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| TX: 02.08.06 - The Whitcombes Update PRESENTER: WINIFRED ROBINSON |
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| Downloaded from www.bbc.co.uk/radio4 THE ATTACHED TRANSCRIPT WAS TYPED FROM A RECORDING AND NOT COPIED FROM AN ORIGINAL SCRIPT. BECAUSE OF THE RISK OF MISHEARING AND THE DIFFICULTY IN SOME CASES OF IDENTIFYING INDIVIDUAL SPEAKERS, THE BBC CANNOT VOUCH FOR ITS COMPLETE ACCURACY. ROBINSON When David Whitcombe was diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease in his late '50s his life changed. A successful businessman and a marathon runner, he had to give up work and as his memory began to fade he had to rely much more on his wife Sue and more recently on paid carers as well. We first visited David and Sue Whitcombe in their home in Shropshire last year. Now during a week of reports on dementia, as part of Radio 4's memory experience our disability issues reporter Carolyn Atkinson went back. She saw how David's condition is deteriorating, he's now 62, and how his passion for painting is being used to tackle his increasingly inappropriate behaviour by copying pictures of women. DAVID WHITCOMBE I think - I think I've put it away because I thought you'd be horrified if I had in my room. SUE WHITCOMBE David is actually going through a typical stage of being over friendly to women, in particular. So while he's able to he's curbing it, like he would normally he would want to come in and cuddle you and give you a kiss, but he's painting women at the moment and his painting tutor has given him lots of hints on the colours. And that is excellent David. DAVID WHITCOMBE Why do I call her my girlfriend? Because the first time actually I did kiss her on the lip I got red, but it was from my red painting. ATKINSON Describe what you've got here David. DAVID WHITCOMBE Well a pretty girl who's sitting with lovely hair and a lovely smile. ATKINSON For listeners who would recognise it, it's the M&S advert of a lady advertising a swimming costume for this summer? DAVID WHITCOMBE I've no idea, but when I saw it I thought I'd love to paint her and now I have, well almost as nice as she is. I saw another one - oh sorry - of a lady and an animal, for the lovely colours, and she's got a bit of a smile and the lovely animal colour - yes do you agree with that? ATKINSON Yes excellent, excellent. SUE WHITCOMBE You can often tell the sort of mood David's in by the colours. I mean his art teacher and some of his support workers have said you can tell when David's having quite a low spell because all the colours are dark and murky. So a lot of the personality does come out in the painting. At the moment, luckily, they're bright and cheerful colours, which is what he likes, you know, very bright primary colours because obviously the brain is closing down. DAVID WHITCOMBE Yes, something about colours. SUE WHITCOMBE Since we last met six months ago there's been quite a few major changes and David's mother died and although he appeared to understand it, it didn't - the emotions didn't register much, he just accepted it as if he'd been down to the supermarket and found there were no loaves on the shelf. But there obviously is some kind of understanding. His carer had warned us that he was going to move to Spain and that happened, so we lost the male company for him, which meant we were thrown together more and so the problems start. ATKINSON It's more confrontational all the time? SUE WHITCOMBE Exactly yes, more confrontational. And perhaps that contributed to the behaviour problems but there has been a downside in his behaviour over the last six to nine months. Verbal aggression, once or twice a small bit of physical aggression that's been nipped in the bud. I suppose you would liken it to a five year old winding his mother up, to the point where she erupts, that really describes how David's behaviour is at the moment. David has become far more solitary, haven't you, he doesn't really want me around. Not because he doesn't like me, but I think because he likes to be on his own, in the quiet. He's quite happy if I stay in the garden, gardening all day, come in and produce the meals and a cup of tea, that's enough company for him, he's getting to the withdrawing into himself a lot more now. ATKINSON And when you are on your own what are thinking? DAVID WHITCOMBE Well it's often sentimentality you see of how I was as a young boy and well as a happy married man. But I think about the past a lot because I can't forget some of those things you see. Of course I'd rather be like I was because I was so bright and clever and I think I was happier in my 20s and 30s and even the 40s but yes I've got memories of even some younger times. ATKINSON Do you feel that you like being on your own a bit more? DAVID WHITCOMBE Oh yes because I can hardly think about anybody else, I think that's the problem that's changed a lot, except I'd feel lonely if I wasn't with anybody else a bit. SUE WHITCOMBE That's the sad part of a marriage you see, that the person who is there with you, he's your husband but he's no longer your friend really or your companion, he's just a person, not - well it sounds awful to say that - but he's your husband suffering from Alzheimer's who doesn't really want you there a lot of the time. But you just have to find a way of dealing with it, it's not