1442 - 175-5 ... play officially abandoned for the day. Many thanks, Tom Fordyce with you tomorrow...

1440 - 175-5 Still no official abandonment in Durban, we'll let you know as and when...

"Re Richard in Davao, I'm sunburnt and mosquito bitten in Leyte - no mince pies here either! Plenty of tuba (local coconut wine) to help wash down the adidas (grilled chicken feet) - mmm delicious! Missing Wallace & Gromit on the telly - I'm having to watch local soap opera, can't understand a word of it so I'm making up my own story to go with the pictures."
Phil in the TMS inbox

1403 - 175-5 News reaches me that play will start at 0730 GMT tomorrow, and TMS will be on air from 0710 GMT... TMS off air already, they've already called it...

"RE: Fig. It's a well known fact that water biscuits are actually the spawn of Satan, sent to Earth to dry out mouths and make us chew constantly for long periods of time with little or no progress. The only salvation is a bit of Philly or some cheese and mayo, or so I've found."
Alex, eating yesterdays leftovers (for today and the rest of December), Grimsby, in the TMS inbox

"Hey Fig, I've finally had a brainwave and bought two packets of Hovis digestive biscuits as they are my favourites. Shame I didn't think of it years ago instead of wasting precious money and calories on a selection box!"
Elaine in the TMS inbox

1352 - 175-5 Steady rain now in Durban, doesn't look promising. I forgot to say, season's greetings to Jimmy Clarke and all his wonderful family.

"Merry Xmas Ben. I'm currently tucking into a box of a well known festive cracker selection and wondering who in their right mind ever touches water biscuits?"
Fig in the TMS inbox

1345 - 175-5 Apologies for the nause up update-wise. No blame apportioned, other than to say it all went calamitously wrong at 1306 when I went for a break. They're off for bad light, despite the floodlights being on at Kingsmead, we may be lucky to get any more play today... covers are coming on...

"A Boxing day message for you: You are a tw*t. PS. Your parents are idiots, Ben Dirs = Benders geddit?"
Jimmy Clarke in the TMS inbox

1340 - 175-5 Right, this isn't a great sign for the rest of the Test - the umpires have offered the light and players are off. So, if there's any cloud cover any Durban, play finishes at 1540 South African time? Odd.

1337 - 175-5 All of a sudden it's looking very murky out there for the hosts, and I'm not just talking about overhead. Three slips in for new batsman Boucher, a gully and a cover-point, and he's off the mark with a nurdle off his pads. Oh, that's gorgeous from AB de Villiers, a sexy, sexy cover-drive for four. I'd like to dress that shot up in some lingerie and make it parade around my living room. Light meters are out...

1330 - WICKET - Duminy lbw b Onions 4 (SA 170-5)
Lordy lordy, the Saffers are in disarray - Onions sends down a slider back into the left-handed Duminy and that's plumb lbw, no need for a referral there.

1330 - 170-4 Many thanks Oliver, although you do appear to have rubbered the auto updates. It's OK, muggins here will fix it. Duminy looking very nervy at the moment, he lunges forward and edges just short of Collingwood. He picks up a couple with a tug to fine-leg before De Villiers has a nibble and is beaten.

1326 - 167-4 So two seemingly immovable objects have been shifted in quick succession, and here Onions tests out Duminy's defences with a back-of-a-length offering just outside off stump. It's getting a bit dark and the floodlights are on by the way. It seems De Villiers may have been at fault for the Smith run-out, selling an outrageous dummy or three before remaining rooted at the non-striker's end.

Horrendous mix-up between AB and Smiffy on a day when South Africa have been foot-perfect with the running, and Cook has time to run with the ball all the way from cover to take off the bails at the striker's end.

1318 - 166-3 Smith gets an easy single off Swann while De Villiers plays out the rest of the over quietly. Smith looks grimly determined to get a century.

1315 - 165-3 Where are the e-mails? Are you all tucking into an astronomical Boxing Day feast? (Always copious quantities of cold cuts and cheese in my childhood) Boycott says old-fashioned gloves with horsehair protect fingers better than the new ones.

