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Photo courtesy of John Cairns | |
Even Raimondas Rumsas, whose wife was arrested leaving France in 2002 with a temperature controlled suitcase full of banned substances after Rumsas came from nowhere to finish third in the tour, claimed the drugs weren't for him but his ailing mother in law.
Richard Virenque who was banned after the Festina affair in 1998, also denied any wrong-doing, later claiming that as everyone else was cheating, why should he admit it? Of recent riders, only Jan Ullrich held his hands up and admitted taking some pills in an east German disco when he was out injured.
Millar's confession gave a fascinating insight into the insecurities and guilt, which plagued this outwardly confident young cyclist.
In the confession he said: "I had dreamed of becoming world champion. I did it, but I cheated. You dope because you become a prisoner of yourself, of the glory and the money. I'm not proud that I doped myself. I wasn't happy. I was a prisoner of the person I had become."
He went on to describe the chain of events, which culminated in his being stripped of the rainbow jersey of world champion that began rather innocuously with the rider falling down stairs at a party in 1999, breaking his heel. He stopped training for four months, adding: "I had real difficulty starting to train again, and I wasn't very happy with my professional life."
"Despite that, I went to the Tour, where everyone expected me to do well in the prologue, having won it the previous year. My parents were there, my friends, my fiancée – I gave it everything. I ended up crashing, injuring myself badly. I suffered for 10 days physically, and especially psychologically. I finally quit after 10 days.
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Photo courtesy of John Cairns | |
"He told me we could take a trip to Italy, and I understood what he meant. I stayed with him for two weeks in August 2001, and we went and bought EPO from a number of different suppliers. I would stay in the car and give him around €400 for a syringe of EPO. He bought it, and he showed me how to inject it.
"I was a cheat. I'd crossed the line, and I didn't feel good about it," he said. "I'd doped myself because my job was to finish high up on the classification."
Did Millar intend to be caught? Why else keep incriminating evidence when he knew he was likely to be under-investigation? If that was the case his desire to return to cycling could be seen as an attempt to start again, clean. But as the sport, which has become synonymous with drug taking tries to clean up its act, it is difficult to see who would employ him.
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