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Two into One I. (A-F) | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Two into One: Conversations Part One (A-F) 1. - Morning, madam. Have you checked your car today? - Er, why do you ask, officer? - Well, during the night someone removed the engines from a number of cars in this area. - Someone stole just the engines? - That's right, madam. - Oh. Well, that accounts for it. - Accounts for what? - For why my car wouldn't start just now. - Hello, Mr Cox. - Yeah? What is it? - We're investigating the theft last night of a number of car engines from the Manchester Street area. - Eh? Why ask me? I don't know anything about them. - I see, sir. Then how do you account for that collection of car engines I see clearly on the table behind you? 2. - What is all this smoke? - It's that stupid toaster. It's always acting up. - No, David, not always. It doesn't act up when I use it. - Sorry, I'm late, Mrs Evans. The car's acting up again. - Smith, that's the third time this week. Why don't you take it to a garage? - No, that´s the problem. Every time I take it to a garage it acts up worse than before. 3. - I'm sorry, Holmes, but the facts just don't add up. - On the contrary, Watson. They add up perfectly. The person who stole the diamonds, also murdered the Duke. Correct? - Yes...- And that same person sold the diamonds in London and escaped to Paris. - Correct? - But that's what I don't understand. The only person who could have murdered the Duke is the butler. But the person who sold the diamonds was the maid. - Aha! But what if the maid was really the butler in disguise? - The butler in disguise! Oh, yes! Now it all adds up. Holmes, you're brilliant! But how did you know? - Elementary, my dear Watson. 4. - Tommy Jones, you're a very rude little boy. Now go and stand in the corner. - Why should I? - Because I say so. And don't answer back. - What are you talking about? - There! You just did it again. Everytime I tell you to do something, you answer back, and I don't like it. - You're weird. - David, I wish you wouldn't answer your father back like that. - I wasn't answering back. I just said... - I know, dear. But it's the way you say things sometimes. So just be a bit more tactful in future. 5. - Jennie rang this morning.- Jennie? - That woman we met the other night. She was asking after you.- Oh... really?- Bob, I met your ex-wife in the supermarket this morning.- Really? How is she?- Very well.- I expect she asked after me.- As a matter of fact she didn't.- What? She didn't ask after me at all?- No. I told her about your accident, but she didn't seem very interested. 6. - Tracy, I don't think you should go to that party tonight.- Oh, Dad. Why not?- I know what happens at those parties.- What are you talking about?- Trouble, my girl. That's what I'm talking about. And if you go to that party you're asking for it.- That man's asking for trouble.- Which man?- Over there in the corner. He keeps staring at you.- Oh, Rupert, let him stare. It's not important.- I say it is. Hey, you in the corner! I'm warning you. You're asking for a 7. Príklad: In response to recent public criticism, the government has backed down over the new tax.) - Peter, you should have heard it. Mike and Anna were having this furious argument just now.- What about?- The usual thing.- Oh, well, I've heard it all before.- No, this was different. Mike backed down.- Mike did? But he never backs down.- He did this time.- Why?- I don't know. Perhaps he just got tired of the same old argument. 8. - Now, Geoffrey, my plane lands at seven-thirty on Tuesday morning.- Yes, Mother. You've told me.- Well, don't be late. I'll have a lot of luggage, and you know how expensive taxis are from the airport.- Yes, but -- No buts, Geoffrey. I'm banking on your being here to collect me.- I'll be here to collect you if I can.- If you can?- Mother, I've told you. I've got a lot of work to do next week. - Oh, it's a sad day when a mother can't bank on her own son to collect her from the airport.- All right, all right! I'll be here! Even if I lose my job, I'll be here to collect you.- Oh, thank you, Geoffrey. 9. - Claire, we've got a bit of a problem here, haven't we?- Problem? What sort of problem?- Your sister and her children.- What?- Look, don't misunderstand me. I'm delighted to have them to stay. It's just -- Just what?- When you invited them, you told me it would be for a few days. But they've been here a week now. To be honest, I hadn't bargained for that.(NOISE AND SCREAMING)- And I hadn't bargained for all this noise either! - Why aren't we moving?- We're stuck in traffic, Mother.- Well, can't you do something about it? If I miss my plane I'll be very upset.- Yes, of course you will. But I can't do anything about a traffic jam.- You could have left the house earlier. There's always a problem with traffic at this time of day. I'm surprised you didn't know that.- Well, of course I knew there would be traffic. I just didn't bargain on so much, that's all.- You should have done.- Do you know, Mother, you're absolutely right. I should have bargained on this much traffic, but I didn't. Sorry! 10. Dear sir or madam, will you read my book? It took me years to write, will you take a look? It's based on a novel by a man named Lear, And I need a job, so I want to be a paperback writer, Paperback writer! - Smith, this sales forecast!- It doesn't look very promising, does it?- It certainly does not. I can't possibly show this to the Board, you know.- But it's based on our latest figures.- Yes, well, couldn't you do another forecast, and this time find some better figures to base it on? 11. - I saw your wife on my way here this morning.- Oh, yes?- She was working in the garden.- Battling with the weeds, no doubt.- She was, as a matter of fact.- She's always battling with the weeds in that garden. Or the slugs.- It's a lot of work, a big garden like that.- You should hear her cursing it sometimes.- Bad?- I should say so. But you know, deep down she really enjoys cursing and battling with it. It gives her a sense of power.ň - Oh, Joe. Come to bed.- I haven't finished these accounts yet.- But it's half past three in the morning.- I haven't finished yet.- Why don't you buy a calculator?- Why waste good money on a calculator?- Because it's so much simpler and quicker. And you wouldn't be battling with numbers and pieces of paper at half past three in the morning. 12. - I'm very disappointed with the boy. Making rude noises in public like that.