1311 - 164-3 De Villiers starts his innings like an Australian teenager playing grade cricket, skipping down the wicket to his first ball and driving Swann straight for four. "Confident," says Boycott, who I am fairly confident never played his first ball in any format like that.

Well let's review that crucial breakthrough! Swann bowling from around the wicket from the Old Fort End has Kallis propping gently forward but this ball doesn't turn and a thin edge loops gently to Colly at slip. Thank goodness for that.

1306 - 160-2 Damaged finger or not, Smith creams Onions through the covers for four across this rapidly-drying outfield. Boycott: "Have you got a cricket brain? Have you got a thinking brain? Can you think two steps ahead of the opposition? We try hard but our attack doesn't give you confidence we can bowl people out unless it swings all day" Simon Mann agrees, and changes the subject swiftly by noting that someone has chucked a red frisbee onto the ground. After a delay, Smith drives Onions for four more. Oh dear. Boycott lists every great captain he can think off in wistful manner, and now Smith is beaten.

As Senor Dirs takes a break, it is I, Oliver Brett who will desperately try and get England a wicket or two. Meanwhile, Geoffrey Boycott says on Test Match Special that modern players do not read up enough on the game's history. Onions to bowl the first over after tea...

"'Lindt truffles? Is that it? Not even a bottle of Matey Bubbles or a cheeky negligee?' Nope. To be fair, all we got him was a splendid torch. He did have the pleasure of spending 10 days earlier in the month with his ancient mother, what a good son. He made an old woman very happy. His mother was pleased too."
Carol in Portugal in the TMS inbox

1239 - 151-2 KP gets an over before lunch, and he gets a rather fruity reception from the locals. Plenty of turn for Pietersen, but it's slow and Kallis helps him round the corner for one. A single for Smith brings up the 150, before Kallis adds one more with a squeeze to fine-leg. Umpire Dar sweeps in, he wanted another over, but Smith and Kallis make the decision for him, removing their helmets and heading for the pavilion. That was a real slog for England.

1236 - 148-2 One for Smith with a clip off his hip before Jacques Kallis doles out some pain, showing the maker's name and driving him down the ground for four. Good riposte from Onions, getting one to spit as if from a frying pan and leaving Kallis thrusting at midair. Lindt truffles? Is that it? Not even a bottle of Matey Bubbles or a cheeky negligee?

"Thanks for asking, Ben, my dear husband bought me a box of Lindt truffles, mixed variety, because he knows I prefer the dark ones and he likes all the rest. My daughter's husband bought her five DVDs, all films that he wants to see. One year I received a dustbin, which was slightly better than the year before, when I got a set of drain rods, having had to borrow the neighbour's the previous week. But my Dad's favourite Christmas was the year my mother bought him a toilet seat. Don't ask."
Carol in Portugal in the TMS inbox

1232 - 142-2 Smith drops to one knee and sweeps Swann for one and the England spinner keeps it tight for the rest of the over.

1229 - 141-2 It's looking more ominous than a room full of Doris Stokes for England at the moment, although a wicket before tea would change things. That's an ugly old heave from Smith, trying to fetch one from outside off. Onions gets one to nibble back at Smith, before the Durham man drops short and Kallis marmalises him to the square-leg boundary. Jimmy Choo wellies? What did you get him? A Burberry pac-a-mac?

"My husband bought me a pair of wellies. BUT they were a Jimmy Choo/Hunter special edition. Must have cost a small fortune & they are gorgeous!"
Annette in Herefordshire in the TMS inbox

1224 - 136-2 Excitement around the bat as Swann continues to twirl away to Kallis. An lbw appeal, but the umpire's not interested, before Kallis lunges forward and draws another strangled yelp. Huge lbw appeal against Smith - that hit Smith on the toe and dribbled to fine-leg, but after all that hullaballoo, Strauss doesn't even refer it. Correct, it was sliding down leg.

