178-6 So much graft from Bell, and then that happens. Silly sausage. Broad the new batsman, and he's off the mark with an outside edge for four.

"Re: James Eadon - Why when people mention the England wicketkeeper does no one mention James Foster? Not only the best glovesman in the game but also a more than capable batsman. Why wait for someone to become a qualified Englishman when we have one waiting for another chance seven years after their last Test!"
Dave in Essex in the TMS inbox

1432 - WICKET - Bell c Duminy b Kallis 48 (Eng 174-6)
Short and wide from Kallis and Bell slaps him straight to Duminy at backward-point... another England wicket chucked away like so much turkey...

1429 - 174-5 Prior with a single courtesy of a back-foot drive. The South Africans not getting much lateral movement, if any, as Bell very nearly chops Steyn on. Smith keeping faith with Steyn, and that's loose, short and wide, and Prior flogs him over third-man for four, as is his wont. Why is everyone sending emails in about computers?

1424 - 168-5 Kallis to continue, and he's been pretty good today, something like his old self after that rib injury. Prior tucks him away for a single off his ribs, Bell sees out the over, and that's drinks. The Sky team have certainly been enjoying the sun - Gower's turned a nice shade of birch, Atherton's a light oak and Botham's a dangerous-looking mahogany. Check behind his knees, he may well have rodents burrowing back there.

1419 - 167-5 Many thanks Sam Lyon, this is Dirs. Manually refresh to see my name reappear at the top of the page and, thus, for a cheap laugh. Steyn still bending his back, but that could be it for this spell - two runs for Belly courtesy of a controlled pull, the only runs of the over.

1414 - 165-5 A bit of intent from Matt Prior but his attempted pull only trickles to mid-wicket - looks like England want a bit of a go at this old ball with the new one due in 20-odd overs. An expansive waft outside off is beaten off the last delivery of the over, though, and there are no liberties to be taken here. Now then, having inadvertently sparked some sort of class war between PC and Apple users, I'll hand back to Dirsy. Bye.

1410 - 165-5 A rare false shot from Ian Bell as he flashes uppishly for four between the slips and gully. He moves on to 45 not out and what an opportunity this is for him to really stick one to his critics who say he only gets centuries after one's already been scored in the innings. I can't imagine there are any England fans who aren't aware of that stat are there?

"I don't know what's more painful to read, the England score ticking over at a snail's pace, or the insecure barbs of PC users."
Richard, St. Albans via the TMS inbox

"Re: Dapo - The reason you can't F5 is not due to you having an apple mac it's due to the fact that you're using safari and not internet explorer as your browser. But that's the sort of thing you'd have to get your butler to explain to you whilst he's buffing your shoes and serving you some sort of lobster/truffle/champagne based creation."
Dan, "working" in Tottenham via the TMS inbox

1404 - 159-5 Ah, lovely - Rolex timing from Matty P as he punches Morkel back down the ground for a welcome boundary. Another excellent over from Morkel that, though, and all this with the old ball too.

1400 - 154-5 Another over, another single. As James Eadon points out via email, Matt Prior might be in need of a score here with Somerset's Craig Kieswetter eligible for England in the next home series. At the moment, though, the Sussex man looks about as comfortable as thorn slippers.

"Re: Dapo - 'Some of us can afford Apple Mac' just about sums up the average user of the aforementioned computer."
Rob via the TMS inbox

"Re: Dapo (1250) - I was under the impression that most Apple Mac users were too busy wearing skinny jeans and painfully fashionable glasses in Hoxton to be reading the text commentary."
Tim in London via the TMS inbox

1356 - 153-5 This is quality stuff from Morne Morkel, who has looked the most impressive of the Proteas bowlers all day. He gets one to lift off a length and the cherry nearly takes Ian Bell's nose off as it zips by his flailing defensive shot - that was close - and just the single is yielded from the over.

1250 - 152-5 One from another probing Dale Steyn over, Matt Prior taking his time to get his eye in.

Dapo, London via text: "Why do all live commentary text always refer to refresh as F5. Some of us can afford Apple Mac."

