ICC World Twenty20 Group B, Lord's:
Pakistan bt Netherlands by 82 runs (Pakistan qualify for Super 8s)

Evening match: Group A, Lord's:
South Africa bt New Zealand by one run (Both teams qualify for the Super 8s)

By Ben Dirs

606: DEBATE Discuss day five's action on 606

e-mail tms@bbc.co.uk (with 'For Ben Dirs' in the subject), text 81111 (with "CRICKET" as the first word) or use 606. (Not all contributions can be used)

NEW ZEALAND

2055: What a strange old game. Still trying to work out how New Zealand, supposedly a good chasing side, were unable to reel in 128. But credit to South Africa, particularly Van der Merwe, who finished with 2-14. That's that then folks. I need a lie-down, thanks for joining in the chat, and I'll see you tomorrow for Sri Lanka-West Indies (another dead rubber) and India-Ireland (another dead rubber). Bye!

20th over - 127-5 The 19-year-old Wayne Parnell bowls the last over, and Styris picks up one with a thick inside edge from his first ball... 14 needed from five... Oram manages to dig out a block-hole ball, but only two for the shot... 12 from four... Oram hoicks Parnell to leg, like a man shovelling a load of coal into a furnace, and he picks up two... 10 from three... OOOH! Oram heaves, and Kallis, racing in from the cover boundary, spills it diving full length. Great effort, eight needed from two... FOUR! Big inside edge from Oram... but Oram is unable to pull out another big one from the final ball, just squeezing the ball into the leg-side, and he's run out with New Zealand one run short... an extraordinary end to a pretty meaningless match, and to be honest, no-one seems too bothered about the result.

19th over - 114-4 Just a quick mention that highlights of both today's games are on BBC2 and online at 2320 BST (2350 on BBC Wales)... Steyn with a block-hole ball, and Oram cracks him away for a couple... but that's a little wild from Steyn, with a greasy ball perhaps, and it's wide outside off. Four for Oram! He's just managed to toe the ball into the ground and away over Boucher's head. One more for Oram, the right-handed Styris on strike, which presages a raft of field-changes... only three in the circle, and a couple of South Africans point it out to skipper Smith - that should have been a no-ball, but instead it's a wide... 18 needed from nine, but that's a fine ball from Steyn, full of length and Stryis is unable to get down to it. Two for the Kiwis, Oram just managing to make his ground after a squeeze into the off-side by Styris... full-bunger from Steyn, but Styris is only able to squirt it down to third-man for one. Fourteen needed to tie, 15 to win it.

18th over - 102-4 Parnell to continue with his left-arm seamers, and Oram swings his right leg out of the way and slams the bowler through the covers for four. Fuller this time from Parnell, and Oram can only dig it out for one. Scott Styris on strike now... short from Parnell, and Styris is unable to swing him away... but there's a couple, Styris reaching and dabbing Parnell through backward-point.. 29 needed from 14 balls... block-hole ball from Parnell, and Styris pokes it out for one... Oram clears the right leg again, but his ugly heave is worth just one. Only nine from that over, 27 needed from 12...

17th over - WICKET McCullum st Boucher b Van der Merwe 57, NZ 93-4

McCullum is unable to score from the first ball of Van der Merwe's over, but he does pick up a single with a club down the ground. Oram, looking to hit into the short Mound Stand boundary, hoicks hard, but only bags one. A single for McCullum, who all of a sudden doesn't look so relaxed. Big appeal for lbw as Oram looks to sweep, but it pitched outside leg and goes down as a leg-bye. AND MCCULLUM'S A GONER! The Kiwi skipper strolls down the pitch, misses with some humpty, and is stumped. Bit of bounce for Van der Merwe, who's given this Kiwi batting line-up fits.

16th over - 89-3 Big day for spinners at Lord's today, when they haven't been cuasing havoc, they've been ball-and-chaining the batsmen to the crease. McCullum breaks the shackles, darting to left before slapping Botha over extra-cover for four. Oram makes room, but doesn't get hold of it, and Oram has now faced five balls for two. 40 needed from 24...

Martijno from Moscow in the TMS inbox "You are ordering chicken korma, pilau rice and a kashmiri naan, right? You're white, 43- years-old, you like Simply Red and Kylie Minogue and you go on walking holidays in Penrith. Myrtle! Is that you?"

15th over - WICKET - Taylor b Van der Werwe 22, NZ 82-2

There's McCullum's fifty courtesy of a dab to leg, and it came off 46 balls. Not exactly express, but he's laid the foundations. Van der Werwe just shaves Taylor's off-stump, before Taylor has a mow and is castled. Jacob Oram is the next batsman, and he's a man that can... little chip first-up, just out of reach of short mid-wicket and he picks up one. And that's a smart ball from Van der Merwe, just shaving McCullum's off-peg this time with one that shoots on. 46 now needed from 30 balls...

14th over - 81-2 Steyn is back on, and very nearly cleans Taylor up with a yorker, but he manages to squirt down to third-man for one. Quick hands from McCullum, who rocks back and twirls Steyn into the off-side for one. Very sharp single from Taylor, with Steyn just missing with the side-foot onto the stumps. McCullum steers Steyn down to third-man for another single, and New Zealand look like they're in no hurry at all... New Zealand need 48 from six, the run-rate is creeping up and up...

Dermott Reeve on TMS

"It might be a more confident message to send out to say to Taylor, 'we don't need you, we'll send someone else out to win the game and you can get some treatment...'"

13th over - 75-2 McCullum steps away and cuts Van der Merwe for a couple. One more for McCullum, before Taylor turns to leg for one. Well done Mark in Newmarket (see below), that is probably the worst email anyone has ever sent in...