"Re: 11.37 Snow cricket in Bury. If the good people in that particular part of Greater Manchester had been more community minded, they could have put their bats to better use and cleared some of the snow from the surface at Gigg Lane. That way, I could have been settling down to the opening moments of the Big Game, Shakers vs Bantams, which was a midday kick off!"
Jamie, a disgruntled Bradford fan, with only his grandma and some film with Lindsay Lohan for company instead, in the TMS inbox

1220 - 134-2 Here comes Onions, from the Umgeni End. Nice slider into Kallis's pads, and there are anguished cries as Kallis just manages to squirt a single into the leg side. Smith calls for the 12th man in the middle of the over, it looks like he's got a problem with that hand that was hit by Anderson before lunch. Bit of magic spray, but not sure why he couldn't have just waited until the end of the over. Good to see boxing getting into the festive spirit - a glorious day of football fixtures, horse racing galore, and the top headline on boxing is 'Pacquiao plans to sue Mayweather'. Hohoho... four for Smith with a drive straight down the ground.

1212 - 128-2 Alan Partridge might have been on to something with that programme idea - The Onion Mystery, about an England fast bowler who is bizarrely left out of the attack for almost an entire session despite being better than everyone else. It might not be a thriller, but it's topical. One run for Kallis, clipping Swann to fine-leg.

1208 - 126-2 Kallis thinks about giving Trott the charge, but decides against it and check drives for no run down the ground. Kallis adds a couple courtesy of a glide to third-man before check-driving again through the covers for a few. Magnificent from Jimmy to save the four, has there ever been a better fast-bowling fielder? Any ladies in? What did your men buy you for Christmas?

"Hi Ben, what is this 'ITV' you talk of?"
Carl Evans, Crepy, France, in the TMS inbox

1204 - 121-2 There are suggestions now that Smith wouldn't have been out from that Swann lbw because he was 2.5m down the wicket. All very confusing to be honest - what happens if a batsman gets a shooter then? Is he still not out if someone's got a giant stride in? A few for Smith with a clip through mid-wicket, and I have to ask, where the ruddy heck is Onions? He was virtually impossible to score off before lunch and looked like taking a wicket every other ball.

1202 - 117-2 There's Kallis's fifty, his 52nd in Tests, courtesy of an outside edge for four through the slip cordon, which consists of a third slip and no second or first. That's his eighth fifty in his last 11 innings in Durban, and he's gone on to score tons on four of those occasions. Two more for Kallis with a nurdle to leg off Trott.

1158 - 111-2 Kallis nibbles round the corner for one, before Swann has a very convincing lbw appeal turned down by Umpire Saheba. Strauss considers referring it, but decides against... Hawkeye reckons that was ripping out middle, that's poor from England...

"Earlier in the day when things were going well you twice decided to ignore my criticism of the selection of Ian Bell at the expense of a fifth bowler. Not looking so clever now are we?! Why can't Strauss and Flower see what every other cricket follower in the world can see, that we are shooting ourselves in the foot by picking a batsman who won't score and won't deliver. Sidebottom would score more runs and spend longer at the crease than the supremely talented but mentally challenged Sherminator."
Ben in the TMS inbox

1154 - 110-2 Trott into the attack with his dibblies and dobblies. Smith works him off his pads for a couple, before the South Africa skipper brings up the 100 partnership with a clip through mid-wicket for three. Good work from Anderson, who just manages to haul the ball in short of the rope.

1149 - 104-2 There's Smith's fifty, nudging Swann into the leg-side for a single. That's his 26th in Tests, and he will have made few more nuggety. It came from 138 balls and included six fours.

1147 - 103-2 One for Kallis with a controlled hook shot before Smith clips to leg for a single. Broad plugging away, but not making much happen to be honest. Hope he's got some slap on, it looks like someone held him down during the lunch break and attacked him with a hair dryer.

"My liver put in a request for a drinks break this morning. Declined."
Steve in Lowestoft in the TMS inbox

"I thought that was a really disappointing hour for England. Where's Onions? Bowl Anderson by all means, but Onions has been the best bowler. Instead we've got the off-spinner after lunch. I know it's Christmas, but you don't have to give them a present on Boxing Day."
Sir Geoffrey Boycott on TMS

1139 - 101-2 Swanny nearly gets one through Smith's defences - they're far more ragged against the spinner. Just one from the over, a Kallis single, and that's drinks...