1346 - 151-5 Matt Prior looks about as settled as a 12-year-old at a sweet factory at the moment, but he unconvincingly prods a couple through mid-wicket to take England past the 150 mark. Apparently, I'm to blame for Alastair Cook's lazy waft at Morne Morkel's innocuous delivery straight after tea, which is a bit like blaming Reggie Yates and Fearne Cotton for Rage Against the Machine being Christmas number one, surely? Poor ol' Joe McElderry.

1342 - 149-5 Ian Bell, unfazed by Alastair Cook's departure, thrice cuts Dale Steyn away for four backward of square on the off side and at moments like that he looks a ridiculously beautiful player. A couple of those shots should be slammed in a frame and hung in the Boundary Fours Hall of Fame. England's deficit now 142.

1336 - 137-5 Matt Prior comes to the crease and he's beaten all ends up by a doozy outside the off stump from Morne Morkel. The keeper-batsman gets off the mark in streaky fashion with an outside edge through the slip cordon and the Proteas have their welly up here.

1333 - WICKET - Cook c Prince b Morkel 65 (Eng 133-5)
Well there you go, I've well and truly mucked that up. Four balls after the restart and Cook loops one off his pads and straight to Ashwell Prince in front of square leg.

1332: Morne Morkel to open, Alastair Cook facing up.

1330: Y'alright folks, Sam Lyon here to give Dirsy a well earned break for a spell, so if you wouldn't mind doing the F5 necessaries then all will be in order. Star turn on New Year's Eve was Benjamin, so much so even my mum adored him and she's normally more sceptical than Jeremy Clarkson at a rave. What do we reckon - Alastair Cook and Ian Bell to push on here or England to collapse?

"Good Morning Benjamin. Just wondering if Bezza's colleague (see miles below) is a model? Justifies her reasons for not going to work. Whereas I'm working for the government and I feel like a minger today, but that's perfectly appropriate."
Nadia (Old School) in the TMS inbox

"Re: Kate in Camden (See below) - I hire women because they look nicer than men."
John in Slough in the TMS inbox

1318: Former South African spinner Paul Adams is chatting to Aggers on TMS, you should tune in, he's a very nice man. I'll leave you with this quote from CLR James, from his splendid book Beyond a Boundary: "What do they know of cricket who only cricket know?" Here's some emails about various topics, and then it will be Sam Lyon for a while...

"Talking of equal rights in the workplace - anyone for Charlotte Edwards in to replace Pietersen in the next Test?"
Danny Mills in the TMS inbox

"Unfortunately I cannot listen to the commentary at work so I have to follow the ball by ball on screen. I am looking for a no-nonsense description that does not include immature and puerile comments about chocolate and truancy. I will try Sky."
A frustrated license fee payer in the TMS inbox

"This is attritional TMS live text of the best kind. A big New Year crowd in, pressure cooker of a text match, and I've been unable to pierce the TMS defences so far today with my solid but overly defensive emails. My strike rate is dropping badly, the pressure is building, and I need to go on the attack if I'm to score at all today... 'Oi, Dirs, your commentary's rubbish and I don't like your face!"
Paul in Lancs in the TMS inbox

1310 - 133-4 This will be the last over before tea, and it will be De Wet to bowl it. The first ball is a bumper, which Bell ducks underneath with the minimum of fuss. The last four balls of De Wet's over are well outside off, and Bell doesn't have to play at any of them. Pretty good recovery job that from Cook (65 not out) and Bell (24 not out) - 60 runs in 25.4 overs. Not exactly thrilling, but it's exactly what England required.

1306 - 133-4 JP Duminy is going to have a spurt before tea. Right-arm off-spin, Duminy's got a nice action and gets a bit of drift. Ooooh! Cook plays a pre-meditated sweep, and the ball balloons just over the backpedalling Amla's head at short-leg. Cook picks up a single into the covers, before Bell nurdles to mid-wicket for one more.

"Re Carole in Maidenhead (see below) - Male bosses already believe they have enough reasons not to hire women for jobs. If you play cheap tricks like this, you give them more. Why would anyone hire a woman over a man when a woman will demand dodgy days off for 'women's problems' and men will not? Don't use your sex as a woman, or you fully licence men to similarly use it against you."
Kate in Camden in the TMS inbox

1257 - 123-4 That's a sweet shot from Bell, who opens the shoulders and carves De Wet down to third-man for four. And four more, Bell opening the face again and gliding De Wet past the man at gully.