- Henry, he's only six.- That's no excuse. He should be above that sort of thing by now.- Really? I doubt if you were at that age.- Eh?- I said I doubt if you were above making rude noises in public when you were his age.- Don't be silly, dear. And anyway if I wasn't above it by then I certainly should have been. 13. - Oh no! Sue, have you read this?- Read what?- Fixit Industries have appointed Joe Massey as their new marketing director.- Why is that important?- Why? Oh, Sue! I've been after that job for the last three months.- Mary, I don't like your new boyfriend, and I don't want you to see him again.- But why?- He's only after one thing.- I know. He wants me.- No, Mary. It's not you, it's your money. He's after your money. 14. Príklady: The coffee will be along any minute.The next bus won't be along for about half an hour. - Good morning. Can I help you?- I'm Mary Mitchell. I have an appointment with Mrs Lucas at nine-thirty.- Oh yes, that's right. Please take a seat. Mrs Lucas is in a meeting at the moment. She'll be along as soon as she's free.I'm sure he'll be along very soon. 15. - Ah, Mrs Evans, could I have a word with you?- Not just at the moment, Smith. I'm rather busy.- Oh, all right.- Look, I'll be around till about seven o'clock this evening. Come and see me then, will you?- Now, father, I want you to take care this winter. There's a lot of flu around.- Well, of course there is. It's always around at this time of year.- Yes, but -- Susan, don't fuss. I've been around a long time. A little bit of flu is not going to hurt me.- Father, it's a very dangerous flu this year. And if you get it you won't be around for very much longer. 16. - Good morning. I'd like to see Mrs Evans, please.- She's in a meeting. And they've only just started, so they'll be at it for a few hours at least.- I'm sorry? They'll be at what? - Well, at whatever people usually do in meetings. I suppose. - Mum, what's Dad doing in the cellar?- Well, you're not supposed to know, but I think he's making you something for your birthday.- Oh, yes? Any idea what it is?- No, none at all. But it must be something big. He's been at it all hours of the day and night. And has been for weeks now. 17. Príklady: The number of new students going to university is down this year.You tell lies when you know I can't see.You can't cry, 'cos you're laughing at me.I'm down (I'm really down).I'm down (down on the ground). I'm down (I'm really down).How can you laugh when you know I'm down?John is down with flu. He's ill with flu. - Oh, Mr Evans, you're here at last!- Why, Mr Smith, what is the matter?- Mr Brown and Mrs Jones are down with flu, and Miss Peters is down with a cold.- Oh, well, not to worry. As long as our shares are not down with anything.- But our shares are down by 50 per cent. 18. - Mr Adams, that book you ordered on brain surgery: it's in now if you want to take it with you.- It's in already?- It's been in since Tuesday. Oh, and so has your bill. - George, where are those artichokes you promised me?- Sorry, Mrs Forster, they're not in yet.- I'm giving a dinner party tomorrow. My guests are expecting an artichoke soufflé.- Oh, very nice.- It won't be very nice without the artichokes, will it? - Don't worry, my supplier assures me the artichokes will be in the morning. And if he says they'll be in, they'll be in.- Well, they weren't in today, were they?- Er, that's true.- And if they aren't in tomorrow, there'll be trouble. 19. - Sarah, that skirt is very short, isn't it?- It's supposed to be short, Dad. It's a mini-skirt.- A bit too mini, if you ask me.- It's perfectly respectable: very short skirts are in this year.- Well, they may be in for some people, but not for you, my girl. You'll have to wear something else.- Oh, Dad! - You don't want these flared trousers anymore, do you?- As a matter of fact I do.- But you're never going to wear them again.- How do you know?- Oh, Peter, you couldn't. They're so old-fashioned.- For the moment, yes. But they'll be in again one day.- Well, I hope it's not in my lifetime. 20. - It's fascinating subject. How can I learn more about it?- Well, why don't you ask Mike?- Mike Potter? I didn't know he was into astrology.- Oh, yes. I think he's been into it for years.- Astrology? No, I'm not really into that sort of thing.- But Anna said you were.- Are you sure she didn't mean astronomy?- Astronomy?- Yes. I've always been into astronomy. 21. - Anna, I'm off. Thanks for a wonderful party.- Peter, are you leaving so soon?- I think I'd better. I have to be off first thing in the morning.- Lucky you. You're always off somewhere exciting.- Tomorrow I'm off to Birmingham. That's hardly exciting.- Well, it's more exciting than working here. - Hark! Dawn approaches. It's time I was off.- No, Romeo. Stay half an hour longer.- But I really must be off.- Oh, go then!- Sweet Juliet, don't say it like that.- If you want to be off, be off. I'm not stopping you.- Actually, I think I'll stay a little bit longer. Just for you.- Mmm, yes. That's my Romeo. 22. - What time are you off work tomorrow?- Six o'clock.- Good. Why don't we meet then?- Okay. No, wait a minute. It's Thursday tomorrow. Sorry, on Thursday I'm not off till eight.- I'm working in the morning. But I'm off in the afternoon. We could go and see the flat then.- Sue, that'll be too late. Oh, why are you never off when I'm off?- I could say the same about you.- What?- Why are you never off when I'm off? 23. - Anna, do you want to go to the cinema tonight?- I'd love to. What's on?- There's 'Gone With The Wind' at the Curzon.- Are you sure that's still on?- Well, it was on the other day.- I know it was on the other day. But I think the programme changed yesterday. There's probably something else on now. - Say, Christine. I'm a bit confused. I just spoke to your fiancé. He says the wedding's on again.- He said that?- Yes. But what do you say? Is it on, or isn't?- Well, if my darling fiancé says it's on, then I guess it's on. 24. The party's over. It's all over, my friend...Because I used to love her, but it's all over now.- Did you see the match on TV last night?- Yes. That is I watched until the other side scored that third goal. Then I knew it was all over. I knew we'd lost. So I didn't watch anymore.- But, Peter, we won. We scored another two 25. - Bob, I rang the plumber, and he'll be over later.- Later? But when? Mary, this is an emergency!- I told him that.- So what did he say?- He said he'd be over later.