Mark in Newmarket in the TMS inbox "So five curries in a row is ok, followed by something sweet, then, for fun, something to make your voice sound funny? Or, as Boy George told us. 'Korma, korma, korma, korma, korma, jam-helium...'"

William Collins, Yorkshire, in the TMS inbox "When my girlfriend was away for 3 months I simply cooked a huge curry on Monday and lived off it for the rest of the week. Reduced time wasted cooking and washing up. Also saved time on socializing as nobody would come within miles of me."

12th over - 71-2 There's a runner on for Taylor, and it's Martin Guptill, one of the most rapid men in world cricket. Good ball from Morkel, but McCullum manages to poke it out and picks up one straight down the ground. That's right in the slot from Morkel and McCullum plonks a size 10 down the pitch and laces him through the covers for four. McCullum keeps the strike with a push to point and New Zealand need 58 from eight, which, with eight wickets in hand, should be elementary.

Lyndon in the TMS inbox "I get glared at like I'm John Merrick wearing a Nazi uniform decorated with dead kittens every time I order a korma. What's wrong with korma?"

11th over - 62-2 The left-arm spin of Van der Merwe now, and McCullum and Taylor milk him for two singles. Leading edge from McCullum as he tries to turn Van der Merwe to leg, and he only gets one for a swashbuckling swipe through the covers. Good, tight bowling from Van der Merwe, and Taylor is very nearly toast from the final ball - he clipped to deep square-leg, the throw came in, but he just managed to make his ground. Taylor hobbled off there, but the man upstairs says he's not out. Taylor may go off here, no point in risking anything in a dead rubber, surely?

10th over - 57-2 McCullum tries a bit of aggression, but skews one into no-man's land at deep extra-cover for three. Full-toss from Morkel, but Taylor is unable to put it away, but he and McCullum do exchange singles from the last two deliveries. Tim Fordham (see below), half-length snooker clues are the stuff of a Hammerette's wildest dreams.

Tim Fordham in the TMS inbox "At The Oval on Saturday and was so shocked at the poor quality of the dancing idiots I found myself watching them after every boundary to see what useless prop they would use next. What appeared to be a half length snooker cue they all danced around came first in that contest."

9th over - 52-2 A chance! Full-toss from Botha, just slipping out of the fingers, but the bowler is unable to get a hand to it. On second viewing, not sure that was a chance. Full-bunger from Botha, and this time Taylor swats him away for four. Still, that's not a bad over from Botha, the Kiwis still rather dribbling towards their target.

John in Maryland in the TMS inbox "Re: James in Canada. You need to spread the cricket gospel to your co-workers. Pretty sure that it would work on any baseball fans at your office. The only reason I like and follow cricket is because a co-worker of mine (from India) introduced me to it. I grew up in America, played baseball all my life, and took to the game at once. And now we are roping more office mates into batting and bowling at lunch."

8th over - 44-2 McCullum, trying to break the ennui, comes down the track and flat-bats Kallis for one through the covers. Lot of effort for a single. Taylor finds the fielder at extra-cover, and this is pretty manful stuff from Kallis. But that's a bit wide, and Taylor flings his bat at it and flays it through the covers for four. Taylor, almost as if he's about to do the splits, opens up his stance, but doesn't get it, but he does get one for a thick inside edge next ball. The Kiwis need 85 from 12...

7th over - 38-2 McCullum takes a run to Herschelle Gibbs in the covers, but Gibbs' throw is miles wide and Taylor makes it. Johan Botha is bowling now, and he's restricting this New Zealand pair to ones. McCullum pushes to point, and there are just three off that over. You don't want to invoke the curse, Ian (see below), it means every curry you eat from now on will taste like it's come out of a Lloyd Grossman jar.

Ian, Cardiff, in the TMS inbox "Sorry to go back in conversation, but I have just finished work and am catching up. Why can't you have curry two nights in a row? I am planning to tonight, but do not want to break an unwritten rule or invoke some kind of curse."

6th over - 35-2 Leg-side wide from Kallis, but he hits back well, tucking McCullum up with a couple of in-duckers, before McCullum heaves the last ball to mid-one for a single. That's the end of the fielding restrictions.

5th over - 31-2 New Zealand need 99 from 94 now, they only need to tick over from here. A single apiece for McCullum and Taylor, before McCullum squirts Parnell into the covers for one more. I think the Saffers did do dancing idiots a lot better. We're always a bit half-hearted with our dancing idiots over here, almost as if we feel slightly guilty about them. Good over from Parnell, three dot balls to finish.

Lyndon in the TMS inbox "Is it me or did the Saffas do dancing idiots a lot better? This bunch look like they've been swept up among the remnants of a stag and hen party explosion."

James Davidson, Guelph, Canada in the TMS inbox "Ben, I can empathize with your loneliness. My only cricket-following comrade in the office here in Canada is shortly taking up a project in a different office. Who will I discuss the Ashes with?"

4th over - WICKET - Broom c&b Kallis 1, NZ 26-2

Kallis is on and McCullum absolutely smokes his first ball, charging down the track and flat-batting him through the covers for four brutal runs. Good comeback from Kallis, McCullum only able to push him to mid-off for one, and he's got Broom next ball - short from Kallis, Broom splices it, and Kallis does well to get his fingers underneath it on the dive. Ross Taylor, a biffa's biffa, is next in, and Kallis almost cleans him up, Taylor shouldering arms rather extravagantly. Plenty of pace from Kallis, still up at 86mph, but there's a big leg-side wide. Kallis gives Taylor a glare, Taylor grins back.

3rd over - WICKET - Guptill c Van der Merwe b Steyn 6, NZ 20-1

Steyn makes the breakthrough, getting one to rush onto Guptill and forcing him into a chip to Van der Merwe at mid-wicket. Neil Broom, the tall right-hander, is next up the ramp, and he ducks rather jerkily under a bumper from Steyn. Too quick again from Steyn, and Broom misses out with the hook. Good over from Steyn, a wicket and two runs.