"Bell had better hope that Cook doesn't get a century here, or these will be considered 'pressure off' runs by the pundits again."
Paul Steptoe, Oxford, in the TMS inbox

1257 - 123-4 Cook paddles Harris for a single, before Bell dabs round the corner for one of his own. Cook manoeuvres Harris to deep mid-wicket for another single, and Bell brings up the fifty partnership with another easy single. That partnership has lasted 135 balls, it's been an essential one for England.

1254 - 119-4 De Wet gets one to nip away from Bell, and it kept a little bit low as well. Bell has a word with himself and gets right behind the final two balls of De Wet's over. Peter (see below), I think that must be my mum, Billie Dirs, she's a roofer out of Plaistow.

"Dear Ben, would you happen to be related to a chap called Bill that drinks tea, smokes, chats on his mobile and shouts obscenities to passing women whilst driving a flat-bed van carrying construction equipment?"
Peter in London in the TMS inbox

1249 - 119-4 An unofficial drinks break, before Harris resumes and Cook clips him to mid-on for one. Bell steals the strike, on comes Friedel de Wet for Kallis...

Duncan Fletcher on TMS: "It's been a fascinating session, but I just think both sides have sat back - England quite rightly so, but for me South Africa had just settled in and not really tried to make more things happen. I wonder if they might have missed a trick."

1246 - 117-4 Kallis strays in line and Cook clips him away for one. Kallis bending his back here and getting Bell hopping with some short ones, but Bell is playing them well. As much as I find this diverting - and I really do - I can't help feeling that the chaps on TMS are being a little bit optimistic when they assert that this "deeper" cricket can keep Twenty20 enthusiasts interested, or even convert them to Tests. It would be a bit like trying to get one of your kids interested in musicals by taking them along to see Wagner's Ring Cycle.

1240 - 115-4 Cook back in his shell, paddling Harris round the corner for one. A short-leg and a slip in for the right-handed Bell... before Amla switches to silly mid-off... Bell smothers the rest of the over.

"For blagging time off work, it is often helpful to have a male boss, so you can resort to 'women's troubles', which they find very scary. Try it on a female boss, and you will feel the icy silence seeping out of the phone even as the last lying syllable is leaving your lips..."
Carole in Maidenhead in the TMS inbox

1233 - 114-4 Kallis digs one in, the ball doesn't get up, and Bell allows it to hit him on the arm. To be honest, I'm not sure Bell had much choice. Two for Bell with a clip off his pads, and all of a sudden the South African seamers are struggling to make this ball talk...

1233 - 112-4 Cookie comes over all macho, coming down the pitch to Harris and clipping him over mid-wicket for four. De Villiers may well have got a fingertip to that... Cook's not going to let Harris dictate to him, this time he drops to one knee and thwacks him to the deep mid-wicket fence for four more. Nelson's up, 111, Bell on strike... and Bell laps Harris round the corner for one more.

1229 - 102-4 That's lip-smacking from Bell, a picture-perfect cover-drive off Kallis for four. One more for Bell with a dab into the leg-side before Cook registers his 21st Test fifty, from 112 balls, with a nudge off his hip for one. Good knock that, plenty of good leaving to go with some no-nonsense accumulation. And England have passed 100...

1225 - 96-4 Old-school cricket this, to complete the effect I'd recommend fitting an avocado bathroom suite and changing into some chocolate-coloured Y-fronts with mustard piping. Kallis goes off for some treatment on his tootsies, as Cook gives Harris some humpty, dropping to one knee and hoicking him to the square-leg fence. Harris hits back with a flat delivery, which Cooks misses out on.

1218 - 91-4 Paul Harris is on, and Cook's immediately genuflecting and paddling him round the corner for one. TV stick up Bell's wagon-wheel, which is more of a 'spoke' at the moment, with that one cover-drive for four to his name. Michael Vaughan was correct, to be fair, when he said that if you bowl three maidens "something will happen": someone just bought me a cup of tea, which is nice.

Sir Geoffrey Boycott on TMS: "It's real good Test cricket is this. South Africa are trying to tie the batsmen down and England are being responsible and patient in response. So far anyway."