- Darling. I would love to see you again tonight, but I was over there last night, and the night before. What's your flatmate going to think?- She's gone to Paris for a few days.- Really?- Really.- I'll be over in half an hour. 26. And now my crying days are through, No longer shed a tear for you.I'm telling you my friend,It's got to be the end.We're through. We're through. We're through! - Bill, let me know when you're through with the fax machine, will you?- Hm? Oh, sure. I'll be through in about half 27. Peter was up for hours last night.In his new job, David is up until four o'clock every morning.Sue was up with the baby all night.This morning I was up at eight o'clock. - Remember, you must be up at six o'clock tomorrow morning.- Oh, not again. Look, I was up at six this morning. Do I have to be up early tomorrow as well?- Well, someone's got to make sure I'm up. 28. Petrol is up this month. What's up? - Čo je? Čo sa deje? What's up, Doc? - Sue, what's up with the television?- What do you mean?- I mean it doesn't work.- Morning, Bill.- Morning.- Oh. What's up? - What's up with Bill?- He' s cross because something's up with the television.- What? Let me see. Oh, Bill, really. Nothing's up with it. It's just not plugged in, that's all. 29. - Peter?- Oh, where is it?- Peter!- Hm? Oh, sorry.- What are you up to?- I'm looking for my passport. - I met Mike Potter at the bus stop this evening.- Mike? What's he up to these days?- He says he's working for his wife at the moment. But don't ask me what she's up to. His bus arrived before he had time to tell me. 30. - I hear that Consolidated Enterprises is going to redevelop that street behind the library.- The whole street?- That's what I heard.- Oh no. What will become of that little old cinema?- It'll be demolished of course to make way for another multi-storey car park.- Michael, do you remember that dreadful woman you liked so much when we were at university. What was her name?- Emma Jackson.- Emma Jackson! Dreadful woman! Whatever became of her?- I married her. 31. The poster advertising the film showed a naked figure yesterday, but today it's been blacked out.Someone has blacked out all the windows.All programmes were blacked out last night because of a strike by the union.By order of the President all news reports of the revolution were blacked out last night. - The space ship came down from the sky.- And landed right in front of you.- Yes.- Well? What happened next?- A door in the space ship opened, and this strange man came out.- And then?- He walked towards me. He held out three hands. - Three hands! This is incredible. And then what happened? - I... I... I blacked out.- You blacked out?!- Yes. Sorry. I must have blacked out. I don't remember anything else. 32. - Afternoon, Mrs Simpson.- Hello, Jack. What are you doing here?- I just came to see if there's anything I can do to help?- That's kind of you. You could blow up some balloons, if you don't mind.- No, not at all.- Thank you, Jack. They're in that box there.- Oh, right. How many do you want?- All of them.- All of them? But there must be more than a hundred here.- A hundred and fifty, actually.- Oh. That's a lot of balloons.- I hope so. - And you want me to blow them all up?- Yes please, Jack. If you would.- Right. Er, where's the pump?- Pump?- Yes. To blow the balloons up, of course.- Oh, I haven't got a pump.- Surely you don't expect me to blow all these up without a pump, do you?- Oh well, if it's too much to ask. I thought you said you wanted to help.- No, of course I’ll blow them up. It might take me a while, that's all. 33. - Sorry I've been so long, dad, but... well, I had a little... accident on the way back.- Accident? What do you mean, accident?- It's all right. No one was hurt.- What happened?- Er, the car sort of... blew up.- What?- Well, it was the engine that blew up really.- Oh, Jenny. How many times have I warned you about that terrible old car of yours?- Ah! Sorry, Dad. Perhaps I should have explained. It wasn't my car.- What?- I wasn't driving my car.- Well, whose car were you driving then?- Yours.- What?! 34. - New Year's Eve in Tahiti! Oh, David, what a wonderful idea. So romantic. And I love the look of this hotel.- Of course, this is not the only hotel. And Tahiti's not the only romantic place we could go to. There are plenty of other possibilities.- Never mind the others. This is the one I want. Now where's the phone number of that travel agent?- Darling, there's really no hurry. New Year's Eve is months away.- Oh, no. People book up places like these months in advance. Years even.- Yes, but -- David, even while we speak someone may be looking up and taking our place.- Okay, then. Go for it! 35. - Catherine, I've decided that the only way to survive this competition is to branch out. - Hm, I suppose that makes sense. But branch out into what exactly?- Clothes. I think we should sell clothes.- Anna, oh, I like your new coat. Where did you buy it?- At Wheeler's in the High Street.- Wheeler's? I thought that was a food shop.- Well, it is. But recently they've branched out into clothes. 36. - You're very late this morning, Smith.- Sorry, Mr Evans. My car broke down on the motorway.- Again? It seems to me that your car is always breaking down.- Yes.- Then why don't you buy a new one?- This is a new one.The talks broke down. 37. - Anna, how's business?- It's not all good, I'm afraid.- But you've always got plenty of customers.- Oh, yes. But my costs are so high. I'll be lucky if I break even this year. 38. - Now, gently does it.- Oh, no. Don't. No, ssh! Oh, Spike, help!- What did you do?- I thought you'd stopped that alarm.- But I don't understand. I did stop the alarm. Wait a minute. What are you doing here?- Breaking in, of course.- Oh, you idiot!- But you told me to break in and steal the jewels.- Yes, but not here! There's no point in breaking in here.- Eh?- This is bakery. The jeweller's shop is next door. 39. - Whatever's the matter with Julia?- Julia?- I met her in the street this morning, and she looked so unhappy.- That's probably because she's just broken up with her boyfriend.- Oh, is that all?- What do you mean 'is that all'?- Sue, those two are always breaking up. They'll soon be together again.- When do the children break up?- Sam's already broken up.- Really?- Yes. He broke up last Friday.- But what about Matthew?- He doesn't break up till the end of next week. 40. - Martin, I’m sorry I’m so late.- What happened?