2nd over - 19-0 There's Jocelyn Galsworthy on the boundary rope, painting the scene. Can't help thinking she must have done that scene before. Parnell, the left-armer, is too short and Guptill swats him over mid-wicket for four. Two more singles, before McCullum clips Parnell through mid-wicket for four more... and here's McCullum again, charging Parnell and slamming him through the covers for another boundary. Good comeback from Parnell, scything McCullum in half with a cutter, but there are 13 from the over.

1st over - 6-0 New Zealand only need six and a half an over, and it's Dale Steyn to bowl first. Lovely outswinger first-up, Brendon McCullum watches it glide past and into the wicketkeeper's mitts. Dirty old smear from McCullum and he's beaten. Any emails? Feeling a bit lonely... width from Steyn and McCullum twirls him over backward-point for four. McCullum, leaden-footed, gets an outside edge for one, and Guptill leaves his first ball, a lavish away-swinger. Guptil steals the strike with a thick outside edge, just six from over number one.

1918: No messing about, we're back out already and will have play in a minute...

SOUTH AFRICA INNINGS

20th over - 128-7 Jacob Oram to bowl the final over, and Morkel is only able to squeeze his first ball into the off-side for one. Another decent yorker, and again Johan Botha can only poke it out for one. Full-toss from Oram, and Morkel drags him to deep mid-wicket for a couple. Morkel offered some width, but he can only smear it into the off-side for one. Cheeky from Botha, a reverse dab, but he only gets one for it. Oram's final ball is a full-tracker outside off, and Morkel misses it - dot ball to finish, and the Black Caps have got the Saffers by the jaffas.

19th over - WICKET - Duminy c Broom b Mills 29, SA 121-7

Bit leg-side from Mills, but Morkel is unable to swing him away. Morkel jabs the next ball into the ground and runs one, before Mills serves up a full-bunger and Duminy absolutely mullers him into the Tavern Stand. Don't even bother looking for that... but he's gone next ball! Slower ball from Mills, and Duminy chips to Broom at mid-wicket.

18th over - WICKET - Boucher c B McCullum b Butler 6, SA 107-6

Boucher's out - Butler serves up a slower one outside off, the South Africa wicketkeeper reaches for it, and pokes it straight to Brendon McCullum in the covers. Too short from Butler, and that's a decent shot from the muscular Albie Morkel, who picks up two to deep mid-wicket. Confusion in the South African ranks, and also in the Kiwi ranks - Duminy just slides in and beats the underhand flick from Brendon McCullum. Butler finishes with 2-13 from his four overs, that's some bowling in this form of the game.

TC, Santiago de Compostela, Spain "This turgid tosh commands early stages be reworked. Dead rubber=entertainment expired. Not even free curry could spice this up."

17th over - 106-5 Jacob Oram from the Nursery End, and Boucher nearly holes out to Kyle Mills at gully, but the ball dipped in front of him and dribbled away for two. Full-bunger on leg-stump and Duminy moves to 15 with a clip to mid-wicket, but don't go looking for your tin helmets just yet, it's not exactly raining sixes. EAT YOUR WORDS DIRS! Duminy drops to one knee and absolutely monsters Oram over deep mid-wicket for a 100m six. That's only the 11th boundary so far.

16th over - 94-5 Duminy clips to mid-wicket, and Boucher is the new man at the other end. He pulls Styris for one to mid-wicket, before Duminy makes the most of a rare sloppy delivery, yanking a leg-side delivery from Styris down to the long-leg fence. A couple of singles, and South Africa nudge towards the ton mark.

15th over - WICKET - De Villiers run out (Guptill) 15, SA 86-5

Nathan McCullum with his fourth and final over, and De Villiers carves his first ball through the covers for four. De Villiers chips to mid-wicket, and the ball lands just short of the fielder out there, before Duminy, who's struggling with his timing, heaves to mid-wicket. One more for De Villiers with a yank to mid-on, and Duminy nicks a brace with an ease to long-off... BUT DE VILLIERS IS GONE! He comes back for a second and is killed by a direct hit from Martin Guptill...

14th over - 77-4 Mills is back on, and De Villiers is on his first ball in a flash, lashing it to the deep mid-wicket boundary. De Villiers, plenty of bottom hand, whips Mills to mid-on for one more. Duminy hasn't hit his straps yet and picks up one with a thick inside-edge, and South Africa are currently travelling at just six and a half an over. De Villiers moves to eight with a clip to mid-wicket as the floodlights begin to make their presence felt. Ugly from Duminy, swishing outside off and missing.

13th over - WICKET - Van der Werwe b N McCullum 0, SA 65-4
Duminy drops to one knee, but misses out with an attempted slog-sweep. Duminy does pick up one, before Van der Merwe goes for a switch-hit, and makes a right hash of it. Who does he think he is, KP? And he's gone next ball! Van der Werwe comes down the wicket, and yorks himself. De Villiers is next in, fresh from his savagery against the Scots, and he's off the mark with a single to mid-on. KP only knows what De Villiers is doing coming in at six, little bit odd if you ask me.

12th over - WICKET - Smith b Butler 33, SA 63-3

Deary me, Smith plays all round a straight one from Butler and his side are struggling to make 100 at this point... the left-handed JP Duminy is next up the ramp, and he's beaten immediately outside off-stump. Duminy goes for a heave over mid-wicket and misses, before getting off the mark with a tickle to fine-leg. Van der Merwe still can't get off the mark, another super over from Butler.