"The skies do declare God's glory and in this psalm it talks about Gods pavilion as well - hope Bell runs the course. PSALM 19: "The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands... In the heavens he has pitched a tent for the sun, which is like a bridegroom coming forth from his pavilion..."
Tim, Minister, Mount Pleasant Baptist Church, Swansea, in the TMS inbox

1212 - 88-4 Kallis nagging away at Bell outside off-peg, getting the occasional ball to dip back in at the right-hander. Bell taking no chances, players have a wet. You won't be surprised to learn Sir Boys is enjoying this...

"I'm so pleased chocolate is a fruit, that means I've already had my five a day and it's only just lunch time."
Matt, West Burton, in the TMS inbox

1208 - 88-4 Fourteen runs from the last 10 overs, this is hardcore Test cricket, like watching Mount Rushmore being hammered into shape. De Wet has a shy in his follow-through and hits Cook on the pad, but he immediately apologises. De Wet strays onto Cook's pads and is turned away for two.

RE: Chocolate is a fruit? The man opposite you is half right, the cacao plant does produce a fruit, but it's the seed that they make chocolate from."
Stewart, Birmingham, in the TMS inbox

1204 - 86-4 Still no Harris, it's Kallis on for Steyn. Bit of chin music from Kallis, but Cook rolls his wrists on it and paddles it away for one. Bell remains watchful, seeing out the last two balls of Kallis's over.

1159 - 85-4 Cook picks up a couple to square-leg as De Wet loses his line. Cook steals the strike with a nudge into the covers.

RE: 1108. Has anybody, in their idle moments, considered the aftermath of that girl's night out in the Boots ad? Did the guy that shaved his beard off get it on with the surprised looking lady? Did something happen between courses with that waiter? Did the fusty couple burst into flames of unsuppressed passion thanks to their generous benefactrix? I might write a treatment and submit it to BBC Writersroom."
Stan, Walsall, in the TMS inbox

1156 - 82-4 It really is a magnificent sky they have over Cape Town, the sort of impossible blue sky that could convert an atheist. Bell looking for the cover-drive, but he's unable to threadle one through the off-side field. "I was always taught that if you bowl three maidens in a row, something will happen," says former England skipper Michael Vaughan, who knows a bit about cricket.

1150 - 82-4 Still no spin from Harris, it's De Wet to replace Morkel. Still three slips and a gully in for Cook, but Cook's standing firm for now. "Chocolate is a fruit," says the man opposite me, to confused looks all round. He's actually quite intelligent, so no-one has the temerity to contradict him. Happy Spaghetti Day to Calvin in Sheffield.

1146 - 82-4 Bell off the mark courtesy of an MCC coaching manual cover-drive for four. Jack Hobbs, in his pomp, may well have been proud of that. It may not be Twenty20, but then who wants an episode of Hollyoaks when you can have Dr Zhivago instead? Most people under the age of 40? Oh...

Michael Vaughan on TMS: "When Ian Bell came out to bat at Durban he looked busy, full of purpose and aggression - and he has to be the exact same way here. You play the ball better in that mindset and you leave the ball better too. It's time for him to put his critics to bed."

1142 - 78-4 Bit streaky from Cook, squirting a drive past gully and away for four. Silly mid-off in for Cook, as Morkel continues to tease him outside off-stump.

"Re Dan (1108): Pins and needles can be a symptom resulting from a range of serious conditions including brain tumours, brain abscesses, encephalitis, Sjogren's syndrome etc etc. I hope the girl in question was encouraged to seek medical advice."
Dr Sudhakar George, Brighton, in the TMS inbox

1137 - 74-4 Cook gets off the strike with a single off Steyn, before Bell, a la Robin Smith, bends his knees and sways out of the way of a short one. South Africa making Bell work for his first run, as it should be. 'Proper' Test cricket this, a real royal tussle between bat and ball.

"Re Comment about Rycote windshield for FX microphones: Is that the same Robert Miles that wrote the trance track 'Children' back in 1995?"
Ross (avoiding work whilst in work this cold Monday morning) in the TMS inbox

1133 - 73-4 Morkel gives Bell a whiff of leather, and Bell fiddles with his box and grins down the pitch. That's a peach from Morkel, the ball just moving away off the sea, and Bell nibbled at that one. Bell wears one on the hip, but he rode that out pretty well. He survives a very testing over from Morkel, who's looking very lively indeed.