always easy - kick the wall or kick the cat and hope the RSPCA doesn't come to you. So he's just come back from a week's respite, so I'm feeling all rested and relaxed. ATKINSON And how was the respite for you David? DAVID WHITCOMBE It was very nice and relaxing. ATKINSON What sort of things did you do during the week? DAVID WHITCOMBE Well I do like my sleeps there, my rests, because my room is away from the others because I'm only there for a month every five weeks ... SUE WHITCOMBE Sorry David I think you're getting a bit muddled - you're there for a week, you go in for a week, every six weeks. DAVID WHITCOMBE Oh sorry. SUE WHITCOMBE No it's alright, don't worry. DAVID WHITCOMBE No but I do not explain these things well. But yes I do like watching the TV to keep me going a bit, like Countdown, which is being recorded here now, to watch a bit later. ATKINSON You mean I've come round during Countdown? DAVID WHITCOMBE Don't worry dear, don't worry because it's being recorded you see because we knew you'd be here and I'll watch it later and it just helps my brain a bit with playing with the words. SUE WHITCOMBE David's aware himself that his memory isn't as good as it was. There have been various other problems with his understanding as well, so each time something's cropped up we've had to adjust yet again which hasn't always been easy because David gets frustrated, I get frustrated and you think you ought to be able to be understanding but it's taught me a lot about myself as well, what I can and what I can't cope with. Many of the sort of the middle things - the middle stage things are coming out. He will quite often forget things he's asked me only 5 or 10 minutes ago. David's clothing now, I do have to quite regularly put out the clothing, I mean I collected him from respite in an assortment of clothes didn't I that we rearranged. DAVID WHITCOMBE Yes, to be honest I usually wear the wrong clothes. SUE WHITCOMBE Yes you do. And I've had to remind him when he goes out that he's not overdressed because in this weather he's been turning up in a coat and a hat. Your behaviour, as well, you've been getting agitated and annoyed with me very quickly haven't you, so I'm having to learn not to react, which is terribly difficult because you want to stand up for yourself. DAVID WHITCOMBE It's the problem you see, misunderstanding, yes what else can I say, I can't say anything. ATKINSON But you understand that you're misunderstanding, you know you're misunderstanding? DAVID WHITCOMBE Well afterwards when we've had to discuss and stop getting at each other, when I agree that she was right and I was wrong. SUE WHITCOMBE I think that's the big change isn't it. DAVID WHITCOMBE Because she's - you know, she's always been a lovely gentle person, I now often think she isn't like that at all. SUE WHITCOMBE I think that's been the big major change over the last six months. I've had to take on the maintenance of the house, the finances and I notice now that David - because of his illness, not because of any fault of his own - can do nothing round the house, nothing to contribute towards - he cuts the grass still. So I have the total responsibility of absolutely everything now and that obviously wears you down. We had a very good marriage didn't we, very few arguments, now I would say we have more bad days than good but then you have a good spell and you think things are fine again, but it's up and down, constant adjustment. But at the same time you get disappointed in yourself with not being able to cope better, you think you should cope perfectly, you've got this guilt feeling, which is what carers alike feel - this guilt factor. DAVID WHITCOMBE Can I stop talking please, oh that sounds like pressure to me, oh sorry dear. I'll go and get the Shropshire Star and try and do the crossword a bit with the thesaurus, it's called isn't it, it's here, yes it's the thesaurus and see if there's anything for me to take to paint. So excuse me, do you mind if I go now? ATKINSON Not at all. DAVID WHITCOMBE Bye, bye. SUE WHITCOMBE Right, off you go then yeah, you can close the door then love. This door, the one you've just walked through. DAVID WHITCOMBE Oh sorry. SUE WHITCOMBE Thank you. DAVID WHITCOMBE Bye bye. Windy. SUE WHITCOMBE Yes love. Yes he does the same everyday, yeah everyday - it's part of his routine. I prefer to be prepared and I know what the future could bring, people who were diagnosed the same time as David have gone downhill very quickly and are in permanent care. One of them in the last part of the illness, you know, doubly incontinent, the lot. But we hope to continue, put it this way, as long as possible, as long as I'm able to cope and David's amenable to being at home. Beyond that we don't look. ROBINSON And you can find the first visit that we made to the Whitcombes by logging on to our website at bbc.co.uk/radio4/youandyours and there you will find a link to dementia and on the programme tomorrow we're going to be asking who is paying for dementia care. And as the government consults on its new guidelines for continuous NHS care we'll be asking whether they'll make any difference to the thousands of dementia patients who say that they're being wrongly charged for their care. Back to the You and Yours homepage The BBC is not responsible for external websites |
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