11th over - WICKET - Gibbs c&b Styris 3, SA 63-2

Gibbs hoicks Styris for one, before Smith leans back and taps for one to mid-on. But there's another wicket! Gibbs, who looked seriously out of sorts there, dollies one straight back to Styris. Gibbs then heads off in the wrong direction, thinking he's team-mates are up in the pavilion, when they're actually about 50m away in the bus shelter over the boundary. Roelof van der Merwe is teh new batsman, and Styris gets one past his outside edge. The Saffers in trouble here, shame it's completely meaningless...

10th over - 61-1 Smith knocks Diamanti into the covers for a couple before making room and slashing, but Ross Taylor saves in the covers. Fi in the Netherlands, Wade Dooleys... Smith nurdles round the corner for one, before Diamanti sends one down at 64mph - that's what you call a dribbler. Smith does the final delivery for four, but this is pretty glacial from South Africa. Plenty of wickets in hand, you've got to expect some fireworks from here.

9th over - 53-1 Nathan McCullum, skipper Brendon's older brother, to continue. Smith waits on one and cuts, but can't find the gap. The Kiwis really turning the screw here, as Smith pushes to mid-off for one. Jeremy Coney on the wireless thinks South Africa look comfortable, but that's not really the point of Twenty20 cricket, is it? Just three runs from that over.

8th over - WICKET - Kallis run out (B McCullum) 24, SA 49-1

Pretty leisurely rate from South Africa, only seven an over... and that's some razor sharp fielding by Brendon McCullum at short mid-wicket! Smith heaves, sends Kallis back, and the big man has failed to make his ground by a cigarette paper. Herschelle Gibbs is the new man in the middle. Smith chops Butler down to short third-man to move to 24, and South Africa pass 50. Bit of lift from Butler, and Gibbs nibbles and is beaten outside off. And again! This time Butler gets one to nip back off the seam and scythe Gibbs in two, like a scimitar through silk. AND AGAIN! This time on the outside edge, Gibbs looks like he's batting with a Flymo.

7th over - 49-0 McGlashan in his baseball catcher's grill behind the stumps, and he gives it some chat as Nathan McCullum spins one past the outside edge of Kallis' bat. Decent over that from McCullum, just two from it, and that's exactly what his brother Brendon would have ordered.

6th over - 47-0 Get her to send her CV in, Alison (see below). What's she like at making tea? BOOOF! Diamanti's on for his first Twenty20 over, and his first ball is swept... and bobbles up and hits Mills right in the Wades. Nasty, but that won't stop every man watching from having a little chuckle... Diamanti drops short and Smith manhandles him through backward-point for four. Smith picks up one with a smear to mid-wicket, as the cameraman picks up the rest of the South African team. Lurking menacingly in their lurid tracksuits, they look like they're about to start spraying the bus shelter with male 'parts'. Boom! Kallis piles into Diamanti, launching him over long-off for four.

Alison in Ghana in the TMS inbox "Ben, re BBC mathematicians, my sister's about to graduate from Cambridge with a maths degree and can't get a job, she'd happily come sit opposite you in Johnny Ball's place. Reckon she's a bit prettier than Johnny Ball too."

5th over - 34-0 A new bowler, Butler, and Smith whip-cracks his first ball through the covers for four. Smith drives at a ball of good length, and the ball falls just short of Nathan McCullum at backward-point. Short from Butler and Smith yanks him to mid-wicket for one. Looks pretty much like a sell-out at Lord's, apart from the members' enclosure, although I've got no idea how they're all getting home. I suspect plenty of black cab drivers will be hosing South African vomit off their back seats tomorrow. We've got a break as Kallis is hit on the back of the calf... and when we restart, Smith picks up one with a skew to mid-wicket.

4th over - 28-0 Oram too straight and Kallis prods him to mid-on for one. Cracking stop from Ross Taylor in the covers - Smith coming down the pitch, but he gets none for the shot. Smith does pick up a single with a dab round the corner and Kallis picks up one with a bumped drive over Oram's head. Brendon McCullum has a shy - he's not behind the stumps tonight, Peter McGlashan has the gauntlets on - and it doesn't miss by far. Leg-side from Oram, and it's five wides.

3rd over - 22-0 Over-pitched from Mills, swinging away, and Kallis plays an authentic cover-drive for four. You won't see many vulgar shots from Kallis - when it's all going off, he stays strictly cerebral. One more for Kallis with a run to backward-point, Smith gives him back the strike... and then Kallis backs away and makes me look like a mug, carving in a very ugly manner over backward-point for six.

David Bill in the TMS inbox "When serving in the Brigade of Gurkhas in the late '80s I went on trek to survey potential water pipeline routes in East Nepal. Above 8,000 feet we could not buy chicken, eggs or greens - I ate curried potatoes, onions and tomatoes with rice twice per day for 11 days. Back than Gurkha rat packs only had spam or chicken-based curry in them - I have lived on the results for two weeks at a time in the jungle with no ill-effects (although the flame-roasted monkey's arm was a mistake)."

2nd over - 10-0 The cheerleaders go through their paces, standing atop those blue plinths. Not sure what the egg and bacon brigade think of that lot, they probably think they've got some kind of palsy. Jacob Oram strays onto Kallis' pads and is clipped away for four, the first of the match. One more for Kallis, before Smith is beaten again.

1st over - 4-0 A slip and a gully in for Jacques Kallis, and it's Mills with the first over. Plenty of hoop away from Kallis and he shoulders arms to the first two deliveries. Kallis slashes and picks up two to third-man - fumble down there from Ian Butler, but I don't think it was costly. Kallis dabs for one, before Mills beats the left-handed Smith outside off, before Guptil pulls off a sharp stop in the covers to limit Smith to one. Four from the first over.

Dr Ginner, Egham in Surrey, in the TMS inbox
"Re: 1705, can't have curry on consecutive nights? Only a few weeks a ago I had curry for consecutive meals!"

1730: Players are out, the Kiwis in their traditional black, with gold blocks, and a grey panel in the middle... what a dog's dinner...