1128 - 73-4 Steyn generating good pace, up past the 90mph mark. Bit of lift, but Cook hoisting his bat out of the way and leaving well alone. This 'Big' excuse (see below) sounds fraught with danger to me. Sounds like the sort of excuse that will have bosses making themselves busy and turning up on your doorstep, only for them to discover you're suffering from nothing more than an addiction to Jeremy Kyle.

1125 - 73-4 Bell of Warwickshire at the crease - the suspicion remains he can't score "pressure" runs, can he prove us wrong? Pacey, lifting delivery from Morkel, and Bell plays it well, tucking to leg for no run.

1120 - WICKET - Collingwood lbw b Morkel 19 (Eng 73-4)
That's plumb - Morkel angles one in, Collingwood gets stuck in the crease, and that was ripping out middle and leg. No need for a referral, here comes Bell...

1119 - 72-3 Four for Colly with an economical punch down the ground. Collingwood, as uncomplicated as a couple of nut brown ales and a game of arrows down the Dog and Duck. Steyn removes a slip, Collingwood sees out the over.

"If you want a sure fire method for not going into work, may I share with you the 'BIG excuse'. When your boss asks you the reason for your absence, just reply with 'something big has happened'. They never ask what. You can probably get a whole week if you pitch it well enough."
Dominic, London, in the TMS inbox

1114 - 68-3 Cook turns off his pads for a couple. Morkel around the wicket to the left-handed Cook, and the Essex opener dabs into the leg-side for one. Colly with a decent leave to a ball that comes back slightly, he looks in solid nick. Bit of lift from Morkel, but Collingwood merely angles the bat and picks up a single to square-leg.

"All very well calling for KP's head, but what are the alternatives? Carberry? Ramprakash? Or perhaps we could recall Len Hutton?"
Josh in the TMS inbox

1111: Right, players are out, manually refresh to make the word "lunch" disappear from the top. Morkel to continue, Cook on strike...

1108: A few minutes until the restart. If anyone's feeling depressed to be back at work this morning, just think how those women off that Boots "Here Come the Girls" advert are feeling. From such highs, the falls must be crushing.

"A girl at my work once rang in sick with pins and needles."
Dan, Sunderland via the TMS inbox

"A friend of mine once called in sick and said to his supervisor that there was something wrong with his eyes. When asked what was wrong with them he replied 'I just cant see myself coming in today'."
Mark, Nottingham via the TMS inbox

"What a shame that the BBC don't have a decent Rycote windshield for their FX microphone. The wind noise is very off-putting and does not add to the professional output."
Robert Miles via the TMS inbox

"Once again KP treats his team-mates with contempt by giving away his wicket. The guy is a complete liability and should not be picked again until he realises that cricket is a team game. Is he REALLY sure that he has swapped allegiances FROM South Africa?"
Craig in Alloa via the TMS inbox

From BBC Sport's Joe Wilson on Twitter: "As England battle in the middle, Luke Wright and Adil Rashid toil in the nets here. Hard to forsee any circumstance where they'd play in the series."

1035 - 64-3 Right, I'm going to have a little break, see you in 40 minutes or so. Bezza (see below), this colleague of yours, she doesn't drink down The Ship in Romford does she?

1031 - 64-3 This pair just trying to survive until lunch... Kallis nagging away, he's not going to make it easy... this time he gets one to dart back at Collingwood, before getting one to shape away. Jacques sends down a short one, which Collingwood drops his hands on and watches fly harmlessly by, and that's lunch - seven wickets in the session for 76 runs, what more do you people want?

1026 - 64-3 No-ball from De Wet, but it was a decent one, angling into the left-handed Cook. Cook picks up a sketchy single into the off-side before Collingwood works off his pads for one more. Watski (see below), your Tweet raises the question: who's underestimating Sisqo? Not me, sir, not me. "She like to dance at all the hip-hop spots, and she cruise to the crews like connect da dots, not just urban she likes the pop, cuz she was livin la vida loca."

1022 - 61-3 Cook turns Kallis away for a couple. Kallis bowling low-to-mid 80mph, but he is making it sing. One more for Cook with a nurdle to leg.