1137 - 100-2 Broad gets one to jag back at Kallis, who gets an inside edge into the old Jacob's. Educated edge from Kallis, which runs away for four, before Broad drops short and is cut for four. All of a sudden, this pair look like a couple of giants out in the middle, those dicey days of 10-2 a distant memory. In case anyone's wondering what the picture is, it's snow cricket in Bury - many thanks Andy Walker.

1132 - 95-2 A groan from Swann as Smith lunges forward and covers up, before Swann gets one past an iffy leg-side clip from the South Africa skipper. Swanny looks the man most likely at the moment.

"We are 'christening' our new artificial wicket in the annual Boxing Day cricket match between Tottington St Johns and Brooksbottom. Match started at 11am at Crompton Meadows, Tottington, on our new artificial wicket which we spent Christmas Eve cleaning snow off to get the game on! First time we've played the game on a carpet of snow too."
Andy Walker, Committee member, Tottington St Johns Cricket Club, in the TMS inbox

1128 - 93-2 Pretty gusty out there now, that may well be helping Swann with his drift. Tidy over from Broad, before he drops short and Smith tugs him away to move to 47. Bumper from Broad, and Kallis goes for it and is beaten. That got big on him, and Kallis is more of a puller than a hooker.

"Re Tim in London's question (1109), Neil McKenzie married a model as I saw her photo shoot in that Sport magazine they hand out at tube stations in London on Fridays. He has therefore probably prioritised her over cricket."
Gary, Market Harborough, in the TMS inbox

1124 - 92-2 Swann asking plenty of questions out there. He gets one to grip and turn away from Smith, Smith edges and the ball lands just short of Collingwood at slip. Replays suggest that flicked Prior's gloves, and had it not, it may have carried. A decent lbw appeal next ball, but no chance of a referral, that struck him a stump outside the line.

1120 - 91-2 Nasty from Broad, that will have cleared Kallis's whisky head - short, and Jacques is forced into evasive action. Real holiday atmosphere at Kingsmead, as Broad gets one to wobble back at Kallis and very nearly crash through his defensive gate. Better from Broad.

"I've watched a lot of cricket and a lot of the modern bowlers don't seem able to bowl maidens and create pressure..."
Sir Geoffrey Boycott on TMS

1116 - 91-2 Scorecard-wise, refresh your page manually and you'll see a link at the top. We've had problems. Short from Swann and Smith fills his boots, carving him through point for four.

1113 - 87-2 Broad is turned away by Kallis for one, the Notts man really needs to start pitching it up. Two slips, a gully and a cover-point in for the left-handed Smith. Leg-side from Broad and Smith tucks him away for one more. Very refreshing Andrew (see below) when my nan was 83, her idea of broadening her horizons at Christmas was getting out of her armchair, walking to the TV and turning over to ITV.

"I watched my Swedish Granny tuck into her first mince pies with gusto - it was a leap of faith. Refreshing to see an 83-year-old still with such an appetite to broaden her horizons."
Andrew in the TMS inbox

1109 - 85-2 Many thanks Oliver Brett, Benjamin Dirs is back in the hot seat, and boy is it hot. Swann draws Kallis into a false stroke, the ball squirting into the leg-side for a single. Swann giving it some tweak, and this time Smith is squared up. What's happened to Neil Mckenzie, asks Tim in London. He had a bit of a dodgy series against Australia in Australia earlier this year, making just one fifty in five matches, and hasn't had a sniff since. I think they just decided it was time to put him out to pasture, he's 34. Another testing, teasing over from Swanny.

1105 - 84-2 Anderson, in the 12th over of what could be a marathon spell, is pulled fine for four by Smith.

1100 - 77-2 Swann sends down another solid if not exactly searching over and life is pretty easy for South Africa just at the minute. These two have put on 67 so far.

1058 - 76-2 Kallis has a frightening record in Tests at Kingsmead Park and if England don't shift him soon he could have his fifth century here. An immaculate forward defence from him against Anderson is followed by a well-controlled pull for one.