1728: Here's some anthems, and I like the New Zealand one, very jazzy. No need for that! The oldest looking nine-year-old I've ever seen making faces in front of the Kiwi players. Naughty, very naughty... AND OFF GOES GRAEME SMITH! He obviously doesn't know his anthems - he went to leg it for the pavilion half way through, but it was merely a pause.

1725: Well, Ben (see below), it's like this - Pakistan's net run rate was behind the Netherlands, and so therefore, England, if the DL method was to intervene, would have meant thatzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

Ben Collister in the TMS inbox "Please could you let me know why the BBC continued to state that England were not quite through to the Super 8s after the game on Sunday. Their name was not filled in on the website fixture list and the TV coverage stated that they could still be knocked out by the Duckworth Lewis calculation - but they were 99.9% through. Please explain?"

Adam in the TMS inbox "I am not from the sub-continent and in my early twenties I worked as front of house in an Indian restaurant. For a year and a half I ate curries six or seven nights a week..."

1719: How's that for a toe in the spuds while you're already on the deck? The Aussies have been hit with a fine for their slow over rate against Sri Lanka. Looks like Ricky and the chaps are going to be kicking their heels in Leicester without any beer money for the next two weeks.

Lee Irvine in the TMS inbox "Re. 1705 (not being able to eat curry on consecutive nights) - I would guess whoever said that isn't a rugby player or is a young girl."

1710: Right, the Kiwis have won the toss and Andrew Symonds' old mate Brendon McCullum decided to have a bowl first. The South Africans aren't fiddling with that side that trounced the Scots, but the Black Caps have made changes - James Franklin and Jesse Ryder are injured, so Kyle Mills and Brendon Diamanti (on debut) come in. Daniel Vettori is also still out with that shoulder injury.

1705: Amazing what youpick up on your lunch break. Did anyone know Wagon Wheels aren't actually made of chocolate, but chocolate-flavoured something else? And the bloke behind me says there is an unwritten rule that you can't eat curry two nights in a row, unless you are from the sub-continent, or of sub-continental heritage. South Africa v New Zealand in 25 minutes...

NETHERLANDS INNINGS

1627: Stick around for New Zealand v South Africa by the way - they kick-off at 1730 BST, I'm off for a little break...

18th over - WICKET - Seelaar b Gul 1, Ned 93

Decent yorker from Gul, and Smits only just beats the throw of Afridi. And that's that - leg-stump yorker from Gul and Seelaar is castled. The Netherlands outclassed in the end, and I withdraw my earlier statement - Pakistan, it seems, do know how to play Twenty20 cricket...

17th over - WICKET - Nannes st Akmal b Ajmal 5, Ned 90-9

Odd dismissal that - Nannes goes for the heave, goes for a walk, and Akmal needs two goes to stump him. Holland need 84 from three... seriously, please stop emailing in about what Holland need... IT'S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN!

16th over - 88-8 Gul with the yorker and Nannes squeezes it out for a single. Widish from Gul, and Smits misses with an airy waft. Smits backs away from a heat-seeking bumper from Gul, and ends up looking like a man trying to remove a live wasp nest from the guttering on his roof. Smits crashes into the covers for one, but the game is up now, Nannes being scythed in half by Gul. That should have been out - Nannes ends up halfway down the pitch, but Gul misses with the throw. The crowd filling up now - we've got the Kiwis against the Saffers coming up. Not really sure why they're bothering, they've already qualified and already know what group they'll be in. Weird.

Dan (Looking forward to SA vs NZ when I get home) in the TMS inbox
"Re: Karl, West Midlands (see below). Nope still don't get it."

15th over - 82-8 Ajmal from the Nursery End, and Holland pick up a scruffy leg-bye before Nannes and Smits exchange singles. Tough call for the third umps - Smits with the big slide, and smart work from Akmal... but Daryl Harper says Smits made his ground. Nannes drops into the on-side for one, but that's a dot-ball to finish the over. The Netherlands need 69 from five...

14th over - WICKET - Schiferli c Ajmal b Afridi 2, Ned 74-8

Smit is off the mark with a single into the on-side... but down goes another, and it's Afridi with his fourth scalp. Schiferli slaps the spinner straight to long-off, where Ajmal swallows it. Another fine over from Afridi, 4-11 at the end of that over.

13th over - WICKET - Ten Doeschate st Akmal b Malik 14, Ned 72-7

Ten Doeschate is still swinging - he comes down the wicket, drops to one knee and heaves Malik over deep square-leg for six of the best. They need a few more of those. But he's gone! Malik gets him tip-toeing down the pitch again, Ten Doeschate is beaten by a quicker one, and Akmal whips off the bails. Here's some maths - Holland=toast.

Karl, West Midlands, in the TMS inbox
"For goodness sake it's obvious! Pakistan's net run rate was -2.40. They scored 175 in 20 overs, this increased the run rate by 175 divided by 20; 8.75 an over, to give them a net run rate of 6.35 at the midway point. As Netherland's net run rate was 0.05, with the decrease of 8.75 an over it would stand at -8.70 at the innings break. The difference between the 2 figures is 15.05 (6.35 less -8.70). This figure divided by 2 gives the net run rate difference the Netherland's need to make up to win; 7.525 runs an over. This multiplied by 20 overs does indeed equal 151. Simples. Unless they don't bat the full 20 overs of course."

WICKET - Van Bunge b Afridi 0, Ned 62-6

Big fat duck for Van Bunge - the big right-hander backing away again, and Afridi is through him like a gammy Pot Noodle.

12th over - WICKET - De Grooth b Afridi 4, Ned 61-5

Afridi is turning out to be Holland's Claude Littner (if you didn't watch The Apprentice, you'll know not what I mean) - De Grooth makes room and loses his leg-stump. Another evil little slider from Afridi...