From Watski on Twitter: "Dirsy - Sisqo to win Celebrity Big Brother. Any man who can write a hit record about thongs should never be underestimated."

"My colleague once phoned in to say she would be late because she couldn't think of anything to wear. A few days later she asked for the day off because she felt ugly."
Bezza in the TMS inbox

1019 - 58-3 Cook moves to 23 with a clip to mid-wicket for one. De Wet, bang on the money as ever, hurries Colly with a short one, the ball nearly rolling back onto his stumps. It's lunch at 1030 GMT, despite the early start.

"For years I've wanted us to bat like Australia. Looks like I've finally got my wish..."
Marc, Swindon, in the TMS inbox

1014 - 57-3 Cook nurdles Kallis, who's on for a short spurt just before lunch, to mid-wicket for one. Peach of a delivery from Kallis, the ball coming in before pitching and moving away from the right-handed Collingwood. Kallis making it talk more than anyone...

"I once moaned to my class about receiving boring notes for absences, and subsequently had one from a parent who claimed that his child had been kidnapped by aliens, and it had taken them three days to raise the required ransom."
Jacqui in the TMS inbox

1010 - 56-3 Steyn gets one to dart back at Collingwood, but the batsman got wood on it. Bit uppish that from Collingwood, the ball landing just in front of Amla at mid-wicket. That's a maiden over from Steyn, and it was a good one, the Proteas paceman making Collingwood play at most of the deliveries.

1004 - 56-3 One for Cook before Collingwood steps outside off and works Morkel to leg for a couple. Whoa! He's a Land Cruiser with a busted rear tyre, but Colly looks in form, carving Morkel through point for four. More width from Morkel and Colly tugs him through the covers for a couple more. Decent over from England, 10 from it.

1001 - 46-3 Short from Steyn and Cook's all over that, rolling his wrists and yanking the ball through mid-wicket for four. He plays that shot rather well. One more to Cook, before Collingwood shoulder arms to a ball that nips back and strikes him on the thigh. The Durham Nugget is off the mark with a gimme, flicking Steyn off his pads for four.

"Talking about not turning up for work, anyone know where our batsmen are?"
Colin Watkins in the TMS inbox

Michael Vaughan on TMS: "Andrew Strauss got out to a loose shot and now Jonathan Trott and Pietersen do the same. I cannot stress enough how important it is for England to make hay in this first innings because chasing even 150 will be difficult on this ground. They need to dig in, play sensibly, and pile on the runs and now."

0956 - 37-3 Seven wickets so far this morning, but you have to say England's wounds have all been self-inflicted, that was a pony old shot from Pietersen, following airy-fairy strokes from Strauss and Trott. Collingwood is next in, and he's nursing a dislocated finger - I know exactly where this first ball's going... short, and well-directed, and Colly just manages to yank his head out of the way, like a boxer covering up on the ropes... which is exactly where England are...

0951 - WICKET - Pietersen c&b Steyn 0 (Eng 36-3)
England need someone to dig in here, just as Kallis did for the hosts. No great dramas in this pitch, it's a little bit two-paced, but there are runs to be had. Will KP be the man? Erm, no, he's driven tamely back to Steyn second ball.

0948 - WICKET - Trott b Steyn 20 (Eng 36-2)
Aggers informs us that The Daily Service kicks off on Radio Four in a moment, the Monsignor Tony Rogers presumably talking about God and stuff. Big delay as Trott has the sightscreen tweaked, and he's gone a couple of balls later, chopping a ball just short of a length onto his stumps. Bit loose that, both England's wickets self-inflicted.

"It's my very first day in a brand new job, and I've had to call in sick with a raging ear infection. I'd be probably be in trouble if my new boss wasn't my Mum."
Matt, Battle, in the TMS inbox

0942 - 36-1 Talking of poor excuses for not turning up at work, a chap I used to work with once phoned up one Monday morning to say he wouldn't be in because his caravan had been blown into a lake. Beat that. Morkel back into the attack, replacing De Wet. Morne ploughing a furrow outside Cook's off-stump, and after ignoring the first five deliveries, he has a nibble and is beaten. Momentary loss of concentration, but it costs England nowt.