- I sat in that office today doing nothing, just waiting for my boss to give me some work, and then at five o’clock as I’m getting ready to leave he breezed in with seven letters to be typed.- Well, the next time he breezes in like that, say you've got a date with your adoring boyfriend, and tell him to go to hell.- Oh, how I wish I could! But...- A job's a job. I know, Susie. And anyway, you're here now. 41. - David, I see they're bringing out a new Beatles CD next month.- Oh, not another one!- What's the matter? I thought you were a Beatles fan.- I am. But that's the problem. Everytime they bring out a new CD I feel I have to buy it. My collection is costing me a fortune. - Remember that new shampoo that George likes so much?- Yes?- Well, the manufacturers are now telling people not to use it.- What? But they only brought it out last month.- They should never have brought it out at all. Apparently it can make you bald.- Bald? Oh, poor George. 42. Mrs Smith brought up six children.During lunch, Peter brought up the subject of money. - Well, I think that concludes today's meeting, so if there are no other matters -- Excuse me, Mr Evans.- Yes, Mr Smith?- I'd like to bring up the matter of the plumbing in the toilets. - Bring it up at the next meeting. - You have such polite children, Mrs Smith. - That's because I've always tried to bring up my children to be polite.- You've obviously brought them up very well.- Your children are so polite, so well-behaved, so...?- Well-brought up?- That's it. Oh yes, I can see that they're well brought up.She's been badly brought up.Mrs Smith has brought up six children.She's tried to bring her children up to be polite. 43. - Brush up your Shakespeare. Start quoting him now. Brush up your Shakespeare, and the women you will wow... - Sue asked me to help you to brush up your Spanish.- Oh, that's kind of you, Maria. But actually it's my golf I need to brush up.- Golf?- Yes. I'm going to Spain to play golf. So you see I need to brush up my golf rather than my Spanish. 44. - Right then, I'll meet you at seven o'clock. In the King's Head?- Ah no, Tom. Not the King's Head.- But that's your favourite pub, isn't it?- Aye. But it's also Dave McKay's favourite pub, and as I owe him some money he's the last person I want to bump into at the moment.- I bumped into Harry this morning.- Harry?- My ex-husband.- Oh.- Yes. It's very strange. That's the fourth time this week. I mean I haven't seen him for months, and now suddenly I'm bumping into him everywhere I go.- Do you think he's following you?- Oh, I hope not. 45. The fire will burn itself out eventually.- Morning, Patrick. It's seven-thirty - Oh, don't tell me you've been working all night again?- Yes, Mum.- How many more times do I have tell you: the day is for working, the night is for sleeping.- Mum, my exams are next week. I haven't got time to sleep.- Yes, but none of this work will be any good if you burn yourself out.- Mum, I’m all right.- That's what you say. But you know what happened to your cousin Mike. he burned himself out before his exams, and he failed every one of them -- Zzzzzzzz.- you don't want that to happen, do you?- Zzzzzzzzzz. Zzzzzzzzzz.- Patrick? Are you listening to me?- Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. 46. - Mark, where are you taking all that food?- To the picnic, of course.- The picnic? Oh, didn't anyone tell you?- Tell me what?- It's been called off.- What? Oh, no!- Inspector, have you found Tiddles yet?- I'm sorry, Mrs Jones. I don't think we'll find your cat now, so I'm going to call off the search.- But you can't call it off. Tiddles is here in these woods. I know she is.(LOUD MEOW NEARBY)- Tiddles! You see, Inspector. I told you she was here. 47. - Oh no! Where are the tickets?- What's the matter?- The tickets I bought just now. I've lost them! I had them a minute ago -- Peter, calm down. You gave the tickets to me.- Oh! - Help! Help!- What's all this noise?- Oh, Captain! We're sinking. Help!- Of course we're not sinking. Now calm down!- Don't tell me to calm down. How can I calm down when we're sinking?- We are not sinking. Oh, my goodness! We are sinking! Help!- Help! Help! 48. - How's Mary?- I think she'll be all right. I gave her two of these pills to calm her down.- What! But George, these pills are for the dog.- George, these pills are for the dog. To make it bark louder.- Oh, dear. So they won't calm Mary down?- No, they certainly won't calm her down. But they might make her -- Bark louder?MARY: Grrr! Grrr! Woof! Woof!- Oh, poor Mary. 49. - Tracy, I want you to carry on addressing those envelopes today.- Oh, but Mr Jones said-- Never mind what Mr Jones said. The envelopes are much more important. So carry on with them, will you? - Mr Sims, what's going to happen to your factory now that you've lost all your money?- The factory will carry on as usual. And so will I.- But you can't carry on without money.- We've always managed in the past.- You mean you've been in this position before?- Several times. But we always carried on. 50. - Smith, before I went on holiday I left you a list of instructions.- Ah, yes. Your instructions. Er, I carried out some of them.- What do you mean 'some of them'?- Well, I didn't have time to carry them all out, because I was on holiday too. - Morning, Mrs Jones. How's your husband?- Oh, Peter, he's not very well. The doctors want to carry out some tests.- Tests? I thought they carried those out last month.- Yes, but they lost the results of those tests, so now they've got to carry them all out again. 51. I doubt if that green chocolate will ever catch on. - Good morning, Professor.- Mary! Just in time. This is my latest invention. What do you think?- Oh. What is it?- Er, I'm not sure yet.- But what does it do?- Ah! I'm glad you asked me that. It does this - (whirring and clanking)- And if I press this little button here, it even does this - (different whirring and clanking)- Oh. Well, it's very... interesting.- Yes, it is! You know, Mary, I really think this invention will catch on.- Catch on?- With the public, of course. It'll be a huge success.All these years as an inventor, and he still hasn't caught on to the fact 52. - Oh, where is she?- Don't worry. She'll be here in a minute.- We're going to be late.- No, we're not.- Peter, we'll never get to the station in time.- Look, why don't you all start walking. We'll catch you up.- You're going away for six weeks? But what about your studies?- Don't worry. I'll catch up when I get back.- Oh, Mark. Do you think it's wise? You'll have a lot to catch up on.