11th over - 61-4 Holland need over ten an over from here, and that will help - Ten Doeschate dabs Malik elegantly for three down to third-man. De Grooth picks up a single with a steer to point. Two more scurried singles, but Holland need more than singles, they need some hammer-dammer-ding-dong. Eight from the over, they fall further behind the required rate.

Graham, Paris, in the TMS inbox
"Talking of Jonny Ball, Zoe Ball was at my 19th birthday party in Camden. I think she was pretty much there by accident, but all the same, not bad."

10th over - 53-4 Afridi continues, the slope enabling him to drift the ball into the pads. Run out chance - De Grooth dabs to point, and that would have been out had Afridi managed to take the ball cleanly at the non-striker's end. It's all gone mental out there! Another run out chance, and again it's De Grooth's who's the beneficiary of a wild throw.

WICKET - Kervezee st Akmal b Amjal 21, Ned 49-4

The Netherlands looking over the precipice now - Kervezee gives it the big man, comes charging down the track, and is stumped by Akmal. Nice flight from Amjal, Pakistan on pole...

9th over - WICKET - Borren c Butt b Amjal 2, Ned 47-3

Kervezee moves to 18 with a chip to long-on for one. Borren drops to one knee, the ball goes straight up... and a couple of Pakistan fielders jog in towards as if they're padding to the kitchen for a bowl of ice cream. But Borren's gone two balls later! Top-edged slog-sweep, and this time he's pouched by Butt off the bowling of Amjal.

8th over - WICKET - Zuiderant b Afridi 13, Ned 42-2

Shahid Afridi is thrown the pill... AND WHAT A BALL TO START! Zuiderant is cleaned up by a curving, drifting ball from outside off. Zuiderant yorked himself really, but it was a tasty delivery. Borren is the new man in the middle, and he's off the mark with a swept single. Kervezee nurdles round the corner for one, and there are only two from that over. Priceless.

7th over - 42-1 Off-spinner Saeed Ajmal into the attack, and Zuiderant rocks back and carves him to third-man for four. Zuiderant picks up a single with a nibble to mid-on, before Ajmal flights a little beauty, Kervezee is beaten, but the stumping from Akmal is immaterial - he just got his foot back in time.

Jer in the TMS inbox
"To Phil in Leeds - I looked up 'Net Run Rate' on Wikipedia earlier. It gives a full and complete explanation, with lots of examples. Unfortunately, I'm still none the wiser."

6th over - 37-1 Umar Gul into the attack now, and Kervezee angles him down to deep third-man for a couple. Gul short outside off stump and Kervezee pushes into the covers for one, before Zuiderant picks up a meaty inside edge for four. Yorker from Gul, and Zuiderant squeezes him to mid-wicket for one. PUT AWAY YOUR SPREADSHEETS! PACK UP YOUR CALCULATORS! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE! STOP EMAILING IN, I'VE ALREADY SAID THE NETHERLANDS NEED 151 TO GO THROUGH! I KNOW! SKY TOLD ME! I really hope I haven't got this wrong...

5th over - 29-1 Phil, Leeds (see below), "BBC mathematicians?" Who do you think I've got sitting opposite me, Johnny Ball? Three singles from Tanvir's first three balls, and Kervezee nicks the strike with a drop into the leg-side. This could be tight folks...

Phil, Leeds, in the TMS inbox
"As we are all confused by this net run rate thing, can you please ask one of the BBC mathematicians (if these people even exist) to give us an explanation?"

4th over - 25-1 Kervezee backs away and slides Amir over the covers for two, but Amir beats him next up. Amir drops short, Kervezee is beaten for pace, and the ball flies over the wicket-keeper's head and races away for four. The all-action Kervezee charges and splices to short third-man for no run, before playing and missing - I've seen better footwork from Stavros Flatley. ANOTHER DROP! Kervezee hooks, and Butt is unable to take a steepler over his shoulder. Too many lives...

3rd over - 17-1 Tanvir goes straight through Bas Zuiderant - these Dutch names don't make this any easier - before Zuiderant misses with a wild and windy woosh outside off. Tanvir appears to bowl off the wrong foot, a touch of De Freitas about him. One single each for Zuiderant and Kervezee, before Kervezee strolls down the pitch and is beaten again. Sketchy from Kervezee, making room and slicing into the off-side, and Malik can't quite get his fingertips to it. Bit of whisky fingers there, Pakistan need to hang onto everything airborne.

2nd over - WICKET - Reekers c Tanvir b Amir 13, Ned 13-1

Big, lecherous roar goes up as the cameraman homes in on those three cheerleaders. I feel sorry for their mothers. Savage from Reekers, lacing Mohammad Amir through the covers for four... AND ANOTHER! A mis-timed heave-ho to the wide long-on fence. BUT HE'S GONE NEXT BALL! One too many liberties from Reekers, and he top-edges to Tanvir at backward square-leg. Three dot balls to finish, eight from the over.

1st over - 5-0 Darron Reekers on strike for Holland, and Sohail Tanvir, with his left-arm windmills, finds his second ball pounded through mid-wicket for four. Reekers, who's carrying some timber, slices down to third-man for a single, before Tanvir gets one to swing lavishly away from Alexei Kervezee. Three dots to Kervezee, five from the first over.

1508: Right, players are out, and we'll have some play in a couple of minutes...

PAKISTAN INNINGS - 175-5

1505: All right Peter, you want to take a leaf out of Younus Khan's book - chill out, have a look at the cheerleaders for five minutes, soak up the atmosphere. Indeed, we believe Holland require 151 to go through and send the Pakistanis into an early bath...

Peter Agius in the TMS inbox
"For goodness sake... 25 run win is NOT the same as 75%!"