"We have somebody like you Joe, though his illnesses on Mondays are never genuine, therefore lending himself to the nickname of 'The Boomtown Rat'. I live in fear of ever been genuinely ill on a Monday."
Josh, Very Hung over on the first day back, Castleford, in the TMS inbox

"Definition of 'depression'... First day at work... minus 6 outside …. Missing the cricket… and my 30th birthday… cruel cruel world..."
Fitz in the TMS inbox

0935 - 36-1 Steyn finds the edge of Trott's bat, only for the ball to fizz through the slips and away for four. Bit airy-fairy that from Trott, and he's beaten, but he picks up a couple off Steyn's next delivery, twirling through backward-point. Steyn loses his line to Cook and is flicked away for one. That's drinks...

0932 - 30-1 De Wet has three slips and a gully in for the right-handed Trott. That one looked to keep a touch low, and Trott had to readjust. This time De Wet gets one to rear up slightly at Trott, and there's definitely something for the bowlers out there. Trott picks up a quick single to square-leg.

0927 - 29-1 It's time for some Dale Steyn. Steyn getting a hint of swing back into the left-handed Cook, and the Essex man takes advantage, leg-glancing for four. All of a sudden, batting looks... batting looks... I won't say what I was going to say...

"For Joe in Tyneside: No matter how genuine your illness is, it is the first day back after all and you will be labelled 'workshy' and a 'shirker'. I'm still jealous and good luck to you."
Dan in Bahrain in the TMS inbox

0922 - 25-1 Almost impossibly blue skies over Newlands, as Cook piles into a wide one from De Wet, carving him through backward-point for four. One more for Cook with a nudge into the covers.

0918 - 20-1 Cook stays watchful before picking up one with a nibble off his pads. And that's peche de la peche from Trott, planting his foot down the pitch and creaming Morkel through extra-cover for four. Joe (see below), when I was at school I used to find it was a beautiful thing when genuine illness and mucking about over the park with my mates and a big bag of Hofmeister combined.

"It's a beautiful thing when genuine illness and TMS combine..."
Joe, Tyneside, in the TMS inbox

Duncan Fletcher on TMS: "I just think (South Africa captain) Graeme Smith has to reassess the situation quickly here and get Dale Steyn on bowling. His length would be ideal on this surface and I can't quite figure why he wasn't handed the new ball."

0914 - 15-1 Three slips and a gully in for the left-handed Cook against De Wet, but no Amla under the lid at short-leg, which is somewhat surprising. One more for Cook with a drop into the covers.

0910 - 14-1 Fine fielding from Steyn in the covers - Trott with a full flourish, but no run for the stroke. Trott hurried, but he works Morkel into the covers for a couple. Cook marooned on two down the other end, but he'll get a chance now against De Wet.

0906 - 12-1 Richard emails to ask whether we're still taking contributions via Twitter. I am here to tell you that we are. Why not drop me a missive via Twitter . De Wet drops short and Trott's all over that like a George at Asda suit, crashing the ball through mid-wicket for his first four. Two more for Trott with a steer into the covers, and the Warwickshire man nicks the strike with a single.

0902 - 5-1 Lbw shout from Morkel, but no-one else is getting too excited about it. Trott is off the mark two balls later with a looped single off the glove, the ball ballooning over the man at short-leg.

0859 - 4-1 Morkel gets a bit of lift and raps Trott under the right elbow. Morne's got his eye in, Trott calls for the physio.

0855 - 3-1 It's officially official - we have a game on. For those of you who have battled your way through overrunning engineering work for your first day back this morning, I hope this is cheering you all up. It's rather like shovelling out a barn full of manure and finding a Faberge egg nestled in the furthest corner. Sorry, that is one of the worst analogies I've ever used... De Wet, and not Steyn, to share the new ball. Cook is off the mark with a shovel to mid-wicket, new batsman Trott, who was booed to the middle, sees out the over.

0849 - WICKET - Strauss c Boucher b Morkel 2 (Eng 2-1)
Morkel bowls the first ball of the England innings, and Strauss shoulders arms. And again from the England skipper. Strauss picks up his first two runs with a paddle round the corner for a couple... BUT STRAUSS HAS GONE! Hint of width from Morkel and Strauss, driving, nicks to Boucher behind the timbers.