1053 - 74-2 In blazing sunshine - look out for some very sunburnt England fans at close of play today - Smith sweeps Swann for a single with utter nonchalance.

1051 - 72-2 Smith, as has happened to him all innings really, is comfortably beaten by Anderson, but then gets a couple on his pads, he likes them there - scampering a couple of "doubles"(excuse baseball parlance) and South Africa are ticking over again nicely.

1046 - 67-2 Swann is the man charged with trying to break this threatening Smith-Kallis stand - and almost has the SA skipper chipping a catch straight back to him with his second ball. Bit of turn with the fifth ball, but it's very wide and can be safely left. A maiden.

1041: A bit of cloud cover building up, some talk that there might be a thunderstorm later on - though with any luck just after the close of play. Players a bit late to resume, for some unidentified reason, but they'll be under way in a second.

1037: Three minutes until the second session starts folks, and as Ben gets a bit of R&R it is me, Oliver Brett, to bring you the opening post-lunch overs.

Oxford English Dictionary: batter, n.3. One who bats; esp. the player who uses the bat in the game of cricket. 1773 J. DUNCOMBE Surry Triumphant st. xxxiii, in R. Freeman Kentish Poets (1821) II. 368 At last, Sir Horace took the field, A batter of great might. 1824 MISS MITFORD Village Ser. I. (1863) 174 Such mutual compliments from man to man-bowler to batter, batter to bowler. 1854 J. W. WARTER Old Squires v. 48 The old Squire..had been a good batter in his day.

"For goodness sake it is 'batsmen' not 'batters'. This is Cricket not Baseball!"
Ken, Rundu, Namibia in the TMS inbox

"Mince pies! Try explaining to a Dane what they are. They are made with mince meat. No, not the sort you make bangers with. Bangers, yes, sausages, not fireworks. Mince pies, yes, a dessert. Not to be eaten with brown sauce. No, with icing sugar... help!"
Roger in Denmark in the TMS inbox

1009: Absorbing first over there - not many runs, it was cerebral stuff to be honest, a Test match Penguin classic of a session rather than Twenty20 Viz annual. Can't help feeling England will be disappointed only to take two wickets, Kallis and Smith started to look very assured towards the end of that session. See you in a bit.

1002 - 67-2 Anderson, with a bit of wind over his right shoulder, beats Kallis outside off. Three slips and a gully for the last over before lunch, but Kallis is looking as solid as a wheel of mature cheddar - he blocks out the over.

0958 - 66-2 Interesting, Jonathan Trott is going to have an over before lunch. If Trott is military medium, it's strictly territorial, and Kallis pushes him through cover-point immediately for a couple. Bit of in-swing from Trott and there are anguished noises as Kallis just manages to get his bat down on it. Bit of spite from Trott, the ball rearing up at Kallis, and Kallis, rather melodramatically, making Trott look like Malcolm Marshall at his most horrible.

0954 - 64-2 Kallis picks up one with a nudge to mid-wicket, before Smith sweeps very fine for four. That's the fifty partnership. Swann loses his line quite dramatically and Smith helps it on his way, four more. Strauss really needs Swann to hold an end down here, or England's seamers are going to be ground into dust. Oooh! That turned and bounced, and Smith is beaten. Prior whipped the bails off, the umpire goes upstairs, but Smith's foot was in.

"I subscribe to the 'going to eat them anyway so may as well eat them all today and get it over with' school of mince pie eating. Currently arguing with my (Aussie) housemate over cricket v Iron Chef on the TV. Is it just me or is settling disputes between members of the opposite sex by arm wrestling a little unfair?"
Vics in grey and wet Sydney in the TMS inbox

0948 - 55-2 I can't help feeling England have let the hosts off the hook this morning, or they will have done if they don't knock another one over before lunch. Too many short balls creeping in - Anderson serves one up and Smith's on it in a flash, yanking him round the corner for four. They reckon it's pushing 90C in Durban, that's definitely factor 5 conditions, nasty...

