By Tom Fordyce

Becks: In the rudest of health

Hold in the panic. Rein back the screams. Stifle the gasps of horror.

You woke up on this Monday morning to the news that England captain David Beckham could miss the midweek game in Sweden.

For sure - the natural instinct was to run yelling for the womb-like warmth and safety of your duvet, pull the pillows over your head and hide from the awfulness of it all.

But wait. It is time to be strong.

Beckham was substituted near the end of Real's 5-1 win over Sevilla after a heavy challenge from Jose Luis Marti.

Madrid assistant doctor Juan Carlos Hernandez said: "It's hurting, he finished the game in pain and he was scared of breaking down."

Yet all is far from lost. In fact, everything is just about as right as it could be. You could even argue that this is the best news England could have had.

Why? Because a Beckham injury scare before an important England game is about as rare as a rain cloud over Rusholme.

You name the game, Beckham will have been "doubtful" in the days leading up to it. This is a man who has won more races against time than James Bond has defused ticking bombs.

Count back. Before the crucial Euro 2004 qualifier with Turkey, the sole of his foot threatened to rule him out. Before Liechtenstein, it was his groin. Before Macedonia it was the groin again.

Prior to the Croatia clash his back was playing up. Who could forget the whole crazy metatarsal episode in the two months leading up to last summer's World Cup?

Those who worked out that 'metatarsal' could be rearranged to form the words 'a tart's lame' only knew half the truth.

Then there was that nagging groin that for a long time seemed to rule him out of the fateful qualifier against Germany in September 2001.

Relax - it's only a scratch

The facts are clear: no England game is complete without at least three days of hysteria regarding the skipper's medical condition.

The pattern is generally the same. With at least a week to go, the initial story breaks. Cue delirium across newspaper back pages.

With four days to go, the prognosis improves. Becks is described as "hopeful" and the accompanying pictures in the papers show him grimacing bravely, possibly running a hand through his hair while looking doe-eyed and long-lashed into the near distance.

At a team news conference two days later, Sven-Goran Eriksson admits he is "concerned" yet optimistic. Shots from the training ground show Beckham indulging in some light jogging, trotting round the edge of the pitch accompanied by a physio and doing a few keepy-ups near the corner flag.

Twenty-four hours before kick-off, the prognosis picks up dramatically. England's hopes are now officially "boosted". And when the team is announced on the big day - quelle surprise, there he is, ready to rock and in the rudest of health.

To be fair, it's a tactic that works magnificently.

Whenever there is apprehension over Becks, the wins surely follow. Germany in Munich? 5-1, thank you very much. The World Cup? Glorious triumphs over Argentina and Denmark.

Croatia were seen off 3-1, Macedonia edged out 2-1 and Liechtenstein vanquished 2-0.

That's why the outlook for the Turkey game was so rosy. Not only did Becks pull off the quintessential injury stunt, but he did so a full 12 days before the game - thereby distracting the attention from any issues that really mattered, such as Sven's team selection.

David - we salute you.