0846: Looks like a pretty good day for batting to me, an absolute doozy of a morning in Cape Town. The heavy roller chugs off the pitch as the South African fielders make their way onto the field, closely followed by England's openers Strauss and Cook. "This could be a lose the series day for South Africa," observes Sir Geoffrey Boycott, with more than a twist of relish.

0841: That's Jimmy Anderson's eighth five-for in Tests, and he took three in seven this morning. England, meanwhile, took four in 17 to blow away the South Africa tail. Oh, and Jacques Kallis as well. How come darts players are able to hit tiny little segments on a board 7 ft 9¼in away with a full-blown rave going on behind them, but when someone rustles a boiled sweet wrapper at a snooker match, everyone gets the hump?

"Thank you England for making the first day back that little bit brighter, what a start!"
Firstdaybackblues, Wolverhampton, in the TMS inbox

0836 - WICKET - De Wet lbw b Anderson 0 (SA 291)
England reckon they've wrapped things up - Anderson with a very confident lbw appeal against De Wet. De Wet taps his bat, it's referred, and the Man Upstairs agrees with the man in the middle, that's plumb. Blink and you missed it, the Saffers are no more.

0833 - 291-9 Close of play from the SCG on day two of the third Test, Pakistan lead Australia by 204 with one wicket remaining. Lucky for Harris, edging through the slips and away for four. A little short from Onions and Harris jabs him through mid-wicket for a few more, before De Wet, taking evasive action, is struck between the shoulder blades and the hosts pick up one leg-bye.

Michael Vaughan on TMS: "Is this a sign that this will be a difficult day for batting or are England just bowling superbly? The new ball will be absolutely crucial for South Africa at the start of England's reply."

0827 - 281-9 Friedel de Wet is last up the ramp, as replays show that Swann catch was about 10 times as difficult than the one he dropped off Graeme Smith yesterday morning. De Wet has a windy woosh outside off and misses, before shouldering arms. Not a bad start for England?

0825 - WICKET - Morkel c Swann b Anderson 0 (SA 281-9) Paul Harris is next out of the hutch, and he's off the mark with a nibble to leg. KISS MY FACE! Morkel's gone for a big fat duck, wafting away from his body and Swann taking a fine low catch diving to his left in the slips.

0821 - WICKET - Steyn c Trott b Anderson 26 (SA 280-8)
AND ANOTHER! Bit of away-swing from Anderson, Steyn has a waft and Trott takes a very good catch at third slip. This is some start for England, as the man opposite me roars: "WILL EVERYONE PLEASE STOP GOING ON ABOUT PHIL TAYLOR!"

0821 - 280-7 Morne Morkel is the new batsman, and he survives the rest of the first over of the day. Very useful cricketer, Onions, I like him very much. That innings of Kallis lasted 266 minutes and 189 balls.

0816 - WICKET - Kallis c Prior b Onions 108 (SA 280-7)
Steyn offers half a chance from the first ball of the day, but the ball just evades Cook at short-leg. On second viewing, that was off the thigh pad... KALLIS GONE SECOND BALL OF THE DAY! Unplayable delivery from Onions, the ball pitching and spitting like fat from a frying pan and taking the edge. Easy catch for Prior, massive moment for England.

0814: Right, here come the players, we'll have some play in a few minutes... Kallis and Steyn the South African batsmen, Steyn on strike, Onions to bowl the first ball of the morning...

"Morning Dirsy. Jimmy A to wreak havoc with new cherry this morning, followed by glorious batting conditions for our response."
D, ever optimistic, Yorkshire, in the TMS inbox

0808: I propose a minute's applause for Sir Philip Taylor at 1200 GMT today. One day, you will perch your grandchildren on your knees and tell them: "I never saw anyone run faster than Usain Bolt, I never saw anyone fight harder than Muhammad Ali, and I never saw anyone throw tiny arrows at variously coloured segments with greater accuracy than 'The Power', Britain's greatest sportsman since Christopher Dean."

0804: Clear skies over Cape Town, reports CMJ on TMS, and indeed, TV pictures reveal it's Smurf blue above Newlands, but not a wispy white cap in sight.

0800: Hello. Happy to be back in the office? Thought so. Pivotal day in the third Test today, England could really do with ripping Big Jacques out early...