0944 - 50-2 Time for a bit of Swann before lunch. He likes bowling to lefties, and he's got one in his crosshairs in the South Africa skipper. Inside edge first up, but the ball squirts out to the left of Cook at short leg. One run, before Kallis plays an iffy drive and is nearly bowled through the gate. Kallis looking very skittish against the off-spin of Swann, coming down the track and mis-cueing a lofted drive to no-man's land at mid-wicket. But that's the fifty up, Kallis whipping to square-leg for a couple. Something there for Swann though...

"Just spent Boxing Day getting sun burnt on a beach in southern Philippines, where it's nearly 6pm. No mince pies or pig in blankets, although I did enjoy some deep fried pig intestine yesterday for crimble dinner. Think porky scratchings in the shape of a Pringle, with a hole in the middle. Not bad at all."
Merry Xmas all, from Richard in Davao, Philippines, in the TMS inbox

0939 - 46-2 Strauss brings Anderson back into the fray, he won't consider this morning a total success unless his side can winkle out another wicket before lunch. Short and wide from Anderson and Smith latches onto it, smearing him through point for his first four of the day. Leg-side from Jimmy, and Smith tickles him round the corner for one more.

Michael Vaughan on TMS: "England have bowled very well at Graeme Smith. They clearly have a plan to find his outside edge and take the ball away from him."

0934 - 41-2 Kingsmead really filling out now, and there are plenty of Englishmen in. The cameraman homes in on a couple of them, they look like legs of glazed ham. Four for Kallis, flipping Onions round the corner to the long-leg fence. Shorter from Onions, and that locates the edge of Kallis's bat, but dribbles through the slips for a couple. Kallis on 21 now, South Africa finding some semblance of fluency.

0929 - 35-2 Birdsong dancing around the TMS commentary box as Broad continues his spell. Broad not really learning from Onions, he's bowling too short - not really short, but short enough. Leg-side delivery and Kallis whips him away for one.

0925 - 34-2 No let up from Onions, however, who continues to stick it on a sixpence and beats the fencing Smith with consecutive deliveries. Smith lunges and the ball falls just short of Cook at short leg, before Onions digs one in and Smith misses with a windy waft. Onions's figures so far - seven overs, four maidens and four runs. News reaches me that no-one called Luke has ever played Test cricket, which is smashing.

0920 - 34-2 Too straight from Broad and Kallis waits on it and punches him through mid-wicket for a couple. Kallis is squared-up, before Kallis misses a leg-side four ball which would have slid down leg. Width from Broad, and there's the second boundary of the day, Kallis cue-ending past the slip cordon and away for four. And another! Shortish again and Broad stands tall and jabs him through mid-wicket. Ten from the over.

0916 - 24-2 Smith beaten again by Onions, who's really turning the screw out there, he's like he's got the ball on a zip wire. Smith plays all around one, just managing to get an inside edge, before Smith gloves one down to the long-leg boundary for the first four of the morning. Smith dabs to square-leg for one to keep the strike.

0912 - 18-2 Smith breaks the shackles, clipping Broad through mid-wicket for four. No, make that three, this Kingsmead outfield is distinctly tacky. Sir Boycs regaling TMS listeners with the tale of the time he was run out twice in a Test. Not out both times, apparently... and mine was a virgin birth...

"Good morning Mr Dirs. After a lovely Crimbo dindin (made it myself, roast duck with a lovely Southern American oyster dressing/stuffing), find myself unwrapping so far what seems to be a nice prezzie from the lads. Let's hope this keeps up - it's -7 degrees right now here at 2.05am on Boxing Day, but the view on the TV is better than the snow-covered one outside!"
John, Calgary, in the TMS inbox

0908 - 15-2 Anderson's been given a blow, Onions has switched ends. That's a peach from Onions, nipping off the seam, squaring Smith up and missing everything by millimetres. Onions gropes at the next ball and is beaten again. Just one leg-bye from that over, this is old school. They've been playing Test cricket at Kingsmead since 1923, when England and South Africa played out a draw. It was also the scene of the famous timeless Test in 1939, when the game had to be called off because England had to catch a boat home.

0901 - 14-2 Yorker length from Broad and Kallis watches it pass outside his off-peg. Broad keeping Kallis honest, although he strays leg-side with his final ball and the batsman picks up a couple courtesy of a leg-side clip.