- Not really. Look, remember when I went to France last year. That was for two months. I soon caught up then, didn't I? Peter finally caught up with Anna at the station. 53. - Tracy, I need an envelope, but I can’t find one.- That’s because there aren’t any.- No envelopes? But you ordered some weeks ago, didn’t you? - That’s right, Mr Smith. I ordered envelopes and paper and all sorts of things, but nothing has arrived yet.- Then I think it’s time you chased that order up. Don’t you?- Yes, Mr Smith. I’ll chase it up first thing in the morning.- No, Tracy. Do it now, please. And then find me an envelope. - Karen, this place is absolutely freezing.- Yes, Mr Jones.- Well, what happened to the heating?- It stopped working just after you left last week. The electrician has promised to fix it.- When?- He doesn’t know. I’ve chased hip up every day about it. What else can I do?- You can chase him up once more. And tell him from me that if you freeze to death I’ll sue him for incompetence. Okay? 54. - Alan, look! There he goes again.- Who?- George, of course. He's chatting up 55. - Look, she must have checked in about an hour ago.- I'm sorry, sir. No one of that name has checked in here today. Perhaps it's another hotel.- No, she distinctly said she was going to check into the Majestic.- The Majestic?- Yes.- Ah, that explains it, sir. This is the Metropole. The Majestic is next door. - I thought I was supposed to check in here. I mean this is the right airport, isn't it?- Oh yes, madam. This is the right airport.- Then why can't I check in here?- This is the check-in for first-class passengers. Passengers flying economy should check in over there. 56. - So, Mr Brown, you want to be a security guard.- That's right.- I understand you've been in prison for armed robbery.- Er, how do you know that? Have you been checking up on me?- Of course. We always check up on people before we employ them. 57. - Mr Jackson's looking rather sad today.- Yes. Why don't you go and cheer him up a bit?- Me? I don't think that's a very good idea. The last time I tried that, he cheered up so much that he had another heart attack.(coughing and spluttering) - Water! Give me some water!- Don't you like it?- It's so hot! What on earth did you put in it?- Just some chilli powder.- How much?- A few teaspoons. Well, I thought it needed something to cheer it up. 58. - Michael, don't forget the audition for the Christmas show tomorrow.- Audition? Tomorrow? Well... um...- Oh, Michael, you're not going to chicken out of it, are you?- I'm not chickening out. It's just that... I think I'm busy tomorrow night. 59. - Sue, where are those newspaper I left in the hall?- I chucked them out.- You chucked them out?- Well, you didn't want them, did you?- Of course I wanted them.- Peter, those newspaper were in the hall for six months and you never looked at them once.- Oh, Sue! Look, next time please ask me before you chuck things out.- I say, Tibbs, have you heard about Carruthers?- Carruthers? No, what about him?- They've chucked him out.- What? Who's chucked him out?- The membership committee. Apparently he hasn't paid his bar bill for nearly three years.- And they chucked the poor fellow out for that? Huh! It would never have happened in the old days. 60. - Hello, darling. What are you doing?- I'm clearing out this cupboard. Remember this cupboard? The one you were going to clear out last week, and the week before that and the week before that too.- I'm sorry. I know I said I'd do it. But I've been so busy lately.- Of course. That's why I'm clearing it out. - Morning, Carol. Good weekend?- Great, thanks. Ben and I did nothing at all. It was wonderful.- Lucky you. I spent most of my weekend clearing out the attic.- Whatever for?- Sue had this wonderful idea about making it into a spare bedroom.- Really?- Yes. Except that it wasn't such a wonderful idea after all.- Why?- After I'd cleared everything out she decided it would make a horrible spare bedroom. Which is exactly what I said all along. 61. - Look at this weather! I'm supposed to be playing tennis this afternoon.- Oh, don't worry. It will clear up by midday.- You think so?- Well, let me rephrase that. The weathermen say it will clear up by midday.- Bob, how's your throat today?- Terrible. I've tried all sorts of things, but it just won't clear up.- Here, drink some of this.- What is it?- Don't ask.- Oooh! It smells disgusting.- Never mind how it smells. It will clear your throat up in no time. 62. - Oh no, this is dreadful. Joyce, have you read this?- Put that newspaper away, will you? We've got work to do.- It says here that Miller's in the High Street is closing down. And so too is... now which one is it? Oh yes, Johnson's. Can you imagine Johnson's closing down after all these years? Oh dear, it's very depressing.- Bill?- Hm?- Is there anything there about our shop closing down?- Eh? Us? Oh, Joyce, don't say that!- Then will you stop reading that newspaper 63. - Mary, what's this photograph doing here?- I came across it in one of the drawers this morning.- Well, I don't want to see it again. Burn it, please.- Oh, George. Are you quite sure?- Quite. And if you come across any other photographs of me without my hairpiece, make sure you burn those too.- Peter, it's beautiful. It's one of the prettiest fountains I've ever seen.- I thought you'd like it.- Oh, yes.- I came across it quite by chance. I was walking down the street, I turned the corner, and there it was. 64. - Well, darling, how did I come across? Be honest.- Hmm... your speech was strong and direct.- Naturally. That's the sort of man I am.- No, Henry. That's the sort of man your speechwriter is. I'm afraid you came across as rather a bully.- So what do you think of Eric?- Well, to be honest-- Don't you think he comes across as someone with a really interesting past?- I wish I could agree, Sally. But to me he comes across as very dull. 65. - Good morning, Mrs Jones. How's your husband now?- Oooh, thank you for asking, Mr Smith. But he's not very well. He's still in the hospital.- I thought he came out last Friday.- He was supposed to. But on Thursday evening, he suddenly came out in big red spots, and now they won't let him come home till the spots have gone. 66. - Afternoon, Tom. Have you got a copy of yesterday's Gazette?- Yesterday's Gazette? There wasn't one.- Oh. But it always comes out on Tuesday, doesn't it?- No, Mr Smith. The Gazette always comes out on Friday.The printers who print the Gazette came out this morning. 