20th over - WICKET - Afridi b Nannes 13, Pak 171-5

Misbah content to hand the strike to Afridi, and he dead-bats to mid-off. TAKE THAT AND PARTY! Afridi comes down the track to Nannes and launches him over long-on, clearing the rope by a good 30m. But that's classic Afridi - he looks to go over the pavilion, but Nannes, like some enraged intruder, rearranges his furniture, sending Afridi's leg-peg cartwheeling towards the fence. Fawad Alam is the next batsman, and I'm told he can give it some hammer, despite his wiry frame. Just a couple of singles, and Alam is only able to pick up two from the final ball - only 11 from the final over, and the rather muted reaction from the crowd tells the story: the Dutch will think they can chase this down and the stats men say the men in orange only need 151 to qualify for the next round.

19th over - 164-4 The free-wheeling Afridi is the new man at the crease and he's off the mark with a heave down to long-on for two. Good bowling from Schiferli, full and Afridi can only dig it out for one. Misbah nibbles off his pads for one. How's that not a wide? Afridi backs away, but I still reckon that should have been called. Afridi slices the last ball of the over to point for two, but only eight from the over.

18th over - WICKET - Younus c De Grooth b Seelaar 36, Pak 152-4

It's all going off at Lord's, this is the cricketing equivalent of free-form jazz, they're making it up as they go along! Younus drops to one knee and slog-sweeps Seelaar for six, before sashaying down the track and marmalising him over long-off for another. Smart catch by someone's grandad in the members' seats, but Younus is gone two balls later - mis-timed hoick from Younus and Tom de Grooth takes the catch running in from the boundary. Misbah backs away and flat-bats Seelaar over long-off for four.

17th over - 139-3 Borren may have no pace, but he's got control. Just nine from that over - Misbah digs out a yorker for two, before he drives to cover for one. Borren strays onto Younus' legs and is nurdled to square-leg for a couple. Three singles from the final three ball, this pair need to light a match in the final three overs...

16th over - 130-3 He's thrown the bath at that one - Younus clears his left leg out of the way, slings his head back and deposits Ten Doeschate over deep mid-wicket for a beast of a six. Misbah on strike, and he Chinese pulls for four. Fifteen from that over, and Pakistan needed every one of them. Here's a link to the ICC website. It's just about the weirdest thing I've read since it was reported Peter Beardsley was being investigated for bullying. You wouldn't go shouting about that, would you? It's like being picked on by Wee Jimmy Crankie.

15th over - 115-3 Dirk Nannes, this Dutch chap who's not good enough for the Aussies, has bowled the quickest ball of the tournament today - above 150kph, just beating Brett Lee. Misbah moves to 12 with a nibble off his toes, but Younus' timing's all off - goes for the hook, but only picks up one. That should have been a wide - started outside off and angled across, and Misbah is beaten for pace. Just a single from the last ball of the over, and just five from the over.

14th over - 110-3 Ul-Haq is the next man in, unfortunately it's not Inzamam, but Misbah. He pulls Seelaar round the corner for a couple, before rocking back and carving the left-arm spinner to the third-man boundary. Two more for Misbah before he steals the strike with a dab to short third-man. This is exhausting...

13th over - WICKET - Malik c Seelaar b Borren 30, Pak 99-3

Still more emails about the Super 8s - do I have a reputation as a fibber? No, I'm not making it up, the fact that England are seeded B1 or B2 or whatever makes no difference to which group they will go into... the crowd getting a bit impatient now as this Pakistan pair continue to be shackled by the medium pace of Borren - and the frustration tells. Malik goes for a big one over mid-wicket and that's gone straight down the neck of Peter Seelaar. Pakistan in trouble here...

12th over - 94-2 Pakistan dealing in ones and twos at the moment, and Malik tries to breaks the shackles with a cheery old heave-ho and very nearly takes Younus' noggin off. One for the shot, but Younus can only pick up a single with a steer to short third-man. Malik moves to 27 with a mis-timed drive into the covers, and Younus nicks the strike with a nurdle to leg. Another fine over from the Dutch, I'm not entirely sure Pakistan know how to play Twenty20.

11th over - 88-2 Borren to continue and skipper Younus Khan is the new batter. Full from Borren and Malik drives to long-off for a couple. Five more singles from that over, although Younus won't be bothered about that - "just fun cricket", apparently. I wouldn't be surprised if he spends the rest of his inning pretending to pass wind every time the bowler approaches the crease.

10th over - WICKET - Akmal c Schiferli b Seelaar 41, Pak 81-2

Seelar showing nice variation, and this Pakistan pair are struggling to get him away. Four singles from the first four balls, before Seelar throws in a valuable dot. AND WHAT AN OVER! Akmal goes for the swish over mid-wicket, toes it, and holes out to the man running in from the boundary. Sack the juggler! But Schiferli eventually takes it.

9th over - 77-1 A miss. Malik flays outside off, and the fielder at backward-point - Zuiderent, I believe - shells a very pouchable one. One for Malik, but check out the big guns on Akmal - the opener makes room and howitzers Ten Doeschate over extra-cover for six. Good yorker from Ten Doeschate, but Malik digs it out and scurries two to mid-wicket.

8th over - 67-1 Borren on and he bowls medium-paced darts. Still lots of emails in about Super 8 confusion. Please believe me - the groups are set in stone, there are no seeds, this result make no difference to England. BOOM! You don't want to be dragging it short at that pace - Borren's about as sharp as Heyhoe-Flint - and Akmal marmalises him over deep mid-wicket for six. Akmal steers Borren to short third-man for one, before Borren gets his length wrong and Akmal opens the face and glides him away for four. Thirteen from that one, Pakistan slipping up a gear?

