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 | You and Yours - Transcript BBC Radio 4 |
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| TX: 14.11.05 - Dementia: Relationships PRESENTER: LIZ BARCLAY |
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| THE ATTACHED TRANSCRIPT WAS TYPED FROM A RECORDING AND NOT COPIED FROM AN ORIGINAL SCRIPT. BECAUSE OF THE RISK OF MISHEARING AND THE DIFFICULTY IN SOME CASES OF IDENTIFYING INDIVIDUAL SPEAKERS, THE BBC CANNOT VOUCH FOR ITS COMPLETE ACCURACY. BARCLAY Three quarters of a million people in this country have dementia. Most people with the condition experience loss of memory, confusion and problems with speech and understanding. But symptoms vary, depending on the type of dementia. As part of our series this month, looking at all aspects of the condition, we've been talking to Joyce and Jack Barkworth from Sheffield. Both 83, they celebrated their 61st wedding anniversary last week and as they explained to Angela Robson their loving relationship has endured despite Jack being diagnosed with Alzheimer's eight years ago. MUSIC ACTUALITY DANCING Come on let's have a dance, smooch, put your cheek on mine, oh that's nice. Slow, slow, quick, quick - too late it's finished. JOYCE BARKWORTH We used to go dancing for 30 years and it was lovely, really, really lovely. JACK BARKWORTH If I was depressed and we went dancing I finished being depressed, it really brought me out - dancing. JOYCE BARKWORTH It's only in latter years, of course, that he's started with this memory problem and confusion. That was one of the reasons we stopped dancing. JACK BARKWORTH Every two or three weeks you'd learn a new dance and I couldn't just get them. Used to worry me so much that I thought I'm better not going than worrying like that. JOYCE BARKWORTH And I used to have to try to think for both of us and I found that very difficult. ROBSON Jack can you remember when you first saw Joyce? JACK BARKWORTH I was a butcher and I worked in Upthorpe in Sheffield. Now ... JOYCE BARKWORTH I did. JACK BARKWORTH Oh you did and I worked in Fermy Road, which is just a bit lower down. And she used to get off the tram and walk past our shop and walk up. And first time I saw her I must have fallen in love with her then because every morning I looked for her coming, you know, but I was too shy to go out of the shop and talk to her or anything like that. JOYCE BARKWORTH We must have been about 15 or 16 then. ROBSON Joyce you were aware this young chap was giving you the eye? JOYCE BARKWORTH No. I used to like to you know to tease. And past the shop I used to wave to both him and his boss and of course they started waving and oh this went on for a long, long time didn't it. JACK BARKWORTH Yeah. I thought it was lovely. First girlfriend I ever had, I was so shy. JOYCE BARKWORTH Anyone that sees Jack and speaks to Jack they have no idea that he's suffering from Alzheimer's but it's everyday things and it starts from morning to night and he gets so confused, the least little thing and that's it - he wishes he was - it's about time I was put down. ROBSON And when he says that how does that make you feel? JOYCE BARKWORTH Bad, bad. So I get hold of him and I give him a hug and I give him a kiss and I say it isn't you that's being stupid it's this Dr Alzheimer - it's his fault. Don't I? JACK BARKWORTH Yeah and then I say I feel worse than ever now. JOYCE BARKWORTH That was when we went to stay at our daughter's house - their friends from Canada. And that's Jack and myself in our garden. That's when we were on holiday somewhere. JACK BARKWORTH Yeah, I can't remember those. JOYCE BARKWORTH Sometimes when he looks at photographs he doesn't know who the people are. ROBSON And when she sort of fills in for you does it trigger off a memory, can you remember it then? JACK BARKWORTH Oh sometimes yes. JOYCE BARKWORTH Yes, this is why I like to keep reminding him of things because he's forgotten. ROBSON Jack, do you mind when you can't remember things and Joyce has to fill in for you, does it bother you? JACK BARKWORTH No, I've got used to it now. It used to do at first. And I know that Joyce, she's doing it for me, I mean she's not trying to take over, say everything, she knows that I can't say things so she says them for me more or less. JOYCE BARKWORTH When he was first diagnosed we were both scared because we had a friend who'd had Alzheimer's and we'd seen his deterioration and how it had affected his wife as well. And so we were scared, Jack was afraid. And he couldn't sleep and one night he says oh I think I'm going to sleep in the lounge and he had his radio on all night and he thought it was a good idea because when he was - when he woke up his mind wasn't dwelling on the Alzheimer's and the future. And so he did that for oh it must have been two or three years. Even now in the morning there's this little radio on, then he goes into the bathroom there's another radio on, there's this one here, we've one there. ROBSON You seem to sort of deal very well with his Alzheimer's but do you ever get down yourself? JOYCE BARKWORTH Yes occasionally I do. On days when I've got all sorts of things wrong with me and if I don't feel very well sometimes, you know if things are a problem I do feel a bit cross. ROBSON Do you ever think though he's not the man I married? JOYCE BARKWORTH Well he's not because I married a man that was confident and able to do things and now he can't. JACK BARKWORTH I can't go out on my own very much, soon get lost. ROBSON Can't find your way back? JOYCE BARKWORTH No, can't always find his way there. The Hoover, I discovered the brushes weren't going round, so he said oh I'll have a look at it. So he got the Hoover, looked at it, little simple job, and he put it back, he says: "Is there anywhere round here where we could take it to be repaired?" So I says: "Why what's wrong with it, haven't you had a look at it?" He said: "No, I don't know how." And all you do is you see there's two little screws then you just take the bottom plate off. JACK BARKWORTH I dusted yesterday and then in the afternoon Joyce decided I hadn't dusted that with her little animals on there you see. JOYCE BARKWORTH Normally I don't tell him but I did yesterday. JACK BARKWORTH Well I saw you doing it. JOYCE BARKWORTH I wait until he's not there. But you see it would disillusion him won't it and I mean he's helping, he's a big help. ROBSON You still obviously have a very close and loving relationship despite Alzheimer's. JOYCE BARKWORTH We're in love still, yeah. And I just pray that I'll be able to keep strong enough to look after Jack all the time, so that he doesn't have to go away, that I can keep him here or wherever else we need to go. MUSIC ACTUALITY DANCING Come on, up you come. Slow, slow, quick - hold me tighter. BARCLAY Joyce and Jack Barkworth. ACTUALITY DANCING Slow, slow, quick, quick, slow. Back to the You and Yours homepage The BBC is not responsible for external websites |
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