67. - Peter, the things you come out with.- What do you mean?- Your jokes, of course.- Well, you usually think they're funny.- I do, yes. And they are funny. But I don't think you should come out with them in front of my parents.- Ted came out with the most extraordinary story last night.- Not the one about working in the Himalayas?- Yes. How did you know?- Oh, he usually comes out with that one after he's had a few drinks. 68. - What on earth has come over Jack?- Jack?- Yes. He used to be such a good worker.- And he’s not anymore?- No, he’s not.- Well... I think he’s having a few problems at home.- Oh. I’m sorry to hear that of course. But he really shouldn’t allow his personal problems to affect his work. Perhaps you’d tell him that, Smith. - Anna, what happened in there?- I lost my temper.- So we all noticed. But why?- I don’t know. I’m sorry, Michael. I really don’t know what came over me in there. But don’t worry. It won’t happen again.- Sure?- As sure as anyone can be. 69. - Don't worry. Something will come up sooner or later.- You keep saying that.- Listen, if you want to work in the movies, you've got to learn to be patient.- Okay.- That's my girl. Believe me, if anything comes up you'll be the first to know. - James, you're very late.- Sorry, darling. Something came up at the last minute.- That seems to happen quite a lot with you, doesn't it?- What do you mean?- Everytime we arrange to meet these days, something comes up to make you late.- Lisa, I'm a very busy man. And time is precious.- I quite agree. So the next time something comes up, don't expect me to wait for you. 70. - Dan, what are you doing here?- George sent me an invitation.- But you’re supposed to be in China. I mean, the last time we met you said you were going to China for the summer. - Ah well, that was the idea, but when I thought about it sensibly I came up against a major problem.- What sort of problem?- Money. The whole thing was just going to be too expensive. So I stayed here instead. - Derek, I hear you’re going to build a second garage.- That’s right. Just as soon as I get planning permission.- Well, lets hope you don’t come up against any objections: The council, of course. When we tried to build a second garage last year, we came up against all sorts of objections from them. (In fact, we’re still waiting for permission.) 71. - Right, I've spoken to Jones. And he's promised to come up with a few ideas.- Well, don't expect too much.- What do you mean?- You should know by now that Jones is always coming up with ideas. The trouble is that most of the ideas he comes up with are totally impractical.- You know that problem you mentioned?- Yes?- Well, Mark came up with a solution yesterday.- Oh, yes? What was it?- Er, I can't remember now. But I think it was very good. 72. - So you see, Peter, all we need now for the festival is ten thousand pounds.- Ten thousand! Who's going to cough up that sort of money?- I'm hoping the council will. They did last year.- Just because they coughed up last year doesn't mean they'll do the same again this year. - Tom, it's Marcia's birthday next Tuesday so I'm collecting money to buy her some flowers.- For Marcia?- Look, I know she's not very popular, but it is her birthday. Everyone else has coughed up.- Everyone?- Yes, everyone.- Oh, all right. 73. - Jack, you're going to miss the bus.- Don't worry. The bus is always late when it's snowing.- Yes, but you can't count on it.- So, ladies and gentlemen, that's my plan for the next three months. The question is, will you help me?- Count on me, sir.- Thank you, Mrs Jones. And what about you, Mr Smith?- Well, your plan is very interesting - - Yes, but can I count on you to help? 74. -Jackie! Just the person I want.- Oh? What for?- Could you cover for me on Thursday evening?- Thursday evening. Yeah, I can do that, if you'll cover for me on Saturday.- David!- Ah, Mrs Collins. Sorry I’m late. I overslept, I’m afraid.- Yes. It's the third time this month.- Sorry. Look, I can't stop now. I’m supposed to be-- Teaching in your classroom? Well, don't worry about that. Tessa’s covering for you.- Tessa?- One of the student teachers. She's very good.- Really?- Yes. She covered for you last time, and the time before that. In fact, I think I’m going to ask her to cover for you permanently. 75. - Peter, I wish you would persuade Mark to see a doctor.- Why?- Why? Have you spoken to him recently?- I never get a chance. He's always working.- Exactly. And if he doesn't stop working so hard he'll crack up again just like he did a few years ago. - I saw Mr Gordon in the street today.- Really?- Oh Michael, he looks terrible, and he's behaving very strangely. I think he's cracking up.- Poor man. Still, he's survived much longer than I expected.- What do you mean?- Well, if I'd been under that much pressure I'm sure I would have cracked up months ago. 76. Everything was going very well, and then suddenly a serious problem cropped up.- Why don't we discuss your idea over lunch?- All right. When?- Tomorrow?- Yes, tomorrow should be okay. Unless something crops up before then.- Peter, I'm sorry I'm so late.- I was beginning to think you weren't coming. What happened?- Something important cropped up at the last minute. 77. - Where are Sheila and Dan? I thought they were playing too.- They were. But they both cried off at the last minute.- Oh. So it's just you and me then.- That's right. Just you and me.- Peter, you are still coming to the party, aren't you?- Well... yes.- Oh, thank heavens. In the past two days more than half people who said they would come have cried off.- Anna, that's awful.- You're telling me.- Well, don't worry. I certainly won't cry off your party. Er, unless there's a really serious problem, of course. 78. - Peter, what would you like to drink? Beer, wine?- Ah, that's kind of you. I'll have a mineral water, please.- Mineral water? You don't want any alcohol?- No, thanks. I'm trying to cut down.- Oh, I see. Well, how about a cigarette?- No, thanks. I'm cutting down on smoking, too. - Peter, have you seen this telephone bill?- No. Why? What's the matter?- It's very high. I thought you were going to cut down on the number of calls you make. 79. - Now, Joanna, we're here in London and we want to see you -- Ask her if she got my letter -- All right, in a minute.- No, ask her now. And tell her -- Will you be quiet? I can't hear a word she's saying. Sorry, Joanna, what was that?- Oh, Clive, you're hopeless. Here, give me the phone and let me speak to her.