7th over - 54-1 Bit of twirl for the Dutch, it's Peter Seelaar with some left-arm orthodox. A couple of dots to start with, and another. Malik does pick up a couple with a flick to mid-wicket, but this is a very decent over for the Dutch - Malik nicks the strike with another single, and Seelaar, as they say in sporting circles, has done a job.

6th over - 51-1 Schiferli serves up a high full-bunger, and we get a bit of panto from the crowd - decent one in, and they should just beat this dastardly Underground strike. Akmal goes for the pull, but the ball hooped down leg and that's a wide. Elliot Cohen emails in to ask whether all of the rest of the games are "dead rubbers". Indeed they are Elliot, starting with New Zealand v South Africa tonight. Schiferli drops short and Akmal drags him round the corner for a single. Just four from that over, Pakistan need a couple of big ones...

5th over - WICKET - Butt c Borren b Ten Doeschate 18 (13), Pak 38-1

Akmal goes over the top into the covers, but finds wide and open space and runs up a couple. Ryan ten Doeschate is the new man, and that's a big wide outside off. BUT HE'S GOT A WICKET! Butt whip-cracks Ten Doeschate straight to extra-cover and that's a big one for the Dutch. Peter Borren was the fielder. Shoaib Malik is the new man, and he's off the mark with a whip off his pads for four. Ten Doeschate tries a slower ball, but it's right in the slot outside off-stump and Malik just leans on it and the ball runs away for four through the covers.

4th over - 34-0 Butt goes aerial over the covers and picks up the first maximum of the innings, before Akmal mis-times a sweep-slog off the bowling of Schiperli. Misfield at mid-off and Pakistan nick a couple, before Butt stands and delivers, slapping Schiperli to the long-off fence. Twelve runs so far from this over, but that's good bowling from Schiperli, a slower ball that Butt is unable to dig out. Pakistan, by the way, must restrict the Netherlands to 75% of their total to go through. Apologies! I've been calling Schiferli Schiperli for the last few overs! Getting him mixed up with an airport...

3rd over - 22-0 Nannes strays onto Butt's pads and is flipped away for four more. Silky. But Nannes has got some wheels on him - a couple of balls well over 90mph and Butt misses out with a couple of attempted carves into the off-side. Butt then gives himself more room, but misses again with a wild slash, and the Pakistan is simply being beaten for pace at the moment. Quick single from Butt, but I like the look of this Nannes, I suspect he trumps anything Australia had in this tournament. Akmal goes for the pull, is beaten for pace and... oh my word, that's got him slap-bang in the orchestras.

2nd over - 17-0 No points carried through to the Super 8s, by the way. Lots of questions in about that, and yes, the groups are set in stone. Schiferli, who's little more than military, drops short and Akmal slams him for four over square-leg. Akmal picks up a single, Salman Butt is off the dreaded duck with a single of his own, before Akmal almost puts his back out flailing Schiferli to the backward-point fence.

1st over - 5-0 It's Nannes with the new pill, and here he comes steaming in, left-arm over, and Kamran Akmal is beaten outside off. Bumper from Nannes, but no wide says Umpire Doctrove. Nice diving stop from Van Bunge in the covers, before Akmal steers Nannes through the covers for a couple. Nannes onto Akmal's pads, and Akmal turns him away for one. Good first over from the Aussie.

1328: "Have any Dutch players ever made it into the England cricket team?" asks Andy in West Lothian. I've had a quick askaround, and we can't think of anyone. Although Amjad Khan, a Dane, did recently play for England. Right, let's have it...

1324: Teams are out and we'll have some anthems in a minute. In the meantime, dig the wellies out from the boot of the Volvo, we'll be knee-deep in fours and sixes in five minutes or so. That Holland anthem, is that Oh Little Town of Bethlehem? Pakistan's is a real chest-beater, but if it has got words, their boys aren't using them...

"I got called by Australian radio this morning and we spoke about the Twenty20 exit for about 19 seconds, and then it was, 'what about the Ashes?'"
Former Australian fast bowler Geoff Lawson on TMS

Dave in the TMS inbox
"Ben, re. 1305. I think you'll find that rather than wheels, Dirk Nannes has skis. Probably more than one pair as well, as he used to compete on the World Cup circuit as a professional skier. Most of the time this wouldn't give him a huge advantage in Cricket but if he could strap those planks on today, he might just be able to extract some extra pace from the Lords slope!"

1321: Matt in Farringdon emails in to ask whether this result will affect who England get in the Super 8. Good question, and the answer is this result won't affect anything - the Super 8 groups are already set in stone and the only thing that will be decided today is whether the Dutch or Pakistan go through.

1315: We've got rain forecast at Lord's, which isn't great news for Younus' chaps. Sohail Tanvir and Fawad Alam are in for Yasir Arafat and Ahmed Shehzad, Pakistan-wise...

1312: The big brains at Lord's have predicted that Pakistan will probably need to win this match by 25+ runs if they are to go through, which will mean giving it some tap from the get-go. News just in that Virender Sehwag of India is out of the Cup with a shoulder injury. The way that lad hits the ball, I'm surprised his arms are still in their sockets.

1305: Younus Khan has won the toss for Pakistan and decided to have a bat, and Holland skipper Jeroen Smits immediately declares himself "delighted" - bit overcast at Lord's, and this Dirk Nannes character has got some wheels. The Dutch are unchanged from the side that beat England, Pakistan make two changes, and I'll let you know about them in a minute...

1303: Hello! Big day for the Dutch today - victory over Pakistan and they could reach the second round of a major tournament for the first time in their history. That should put a stop to people strolling over to the TV screen in pubs across the country and saying: "'OLLAND! Didn't even know they played cricket…", as happened about 50 times when I watched them Tangoing England last week. Of course, they don't necessarily have to win either, so it's Pakistan staring over the precipice - they need to give Holland a serious spanking.

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