0857 - 12-2 Smith's got form on the brittle fingers front, Mitchell Johnson gave him a real working over earlier this year, but he looks to be OK. And that's another beauty from Anderson, getting one to rear up at Smith and hit the bat high on the splice.

0851 - 12-2 Spiteful from Anderson, hitting Smith on the bottom hand. The South Africa skipper goes walkabout, and on comes the physio. Smith does that thing that macho blokes do, shaking his hand before thinking, "hang on a minute, I can't let him think he's hurt me", and leaning on his bat and masticating casually. Sensible from Umpire Dar, who takes the opportunity to call for a drinks break.

0849 - 12-2 Jacques Kallis welcomed to the crease like a favourite gladiator, and his side need a gladiatorial inning from him here. He's off the mark immediately with a poke down the ground for a couple - no foot movement though - but he very nearly plays on second ball, playing a very iffy drive, bat away from his body.

"I spent Christmas day picking up on some youthful linguistic innovation from teenage relatives who only come round once a year to drink all my beer, Apparently, 'mint' is now the term of choice to describe something as good, and, in a surprising twist, 'sick' can now also mean worthwhile. One of them was even worthwhile in the kitchen at about 2am and I've just cleaned it up."
Paul in Lancs in the TMS inbox

0845 - WICKET - Amla lbw b Broad 2 (SA 10-2)
Broad is on, and let's hope he's spent the Christmas period retuning his radar, he was very ordinary indeed in Centurion. Nice shape first up, the ball arcing away from the right-handed Amla. Broad should like this deck, plenty of climb to be had. Good stop from Anderson in the covers to prevent a run from Amla. AMLA GONE! Full of length from Broad, Amla swishes across the line, and that would have ripped out middle and leg. England well on top.

0841 - 10-1 Strauss will have to shuffle his pack wisely in this fierce heat, he won't want to wear any of his seamers into the ground too early. Broad swinging his arms about, he could be on for Onions soon, and there's the third maiden of the morning from Anderson.

0836 - 10-1 Real back-breaking conditions for a fast bowler at Kingsmead Stadium, Onions trudging back to his mark between deliveries like a man making his way back home from a 12-hour shift down pit. Short from the Durham man and Smith rolls his wrists on it, picking up one to square-leg. I got that Harold Larwood biography for Christmas - 5ft 8in apparently, 10st, and he bowled at 95mph. That's like doing 0-60 in three seconds in a Polo, remarkable stuff.

"Hi Ben and Merry Christmas! As his sister, I can vouch for the validity of Jon's mince pie claim. But this is all part of his cricket-watching training regime, it builds up his core muscles to withstand the very worst excesses of our batting and fielding. Come on England!"
Rachel Tyrrell, Lincoln, in the TMS inbox

0832 - 9-1 Anderson full of length, Smith digging in and just looking to survive until such a time as a it stops hooping around. Anderson switches to round the wicket to Smith, but that's too wide and the batsman watches it breeze by. Cook comes in from backward square leg and gets under the helmet at short leg - short from Anderson and Smith tugs him round the corner for a single.

0827 - 8-1 Still no run off the bowling of Onions... Amla alters that stat, nudging into the off-side for a single. Onions gives Smith some verbal daggers, and Smith holds his stare. I know who I fancy if those two ever come to blows... "she's the fat one who had that gastric band fitted..." "No mum, that's Fern Britton..."

0824 - 6-1 Anderson first gets one to nip back at the left-handed Smith, before moving one away. The next one's a snorter, darting away from the South Africa skipper, but he just manages to jerk his gloves inside the line. Two runs for Smith with a nurdle to leg.

0822 - 4-1 Lbw appeal by Onions against Amla, before Strauss brings the troops together and decides against the review. Good decision, that was missing leg by a stump. That's a maiden, Onions keeping the batsmen honest. Did anyone else spend the whole of Christmas day finishing/correcting sentences by their parents? Such as: "What time's Kevin and Stacey on?" "Gavin..."