- For heaven's sake -- Joanna, it's your mother here, and I want to know what -- Joanna? Hello? Hello? Joanna? Oh, we've been cut off. Hello, operator... operator! We've been cut off. 80. - Joanna, this flat si so damp. You should put some heating on.- There isn't any heating, Mother.- No heating?- No. And even if there was it wouldn't work. The electricity's been cut off.- Cut off?- We didn't pay the bill, so they cut us off.- Well, what about gas? You have got gas here, haven't you?- Not anymore. That's been cut off, too.- Joanna, that's terrible. I'll ring the gas board immediately. Where's your telephone? I know you've got one.- Sorry, Mother. The phone was cut off this morning. 81. - Smith, would you write to Sir George? I promised we'd reply to his proposal by tomorrow morning.- Oh, all right.- The letter must go in the post in the next half hour.- Don't worry. It won't take me long to dash something off.- Well, don't dash it off too quickly. He's a very important client, remember. - I don't know, Betty. I just can't understand this modern art.- Me neither. Have you seen the prices?- Yes. Ridiculous. Why would anyone want to pay so much money for... well, take this painting here, for example. It looks like something the artist dashed off before breakfast.- Perhaps he did. Still, if people are prepared to pay these prices I wish I could dash off something like that. 82. - Some of these customs and traditions date back to the Middle Ages. Now of course there are some people who believe they date back even further. Well, I think they're wrong. I mean those people who believe the customs and traditions date back even further than the Middle Ages. Because if we look at the latest evidence, we can...- Now this beautiful glass pot dates back to the 16th century-- Oh, yeah. That is beautiful. Can I look at it properly?- Please, sir. Don't touch... oh! CRASH OF GLASS ON FLOOR- Oh. I'm sorry.- Well... as I was saying: that beautiful pot, now in pieces on the floor, dated back to the 16th century. 83. Peter never deals with problems until the very last moment. - Mrs Evans, I have some letters here that need to be signed.- Leave them on my desk, Smith. I'll deal with them later.- They are rather important.- I'm very busy at the moment. You'd better ask Mr Jones to deal with them.- Smith, where are those letters you wanted me to sign?- It's all right. Mr Jones dealt with them this morning. 84. Winds have been strong throughout the day, but by this evening, these will gradually die down. The chairman did not begin his speech until the applause died down. - Brrr. It's so cold in here.- Well, that's not surprising. You've let the fire die down.- Anna, I don't know what to do.-Just try to stay out of his way, at least until all the fuss has died down.- Do you think it will?- Of course. It may 85. - Mrs Foster, I'm impressed.- Why?- Well, all these official papers and journals. I don't know how your husband reads them all.- Oh, but he doesn't. There was a time when he used to read everything from cover to cover, but these days he only dips into things. - Henry, your loo is quite something.- Hm? Oh, you mean the books?- Yes. I've never seen so many books in a loo before.- Well, it makes sense, doesn't it? For those quiet times when you want something to dip into? 86. - I heard on the news this morning that the council have decided to do away with the parking restrictions in the High Street.- Really? Oh, that's good!- I thought you'd be pleased.- Well, those restrictions were so unnecessary. The council should have done away with them years ago. - Why don't we buy a new computer?- Smith, I'm trying to save money, not spend it.- I realise that, Mrs Evans. But if we buy a new computer, we could do away with at least three secretaries. 87. - I thought I'd better tell you, I mean I don't want them to do you out of your rights.- Thanks, Dave. But don't worry. I know about this already.- You do?- Oh, yes. And I promise you no one is going to do me out of anything. - Oh no! He's done me out of my change again!- What?- Everytime I buy something from that man he does me out of some change.- But, Peter, that's terrible. You must tell him.- He'd never believe me. Besides, he's bigger than me. 88. - Peter, Mother's coming to stay for a week.- Your mother?- Yes. Now, she's arriving on Tuesday, so that gives you the weekend and Monday to do up the spare room for her.- What? Sue, it's your mother who's coming, not the Queen.- That's not the point. Now look, Peter, I've promised her you'll do the room up, and you will. - Anna, you know David wants a bike for his birthday?- Yes?- Well, I've been thinking. I could do up my old one for him.- Oh Bob, why not buy him a new one?- I can't afford it. Anayway, why spend all that money? When I was David's age, my father did up his old bike for me, and it was perfectly all right.- Bob, I think children today expect a little more than that. 89. - I have such trouble with my hands these days. Do you know, I could do my shoelaces up before I was three years old. I can't now.- Oh Dad, I am sorry.- So am I. I tell you, Ruth, it's a sad state of affairs when a man can't even do up his own laces. - Darling, what do you think of my new dress?- Phew! It's stunning. You look wonderful.- Thank you. Oh, do me up at the back, will you? The zip is a bit stiff.- Okay. But... are you absolutely sure you want me to do it up?- Yes. Oh, Michael... stop that. We... oh, Michael. 90. - Smith, are you all right? You look as if you could do with a good night's sleep.- Well, actually, Mrs Evans, I'd like to talk to you about that. I could really do with a holiday.- I'm sure you could, Smith. I'm sure we could all do with a holiday. But we can't always have what we want, can we?- Er, no.- Exactly. - Ah, Sharon. And where were you this morning?- At the dentist's.- The dentist's? Yes, Mr Beamish. I did ask you yesterday if it would be all right. Why?- Oh, nothing really. It's just that we had a lot of customers here this morning, and I could have done with some help, that's all. 91. - I thought you were in love with her.- Perhaps I was, but I don't care anymore. I can do without her.- Are you sure?- Oh, don't worry about that. I've done without her in the past, and I'll do without her in the future. - Sorry, Betty, but it's too expensive. I'm afraid you'll have to do without.- Oh, Bill, you promised.- I know, but... well, you've done without for all these years so it can't be that important, can it? Tell you what, I'll buy us that nice TV over there. I mean, we do need a new TV, and that's really something we really can't do without, isn't it? 92. - Excuse me, Mr Johnson? You say you want me to be a Roman emperor in this play of yours.- That's right, Terry.- But I've never been a Roman emperor. Not in real life.- Well, of course you haven't.- But you told us that an actor should draw on his experience.- No. I said an actor should draw on personal experience whenever possible.But of course there are times, Terry, such as now, when he can't draw on experience, so he has to draw on his imagination instead. - Oh.- You have got an imagination, haven't you?- Er, I think so.- Good. Draw on that. Oh, and Terry?- Yes, Mr Johnson?- Another thing that some people draw on occasionally is common sense. Will you try that for me one day? 93. - And now ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to present Tracy Jones, our first big winner, with this cheque for two million pounds.Congratulations, Tracy.- Thank you.- Now tell me, Tracy, how does it feel?- Well... it's certainly more money than I've ever dreamed of.- I'm sure it is.- But I promise you one thing.- And what's that?- It won't change my life at all. - Peter, when you see my father this weekend, please don't mention politics, whatever you do.- Me? Mention politics to your father? Sue, I wouldn't dream of it. 94. - Sue, this party that Judy's giving tomorrow. Is it formal or informal?- What do you mean?- Are we supposed to dress up for it?- Oh, I can't remember now.- Well, could you find out? We'll look a bit foolish if we're the only people there who haven't dressed up.At Halloween many children dress up as witches.- Peter, I've just spoken to Judy. I'm afraid we do have to dress up. But it's not formal dress, it's fancy dress.- What! Oh, that's even worse.- Judy wants everyone to dress up as their favourite movie character. 95. - Well, Mrs Jones, I think Tiddles will be all right now.- Oh, thank you. But you're not going already, are you?- I have to. Look, I'll drop by first thing in the morning to see how she is, shall I? - Oh, Tracy, your boss dropped by about half an hour ago.- Mrs Evans came here?- Don't look so worried. I think she just wanted to say hello.- No, Dad, it must be something really imortant.- I doubt it. When 96. - George, when you go to town tomorrow, take this book back to Uncle Fred, will you?- Oh... well. I don't know if I'll have time for that.- You should make time. After all, you haven't seen him for weeks.- Oh, all right.- Good. Shall I ring him to say that you're coming?- No, don't do that. Look, if I have enough time, I'll just drop in.- George, he'll be so pleased. Tell you what, I'll make him some of his favourite biscuits.I don't like people dropping in on me. 97. - Smith, you're late.- I'm sorry, Mrs Evans. I must have dropped off as soon as I got on the bus. The next thing I knew I was at the other end of the line.- Anna, you look terrible.- Oh thanks, Bob.- Well, what's the matter? Aren't you sleeping?- Not really. You know, it's very strange. I used to drop off just like that. Now it 98. - Clare, what time are you leaving?- Any second now.- Oh, drop me off at the supermarket, will you?- Sorry, Martin, I'm not going that way today. I can drop you off in the High Street if that's any use.- Well, that's better than nothing, I suppose.- Clare, do you mind if we stop at the library? I want to drop some books off.- Oh, Martin, I wish you had mentioned this earlier. I've got a few things at home that need to be cleaned. You could have dropped them off for me.- What, at the library?- No, you idiot. At the dry-cleaner's opposite the library. 99. - Patrick. How nice to see you again.- Oh, hello, Mrs Smythe.- And how's life at university? You must be in your final year now.- No. Actually I'm not there anymore.- You're not there?- No.- You mean you've finished already?- Not exactly. Well, if you must know, I dropped out last term.- You did what?- I didn't like it much, I suddenly didn't see much point in being there, so I dropped out.- Oh. How very disappointing. - And as they begin the final lap it's Carlos in the lead, Thompson is in second place, followed by Rogers and... wait a minute. Something's happened. Carlos has stopped running. It looks to me he's dropped out. Oh, this is extraordinary. For no apparent reason Carlos, the world champion, has dropped out of the race altogether. Well, isn't that amazing? 100. - Anna, my campaign is a disaster. I really need someone to drum up some support for me.- Why not ask Bob Sellers?- Sellers? But he's working for my rival, isn't he?- Oh, I think he'll work for you instead. If you pay him enough.- If I pay him enough?- Martin, he's worth the money. If anyone can drum up support for you, he can. 101. - Morning, Mark. Did you get home all right last night?- Yes, eventually. You know that train I took?- Yes?- It was the wrong one. I ended up miles away and had to walk home. - I had a dream about you last night.- Oh, yes? And was I wonderful?- Well... I was walking along the street, and suddenly someone tried to steal my bag-- And I came to the rescue!- Yes, you came to the rescue, and tried to stop the thief-- And?- And ended up in hospital.- Er, you mean the thief ended up in hospital?- No. You did. 102. - Oh, no! Look at these shoes. Almost brand new, and already they're falling apart.- Mark, it's your own fault. You shouldn't buy such cheap shoes.- But they're not my shoes, Peter. They're yours.- What!- Poor Jane. It looks as if her marriage has finally fallen apart.- I'm not surprised.- What do you mean?- Oh, come on. She and Paul were never right for each other. If you ask me, that relationship started to fall apart the day they got married... 103. - Emma, I want you to finish university and get your degree.- Oh, Dad. But I want to go to drama school now.- And I want you to have something to fall back on.- What do you mean?- Well, you may not succeed as an actor. But at least you'll have your degree to fall back on.- So, that's my plan for the next six months.- I see. And what do we do if this plan doesn't work?- We fall back on plan B.- And what is plan B?- Ah, I er... I haven't got one yet. 104. - Martin, I'm leaving you. Goodbye.- Goodbye? Oh, Jessica, don't say that. I promise I'll never gamble again.- It's too late. I've fallen for your promises for the last three years. I'm not going to fall for them anymore |
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