"In response to Jon Tattersall, 0757, I had no mince pies yesterday. More worryingly, I didn't have a single pig in blanket. Not one. What sort of Christmas dinner comes sans pig in blanket? Last time I go to the wife's family for dinner. And I was driving."
Dave, Gloucester, in the TMS inbox

"There might only be an hour's worth of movement, so England have to use this Kookaburra ball well, while it's still hard and shiny..."
Former England captain Michael Vaughan on TMS

0814 - 4-1 Hashim Amla is next up the ramp, the Barmy Army in full cry. Three slips in for the right hander, who averages only 16 in four Tests in Durban. Sketchy start, Anderson locating the edge and the ball landing just in front of Collingwood at second slip. CRACKERJACK! Anderson moving it both ways, this time getting one to slide away from Amla, leaving the batsman groping outside off. Amla off the mark with a single.

0809 - WICKET - Prince c Swann b Anderson 2 (SA 3-1)
That's some start for the tourists - plenty of lateral movement from Anderson, Prince doesn't play it too well, and Swann snaffles a straightforward catch at third slip. First blood England.

0807 - 3-1 Graham Onions to share the new ball with Anderson. Anyone else try to fool their own mirrors by holding their stomachs in and throwing semi-muscleman shapes? You should try it, it glosses over reality and momentarily wards of those feelings of deep self-loathing that usually kick in somewhere around lunchtime on Boxing Day. Decent first over from Onions, right on the spot.

"Merry Xmas Ben. 'Strauss unworried by Cook's form' declared the headline in the cricket section of the BBC website yesterday. Missing was the sub-headline 'Graeme Smith not too bothered either'."
Pete from Kempsey, Worcestershire, in the TMS inbox

0803 - 3-0 Anderson with first bung, and his first delivery has some zip behind it, pitching and darting away from the left-handed Smith. There's the first run of the day off a Smith inside edge, before Prince steers reaches for one and squeezes out two runs through point. Slow outfield, that looked like four off the bat. Prince beaten, Anderson getting a bit of nip off the pitch, and that was a pretty decent first over.

"Can anyone beat my mince pie count yesterday? I managed 12."
Jon Tattersall, Oldbury, in the TMS inbox

0757: Everyone keeps telling me Ian Bell and Alastair Cook are under all sorts of pressure, but how can they be if England don't have any extra batters in their squad? All seems a bit odd to me. Anyway, England are out and here comes the Proteas openers, Graeme Smith and Ashwell Prince. Decent, if unspectacular, crowd in, and we'll have play in a couple of minutes...

South Africa: G C Smith (Capt), A G Prince, H M Amla, J H Kallis, AB de Villiers, J P Duminy, M V Boucher (Wkt), M Morkel, P L Harris, M Ntini, D W Steyn

0752: Jonathan Agnew says it's a "broiler" in Durban, and the TV pictures back this up. Already 27C, and sticky as all hell. A little Christmas tip for you: if you're still in your gown reading this, make sure choose your mirror wisely when you get dressed this morning. While last night, in the shadowy, candle-lit downside bathroom, I looked like I'd been working out all week, this morning, in the stark, strip-lit upside bathroom I resembled a slab of brie that had been left out in the sun for a couple of days. My Christmas came to a shuddering halt then and there.

0747: I hope everybody had a splendid Yule and that Santa Claus brought you everything you wanted. Do not hesitate to send in your various tales of Christmas day highs and lows, of rows and reconciliation, of ropey cardigans and ill-chosen lingerie, of stroppy children and ungrateful nans. My highlight was my nieces turn as Alan the Performing Bun. Don't ask, but it was better than Gavin and Stacey.

England: Strauss, Cook, Trott, Pietersen, Collingwood, Bell, Prior, Broad, Swann, Anderson, Onions

0740: Hello you, and a merry St Stephen's Day to you both, whatever that is. The news from Durban is that South Africa have won the toss and they're going to have a bat. England have resisted the temptation to drop Ian Bell and bring in an extra bowler, while the hosts have made one change, with Dale Steyn, their premier fast bowler, in for Friedel de Wet, who brought England to their knees in Centurion.